“Sorry, darling,” Silas said. “But Arabella requires more vampires. And she does like the pretty ones.”
Oh, I’d heard that before.
Silas lowered his mouth to my skin, but before I could feel the ice of his lips, something
huge
jumped up onto the balcony. The floor trembled and all of us were knocked back onto the floor.
Everyone stared up at the creature that had jumped five floors to the penthouse balcony. It looked like a wolf, but bigger and shaggier.
It was, of course, a werewolf. And not just any werewolf.
My boyfriend.
Lucas was here to rescue me. He didn’t waste even a moment; he lunged at Silas and ripped his head off.
Just like that. Blood spurted everywhere, drenching me in poison, and I watched through my fingers as Lucas turned to charge Calvin, who was backing slowly away. Derek, who had just suffered a crushing blow to his ribs, struggled to stand. Then, clueing in to Lucas’s plan he flanked him and proceeded to corral Calvin against the edge of the balcony. He was cornered, and knew it.
With a smug grin, he gave us his signature salute, and then leaped over the railing. The two wolves barked and started after him, but it was too late. Calvin was halfway up Keystone Mountain by now, and with Derek injured, they’d never catch him.
I exhaled heavily, not caring that Calvin and Melissa got away, not caring that there was a dead guy in the hot tub, or that Silas’s venomous blood was all over me, or even that my best friend and my boyfriend were both in wolf form and liable to kill me at any moment.
All that mattered was Lucas. He was there. Somehow, he’d known to follow me on my stupid idiotic mission.
He’d saved me, yet again. And despite what I’d said to him earlier, I was glad he’d come to my rescue. I had to face it: I’d be dead right now if he hadn’t. Thanks were most certainly in order, but before I could so much as stand up, the wolves turned on each other.
They began fighting, tearing at fur, yanking muscle, snapping and snarling. I was powerless to stop it. I’d promised Lucas I would never use my power against him again.
Then Lucas began to shake and he changed, unable to hold his form any longer without any vampires around. He dodged Derek’s attacks, but something about seeing him human made him seem more vulnerable. Derek made to attack Lucas again and coldness swept through me: the thought of him killing Lucas.
“Derek!” I screamed, starting forward. “Stop it RIGHT NOW!”
Derek’s big lupine eyes flickered to mine and creased into a frown. To my amazement, his body shook and he changed.
So of course, Lucas punched him. Or tried to. Derek managed to dodge at the last second and swung back, missing, too. Lucas tackled him and they went sprawling.
I shook my head and dragged my hands down my bloody face.
Men. . . .
“Stop it!” I yelled with a little less enthusiasm than before. “Lucas, come on. This is dumb. You’re not going to kill him, just stop it!”
Lucas held Derek down in a choke hold.
“Like—hell—I’m—not,” he grunted.
“STOP! Don’t hurt him. I don’t want to use my power, but I will if you’re going to hurt him, now
stop!
”
Lucas looked over at me incredulously and released Derek with a jerk. Derek drew in a strangled breath, hacking. Though he didn’t need to breathe, Lucas had probably broken his windpipe.
Lucas strode up to me and pointed back at Derek. “You can’t be defending him again,” he warned. “How many times does this guy have to try and kill you before you realize what he is?”
Derek was standing now, his breath heaving through his body. He looked livid and ready to pounce on Lucas at any second.
I rounded on him. “Don’t even think about it! Lucas just saved my life. Show a little gratitude.”
Derek blinked. He seemed to have just realized I was still there—that I’d almost been eaten by his “friends.”
“Faith, I’m so sorry,” he said, stepping closer. “You were right all along, I guess.”
I drew in a deep breath, sucking up my anger, and said, “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
Derek was hugging me within a second, but it only lasted about that long before Lucas ripped him off of me.
“God, you’re relentless!” he shouted. “When are you gonna get it through your runt head that she doesn’t love you, she loves me!”
Derek cringed as though Lucas had finally landed that punch.
“Lucas, stop it,” I said, a little stricken by his outburst. “He feels bad enough without adding this on top of it. He said he was sorry. He’s going through something terrible right now.”
“That’s all well and good,” Lucas said, “but he’s manipulating you, Faith. He’s wheedling his way into your heart and lodging himself between us.”
“No, he’s not. We’re just friends.” I looked at Derek. “Right?”
Derek leaned against the wall, as casual as can be when you’re buck naked. “Yeah, man. I really think you’re being paranoid. Me and Faith are just friends.” He smiled, baring his razor-like teeth. I winced as the light glanced off of them and blinded me for a moment.
I turned back to Lucas. “See? It’s fine. I’ve told you a million times, you’ve got nothing to worry about here.”
Lucas’s vibe blasted with a million pent-up emotions. Anger. Frustration. Jealousy. Desperation. He was trying to keep them in, trying to repress them, but at last they grew so strong, the emotions almost swallowed me with it. He let out a loud roar-like sound and said, “Damn it, I can’t take this anymore! I feel like I’m going crazy!”
I started to put my hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not gonna pretend like I’m not jealous anymore, when I am. I’m jealous. I admit it, okay? And if that makes me a jerk, then fine. I’m a jerk, too.”
Derek snorted and I silenced him with a look.
“There’s nothing to be jealous of,” I insisted.
“You think I don’t notice the way you look at him? You think I don’t see you flirting with him, holding his hand and playing footsie in the car? Did you really think I was that stupid?”
I attempted to protest, but Lucas cut me off with a slice of his hand through the air.
