The look of disbelief and pain on his face was tearing her apart. She had to end it quickly, before her resolve collapsed and she poured out the truth to him.
Stunned by her cruel outburst, Harry could only wonder if she had lost her mind.
She insisted, ‘I need to hear you say it, Harry Blake! I need you to tell me that you will never bother me again.’
He took a moment, then ‘If that’s what you want,’ he replied firmly. ‘You have my word, you will never see or hear from me again.’ He was broken by her admission that she had never loved him.
That,
above all else, had touched him deep.
‘I’m glad you’ve got the message!’ She spoke with conviction.
Throwing the chair back so hard that it fell over, she ran out of the café and away down the street, the tears blinding her as she ran. ‘I’m sorry … I didn’t want to hurt you like that. Forgive me! I love you, Harry! I didn’t know what else to do!’
Running into the alley, she threw herelf on
the ground and sobbed until her heart might break.
A moment later
he
was there, filling the alley with his presence, praising her. ‘You did well.’ Saunders had delighted in her performance. ‘I never knew you could be so cruel,’ he said.
‘I’ve had a good master.’ Judy couldn’t even look at him. ‘Go away, Phil. Leave me be.’
‘Get up!’
She ignored him.
‘I said … GET UP!’
When she continued
to ignore him, he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her up. ‘I’ve decided not to work today,’ he informed her as he marched her to the car. ‘You and me need to have a word. I heard snatches of you and him in there … some of which needs explaining. But not yet. It’s been such an exciting day, I’ve a thirst on me like an elephant. So, while I’m enjoying a few well-earned bevvies, you’ve got time to
think about what was said in
there, because when we get back, I’ll be asking questions.’ He turned to stare at her. ‘I’ll know if you’re telling me the truth.’
At the car he opened the door and threw her inside, slamming the door shut behind her.
Judy said nothing during the drive. Crippled inside by what she had done to Harry, she slowly came to realise how little her life meant, and that if
she didn’t make a stand, it would go on getting ever smaller, until the day when she either ended it, or it was ended for her.
She could hear Phil Saunders laughing and talking beside her, and occasionally he would touch her knee, but she seemed far removed from it all. She felt different, as though she was changing inside.
Just now, when Harry had kissed her, it seemed to breathe life back
into her sorry soul. That warm, familiar feel of his mouth on hers was a beautiful, strangely healing experience. And when he wrapped his strong, gentle hands around hers, she had felt a resurgence of the strength she believed she had lost for ever. It was still there! Tears of happiness welled in her eyes.
The old Judy was still there!
For a fleeting moment she felt real joy and pride; something
precious that she had not felt since a child – or maybe it was a sense of innocence. What had happened was not her fault. She promised herself now:
the bad thing was not her fault
. The feeling of relief from this powerful revelation was indescribable. It changed everything.
‘We’ll stop off at the Bedford Arms.’ His voice was invasive. ‘I feel like celebrating.’
Alan was outside sweeping the
pavement. ‘Hello!’ Surprised to see them, he asked Phil, ‘Why aren’t you at work?’
Saunders was a practised liar. ‘Had a bit of a tummy bug,’ he answered, climbing out of the car. ‘Thought a pint might settle it.’
Alan swept the fallen leaves into a corner. ‘You’d best come inside then.’
Going straight to the bar, Saunders ordered two pints for himself. ‘Line ’em up,’ he told Alan. ‘The first
one won’t touch the sides. Anyway, I reckon I’ll be here for a while … got things to celebrate.’ His laughter echoed through the snug. ‘It ain’t often you rid yourself of an enemy without even lifting a finger, is it, eh?’
Alan had long ago given up trying to understand this man. ‘If you say so,’ he replied. ‘Look, I’d best get back outside … finish
my sweeping and keep an eye out. I could be
had up for letting you drink out of hours. You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll not tell,’ Phil smirked. ‘That’d be like killing the golden goose.’ He glanced around. ‘Hey! Where’s Judy gone?’
‘Into the back for a cuppa with Pauline – talking women’s stuff, I expect.’
‘Hmm.’ Losing interest, Phil picked up his pint and tipped half of it down his throat. Licking his lips, he leaned
his elbows on the bar and belched. ‘Bugger your cuppa. This is the life,’ he chuckled. ‘Beats working any day.’
