Bo & Ember (17 page)

She sniffed. “I’m pregnant, Bo.”

A chuckle drenched in chest-bursting emotion poured from my mouth as I began to cry. There was no work up to this cry. It was open and flowing before I could consider holding it back. But I didn’t want to.

Suddenly, all the stresses and problems and emotional baggage of the last several weeks shot into space. My gorgeous, talented, smart, breathtakingly amazing wife was pregnant. With our child. A baby. Our baby.

I was speechless, smiling as my wife dried her tears and stared at me.

“You’re not … mad?” Her voice was small as she looked down.

Lifting her chin with my index finger, I said the truest words I’ve spoken since
I do
.

“Ember, you just made me the happiest man on planet Earth.”

“But the timing—“

“Fuck the timing,” I cut her off. “You should have felt what was going on inside me when Josh and Monica were here. I was so happy for them, and I realized that in the pit of my stomach was jealousy.”

She allowed a small smile. “Really?”

I laughed through still-falling tears. “Really. Ember, this is amazing. A baby.”

“The label…”

I shook my head and placed both hands on the side of her face. “Say something real. You’re talking about the things you think you should be worried about. Tell me how
you’re
feeling about this.”

A sob leaped from her throat as she smiled. “I’m so happy, Bo. I love this baby so much already I don’t even know what to do with myself. I’m sorry I kept this from you.”

I pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to. Things have been stressful and I haven’t been leaning on you like I promised I would. Jesus, Ember, I love you so much right now I don’t even know what to
do
with
mysel
f.”

Ember yawned. “Lay down with me?”

I leaned back and kept her close to my chest. Ember reached her arm behind her and grabbed my hand. Interlacing her fingers with mine, she brought our hands to the spot on her stomach just below her bellybutton.

There were no words. Just tears. Happy, beautiful, exhausting tears that ushered us into a deep sleep.

“Nervous?” the pleasant-looking nurse asked as she took Ember’s blood pressure.

Ember nodded. “Yes. This is all happening kind of fast.”

Ember called the doctor the morning after telling me she was pregnant. They scheduled an appointment four-weeks out, but called back in the afternoon to tell us there had been a cancellation. Neither one of us slept the night before coming in.

The nurse smiled as she made some notes on the computer chart. “Well, don’t worry. We’ll take good care of you. Okay, get comfortable. Since you’ve missed two periods, you’re probably at least eight weeks along. The doctor will try to pick up a picture with the external wand, but if it’s having trouble, he’ll do the internal. For that we’d have you change into a gown, but don’t worry about it for now.”

Ember had warned me about the internal ultrasound. She Googled about first doctor's appointments in pregnancy. She was less than thrilled at the prospect, but her face relaxed as the nurse told her that might not be an issue after all.

In the few minutes we had alone before the doctor came in, Ember laid back and turned to face me.

“It’s all going to get real in a few minutes.” She exhaled and I could tell she was still quite nervous based on her shaky breath.

I took her hand, covering my own nerves with a deep breath. To be honest, I was more excited than nervous.

“When do you want to tell your parents?” I asked after kissing her hand.

Ember threw her hand on her forehead. “Oh God, I don’t know. When should we tell Yardley? We have to tell her. This will affect the tour and shit, won’t it? I don’t even know.”

“How about we just wait until this appointment is over before we start making all kinds of plans? One step at a time sound good?”

Ember smiled as she exhaled. “It sounds perfect.”

Both of us had been so crazy busy over the last year, the thought of taking something one step at a time really felt like a security blanket.

There was a knock at the door, and a tall, young-looking male doctor entered the room. I shifted in my seat a little. I’d never really considered the gender of doctors much before that moment, and suddenly I was
very
aware of his.

At least it’s not Beckett … or Adrian.

“Good morning, I’m Dr. Orson.” He smiled gently and sat on a chair next to Ember, taking a few minutes to get a general medical history, and, it seemed, to get to know us a bit.

I liked him after all.

“Let’s get started then, shall we? Lift up your shirt a bit, please.”

Ember did as instructed, and had to shift her skirt down a bit, too. The doctor squeezed some Vaseline-looking stuff on her stomach, and placed the wand down right over it.

“It’s cold,” Ember whispered as she fought a giggle.

The doctor smiled and turned his attention to the screen in front of him.

“Okay,” he said after a few seconds. “Take a look at the screen in front of you.” He flipped a switch and a flat-screen TV mirrored the image on the small screen attached to the ultrasound machine.

Ember gasped and moved her arm behind her head to lift it up bit.

“What?” I asked, feeling completely clueless.

“Look. On the right is the head and, then, the rest of the body.” She pointed to the screen like she’d never been more sure of anything.

“That’s right,” Dr. Orson agreed. He moved a mouse-looking thing around and drew some lines over the picture. “Here is the head, and this is the rest of the body, just like she said. You’re measuring about nine weeks. Do you see that little flutter in the center?”

I leaned forward and squinted my eyes. “I see it.”

“That’s the heartbeat.”

Ember’s hand left mine and moved to her mouth as she teared up.

“Want to hear it?” the doctor asked.

“Yes!” Ember and I answered at the same time.

Dr. Orson flipped a switch, and suddenly the room was filled with the rapid rhythmic thumping of a tiny heart.

