Blind (Senses Series Book 1) (10 page)

I push a strand of hair behind her ear, anxious to wipe away that look of disappointment on her face.

I’m not rejecting her. No fucking way. She’s gotta understand where I’m coming from though. You understand right?

“As much as I wanna take you, right here…right now…you deserve better than that Maxx. A lot better.”

Sweetly she nods and carefully, praise Jesus very carefully, slips back over to her side of the car. After several deep breaths, willing my cock to release the blood to the other parts of my body, I stick the key in the ignition and we start our journey back home in silence.

Let this be the reason I don’t fucking date. It’s fucking complicated. It’s not my fault that not only do I think she deserves better than fucking car sex, but she deserves better than sex with me. No matter how much I wanna take her, she still deserves better. Better than some fuck up like me. Than some guy who’s never ended a date without sex before. Wow. If that doesn’t just add to the fucked up way I feel. 

My eyes glance over at Maxx who is leaning on the door so that her back is to me and her attention is drifting outside the window.

Yup. From now on I should just stick to fucking. I knew better than to go here with her. Lesson learned.

Chapter 17

Maxx

I’ve spent the last three days avoiding Logan. The embarrassment I suffered in the car was enough to make me regret not only the turn our relationship has taken, but the fact I even considered I was on the same level as him. I was ready to strip off my clothes, in public might I add, to have sex with him and what does he do? Rejects me. Politely, to make it worse. The look on his face was obvious regret. Just the thought of that look causes me to groan.

You saw it. It was awful.

I shift in Luke’s arms. The recliner slightly creaks.

“God, I hate these romantic comedies,” I gripe tucking my feet beside me, curling further against him. “Real life blows and movies never show that.”

“That’s because Happy Endings are profitable. People can get misery for free.” Luke’s response gets a sigh from me.

I knew I should’ve gone into work today. After three days of spending more hours working than normal, I needed a break from the computer screen. To my luck Luke was off today and is home to watch movies with, and Logan is MIA. Thank God.

“Wanna talk about your free misery?”

I grunt and shake my head.

“Come on Maxx. Logan took you out on a date and the most we’ve been able to get out of you is that everything was fine. I’ve waited patiently for three days. Times up. Spill.”

By the way, I want it on record, trying to avoid the Hart siblings when they wanna gossip is like trying to avoid watching the voting on election day. They are everywhere you turn. Every chance they get.

“Nothing special. We grabbed a slice of pizza and…” My voice trails off as I remember Logan’s arms wrapped around me as I sat in his lap watching the embodiment of how he views his life dance around in front of us.

Those lightening bugs were close yet so far. Hell, they could be the embodiment of our relationship too.

“Then we just hung out.”

“Maxx…”

“Can we just watch the movie?” I sigh becoming flustered.

“Maxx…”

“Please—”

“Maxx.”

“I threw myself at him okay!” I snap louder than I expected. Luke’s eyes stay on me. He’s not scared off by my reaction like I had hoped. “We were talking and he kissed me and I led us back to the car and threw myself at him. I mean I literally climbed in his lap and started undoing his pants! For God’s sake the only thing I didn’t do was actually ask him to bang me because I thought my actions were pretty fucking clear.”

After several long moments, all filled with my annoyed deep breathing, Luke says, “That was just so much detail, I don’t know how I’ll ever sleep again at night.”

Looking up I see the playful smile on his face, roll my eyes, and elbow him in the side. “Oh shut up.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“That I deserved better than that.”

“Than car sex?”

“I guess.” I shrug but shake my head. “But I don’t think that’s what he meant. I think he meant I deserve better than sex with him…”

“You know, I don’t get it Maxx. I really don’t. What the hell happened in his life to make him so convinced the only way to live is to be cut off from everything in the world? Only really living outside of his shell for a hiccup of time?”

My body tenses. The information alone hurts just to think about. “You know about his parents right?”

“Not really. Just that his dad died in car crash. He doesn’t talk about any of that stuff much. Never has.”

I fight the urge to scoff the sentence off. “Logan’s father was a raging alcoholic who could barely hold down a steady job. He constantly beat Logan’s mother, before she got pregnant, while she was pregnant, hell it was a pure miracle that Logan was even born. He was born early and, given what the hell he had gone through in the womb, it wasn’t surprising. His dad would go through phases where he would promise never to drink again and swear to be good to him but then something would happen and boom, he was right back to shattering noses and bruising ribs. Around the age of six Logan learned to hide in the house and then when his father caught on he started running off, running until he would pass out. He hated leaving his mother to take the beatings, but she told him it was better for her to take it than for him. Anyway, one night, when Logan was sixteen, he snuck back home only to find his mother in the kitchen with a pool of blood around her head. She was dead. And before he could call 911 the police were at his door to tell him that his father had just been found wrapped around a telephone pole about a block away.”

“Shit,” Luke’s voice barely says.

“Logan didn’t attend the funeral for his father. And the one for his mother I went to with him. He didn’t shed a tear until after everyone had left. I remember thinking that that was when he really closed down and shut the world out. He wasn’t extremely close to his mother yet in a weird way he was. She always put his life first. Always made sure he was out of danger. Always told him that he was the greatest thing she had in life. Eventually the house sold and he was given the money from it. When he turned 18 he was also given a small amount of money his mother had secretly managed to secure in his name for him. They had tried to ship him off to some distant cousin up in Montana when all that happened, but, as you well know, that’s when your parents volunteered to take him in instead.”

“Yeah. I remember. Wasn’t surprised, but I was shocked the first time I caught him sneaking out the window to go to your house.”