Pauline was glad to see Judy. ‘Hiya, sunshine,’ she called as Judy came in. ‘So what’s going on then?’ She had been ironing for almost an hour when she saw the car drive up.
‘Why isn’t Phil at work?’ She was curious. ‘And where have you been, all done up like that?’ She observed the
dirty marks and scuffs on Judy’s best dress. ‘You obviously went somewhere special, and then it all went wrong. So, how did your clothes get spoiled?’ She glanced at Judy’s feet and was shocked. ‘For pity’s sake, love, look! Your foot’s bleeding … and where’s your shoe?’
Horrified, she put the iron down and switched it off. ‘It’s
him
, isn’t it?’ She made a sour face. ‘What’s that bastard gone
and done now, eh?’ You’d best tell me, Judy, or I swear I’ll go out there and raise holy hell!’
Judy had kept her composure up to now, but seeing Pauline’s genuine concern, she could hold out no longer. Her face crumpled and the tears she had tried so hard to keep back flowed down her face.
‘Help me, Pauline,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘Please help me.’ As two comforting arms held her tight, Judy
sobbed like a child. ‘I had to do it,’ she kept saying. ‘I had to do it.’
‘Hey, come on, now.’ Pauline knelt on the floor beside her. ‘I can’t help you, sweetheart,’ she said tenderly, ‘not unless you tell me what’s on your mind.’
Judy looked into that kindly face and she knew she could trust her. ‘I did a bad thing today,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to do it, but
he
made me.’
‘What did he make
you do? Tell me!’ Pauline urged. ‘You must not be afraid of him any more. He’s sick in his mind, you must know that.’ She held Judy tight. ‘You’re such a sweet little thing. Somewhere you took a wrong turn. What happened to you, Judy? Why do you think so little of yourself? What in God’s name made you marry a man like that?’
Judy drew herself away, wanting to tell Pauline everything, but afraid
to; always afraid. So many innocent people would be hurt. She didn’t want that. She never wanted that.
She forced herself to look back over her life, to when it all started; that downward slide into a trap that was designed by Phil Saunders.
When she was just a child she was happy and loved, and her life was perfect; until one day, when she was badly damaged by someone she trusted. Then her
whole world fell apart. There was no more love. No more trust. There would never be again, from that day to this.
All the way back there, in her teenage years; that was the start of it all. And there was no one she dared tell.
Then Harry was there; Harry whom she so adored, and whom she deceived. She could not tell him the awful truth. So when she found out the consequences of that badness,
she lied to Harry, and as he so rightly claimed, she risked him being sent to prison. For that, she would never forgive herself.
Having let the young woman sob herself quiet, Pauline offered, ‘Let’s get you cleaned up. Change into a pair of my shoes, since we’re the same size, and then we’ll go somewhere, just you and me.’
Taking hold of Judy’s shoulders, she gently pushed her back until they
were face to face. Observing the tear-stained grey eyes, Pauline felt a surge of compassion.
‘Whatever it takes, I’ll help you put it right,’ she promised her. ‘Don’t be afraid.’
A short time later, Judy was washed and tidied up, and comfortable in Pauline’s black low-heeled shoes. ‘I can’t wear them tall things you favour,’ Pauline laughed when Judy shrank another inch. ‘Besides, I’m tall enough
as it is.’
Interrupting their conversation, his voice slurred with booze, Saunders called from the bar. ‘What are you two doing in there? I’m ready for the off. Judy! We’re away now. Say goodbye to Pauline.’
The two women looked at each other. ‘Tell him no,’ Pauline advised. ‘Tell him I’m taking you out shopping or something.’
She was disappointed when Judy shook her head.
‘Oh, Judy! I thought
we’d settled all that … you running at his every command.’ She confronted Judy. ‘I’m worried about you, love. I need you to confide in me, so’s we can put right whatever’s haunting you. I’m here to help you. Phil Saunders is a bully, and I’m so afraid he might hurt you badly one day. Listen to me, please,
Judy. You don’t have to do anything he says. And you must not be afraid. It’s what he feeds
on.’
Pauline was puzzled when Judy stared at her for what seemed an age; looking at her yet not looking at her, as though she was turning something over in her mind. ‘I have to go now,’ she said softly, almost to herself. ‘You mustn’t worry, Pauline.’