I’ve been into music for as long as I can remember. I’ve heard and played almost every kind there is. Suddenly, everything suffered in quality when compared to the sound of the strong heartbeat of our baby.

Ember and I were in a trance for what felt like forever. Soon, the doctor clicked off the screen, turned off the sound, and printed a few pictures for us to take home. We were ushered to the receptionist, where we made an appointment for four weeks out, and received a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

On the drive home, Ember and I had foolish grins on our faces.

“Can we wait to tell people from Grounded Sound?” she asked, sounding hesitant. “I just want to get the album produced first. I know we have a contract, but I’m due in June and that’s when the tour starts. It kind of changes things.”

I reached across the car and put my hand on her thigh. “Absolutely.”

“I’m also not telling my parents yet. I just want to sit and breathe with this for a while.” Ember bit her lip as she smiled and looked at her still-flat stomach.

“You know,” she said after a moment of silence. “I didn’t completely hate being on the road with my parents so much.”

I lifted my chin and chuckled. “What are you thinking?”

Ember arched her eyebrow. “I’m thinking I have a little perspective on why my parents made the choices they did. I got to live all over the place, which was bearable because Willow was always there. I’m not saying that I want to do
that
with our baby, but … I don’t know, at least before they’re in school we can still do lots of traveling.”

“I think that’s a great idea, love.” It warmed my heart to watch Ember transform into a mother right before my eyes.

The baby wasn’t here yet, but Ember looked drastically different than she did two days ago. There was a protective calmness on her face.

“What? Could you pay attention to the road?” Ember pointed to the windshield.

“Sorry. I was just thinking how much you look like your mom lately.” It rolled off my tongue so easily, I hadn’t considered that she might find a problem with it.

Ember was quiet for a moment then rested her head back against her seat. “Thank you,” she whispered through a yawn.

Later that evening, Ember and I lounged in our bed and stared at our baby’s first picture, falling asleep as we laughed about names and whether it would be a boy or a girl. While I always thought I’d want a son, since women scare the hell out of me, the thought of raising a daughter with Ember that had a fraction of her heart was enough to make me reconsider my preferences.

The next day, Ember and I were knee-deep in a stressful recording session. We’d finished our first week without so much as a hiccup. Week two, it turned out, was somewhat of a black hole. Yardley was here with Beckett all week, and Ember seemed off. She said she was just tired, but I wondered if she was internalizing my slow adjustment to a new life in my old house.

“I’d like to hear it one more time from Ember’s intro.” Yardley adjusted some things on the control panel, and Ember took notice. And offense.

“What are you doing?” Ember nearly snapped. “When people listen to us on the radio or an album it needs to sound nearly identical to what it sounds like when we’re live.”

Yardley took a deep breath and smiled into the mic. “I was adjusting the volume. Don’t worry, I know what sound you guys have, and what we need to record. I’m the one who signed you, remember?” With a wink, Yardley clicked off the mic once more and nodded to us to start.

I placed my hand on Ember’s knee, beckoning her attention. Covering the mic, I whispered, “Are you okay?” I knew Ember still wanted to wait a while before revealing the pregnancy, but her temper was making it difficult.

The tops of her cheeks reddened slightly. “Yeah … sorry. I need to get some damn sleep tonight before I screw this up for both of us, huh?” She grinned and situated herself on her stool.

We were playing the guitar together in the song. We strummed once to tune, and then picked up where Yardley asked. Ember pulled it together for the rest of the verse, resulting in an appreciative nod from Yardley and Beckett in the booth.

Working with Beckett, it turned out, wasn’t so bad after all. He had an incredible depth of recording knowledge, constantly reminding me of the kind of musical royalty, so to speak, that Ember came from. She was born and raised among some of the most talented and influential indie musicians of the last two decades, and she and her friends were heirs to the musical throne. By agreeing to tour with her family last year, and by signing the contract with Grounded Sound, Ember was surrendering to her birthright. Betrothed to the notes, my wife was stepping into a life she’d fought against for so long.

And damn it if she didn’t carry it with the grace of a queen. Of course, the surge in poise I’d seen from her could have been, in part, due to the pregnancy. Every day Ember seemed to be more comfortable in her own skin, as if being a mother was something she’d always been meant to do. She had always been confident and classy, but there was this fierce serenity about her that screamed
woman
, and it was hot.

I strummed the last note, my heart pounding not at the adrenaline of the song, but at the way Ember’s lips formed a perfect “O” as she sang the last note. Despite her obvious sexiness, Ember carried a strength that I hadn’t ever taken for granted. Until now, it seemed, since I was so floored by it.

“Perfect, guys. My
lord,
you two are gold.” Yardley’s molasses-thick southern accent put an instant smile on Ember’s face.

“Well, aren’t you sweet,” Ember teased back in her best Yardley interpretation. The two of them had spent all week playfully mocking the differences in their vernacular.

Yardley stepped out of the control room, leaving Beckett to work on a few things. She walked toward us with excited intent in her slightly small eyes.

“I’d like you two to come to the city next week if that’s okay.” Ember and I looked at each other with wide eyes, and Yardley cut us both off. “I know it’s sooner than planned, but I’d like to do a special in-studio session. You know, get a couple of listeners from the contest on our website, throw in a few writers from music columns … it’ll get some buzz going. This album is coming together so quickly, we’ll have to move up the release date.”