Bookish (25 page)

“No,” I croaked, opening my eyes, “I’m sorry.”

His gaze snapped down and his eyes met mine. “Aubrey! You’re awake. Hang on, I’m going to get the nurse.”

He tried to let my hand go, set it down, but I wouldn’t let him. “Don’t go,” I whispered and he didn’t argue. There must have been something in my voice that let him know I needed him to stay.

All the positivity and hope I’d kept clutched to my chest like a poker player was gone now. It had all been taken from me, first with Auntie Abby’s death and then with the attack.

I remembered the attack. Drake. My friend. My fucked up junkie friend.

Isaac being here, him saving me…it wasn’t filling me up with the same kind of senseless optimism that I’d possessed previously, but he was planting a seed somewhere along the edge of my brittle heart.

The little seed of hope that, if given time, would grow into something much more profound than the meaningless feelings I’d had before. It would grow into a faith in the world based on real life, rooted in reality and love, not based on my school girl fleeting fantasies.

There was nothing romantic about this kind of hope, it wouldn’t be found in any romance novel on the shelves of Marta’s shop. This kind of hope, if it were allowed to grow, would end up becoming the foundation for a new outlook on life.

Isaac’s love would help me grow, it would define me, and it would nourish me until I could hope and love on my own.

Until then I needed him, and that terrified me.

“I missed you,” I whispered and he bent his ear close.

“I missed you too, love,” he whispered back and kissed my cheek. “I was a stupid, stupid man. I let my family dictate my life and I let the media ruin something that was simply the best thing I’d ever had. I knew from the get go that it wasn’t you, but I let everyone around me sway my opinion.”

I tried to speak again, but my throat was too dry and I was too tired. He held up a cup of ice water and bent the straw for me to sip. I felt helpless and ridiculous, but not self conscious in front of him.

Our intimacy had grown to such a level that I was unapologetic about being in this state.

After I drank, I felt a little more revived. I held his hand tight and said, “How did you find me?”

“I heard about Auntie Abby from Jane. I am so sorry I wasn’t there for you during that time too, love. I will never forgive myself for letting you down.”

“But you saved me,” I smiled, “I think that makes up for anything really. In fact you probably get a free pass on a couple birthdays or Christmases too.”

He laughed and stroked my cheek. “I think we both know I have a lifetime of gifts to give, to make up for this.”

“I forgive you,” I said, “if you forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he said.

“Same here, there’s nothing to forgive.”

“I love you,” he said, “and nothing will change that now.”

“I love you too,” I replied and closed my eyes. “Now tell me how you saved me.”

“I found out too late about the funeral…”

“Celebration of life,” I corrected him.

He laughed, “Yes, that does sound more like Auntie Abby. You know I didn’t know her well but I loved your crazy aunt. I loved her for raising you and caring for you.”

“She liked you,” I said.

“I was too late for that, and I didn’t know how you’d react if I showed up afterwards, with all those people there. So I waited until everyone was gone. I got back to your place and saw a light come on in the living room. When I knocked there was no sound, but I thought I heard you scream. That was it for me, the door was open, I came in, saw that piece of shit on top of you and saw red.”

“Where is he now?”

“He’s in jail, and pretty beat up,” he said, “they think he killed Auntie Abby too.”

“I know he did. He was looking for money, he’s a junkie.”

“Do you know him?” Isaac asked.

“I do,” I said, suddenly feeling embarrassed, as though I’d cheated on him. “I actually hung around him, he is a family friend I guess you could say.”

“Did you date him?” Isaac asked slowly, and immediately added, “No, don’t even answer that, I don’t want to know. I don’t deserve to know.”

“I didn’t,” I said, “Auntie Abby insisted I go out because I was moping over you, but it was clear from the first ten minutes that we were only going to be friends.”

“Some friend,” Isaac said, sorrow in his voice, “None of this would have happened if…”

“Don’t finish that train of thought,” I said, pushing myself up, “It happened. Nobody but Drake is to blame. Remember that.”

Isaac’s jaw clenched and I saw a tic appear, a small cord of muscle that twitched as he ground his teeth. “I love you for saying that,” he told me, “but I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.”