‘
Judy!
WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? MUST I COME IN AND GET YOU?’ His voice grated on their conversation yet again.
Pauline yelled back, ‘
You’d better
not come barging in here, matey … not unless you want a frying-pan across your scrawny neck
!’ she warned. ‘
I’ll have you know, these are our private quarters
!’
Judy slid her two arms round the older woman’s neck. ‘It’s all right,’ she whispered. ‘I promise, I won’t be afraid any more.’
Finally, after being trodden down by years of guilt and submission, that core of courage, once lost inside
her, was beginning to re-emerge.
As he drove her to the home she had come to detest, she could hear Phil Saunders talking and swearing, and calling her all the filthy names he could lay his tongue to. She thought it strange, how he did not matter any more; she wasn’t even aware of what he was grumbling about. Nor did she notice the dangerous way he drove, swerving and speeding and almost knocking
the teatime paper-boy off his bike.
All she could think of was the distraught look on Harry’s face when she said all those terrible things to him.
It made her realise how low she had sunk. It brought home to her just how much of a hold Saunders had got on her, and how he manipulated her, sometimes without her even knowing it.
How could he say he loved her, when he treated her like a dog, a
whore, and a servant to be ordered here and there; doing things that pleased him; sending her on errands that not only made her as bad a liar as he was, but also degraded her sense of decency?
The more she thought about it, the more angry she got: a cold, hard anger that was born out of desperation, and a controlled loathing of this creature she had married.
This time though, Phil Saunders had
gone too far. He had overstepped the line; belittled her, made her attack someone who had only ever loved her. Harry was a wonderful man whom she had used for her own purposes, and now she had used him again – because Phil Saunders had made her.
She thought about that. Phil had made her lie to Harry, made her hurt him and use him, just as she had done all those years
before. Her act of treachery
had sent Harry away then, and it would do the same again.
If she let it!
Suddenly, she knew what she must do, and she would do it without any hesitation.
It was time for Saunders to pay the price.
Time and again, fight after fight, she had always lost to him; but not this time. This time, it was Saunders who had lost!
Her mind was made up. She felt an incredible sense of relief.
Whatever
price she had to pay, she would pay it gladly.
There would be no turning back.
Amy was concerned. ‘Good grief! You look like death warmed up,’ she exclaimed as Harry returned to the store. ‘Are you ill, or what?’
‘No, I’m fine, Amy, thanks.’ But he was not fine. He was in shock; devastated by all those dreadful things Judy had said; things that weren’t even true. Judy knew how it had been,
yet she shifted all the blame onto him. How could she do that?
He had a feeling there was more to it than met the eye. Judy had been different somehow. She was all right one minute, and then she seemed to go crazy. He had nearly gone after her, but decided it would only make things worse. And anyway, more importantly, he had promised to leave her alone.
He cast his mind back. That’s exactly
how it was back then, he recalled. We were talking, making plans, and then she went for me like a tiger, claws out, saying I’d taken advantage of her when she was only fourteen, and now her life was in tatters and she would never forgive me.
He had been deeply disturbed by her lies then, and now he had that same feeling. I always thought there was more to it than she would admit, he thought now.
But what about today? Where had all
that
vicious anger come from? And why?
When Amy came back from the office, Harry quickly composed himself. ‘I was just wondering where Len had got to?’
Amy chuckled. ‘Wonder no longer, because he’s up in the office as we speak. He’ll be down in a minute and ready to go. Okay, Harry? Will that do you?’
‘Thanks, Amy.’ He returned her smile. ‘I’m ready to leave
right now. I could do with blowing away the cobwebs.’
Amy worried about him. He was not the same Harry Blake who had left the store just a short time ago, smiling and chatting with
that pretty blonde woman. She couldn’t help but wonder what had gone on between the two of them, to make him seem so down.
In no time at all, Harry and Len were on their way to the first call. ‘What a morning I’ve
had!’ Len complained all the way. ‘Dealing with suppliers, pacifying creditors and extracting money from bad payers.’ Blowing his face out in a great sigh, he went on. ‘This is the part of the day I like best. Chatting to the ordinary customer on the ground … my ladies of the back streets.’ One in particular, he thought excitedly.