I faintly smile thinking about all the times he climbed through the window just to spend a little time next to me. “Logan is convinced that he’s cursed. His father beat his mother to death. His grandfather beat his grandmother to death. His great grandfather slit his wife’s throat while she slept. All heavy drinkers. All with tempers. None with control. So he decided not being like them meant doing things the exact opposite. So that’s why he doesn’t drink. That’s why he fights in the ring. All the rage and anger can be channeled in one place, at one time, at one person. A stranger at that. Or a punching bag.”

“And he doesn’t get attached to women because he’s afraid he will hurt them.” I nod. “That’s preposterous.”

“In ways. Yeah. I get it. I get that fear of not wanting to end up like his family, but—”

“No Maxx. He’s letting that fear destroy his life in another way. And I hate to be the one to say his logic is flawed, but he’s already made that mistake. Whether or not he dips into your chocolate fountain in the bedroom, it’s too late. He’s been attached to you for years. He’s loved you for years. Hell, I’m convinced now more than ever he’s been in love with you for years. Constantly denying it all isn’t gonna do him any favors or save him like he thinks. You Maxx. You are what has been saving him.”

I repeat the words in my head. I saved him. I. Saved. Him.

Is that true? Have all these years with me really been what’s kept his head above water? Is that why he’s so reluctant to move forward? This giant fear of losing me all together?

The front door opens and Logan strolls through, sweat dripping, gray tank top soaked, red gym shorts sitting comfortably on his hips that match the red backwards cap on his head. A small breath escapes me. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since the car thing. Almost forgot just how sexy he really is.

Damn my hormones.

“Maximus,” he hums out my name causing a familiar ache between my legs.

“Hey.” I do my best to act as if everything is alright. Luke’s thumb gently strokes my arm.

Dropping his gym bag on the edge of the sofa, he flops down, leans back, and spreads his arms along the back of it. “Where you been? I’ve been texting you these last couple of days. You’ve barely responded.”

Did I forget to mention that? Yeah. Logan’s texted me nonstop and every once in a while I give him a one word answer. Totally taking this rejection thing really well.

“Sorry. I’ve been so distracted at work. You know with the next fight coming up, then trying to get the orders for the following all while getting stuff together for this other thing Frank wants. Just been a little busy. That’s all.”

Now an irked look shows on his face as if he knows I’m lying.

Which I am slightly. I could’ve texted back. I always can. But the rest is totally true.

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.”

Logan nods and barely rolls his eyes. He knows my lying habits as well as I know his. I look away so I don’t have to deal with him being mad at me and living in the lie at the same time. I place my head down on Luke’s chest.

“This movie? Again? What’s that like three times this month?” Logan’s question is directed at Luke.

“Fuck you very much. You don’t have to sit and watch it.”

“I know.” His playful chuckle is back. I guess that’s easy now that he’s not talking to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him toe off his sneakers and prop his feet up on the coffee table, thumb typing away on his cell phone.

Well if he hasn’t found someone who deserves to sleep with him by now I can expect he will by tonight. Joy. I knew I was in over my head.

There’s a strong buzz from my pocket. Pulling out my cell phone, expecting to see a text from Tony, who has graciously backed off but is still just as friendly, I’m surprised when I see it’s from Logan.

I glance his direction and his attention is focused on the movie.

Logan: Are you mad at me?

I bite my tongue.

Me: Why would you think that?

Logan: Aside from avoiding me for the last three days?

My eyes dart up but his don’t.

Logan: Because you think me not fucking you in my car is some sort of a bad thing.

Me: Well what else am I supposed to think?

There’s a heavy even more annoyed sigh that comes from Logan as he types away. Thankful my phone is on silent now and Luke isn’t as nosy as his sister, I nervously wait for his reaction.

Logan: That I actually give a fuck about you. That you didn’t deserve to be treated like a five dollar hooker in the front seat of my mustang. I was trying to do the right thing Maxx.

My eyes drift over as his are finally on me. They look soft and torn, but still the beautiful blue I love.

Just trying to do the right thing? So this isn’t over then? Maybe this weird situation is starting to work in my favor. Maybe he sees more happening between us. Do you think that too?

Me: Did it ever occur to you that maybe I wanted to be fucked like that?

The vocal response from Logan is some sort of groan that requires him to shift the now obvious semi in his shorts.

Logan: You can’t talk like that.

Me: Why not?

Logan: You can see what it does to me.

With a smirk I giggle a little.

Me: I can. Looks tempting from here.

Logan: Would look better if you came closer.

Me: I bet.

Logan: I wish it were my arms you were cuddled in.

And with that I look up once more, that same delicate look is back on his face.

Did he really just say that? Better yet, did he just switch gears from sex to…cuddling? Is this really happening? Is Logan Kellar turning himself from fuck buddy in the making to something stronger or am I just reading too much into things like always? Well? What do you think?

Deaf

Sense Series Book 2

Coming This October

Thank You!

I would just like to take a brief moment to send a special Thank You those who have made such a difference in my career and my life.

Thank you, Crazy Lady for being my best fan, The Law Student for being the second biggest, and Her Husband for being proud of me in your own way.

Thank you to my Katniss for keeping me on track and in line and my own Erin for the inspiration and being so supportive.

Thank you to my lovely editor, Mrs. H. You are not only an amazing editor, but a great friend! I’m so glad we met and that you are hands down one of the best things that has happened to me. I know I am a pain during the editing process, but thank you for hanging in there with me.

And I would like to extend a very special thank you to the following authors: Kristine Cayne, Tess Oliver, Selena Laurence, and Jaime Reese. Between your kindness in speaking to a newbie like me and the support you gave, even when you had no idea that’s what you were doing, I am forever in your debt. I pray every day that my career may be half as good as any of yours.

And a special Thank You to you, the reader! Without you there is no me! That’s cliche, but it’s the truth! You keep reading and I’ll keep writing. Deal?

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