Blackness Within (40 page)

Natasha

“You ready?” Blake asks from my doorway.

I nod and gather my purse before following him out to his truck. The last time Blake owned a vehicle was over a decade ago. It wasn’t a bad thing since him being behind a wheel during that time was a homicide by vehicle waiting to happen. I like sitting next to him in this old loud ugly thing. I feel like we’re teenagers again.

We’re going to Sully’s house.

I haven’t seen him in two weeks. Finn came over last weekend and helped Blake do something to the roaring beast I’m riding in. Kav came over Wednesday to annoy me and eat dinner with us. Shannon came over yesterday to check in from what I could tell.

She was quiet while she was with us. I think she just wanted to see if I was okay for herself. I saw her briefly while I was in the hospital after the fire, but I haven’t seen her since.

She was pissed the fuck off at Sully and Cara. That took precedence over a stranger’s wellbeing. I understood that then and I understand it now. She was scared. From what I know about the woman, she doesn’t do scared so she got mad instead.

“This place is gonna be filled to the brim with people. You good with that?” Blake asks, cutting his eyes away from the road briefly.

“I’ll be fine,” I say easily.

I will be fine. We’re not going to a pub that’s about to break into a brawl. It wasn’t the fight that ran me off that night. It was Sully. He had picked up a woman for the night and was defending her. I was proud of him and disgusted with myself. I told him I just want to be friends, but in that moment, I was jealous. I’m woman enough to admit it and to be ashamed of it.
I do this at least three times a week with other women
. He told me. He meant it and I shouldn’t be surprised to see it. He owes me nothing.

We pull up in front of the mansion and I take the time to enjoy the limestone façade as we walk along the landscaped path to the front door. Before we can knock, the massive dark wood door opens and Kav fills the space.

“Hey, Tosh,” he greets me with an eyebrow wiggle followed by a rib-crushing hug.

“Get off,” Blake mutters jokingly.

“Oh, I’d love to get off,” Kav snarks and lets me go, but not before he grinds on me like Channing Tatum in
Magic Mike
.

I laugh whole-heartedly as he bumps fists with my brother and stretches an arm out for us to go ahead of him. The whir of excitement is palatable as we make our way through the foyer into the great room.

I spot Finn’s bright blue eyes first and offer him a small wave and a kind smile. He’s a good guy. He seems to feel the need to make sure I’m okay. He texts me at least once a day to check in and calls every other. If I didn’t know him, I’d think he was trying to build something romantic with me. But I know he’s genuinely concerned with how I’m doing. It’s nice to have that. I’ve only ever gotten that from Blake and I’m relieved he no longer has to shoulder that burden on his own.

My mom was unperturbed by my absence from her life. She believed Blake when he told her I was busy. I’m half-grateful for that and half-disappointed. I’ve only spoken to her twice since I got home and both times we were cut off by her new boyfriend needing some attention. It’s always been like that.

“Hey,” Finn murmurs into my hair, holding me closely to his broad chest. “Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m okay,” I assure him with a pat on his ribs.

“You want some iced tea?”

“Love some.”

He nods and heads into the kitchen with Blake as Kieran makes his way over to me. I’m not afraid of him like I thought I would be. He’s not Roman. He’s a good man that did his best to get me out of Roman’s world.

“Hey, Natasha,” he greets shifting his baby on his chest a bit.

The way he cradles his son makes my heart flutter. I miss Ivan so damn much it’s like a knife stabbing me in the gut every day. I’m in therapy and it’s helping, but only taking the edge off at this point. I’ll heal and move on with my life, but I’ll never forget the months I shared with Ivan, the love I feel for him or guilt I carry for not saving him.

“Hi, Kieran,” I respond quietly.

“I’m no good at shit like this so I’m just gonna say, I’m glad you’re safe. I’m glad you kept yourself whole. And I’m fuckin’ sorry I couldn’t do more to get you out sooner.”

That was blunt and to the point.

I clear my throat before I say, “Thank you for trying to get me. It meant more to me than you know. There’s no need to apologize.”

“You’re thin,” he points out without any of the negativity his words might indicate.

“I am.”

“That because of Vojtech or you?”