“Why don’t you just stick around and find out then? Maybe after a hundred amazing birthday presents or backrubs or…” my voice trailed off and my cheeks flamed red.

“Or what?” he asked, intrigued and amused at my reaction.

“Or orgasms,” I said in a low voice. “Maybe if you make me come like a million times, you’ll learn to move on.”

“I’m up for that challenge,” he said and leaned over to kiss me.

My lips were dry, but he didn’t seem to mind. It felt foreign at first, having him kissing me again, but I soon warmed up to it.

I almost felt guilty wanting him so much, wanting this pleasure while my aunt’s ashes were scattered along the rocks by the ocean.

But her voice echoed in my head, to be positive and to be happy. I knew above all else, living life in the shadows would be disrespectful to everything she stood for.

Living like this, in the bright sunlight in the middle of my life in Isaac’s arms, that’s what she would have wanted. She’d want that for me, and I owed it to her to let it happen.

So I let the events of the past few days shed from me like a lizard sheds its skin. I let myself melt into Isaac’s arms and I let myself feel the love flow over me.

I loved him, he loved me, and we’d finally found each other again.

And that put things in a pretty damn positive light.

Chapter Thirty Three

“Are you sure about this?” Isaac asked, holding my hand as we walked up the steps to Auntie Abby’s house. I wasn’t sure, I didn’t want to go back there but they just let me out of the hospital and I had to check on things.

I’d only been in there for two nights, but he hadn’t left my side. I was still sore, and my throat was hoarse and badly bruised, I was sporting one heck of a black bruise on my left temple, but otherwise I was okay.

Nothing permanent, the doctors assured me.

But Isaac wouldn’t take that as a good sign, he wouldn’t be happy until I was as good as new.

I hesitated as we got to the front door, seeing her body and Drake’s enraged face as I approached.

I didn’t know if I could ever think of this as home ever again. I wanted to, to honor her memory, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to relax in here.

“Let’s just do this,” I said, took a deep breath and went inside.

Nothing much had changed, there was more evidence of police investigation, blue fingerprint powder and the tell tale boot marks across the carpet from all the people coming and going.

Still, the place felt changed to me. Something had been altered, the fabric of my reality had been torn in this house, and even though I was slowly stitching it back together, I could see the tear.

“Are you all right, love?” Isaac asked and pulled me towards him. I pressed my face against his chest and listened to his heart as if to prove he was here.

“I don’t know,” I replied, “I just don’t know anymore.”

“Come to my place,” he said, “We’ll get your things, pay Marta to keep watching the cats, and you come with me.”

“I don’t know,” I replied, “I feel like I’d be abandoning Auntie Abby.”

“I’m texting Marta,” he insisted, “and you should help me pack some things or I’ll end up bringing along ten pairs of pants and one shirt.”

I laughed, “Okay, I’ll get everything together and you see if Marta can continue to feed the beasties.”

Half an hour later, Marta was parked on my bed watching me order Isaac around.

“That pink sweater,” I said and pointed at my closet, ”And I think we might be finished.”

“You’ve got him so well trained,” Marta teased, “I’ll have to find out your secret. Although at my age, somebody like Isaac would probably give me a heart attack so I think I’ll stick with the cats.”

“Are you sure you want to move in here?” I asked her.

“My lease is up anyways,” she said, “the bookstore doesn’t bring in enough for me to pay a mortgage these days, so this will be nice.”

I sat down beside her and gave her a tight hug. She meant so much to me, and I never really let her know.

“Thank you for this,” I said, “you’re a life saver. Well, a cat saver.”

“Thank you,” Marta replied, “I’ve always wanted a herb garden.”

“Stay as long as you want,” Isaac told her, “I don’t want Aubrey coming back here on her own. I have a feeling she’ll be bunking with me for a while.”

The way he said it, with that perfect crisp accent and his authoritative tone…it made me feel almost normal for a moment. I felt a little shiver race along my spine and I realized this was it.

I was moving in with Isaac.

“I’ll be back for some more things,” I said, “but I’ll give you plenty of notice so you can hide the bongs and get rid of the guys you’re sneaking in.”

