Blind Impulse (14 page)

“
Nay,” her father replied and slapped him on the back.  “This old war horse knows when he’s beat.  You’ll have to show
off your skills to some other fool.”

“
Maybe later,” Garin replied.  Someone handed him a towel and his wiped the sweat from his face.  “Water
ed ale
!” 

Her father discretely guided him between the tables as two more wrestlers took their place.  Alyna pushed her
way through the people, heading for the high table. 

Her father spotted her.  “God’s teeth,” he muttered.

Garin stiffened.  “What’s the matter?”

“
Guess.”

He cringed.  “My wife?”

“
Aye.”

“
And she probably doesn’t look happy does she?”

“
Nay.”

Alyna folded h
er arms over her chest.  “What in God’s name did you two think you were doing?”

Garin turned to face her.  “We were just having a bit of fun.”

“
Fun?”  Anger roared through her.  “You scare a thousand days from my life and tell me it was all in fun?  You tw
o could have killed each other.”

Garin frowned, using the towel to dry off his massive chest.  The movement distracted her almost painfully.  “Alyna....”  Her eyes snapped back to his.  How could he cast such a spell over her?  Her lack of control made her
even angrier.

“
What are you trying to prove, Garin, that your bones can snap as easily as the next man’s?”

She caught a glimpse of her father’s expression darkening but he said nothing.

“
Alyna, I have been wrestling since I was a child,” Garin said gently
.

“
I don’t care.”  A tiny voice inside her warned her to stop but she couldn’t.  She shook so hard she was certain her father could see her quaking.  “You could have been seriously hurt.”

Garin’s frown deepened into something she did not care to describe.
“Aye and I could break my neck walking down those infernal stairs but that does not stop me.”

Rage pushed tears into her eyes and clouded her vision.  How could he treat his own life with such disregard?  “Garin--”

Abruptly he closed the distance and grab
bed her arm.  His grip was firm but not painful.  “Excuse us, Geoff,” he said curtly and lead her toward the stairs.  His boots slammed against the stone floor as he strode without hesitation.  Distantly, Alyna was surprised at how well he had memorized th
e keep.  He knew exactly where he was going.  He led them back into their room and slammed the door behind him, only then releasing Alyna’s arm.

“
What is wrong with you?” he growled.

“
Wrong with me?”  Her voice rose an octave.  “I wasn’t the one out there
trying to kill myself.”

“
Blast, Alyna.  It was a simple sport, one I used to play all the time when it was raining.  But then you come charging down and embarrass me in front of your father and everyone else in the keep.  You were the one who encouraged me
to return to who I was, to do the things I once did, and now you tell me that I can’t?  What is wrong with you?”

The tears pounding at her eyes finally broke free and her anger faded with their release.  She sat in a chair and hid her face in her hands. 
What was wrong with her indeed?  Garin was absolutely right, she had completely overreacted and embarrassed him.

“
I am sorry,” she whispered.

He cocked his head at the sudden change in her voice.  “Alyna,” he said softly and approached.  “What happened?”

H
is hand touched her head.  Slowly he crouched before her.  Alyna blinked back her tears enough to look at him.  He gazed up at her but his eyes did not focus on her, nor would they ever.  A bitterness rose in her throat.  He cared for her but why couldn’t
he love her?  She took a deep breath and shoved the thought away.

“
You scared me.”

“
Scared you?  How?”

She tried to block out the memory of her father threatening Garin when he threw the chair.  “I thought you and my father were trying to kill each other.”

He blinked at her, absolutely stunned.  “What?”

“
When...when you threw the chair and almost hit me, my father was going to rip you apart, Garin.”  She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.  “You didn’t see the look in his eyes.  I thought somehow
he had gotten angry with you again and that you two were fighting.  I didn’t know what to do...I didn’t know who’s name to scream...all I wanted was for it to stop.”

He sighed softly and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her off the chair and folding he
r against his chest.  “Alyna, you need to understand your father and I may not agree all the time but we are good friends.  I know he will defend you with his life but so will I.  Our arguments will never be such we would come to blows.  When I threw the c
hair, I deserved everything he was willing to do.”