I snicker a little at the crime boss before me. There’s no mystery to him. He is what he is. I like that I don’t have to worry about saying something wrong with him. There’s comfort in not having to walk on eggshells with people these days.

“Both I guess.”

“Spend more time with Kavanagh. He eats like a horse.”

“I’m not sure I can spend too much time with him. I’m afraid my brain may rot.”

“No shit. Wear earbuds when he’s around.”

“I’ll do that,” I say through a chuckle.

“Here’s your tea.” Finn offers me my glass.

“Thanks.”

He smiles down at me before Kieran clears his throat and brings our attention to him.

“You did good, Natasha. Know that,” he orders with a roughness to his voice I can’t quite place.

“Thank you, Kieran,” I respond softly, feeling a little shy at his compliment.

He steps into my space and tips my chin up with a rough calloused finger before whispering, “Know that.”

Tears fill my eyes as I nod. His murky blues soften and he pulls me in for a rough hug next to his sleeping baby. He’s not as big as most of the men in this strange family, but there’s a strength and fierceness to his grasp that shows me he may be the most powerful.

He lets me go when Sully calls out, “Grey?” in a concerned voice.

“All good, cuz,” Kieran replies for me with a confident smirk on his lips.

Kieran leaves us and joins his wife. I’m guessing she’s his wife by the way his gaze lingers on her with pure adoration.

“You okay?” Sully asks stepping in front of me.

“I’m fine, Sully. How are you?”

“Good.”

We both stand in silence after that until Blake comes over and nudges my shoulder.

“You gonna stand in the same spot all day, Tosh?” he prods me.

“Let’s mingle,” I beam at my brother. “See you later, Sully.”

“Yeah…uh…see you later,” he stumbles around his words as Blake and I move into the mass of people filling the gigantic space.

I’m introduced to parents and brothers from families that meld into one. I need a map to keep track of everyone. Sully’s parents are polite and genuinely happy that I’m here. His mom, Maggie, wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug when Finn introduced us. It felt amazing to have that kind of comfort from a mother. Stephen O’Sullivan is quiet while we chat. The man is absolutely stunning. I don’t know how old he is, but he could easily pass as Sully’s brother. Then his brothers saunter up and I’m dumbstruck.

“Hugh,” he introduces with his hand out.

“Natasha.”

He takes my hand gently in his palm, staring down at me with the same chocolate eyes I dream about. When he releases me, the other brother steps in.

“Collin. It’s nice to meet you, Natasha,” he purrs and my knees tremble a little.

“Knock it off you two,” Maggie snaps and the guys immediately obey.

“Are you triplets?” I ask, feeling stupid for not knowing.

“Nah,” Collin answers. “Hugh’s the baby and I’m the middle.”

“I had them too close together,” Maggie informs me, her milk chocolate eyes soft as she speaks about her boys. “They all look exactly alike, but there’s a year between each of them.”

I nod as I catch Sully’s gaze across the room. He smiles at me, but not his full-blown smile. Maybe he doesn’t want me talking to his family.

I chat to the O’Sullivans for just a minute or so longer until more family enters and I make a quick exit, excusing myself politely.

There’s so much love in this room I try to steal just a little for myself as I walk over to the floor to ceiling windows that frame the enormous limestone fireplace.

I look out at the pool where a few people are splashing around and others that are lounging with drinks and lazy smiles.

“Natasha?”

“Hey, Cara. This is some moving away party,” I say through a broad smile at the young woman.

“This family doesn’t know how to do small,” she says through a smirk.

“How are you?” she asks uncomfortably.

“I’m doin’ okay.”

Her green eyes move around my face, searching for something before she releases a shaky breath.

“I was taken when I was seven,” she whispers.

My face falls and I take a step toward her. She puts up a hand to halt my progression and I do. This is obviously difficult for her.

“It took me a decade to escape. I always thought I was alone in life. No one cared about where I was or what was happening to me. Someone somewhere must have been watching because my family found me. They didn’t even know I existed and they still found me.”

She pauses for a moment considering her words carefully.

“Helping to save you was good for me. Shannon’s been training me for two and a half years now, but that was the first time I used any skills. I felt powerful…in control. It’s not that I don’t feel that every day, but that night was different. Better. I’m sorry that something that was traumatic for you was good for me. That’s not why I came to talk to you,” she grumbles at herself and then continues.“I just…I wanted…I just wanted to say,” she whispers and rocks on her heels, “I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it.”

