Blown Away (Rogues Shifter Series Book 4) (23 page)

Mentioning Kennet and the kidnapping had brought up some tough memories, so I turned away.

“Jacqueline, what is it?” Liam read me too easily.

I thought again about what he must have witnessed. “You saw me at my worst.” I twisted away even farther, but he grabbed my shoulder and turned me back toward him.

“I don’t know what you mean by your worst. Do you mean your weakest, because I feel that I saw you at your strongest. You never stopped fighting him, or planning your escape. You could have crawled under the covers or just given him what he wanted and none of us would have blamed you. You remained true to your nature even under the most extreme circumstances.” He laughed. “Your worst.” He shook his head.

“My body wanted him.” I blurted out and then shuddered.

“He
glamoured
you, Influenced you just like a vampire, only it was your body who listened and not your mind. Kennet's mental gift is incredibly powerful. None of it was your fault. You stayed so strong, even after the torture and the rapes, you were still centered.”

I lifted my e
yes to stare at him with horror, then scooted away from him as if that could erase what he'd said. My voice croaked out, “I don’t—I don’t remember him raping me.”

He looked at me with shock and then concern. “You were in and out of consciousness from the beatings.”

“Shit. Shit!” I jumped up and started pacing. “He told Garrett that he had me, but I thought that he was probably bullshitting us, because I didn’t remember anything.” I felt my gorge rise so I ran to the nearby bushes and retched behind them.

Liam held me as I emptied my belly, pulling my hair back and whispering. “Jackie, I’m sorry. I thought you realized. I’ve sent to Garrett and he’s on his way.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth Garrett was there holding me. “What’s wrong, my angel? Are you ill?”

Liam spoke, his distress for me apparent. “This is my fault. I told her about something that happened wh
ile she was a prisoner that she—she didn’t know. She didn't remember...”

“What happened?” He turned from Liam to stare at me and then back at Liam as I wiped my mouth with my sleeve.

Liam looked at me for a sign. He wouldn’t tell Garrett unless I said it was okay, so I nodded and then buried my face against my mate’s neck, breathing in his scent to comfort me and clutching his arms to pull myself closer.

“She was raped by Kennet when she was unconscious from her torture. Both times.”

I pulled away quickly to look at Garrett’s face, wanting to see, but afraid of his reaction. The shock was obvious but fleeting. He pulled me closer and kissed my head, then started to murmur to me in French.

Liam backed away. “I’ll be back at the house if you need me. I’m so sorry I told you in that careless way, I should have known.”

“Wait, please.” He turned back toward me. “Could I be pregnant? It would have been early, but…” I realized with an icy chill that my period was late. And the way my body's been feeling...

Liam hesitated, unsure of how to put into words something else that would upset me. He nodded. “Kennet might know how to speed up ovulation. My father knows how to do it.”

“Oh god.” My knees gave out but Garrett held me tighter, supporting almost all of my weight. After a few moments I managed to gain my balance and then pull away. “Take me into town. I need a pregnancy test. If it’s positive, I’m getting an abortion as soon as I can.”

Garrett nodded slowly and brushed the hair out of my
eyes. Liam was standing about fifteen feet from us and his face—well, he was devastated. I’d just said I was going to kill a fae child, the rarest, most precious gift to bless the fae people. I couldn’t look at him. I buried my face in Garrett’s chest and groaned, shuddering with the agony of the decision I’d have to make if the test was positive.

After a few moments, I pulled myself back together, because falling apart wouldn’t help anyone. “Could you take me, Liam? I can’t concentrate enough to get myself there and Garrett can’t take someone with him. I’ll end up in the middle of the Pacific.”

“Of course.” He looked terribly concerned as he took my hand and we materialized in a wooded area behind the pharmacy. Garrett went inside while I sat on the grass with Liam. We didn’t speak, but I could feel tension pulsing between us. I knew that he would be obligated to tell his father and then there would be a delegation to get me to change my mind. I'd been around the fae enough to know that this was a very serious situation. If I had an abortion, I’d probably be considered a murderer. But I’d been raped. They’d have to understand.

I forced myself to relax my shoulders and tried to think things through. In my heart, I knew that a quick dec
ision wasn't smart. “Liam, I’m upset. I’m not thinking straight right now. I’m not going to do anything tonight or tomorrow. I promise. First, I need to find out if I’m pregnant."

"I'm so sorry. I should never have spoken so carelessly."

"No, I’m glad that you told me, because finding out from anyone else would have been so much worse.” Without looking at him I stretched out my hand and he immediately took it in his while we sat there and waited for Garrett.

I thought back to how I’d felt this past week. I was eating like a starving person, my breasts were sore, my stomach was
churning and I was so tired. Plus I'd been so busy with the craziness at Los Altos that I'd forgotten to check the calendar. I groaned quietly. I was late. Why hadn’t I put two and two together?

Ten minutes later we were back at the house and I was in the bathroom. Garrett waited on the bed with the bedroom door closed while Liam sat in the kitchen, ready, I was sure, to broadcast the news to all of Faerie if it was positive. When I finished, I sat next to Garrett on the bed and we looked together at the test. There was the plus sign, glaring at me like some evil sigil. He’d gotten three test
s, all different brands, but the answer was always the same.

I slumped, no longer able to pretend that everything
was fine or would ever be so again. I allowed myself to cry, as my lover held me tightly against him, my head nestled in the hollow beneath his shoulder. He whispered to me in two languages, that I could count on his strength, as always.

I couldn't look at him. "I think I remember bi
ts of it now. He raped me. He touched me with his hands and his mouth and..." More sobs wracked my body as Garrett kissed my hair and rubbed my back, rocking me gently like a child. "How could I have blacked out what happened—him touching me like that? Why didn't I fight him?"