“No, Faith, I can’t keep pretending to be this good person anymore, when I’m not. I’m a werewolf. An animal. And I thought, maybe you’d . . . I don’t know,
softened
that instinct in me, but now I feel so crazy jealous that I know I’m still as horrible and jerky and—and whatever else you wanna call me as I always was.”
“Don’t say that,” I begged. “Don’t be this way. You know I love you.” I reached out for him, but he stepped back.
“I can’t do this anymore. You either gotta pick me, or you gotta pick him. But I can’t watch you flip-flopping around anymore. I can’t take it.”
I felt like the world had just toppled over on itself, leaving me standing alone in the middle of it. Nothing made sense. I struggled to form words, but tears blocked me. I swallowed hard and made myself say something.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I gasped, still reeling.
Lucas didn’t answer, but his expression was hard, bitter. “I’m telling you to choose.”
“Don’t—don’t make me do that,” I said. “This isn’t just about Derek and you know it—the whole uprising depends on getting him back on our side. I thought you understood. I need to be with him.”
Lucas stared at me for a long time. “That’s your choice then?” he asked finally. I heard absolutely no emotion in his voice. The years he’d spent keeping his feelings inside were paying off. He was blank. Even his vibe was smothered.
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m not choosing. I won’t.”
Again, he said nothing for a long while; he just looked down at the floor, thinking about what, I could never know.
Finally, he looked up, determination hardening his features. “Look, this isn’t going to work.”
I shook myself, thrown by the change of his tone. “What?”
“We both knew this was coming. We both knew it would end one day.”
End? What was he talking about? “But I thought—”
His voice was suddenly menacing. “What? What was your solution for this, Faith? Change you? That’s never going to happen.”
“Yvette and Rolf—”
“Aren’t us. This was always our fate, Faith. Why prolong the inevitable? It’s only torturing me more.”
He could have slapped me in the face for how bad that hurt.
“Where is this even coming from?” I asked. “Just, please—let’s talk about this.”
“What’s to talk about? I’m immortal. You’re not. We don’t have a future together.”
“What about
my
future? Do I mean that little to you that you can just dump me without even talking to me first?”
Lucas’s face tightened, his expression fluctuating between ambivalence and frustration. He seemed to wrestle with something and then said with a stony, forced voice, “Look, I changed my mind. Simple as that. I don’t want to live in repression anymore.”
Changed his mind . . .
“What do you mean?” I whispered.
“Repressing the change is bad enough without adding what you do to me on top of it. It wouldn’t be like this with any other girl. With someone else, I wouldn’t have to worry about killing her all the time. We could be together. Fully.”
At his last word, the meaning of what he was saying sunk in like a knife through my heart. I just stood there, unable to believe what I was hearing. It felt like a dream—a waking nightmare.
“That’s how you feel?” I asked numbly.
His face was rigid, revealing nothing, and when he spoke his voice came softly in monotone.
“That’s how I feel.”
I stared him down, refusing to believe, but Lucas stared right back at me with empty, fathomless eyes. My world was caving in, crushing me beneath his black stare. It hurt so much, I could think of only one thing to do: hurt him back. Make him feel even half as awful as I did.
“Fine,” I said. “Then I choose him. I choose Derek.”
For the briefest instant, I thought I saw a flicker of regret. But then it was gone, and his mask of indifference was back.
“Good,” he said.
Another blow to my heart.
Good?
I was so busy trying to keep from sobbing that I didn’t even notice Lucas walking toward me. He came very close, and I thought for one blissful moment that he was going to hug me, tell me to forget it, that he would stand by me like he always promised he would. But he just whispered in my ear, “We always knew there would be an end, Faith. I know you don’t understand, but it’s better this way.” He reached up and touched my cheek. There was warmth for the smallest moment and then he said something so softly I wasn’t sure if I’d heard correctly. His voice was low like the wind howling. “You’ll always have my heart.”
With that, he walked to the edge of the balcony and jumped over.
It was like there was a string connecting us because as soon as his feet left the floor, I dashed for the edge. The only thought in my mind was to follow him. I
had
to follow him, he couldn’t leave.
Derek yanked me back.
He held me at the edge of the balcony as I screamed for Lucas. It was pathetic and desperate, but the only boy I’d ever loved had just left me. Left me wilted and alone, just like my stepdad had all those years ago. Left me just like Derek had when he’d told me he’d cheated on me. Left me crying, bloody and broken on the ground ... like I was nothing.
24
SURVIVAL
I
spent the next day alone. Not crying. Not thinking. I was in a state of numb denial. He couldn’t have left. Not really. Not my Lucas—not my match.
I called him, must’ve been a hundred times.
He shut his phone off.
That night, Derek and I rented a car and drove four long hours back to CSU. Neither of us said a word the entire time, though I could feel his vibe shifting restlessly beside me. He wanted to comfort me, but didn’t know how.
I thought, but didn’t say, that the silence was enough.
When at last we reached the courtyard between the CSU dorm buildings—and after dealing with irritating curfew issues—I finally had a reaction. I wanted to run to Lucas’s room. I wanted to bang on his door and scream at him, hit him, kiss him, make him hurt as badly as he’d hurt me. I wanted it so much I couldn’t stop my legs from running up the stairs to his room, flying down the hall, raising my hand to knock on the door—
“Don’t,” Derek said, catching my fist before it hit. “It won’t solve anything.”
I sagged against him, my back colliding with his chest. I let my fist fall. He was right. Starting another fight would only make things worse. And make me look more pathetic.