Blue Christmas (The Moody Blue Trilogy | Book One) (27 page)

But she couldn’t
help it. She focused on the details. JT’s hair was tinted dark green. Must have
been taken long before the holidays. The last time she’d seen him, it was
platinum blond and curly on top. Of course with JT, that could all change in a
matter of hours. The thought made her smile. What a character he was. Definitely
a bull in a china shop
as Marissa liked to say.

She studied Gevin’s
picture, wondering what was different. Ah, the goatee. He had a full beard now,
closely trimmed.
Nice look, Gevin.
He was smiling, but it was one of his
more serious smiles. She remembered the glow on his face when he told them he
and Marissa were engaged.

Sergio . . .
that incredibly warm smile and those dark bedroom eyes. What a sweetheart.
I
wonder how he’s doing. With
Jackson
recovering, has he finally
been able to get over the haunting of Liza’s attack?

And Jackson. His
boyish grin as precocious as ever. His hair was longer here, the blunt blond
locks flowing over his collar. She realized she liked it better the way he wore
it now. She thought of Alli and how radiant she looked yesterday at the
hospital with Jackson on the road to recovery.

She finally
allowed her eyes to track to Jason’s beaming face. Why did his smile always
look so mischievous? Or maybe she just never noticed it until she got to know
him. So full of life. So happy.

Her chest hurt
again, the dull ache of her broken heart. She took a deep breath, refusing to
allow another invasion of tears. There had been far too many and she was
determined never to cry again. Unrealistic perhaps, but the only way she was
coping enough to work these days.

She leaned her
head back against the shelf and closed her eyes.
Will I ever be able to make
it through a single day without this kind of pain? Everywhere I look, I see
their faces. On television, on newspapers, on magazine covers . . .
on cereal boxes, for crying out loud. Can’t I just make it through one hour
without these constant reminders?

“Excuse me, ma’am,
do you know where I could find a bag of rancid cranberries?”

Hannah looked up
into the smiling eyes of Laura McKenzie. “Laura,” she whispered jumping to her
feet, hiding the box behind her. She melted in Laura’s embrace. “What are you
doing here?”

“I haven’t been
able to get you off my mind for one single minute since I saw you at the
hospital yesterday. Are you okay?”

Hannah pushed her
hair back behind her ears. “As okay as I’m going to be for a while, I guess.” She
attempted a smile. She watched Laura’s eyes drift to the Wheaties box in her
hand. Laura reached for it, a knowing smile spreading across her face.

“Ah, I see you
have good taste in cereal. One of my personal favorites, I might add.”

“I was just
cleaning these shelves and there it was. I hadn’t seen it before.”

“I must have
bought twelve of these boxes. Keeping them sealed, you know. I figured that one
of these days my grandkids would want to see their crazy father’s picture on a
cereal box.” She stopped, searching Hannah’s face. “Oh Hannah, I’m so sorry. I
didn’t mean—”

Hannah took Laura’s
hand. “Laura, you don’t have a mean or malicious bone in your body. No need to
apologize.”

“Still, it was a
thoughtless thing to say. Look, do you have a few minutes? I’d really like to
talk if we could.”

Hannah looked at
her watch. “I was just getting ready to take my break, but I’m not sure this is
such a good time. I only have a few minutes and—”

“A few minutes will
do fine. Besides, there’s someone in the car who wants to see you,” Laura
smiled playfully.

Hannah’s eyes grew
wide. “Uh . . . I don’t think—”

“Well for heaven’s
sake—there I go again.” Laura shook her head. “Why don’t I just open wide and
put
both
feet in at the same time? Honestly, Hannah. I’m surprised you
aren’t kicking me out of here. No, no, it isn’t—well, just come on.” She
grabbed Hannah by the hand and started dragging her toward the front of the
store. Hannah set the Wheaties box on a shelf as she followed this determined
woman.

Kylie shot her a
questioning look as they passed the checkout counter. “Hannah? Where are you—”

“I’ll be right
back. I’m gonna take my break out . . . well, she . . .
oh, never mind.”