She laughed and told me it would always be my house. I hugged her again and we left. As Isaac pulled away, his little sports car packed to the brim with my clothes, I felt lighter than I had in a long while.

***

It was funny, just like those days that you’ll never forget, life gives you long, lazy days that blend together, one after the other, until you wake up one morning and realize time has passed without your consideration.

That’s how it was living with Isaac. Everything fell into a pattern so easily with him that I didn’t notice how I slowly healed, physically and emotionally, and one day was able to laugh again.

And love again. It had been three weeks of Isaac’s careful touches and gentle words before I could open up to him again.

I hadn’t even planned it, it just happened. I’d been at work helping Marta take stock, and I was tired when I got home. Isaac had been meeting with his agent to rearrange his schedule. He was serious, he wasn’t going anywhere without me, and if Marta couldn’t give me the time off, he would cancel.

I was curled up on the sofa looking out over the lights of the harbour, thinking about how time seemed to have bled out since the traumatic events that had occurred. He came home, stunning and cheerful as usual, and it hit me just how lucky I was.

I don’t know what came over me, but I grabbed him the moment he set the Chinese take out on the counter and I kissed him.

I guess I should say I climbed him like a spider monkey on a tree would be a more apt description.

But I kissed him, and as our tongues lingered and slid along each other, and as my hands moved over the rippled landscape of his incredible body, I felt things slipping back into place.

Like that, life felt evenly balanced and normal again.

“Don’t you want to have dinner?” Isaac asked as I stepped back. “Aren’t you hungry, love?”

I looked him up and down and felt a surge of desire rise inside of me. “I am starving,” I grinned and pulled my tee shirt off over my head, “but I don’t want food.”

I extended my arm, held the shirt out and let it fall to the floor.

I wasn’t wearing a bra.

Isaac drew his breath in sharply, looked at me, and let his eyes fall to my breasts. “Are you sure about this? I can wait,” he told me. I could see the growing bulge in his jeans that told me he didn’t want to.

“I think making you wait would be cruel and unusual punishment,” I said and stepped towards him, “and I don’t want to punish anyone. I never did. I’m tired of it, even punishing myself for wanting this.” I grabbed the rock hard ridge in his pants to emphasize my point.

He exhaled slowly and said, “Ms. Britton I have to warn you.”

“Warn me of what, Mr. James?” I purred and slid my hand along that ridge.

“If I kiss you, I’m going to touch your breasts. And if I touch your breasts, I’m going to eat your pussy,” he said grabbing me and holding me against his body.

“Yes?” I said airily, belying my deep need for his touch. My panties were soaked through and through and I was waiting for him to continue.

“And if I eat your pussy,” he said close to my ear, his breath was hot and insistent, “I’m going to fuck you. And if I fuck you, I’ll never stop. You’ll have to put up with being thoroughly fucked every day for years and years to come.”

“Years and years,” I replied with a grin, “That’s it?”

“Decades even,” he said in a low, harsh voice and dipped his head to kiss my collarbone.

“I could handle decades, Mr. James,” I sighed, “I could handle them just fine.”

“Could you?” he smiled up at me, “Excellent.”

He moved lower and cupped my breasts in his huge hands. He held them tenderly and began to suck on one of my nipples while rolling the other in his fingers.

I felt a jolt of electric sensation travel through my body and zap my clit. I groaned and arched against him, silently begging him to take me, fuck me, make me his again.

As if reading my thoughts, he suddenly lifted me up onto the counter next to the Chinese take out. I gasped and he pushed my thighs apart. He hiked my skirt up to my hips and tore my panties off.

I was getting better with the sexy underwear, but would have to remember to buy a few replacements if Isaac was in the panty tearing mood.

“Oh Ms. Britton,” he growled, “How I’ve missed this.”

He bent lower and ran his tongue along my inner thigh. He quickly found my soaking wet cleft and parted my lips, sucking and licking as he went.

I moaned and had to brace myself so I wouldn’t fall back. He found my clit immediately, sliding his tongue back and forth in a continuous assault on my senses. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed this until it was happening.