“
Garin--”

“
Listen to me, please.”  His hand brushed her cheek and wiped her tears.  “But I
am not that same man, Alyna.  I give you my word I will never fight your father in anger for any reason.  Do you u
nderstand me?”

She studied him a moment then nodded.  “Yes.”

“
Good.”  He smiled down at her.  “But I’ll still wrestle with him.”

“
Garin!”

He laughed.  “Why does that bother you so?”

“
Because...ah Sweet Mary, I don’t know who to cheer for.”

His laughter gre
w and he hugged her tightly.  “My sweet, you may cheer for both if you wish.  Now, we should get back downstairs.”

She nodded.  He released her and stood, pulling her up with him.  Alyna tried to ignore the cold that swept over her when he moved away.

“
Ga
rin?”

“
Aye?”

“
I was thinking, since you men will no doubt be wrestling, I might take the opportunity to start working on that tapestry.”

He flashed her a bright smile.  “You still cannot bear to watch?”

She ducked her head, swallowing hard.

Surprisingly, h
e laughed.  “As you will, lady.  I do not mind.”

Chapter Eight

One morning
Lyssa
told Alyna of an event she was sure Garin would enjoy.  Alyna agreed wholeheartedly.  She guided Garin to the barn and had him sit in an emp
ty stall filled with straw.

“
Wait here, I will fetch your surprise.”

“
Surprise?”

“
Just wait.”  She released his favorite hunting dog, a
brachet
bitch with a litter of pups.  Their eyes were open now and they bounded with exuberance. 

“
Go find Garin,” she
told the mother.  “Find Garin.”  The hound yelped and galloped off, her puppies following, Alyna trailed after them.

The hound entered the stall where Garin sat and licked his face, her tail wagging violently.  His expression of forced patience faded as he
touched the dog’s head.  A slow smile spread across his features.  “Freya?” he whispered.  “Is that really you?”

Suddenly the pups mauled him as only puppies could.

He laughed and fell back in the straw letting the puppies pounce and crawl.  They yipped a
nd growled, tugging on his hair, and his tunic.

Alyna’s vision blurred.  She saw not a baron but a little boy laughing while the puppies played with him.  “Freya,” he exclaimed.  “They are wonderful.”

“
Alyna,” Juliana said from behind her.

Alyna stiffened
and turned.  “Yes, Juliana?”

She glared at her a long moment, her blue eyes hard, and lifted a scroll case.  “I need to speak with you privately.”

Alyna glanced at Garin, still absorbed with the puppies.  They should keep him occupied.  “All right,” she sa
id and stepped out of the barn.  “What is it, Juliana?”

****

Garin chuckled as the puppies tumbled around him.  He managed to grab one.  It yipped then happily gnawed on his thumb. It’s fur was thick and soft, it’s ears floppy, with large feet.  He felt
its sharp tiny claws.  It had a broad chest for such a little creature and a long tail.

“
Ah, Freya, these will be fine hunting dogs one day,” he said and the mother again slapped his cheek with her tongue.  Garin laughed, it was like getting hit with a wet
rag.

“
There are six in all,” a soft female voice said.

Garin sat up sharply, some of the puppies squeaked in surprise.  One grabbed the edge of his tunic and tugged with all his might, growling at the offending material.  Garin did not recognize the woman
’s voice.

“
Where is Alyna?”

“
She had to leave for a moment.”  He heard the rustle of straw as the woman
entered the stall.  “The pup you hold is brindle, the one tugging on your tunic is gray like his mother, and the rest are black.”

Garin ran his hand thr
ough his hair, ridding himself of clinging pieces of straw.

“
You missed one,” the woman said, kneeling next to him.  Her fingers pulled something from his hair.  “It seems like just yesterday when I was
ridding
a young man’s hair of straw.”

The blood drain
ed from his face.  He suddenly feared he knew this woman.  “
Mariotta
?” he asked softly.

“
I was wondering if you would remember me.”