As Laura stepped
outside in front of her, Hannah could hear Kylie calling after them. “Who
is
that?”

The brisk January
air and bright sunshine made her blink. Laura held her hand firmly, tugging her
along against the chilling wind.

She heard the
yapping even before she saw the tiny little puppy. “Baby!”

Laura opened the
door to her car, careful to make sure Baby wouldn’t jump out. She reached for
the squirming puppy finally grasping her in her arms. “Look, Baby! Look who’s
here to see you!”

Hannah reached
out, scooping Baby into her arms. After the initial licking and feistiness, the
pup settled down, content for Hannah to hold her. Hannah snuggled her close,
kissing her miniature head. Baby answered with a quick lick to Hannah’s chin.
She smiled at the feel of it. “Hey, girl, how are you?” The dog responded with
a howl of delight, her chin jutting straight up in the cold morning air. Hannah
and Laura laughed at the sight.

“Hannah, come on. Jump
in. I’ll turn on the heater and we’ll be nice and comfortable.” Hannah followed
the suggestion, welcoming the shelter from the wind.

By the time Baby
settled into a cozy nest on Hannah’s lap, the car had warmed considerably. They
chattered on about the weather, Frank, Jackson . . . until
Hannah grew quiet, afraid where the conversation might be going. Finally, Laura
broke the silence.

“You know things
aren’t always as they seem to be.”

Hannah gazed
across at Jason’s mother, curious at the comment.

Laura continued.
“Sometimes we look at a situation and notice the obvious and make conclusions
based on that alone.”

“But—”

“But God has a way
of working in ways we can’t begin to understand. In fact, that’s what He does
best. Give him the obvious and—well, somehow I wonder if He isn’t maybe a little
bored
with the obvious. Where’s the challenge in that? But give Him what
seems to be an impossible set of circumstances, then back away and let Him go
to work. You never know what will happen.”

“Laura, what are
you trying to say?”

“Only that it’s
wrong for you to turn away and throw in the towel.”

Hannah shook her
head. “You make it sound simple. Like I can just hand all this over to God and
everything will work out perfectly.”

Laura tilted her
head to the side and raised one eyebrow. “I suppose it sounds that way because
that’s
exactly
what I’m saying.”

“But life is more
complicated than that, Laura. You and I both know that.”

“Of course it is.
I don’t mean to make it sound like a pie-in-the-sky belief system. But if we
truly believe God is who He says He is, then we have to be able to trust
Him—not just with the little things in our lives, but the big things as well.
The hard things. Just look at what happened with Jackson. Hannah, we almost
lost him. Yet I believe with all my heart that God heard our prayers—not just those
of us who are close to Jackson but all the thousands of his fans around the
world.”

Hannah looked down
at Baby, scratching her gently behind the ears. “I’m so glad he’s okay. I can’t
imagine what it’s been like for Alli. For his family. To come so close to
losing him.”

“But Alli never
gave up, did she? And Jackson’s family? They never once lost hope. They
believed he would come through it and he did.”

“But Laura, that’s
a whole different situation.”

“I know that,
Hannah.”

“I don’t even feel
worthy of comparing the two, to be honest.”

“I didn’t imply
that you should.”

Hannah looked out
the window, watching the wind blow a shopping cart swiftly across the lot. “Laura,
this whole crazy thing . . . it happened too fast. It was all
just too fast.” She paused. “And it ended even faster.”

“Nobody said it
was over.” Laura reached out and placed her hand over Hannah’s.

“How can you even
suggest that it’s not? The minute Jennifer walked into that hospital,
everything Jason and I had ended.
Everything
, Laura. In one split
second, it ended.”

She tried to
control the emotion boiling from deep inside, but she couldn’t. It was bad
enough to be snapping at Jason’s mother but to lose control was doubly
humiliating. “From the moment you walked into my store that night on Christmas
Eve, my whole world changed. Every thought, every dream, every breath I took
was forever changed. Falling in love with Jason has been—
was—
the most
wonderful thing that ever happened to me. I never—” Her breath caught, the dam
broke, and she didn’t even care any more. “I never in all of my life could have
imagined anything so beautiful and so pure and so—”

“Right?”