“Cara, what you did for me, for us, was simply amazing. Thank you for having the courage to come that night. It took guts to do what you did. And thank you for sharing with me. I’m so sorry you went through that. If you ever wanna talk about it, I’m here. Okay?” I offer genuinely.

She was gone a decade and no one knew. No one knew! I’m nauseous at the thought and feeling really stupid for feeling sorry for myself. She survived God knows what for more than half her life and then pulled herself up, battled to become the strong young woman before me. I’m in awe. I’m inspired.

“I’m gonna hug you,” she warns before throwing her arms around my neck.

Cara’s a lot taller than I am, but she feels smaller in this moment. She feels like the little girl that was taken, seeking comfort. I pull her close and hold her to me fiercely, this brave, brave girl.

“Cara?” a concerned male voice breaks our moment.

She stands up straight and offers me a sweet smile before turning to face one of the teenagers always with her.

“I’m good, Sawyer,” she assures the inky-haired boy.

Well, I can’t call him a boy. He’s well over six feet, broad in the shoulders, narrow in the waist and kind in the ebony eyes. He’ll break some hearts.

“I’m Sawyer Cooper,” he introduces himself with a hand out.

“Natasha Reynolds.”

He pulls Cara under his arm in a proprietary move that warms my heart. She’s loved like she should be.

“Are you two excited about the big move?”

“Be happier if Cara hadn’t decided to live in the dorms,” he huffs.

She rolls her eyes at me and elbows him in the ribs.

“I wanna have the college experience.”

“Dorms will definitely be an experience,” he grumbles.

“You don’t have to live in the dorms with me. I’ve told you guys that,” she growls.

This is obviously not the first conversation about this.

“I think living in the dorms is a good way to meet people, branch out,” I add my two cents.

“See,” Cara agrees.

“Whatever,” Sawyer dismisses us both, clearly unhappy with the idea.

“Dating is easier too,” I point out.

“My thoughts exactly,” she says accusingly to Sawyer.

“Just makin’ my job harder,” he responds harshly.

“The protector, huh? I had one of those. Well, I still have one of those,” I say through a grin.

“Keepin’ her safe until my brother gets back.”

“Sawyer,” Cara growls.

“I didn’t know you had any other brothers,” I say confused.

I know Nick and Kat Cooper have three teenage sons they adopted plus a toddler and another on the way. I didn’t know there was another Cooper brother out in the world.

“Jake’s been gone a while. He’ll be back soon,” Sawyer assures me.

“No, he won’t,” Cara scoffs before pulling out of Sawyer’s grasp. “I’m only movin’ to Lawrence so if you wanna talk or grab coffee some time…I’d like that.”

“Give me your number and we’ll set a date next week sometime,” I reply encouragingly.

She types her number in my phone and then hands it back to me before drifting into the crowd. The other Cooper brothers, Dane and Cole, swoop in on her a few beats later. She’s never alone.

“She’s pissed at me,” Sawyer admits, running a hand over his short messy hair.

“It’s hard bein’ protected all the time.”

“We can’t help it. To be honest, we’re getting worse.”

“How’s that?”

“We’re worried about college. I’m mean, look at her. Dudes are all over her in high school. College is gonna be ten times worse.”

“It’s good for a girl to get some attention. Don’t you think?”

“Uh, no,” he scoffs. “She had enough attention before we got her.”

I can tell he regrets it as soon as he says it. He’s carrying her secrets.

“Then it’s time she gets the right kind of attention. She deserves to feel good. Don’t make her feel bad for wanting that.”

His dark eyes lock on mine and his brow furrows before he snorts.

“You’re pretty fuckin’ cool, Natasha,” he compliments.

“You’re pretty cool too.”

“Glad you’re okay. Should’ve said that earlier.”

“Thanks, Sawyer. You’d better get back to your party. Good luck at school.”

“I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

He gifts me a wide grin before ambling off into the crowd. I like Sawyer.

Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind and I stiffen while whipping my head around to find warm dark chocolate eyes. I spin in his arms and gaze up into his chiseled face, waiting to see why he’s holding me.