Garin’s stomach twisted. 
Mariotta
was one of the maids who tended to the chickens and geese.  Although close to his same ag
e, she had been the one who guided a young Garin to discover his manhood a few months before his betrothal.  They had tumbled several times in the barn.  She had indeed plucked pieces of straw from him so none would know of their errant trysts, except for
Juliana who had inadvertently discovered them once.  Garin had to resort to bribery to maintain his sister’s silence.

“
Aye,”
Mariotta
said, her voice low.  “I can see the thoughts plain on your face.  In a few months I taught you more about making love to
a woman than most men ever know in their lifetimes.”

Garin felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment.  He quickly stood, careful to avoid the puppies.  “Aye,” he said tightly.  “’Tis normal for young boys to
sate
their curiosity and their impulses.”

“
I will
not argue with that,” she said and stood as well.  “But even as a lad you were--”

He held up his hand, stopping her.  “And we knew nothing would ever come of it.  We both agreed from the onset.”

“
Now things have changed.  Garin, if you give up this quest
for baron we can be together.”

Garin’s jaw went slack.  “Be together?”

“
It is what we wanted all along.  Remember how we used to bemoan our stations?  But that doesn’t matter anymore.  With your...affliction, no one expects you to maintain this charade.”

“
Charade?” he growled, anger rising within him. “Forget not I am now a married man.”

Mariotta
scoffed.  “To that little noble strumpet who only wants your barony?  How can she desire a blind man?  Nay, I dare say she will bring others to her bed and make a
cuckold of you on top of it.”

Garin winced, his fists clenching.  How could Alyna love him indeed?

Mariotta
stepped forward, her hands gliding up his chest.  But Garin discovered the action infuriated him rather than encourage him as it had done when he wa
s a boy.  “Now we can be together, Garin,” she whispered.  “We can return to the ecstasy we once shared.”  Suddenly, her hands grabbed his face and she kissed him, rubbing her body against his in the most wanton fashion. 

Stunned, he tried to retreat, ste
pped on a puppy who yelped and scrambled into the corner.  Garin’s back hit the wall of the stall and he grabbed
Mariotta’s
shoulders to push her away.  But she clung to him with a surprising strength.  One hand slid
downward to stroke him and his manhood
awakened although it was the last thing he wanted.

“
Get away from me, wench,” he growled.

“
Not this time,” she said, continuing to kiss him feverishly.  “Remember how I used to pleasure you?  Will your little noble wife get on her knees before you?”

Her wo
rds brought a vibrant image of Alyna to life.  Desire exploded within him, burning his loins with a primitive fire.  He had gone too long, his body starved and aching.  As
Mariotta
touched and caressed him, Garin could not shut out his vision of Alyna.  It
was sweet Alyna who ignited the inferno and made the blood roar through his body.  He wanted nothing more than to make the vision reality.

****

Alyna scowled as Juliana handed her the scroll case.  “I have just received word from Peter.  He and his fath
er, along with Baron Vaux, are greatly concerned for East of Eden.  They want to pay us a visit.”

She rubbed her eyes.  This actually was not surprising.  Naworth would probably want to do all he could to see that Juliana gained Kirkoswald.

“
I will speak t
o the baron about this.”

Juliana’s brow furrowed.  “You will not make the decision yourself?”

Alyna sighed.  “Juliana, ‘tis not my decision to make.  He will have to reply to Naworth.”

The furrow in her brow deepened.  “I see.”

“
Thank you for bringing this
to my attention.”  Alyna turned away but Juliana grabbed her arm.

“
Alyna, wait.”

“
Yes?”

“
I...uh...thought we should speak about the wool gathering.  As chatelaine, you should be aware the carding and spinning is going more slowly than it should.”

“
Oh dear
,” Alyna said.  “I have been so busy with Garin I haven’t had time to help.”

Juliana’s gaze flicked to the door of the barn.  “Perhaps we could work on it now.  I’m sure Geoff and Simon will see to Garin.”

“
I will later.  It is time for the mid-day meal. 
I will eat with Garin and then join you.”