“Yes!
So
right
.
Being with Jason was . . . it felt so perfect. Like it was meant
to be. And now it’s—” She jerked her head away, holding up her palm toward
Laura while fighting her anger.

“It’s taken a
turn. That’s all, Hannah. Not a dead-end. Just a turn. Call it a detour. Jason
had no idea Jennifer had broken off her engagement to that attorney in Nashville.
He had no clue she’d show up at the hospital like that.”

“So she waltzes
back in the door and it’s like I never existed.”

“That’s not true.”

“Oh sure. And
that’s why he’s been knocking at my door and ringing my cell phone nonstop.”

Laura looked away.
Hannah’s heart ached for the answers she yearned to hear. Instead—silence.

“I can’t offer you
an explanation. I wish I could.” Laura drew a long breath. “Jason’s biggest
weakness wasn’t that hole in his heart, Hannah. It’s a heart that’s much too
tender. Ever since he was a little boy, he never wanted to hurt anyone’s
feelings or cause anyone pain. When he and Jennifer went their separate ways,
he suffered for over a year. Not because he regretted his decision, but because
he knew he had hurt her terribly. It wasn’t until he heard about her engagement
that he finally let himself off the hook about it. I tell you that because I
fear he doesn’t have the heart to hurt her all over again. She showed up to
support him in his hour of need—obviously not knowing
you
were there,
giving him all the support he could possibly need. And rather than hurt her all
over again—well, I pray he’ll be honest with her before he makes a huge
mistake.”

“I’m afraid your
prayer is too late.”

“I disagree. I
have faith in him. And Hannah, I refuse to stand by and watch you walk away
from what you and Jason had together.”

“Watch
me
walk away?” Hannah shot back, feeling a fresh wave of anger surge through her
veins. “I think you’re a little confused, Laura. Jason isn’t your little boy
anymore. You can’t tell him who he can play with and who he can’t. He’s a grown
man. He makes his own decisions. So stop trying to play God and leave us alone.”

Laura grew quiet.
The silence hung heavily between them. Baby whimpered, looking back and forth
between them.

Hannah wiped her
face, trying to regain her composure. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it
sounded.” She wiped her nose with the hem of her apron. “Look, I know you mean
well. I know your heart is in the right place. But I can’t handle this right now.
You’re Jason’s mother. And as much as I value our friendship, you will always
be Jason’s mother. I cannot separate you from him.”

“Precisely. Which
is exactly why you should listen to me! I know him better than anyone, whether
you think so or not. And all I’m trying to tell you is to give it a little
time. Give him a chance to—”

“A chance to what?
Another chance to break my heart all over again? To parade around with his perfect
girlfriend—who I happen to like, by the way. And why wouldn’t I? She’s perfect.
She’s gorgeous, she’s kind, she’s funny . . . she’s everything
he could possibly want.”

Hannah gathered
Baby in her arms. She hugged her then handed the tiny pooch to Laura. “I’m
sorry. I can’t . . . I just can’t talk to you anymore. It just
hurts too much.”

She shoved the
door open and jumped out of the car, slamming it behind her. She ran across the
parking lot to the store entrance, then hesitated. Remembering her keys were in
her pocket, she bolted toward her car. In seconds, she peeled out of the
parking lot and headed home.

Laura rubbed away
the fog on the window to watch Hannah make her pitiful escape. “Oh Lord, what
have I done? I should never have come here.” She closed her eyes as she tucked
Baby inside her coat, cradling her in its warmth. “Father, please keep Hannah
safe. Protect her. She’s such a precious child. I don’t think for a minute You
brought her into our lives as some sort of joke. You’re the only one who knows
what’s going on in all this. Help me know how to pray. For Jason, for Jennifer . . .
and for Hannah.”