"You were injured so badly that your brain protected you. You may not have survived if you'd fought against him."

"Bridgett didn't feel it either."

"You must have protected her, too."

I pushed away from him suddenly and stood up, still not able to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I collapsed to my knees and sobbed, clutching at my stomach as if I could wrench the offending fetus out by my hands alone. Feeling like I'd somehow betrayed Garrett, I was emotionally lost again and terrified that he'd leave me. But a moment later, he was there scooping me up and sitting again on the bed with me cradled gently in his lap.

He kept kissing m
y tears away, then handed me a few tissues to deal with my nose. When I finished blowing he said, "Jacqueline, please look at me." I lifted my reddened eyes to stare into his very concerned blue ones. "You've-done-nothing-wrong. You fought him with every breath. Je t'adore. I should be the one apologizing. I told you to give yourself to him, so you wouldn't be hurt, but I see now that doing so would have injured you even more. You're my courageous, perfect mate. Nothing that Kennet did will ever affect how much I love you."

The rape wasn't the only surprise. "The baby..."

“I’ll support any decision that you make. I'll love the child as my own if that were your choice or I’ll find the best doctor to end the pregnancy. My only concern is that the decision must be made soon if the baby is gestating as the fae children do.”

I took a very deep breath and
, with a violent shudder, tried to release some of my tension back into the universe. I'd cried long enough. Now I would keep my head and not fall apart. “I said I wanted an abortion, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to do it. Did you see Liam’s face? He’ll have to tell his father and then it’s going to turn into this huge diplomatic event. They’ll try to convince me to keep it and if I do choose to have the abortion, the fae will say that I…” I couldn’t continue. He pulled me in tightly against him, rubbing my back and kissing my hair.

“Jacqueline,” he whispered.
It was always the name he used when he needed me to listen very carefully. “This is
your
life and your choice. You can’t make a decision based on what the fae want or what Liam wants or even what I want. You need to take some time to decide what it is that
you
want. Please take that time. I’ll talk to a doctor tonight to get you an appointment for a check up as soon as possible.”

“Can Caelen tell how far along the child is?”

“I’m sure he can.”

“Please ask Liam to contact him and see if he can come tonight.”

“I have no doubt that he’ll be here within the hour.” His tone was cold.

“Good. We need to have all the facts.” I turned to him and cradled his face in my hands, whispering, “You have to be honest. Will you still love me if I have Kennet’s child? Look into your heart and tell me the truth.”

He leaned in and kissed me deeply, our tremendous love for each other shared instantly in that brief intimate moment. He was smiling when we pulled apart. “The child will be yours. The rest doesn’t matter. I’ll do all that I can to be the best father and mate possible.” He would make this enormous sacrifice and raise his enemy’s child. Even though he was putting on his best face, I knew that it would be hard for Garrett, seeing Kennet’s baby every day as a constant reminder of what he did to me. How could I put him through that?

“And if I decide that I can’t raise him, that I can’t love him or her, beca
use he’s Kennet’s. If I give him to a fae couple to raise, will you still love me then?”

He kissed away the latest tears that had made it halfway down m
y cheeks. “Of course, my love. Je t’amererai toujours.
I’ll love you forever.”

“And if I—
if I have the abortion?”

“ I’ll support whatever decision you make. I don’t give a shit what the fae say about it. I only care about you. I know that sometimes it seems like time spent on our political alliances and our missions take precedence over our personal relationship, but if you aren’t in
my life then I have nothing.” He stroked my face. “I would give everything up: the team, my alliances, my nest, everything. You give my life meaning, not the rest.”

I let out my breath in a rush, not realizing that I’d been holding it. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do right this very minute.”

“Ah, a challenge. I’ll see if I can think of something that I can do to make you love me even more.” He grinned mischievously as he nuzzled my neck.

I
managed a weak laugh and he pulled away to look at my face. “It always comes back to that doesn’t it?” His brazen flirting had managed to cheer me up.

“What do you expect, Madame? Je suis Francais.” While he was kissing me, there was a tap on the door. He sighed and pulled away. “We’ll be out in a minute.” He looked at me once more with concern. “Remember, you don’t have to decide anything tonight.” I nodded, stood up a little shakily, opened the door and walked into the k
itchen holding Garrett's hand. Liam, Lord Caelen and Aedus sat quietly at the table.

“The Three Musketeers,”
I sent to Garrett.
“Sent here to save the Fae race.”

“Caelen goes where he chooses and usually brings along the heir apparent these days. Aedus would rather be
home with Philladre, I’m sure.

He nodded to Caelen then Aedus then Liam, obviously intending to keep the meeting on a more formal basis. “Thank you for coming so quickly.” They nodded back, but didn’t speak. He glanced at me but I gestured for him to continue. “Jackie is pregnant with Kennett’s child. As you can imagine it’s quite a shock and it will take her some time to make a decision as to what she wants to do.” He looked at Lord Caelen who’d raised his eyebrows and was looking at Garrett curiously. “This will be
her
choice and I will support her no matter what she decides. I won’t allow anyone to pressure her.” He looked at them in what I was surprised to see was almost a threatening manner. None of them reacted at all. They understood that this was Garrett, my mate speaking to them, and not their ally.

He continued, “Lord Caelen, we’ve asked you to come tonight to find out if you can tell if the baby is developing at the rate that the fae children do. We need to know how far along the child is. Will you be able to tell us?”

He nodded and stood, coming over to where I was standing and asked, “Jacqueline, may I place my hand on your stomach? You’ll need to lift up your shirt.” Garrett wrapped his arm over my shoulder and I lifted my shirt up enough for Caelen to place his hand low on my stomach. He closed his eyes and smiled. “You have a son. He’s very strong and he is developing as the fae do. He’ll be born in nine weeks.”