Again Juliana looked at the barn door.  Alyna frowned.  What captured her attention so completely?  Abruptly, Juliana released her arm.  “That sounds like an excellent idea.”  She turned and walked away.

Alyna watc
hed her for a moment, confused by Juliana’s odd behavior.  She shrugged it away, and returned to the barn, pushing the door open.

What she saw froze her in shock and horror.  A pretty maid locked Garin in her embrace, kissing him brazenly.  Alyna then saw
where her free hand wandered and she clearly saw Garin’s response. 

A sickening knot formed in her gut and for an instant she could not move, unable to believe her own eyes.  She choked on a sob then spun, slamming the door behind her.  Tears exploded, st
reaming down her cheeks as she ran through the bailey. No one seemed
to notice her as she sprinted up the stairs to the solar and locked the door.  Still sobbing, Alyna threw herself on the bed.

****

Garin heard a soft feminine gasp from the door.  The v
ision of Alyna shattered and his senses abruptly returned.  Dear God, what was he doing? 

He heard the door slam just as he violently shoved
Mariotta
away.  With a startled squeak,
Mariotta
landed in the straw.  Garin roughly straightened his tunic, his d
esire quickly faded with his terrible realization.  Alyna had been standing at the door.

Mariotta
chuckled softly.  “You change your mind so quickly.”

“
I am a fool,” he snapped and moved toward the stall door, carefully feeling for any puppies with the toe
of his boot.

“
Oh come now, Garin, your body has proven
your
want of me even as your words deny it.”

He snarled a curse.  “There is only one woman I want and she is not you. 
Mariotta
, your duties at Kirkoswald are at an end.  I shall have a man escort you
home tomorrow morning.”

“
What?” she asked, her voice rising in shock.  “Garin, you can’t just dismiss me.”

“
I can and I will.  Pack your things, you will leave at first light.”  He turned on his heel and left the barn, finding the wall and following it in
to the bailey.  A few paces to his left, he found the corner of the keep and slowly returned.

Good glory, how could he begin to explain this to Alyna?  How could he make her understand that his own desire for her raged out of control and almost drove him t
o make a foolish error?

How could he explain to her he knew he had hurt her and the thought was the most agonizing thing he had ever experienced?

Garin entered the keep knowing Alyna was probably in the solar.  But he had no idea what to do.  Instead of as
cending the stairs, he sat in his chair on the dais and ordered a servant to bring him wine.

****

Alyna awoke with a start, surprised to find the room dark.  She blinked and sat up.  She must have cried herself to sleep.  Night embraced the castle in co
ld silence.  She noted Garin was not with her, probably deciding to warm the little harlot’s bed.

Tears again streamed down her cheeks no matter how hard she fought them.  The sick feeling in her stomach grew.  She should have known better.

“
Alyna?” Garin’
s voice whispered through the darkness.  “Are you awake?”

Her head snapped around.  The hearth fire had fallen to a faint glow from red embers.  At the table she saw Garin’s dark outline.  He sat in a chair, with his feet propped in another.  Alyna abruptl
y realized he wore nothing but his braies. He lifted a cup to his lips and drank.

“
Garin?” she asked, her voice cracking slightly.  “What are you doing?”

“
Trying my best to drink myself into oblivion but I’m not doing a very good job of it.”  He paused, co
cking his head in her direction.  “Alyna...I am...sorry.”

She flinched, anguish stabbing her heart.

He sighed and placed the cup on the table.  “I know you want an explanation and
you deserve one, but I cannot explain without completely embarrassing myself
and hurting you more.”

Alyna shrugged, speaking more casually than she actually felt.  “It is not a woman’s place to question the actions of her husband.”

He snorted and stood.  “You have every right to question my actions, Alyna.”  He paced the floor, ra
king his hand through his hair.  “I know this probably won’t help but I swear to you nothing came of this.  I put a stop to it just as you left the barn.  I have dismissed the maid from her duties here.  She is leaving in the morning.  But I swear to you I
did not bed her.”