Born Different (8 page)

Whether he
admitted it to himself or not, Johnny wanted to be like the object
of his mum’s desire, someone with so much money that it turned
heads, believing that money was so powerful it would even turn the
head of a mother away from her child. But this was a warped concept
of course, as not every woman is like that, even though Johnny’s
mum definitely was. Maybe deep down, Johnny thought that one day he
might even have enough money to buy his mum back.

Johnny’s real
dad had been kind, talented but now he was broke, depressed, alone
and people just treated him like shit, especially Johnny’s mother,
so Johnny had done the sums and got his answer.

Gradually,
almost without them even noticing it, Johnny had started employing
the others here and there. Johnny justified everything so well,
that at first they didn’t even notice the blurring lines as they
dipped into criminal activity. But now Johnny was playing with fire
big time. Johnny was always so calm and confident about his
wheeling and dealing, but the others weren’t, however much they
tried to pretend that they were, as they were all only too well
aware of the potential consequences.

Gabe knew all
three of them well and he understood why they did the things that
they did and he felt compassion towards them. Gabe knew that they
had protected him from the worst of the bullying and in that
respect he owed them a lot. But Gabe felt like he had repaid the
dues for that now, way over, he didn’t have to be indebted forever
for their protection. Did he? Perhaps on face value, if he met them
now for the first time, he might not even like them, or more than
likely be totally petrified of them. But because Gabe knew where
they were coming from, everything they did made some sense.

Gabe thought
that most people tended to keep the worst of their backgrounds a
secret, they only ever exposed the best bits, the highlights. But
then, do you ever really know them? Can you ever
really
love
someone if you do not know their frailty, their fragility, their
path and their own individual struggle? Gabe knew the good and bad
and ugly facts about his friends. They may have thought that they
had chosen their paths too, but they, like Gabe, only really had
the path there in front of them. There were no other options. Not
yet, perhaps never. Their lives were unpredictable, although
everyone else just predicted the worse.

Another text
message came through and Gabe said a prayer to no one in
particular, just a voicing out there into the atmosphere. “Just one
last time and I promise never to do anything like this ever again.
From now on I will paint and draw and earn what little money I can
properly! If you
really
don’t want me to do this, then
please give me a sign.”

Gabe waited,
but there was no sign for him not to go ahead in the direction he
was going. There was no instant, sparkling, magical pocket full of
money. No raining of one hundred dollar bills, no visible rainbow
to chase leading to a pot of gold. There was no divine inspiration
whatsoever.

Gabe didn’t
know why he should feel so torn. Money was money after all, wasn’t
it? Why was it that he believed that if he was good, then good
things might happen to him? And, conversely, that if he was bad
then the shit would hit the fan? Something along the lines of
karma. Gabe knew that this theory was flawed but it was just the
way that he felt and he couldn’t change it. Even if this wasn’t
what happened in the real world and it didn’t seem apply to anyone
else, as people that did bad things seemed to have great to
fabulous lives in the modern world, something still made Gabe
believe that it did apply to him. In fact, as far as Gabe could
tell the opposite of karma seemed to be true, in the short term at
least.

Not only was
Gabe cursed with wings, he thought, but he was cursed with some
kind of ‘good complex’ which pissed him off more than anything as
it would have been easier to just live without that, like everybody
else did.

But mainly,
goodness and badness aside, Gabe was just far too inconspicuous to
be a criminal, even a petty one. Gabe knew his ‘job’ in the gang
was as a decoy; no one suspected or liked to suspect, a disabled
looking young man. But that wouldn’t last forever and now it felt
more like a game of Russian Roulette. There was now the very real
chance that, God forbid, he got the bullet next time. Got himself
arrested, strip searched, handled by a stranger! Gabe, who couldn’t
bear anyone touching him let alone seeing him! No, he couldn’t
afford to be a criminal on lots of different levels.

“Crime never
pays,” his mum had always said. But of course that was a lie too,
as Gabe noticed that crime actually seemed to pay very well. Much
better than most other things did in fact.

Gabe turned the
corner to the park and sure enough there they all were, standing at
the far end under a tree, instantly recognisable. Dave was there,
learning against the railing like the thug that he was. Sticking
his leg out at opportune moments to trip up Frank, who seemed to be
doing some kind of karate moves. Johnny cool and debonair, even
from a distance, was laughing and gesturing a lot with one hand
whilst he dragged laboriously on a cigarette with the other.

Gabe stopped at
the gate to the park for a moment, just to watch them. From a
distance, he wanted to see if he could picture them all as just
strangers.

“Gabe!” Frank
shouted over, way too loudly and slightly too high pitched so that
the few other people in the park turned to look. Dave punched Frank
in the arm as Gabe waved, signalling he was
the
‘Gabe’ in
question as he walked towards sound of the shrill. Everyone else
went back about their own business, drinking Special Brew, walking
their dog. Only the hard core parkers were out early in the
rain.

It was always
an odd crowd out during the weekday in this park. It wasn’t one of
the nicer ones in the city, even if the playground was new. All the
people who were usually unwelcome in the nice parks or anywhere by
everyone else, made this park theirs for the most part of the
day.

This was the
park for the occasional young couple looking for somewhere secluded
to get it on because they had nowhere else to go. This was the park
for the local familiar looking group of drunks that traipsed
around, claiming the same bench, before the daily fight broke out.
The park bench fight that must always be resolved as they always
returned the next day, like nothing had happened. They weren’t much
welcome anywhere either. And this park was for those that had to
walk their dogs for a bit of exercise and a piss and a shit. No one
welcomed them, not even the unwelcome.

The Damned
always met at this park. It was central to all their needs, it was
free. They were rarely asked to leave and from this park Gabe could
also, on occasion, if he was lucky, spy on Grace who not only
walked to and from school on the road that ran along the side of
park but out of school hours, Grace also invariably hung out at the
street cafe on the corner of the park with her gang of friends. All
sitting on the outdoor benches, under umbrellas with fancy electric
over-head heating to keep warm on all the cold days. Grace and her
friends had the money to drink white wine and cappuccinos and eat
fairy cakes all afternoon. Grace and her friends were living the
high life, in the fast track, with plenty of cash in their pockets.
Gabe assumed that their main concerns were how they were going to
spend all the money they had, which high street shops, spas or wine
bars deserved their patronage. Their lives looked like a lot of
fun, they were always laughing.

Gabe walked the
path down towards his friends, keeping his head down as much to
avoid standing in dog shit as to avoid eye contact with the other
outcasts.

Gabe hoped he
would catch sight of Grace again today. He was always looking out
for Grace. It was like his brain was always trying to catch her in
his peripheral vision. It was odd but he sort of knew when she was
about, it was like he had a sixth sense for her presence.
Sometimes, Gabe thought that he really did will her into being,
that the intensity of his mental vision of her, combined with the
intense feelings he had for her, actually caused her to be
there.

It wasn’t true
of course. Gabe didn’t even think it was one of those coincidences
his mum liked to talk about. It was just one of those things that
happened when you put your attention on something, or the fact that
Gabe hung out in places where he thought that she might possibly
be.

Gabe thought
that Grace never really saw him though. Once in a while she would
catch his eye and smile and her friends; her cool, clever and
beautiful friends, would laugh. Grace’s friends were always
laughing and at him he often thought. Laughing at the weirdo, the
deformed one. Grace’s friends were always so happy, basking in the
sun that shone out of their collective arses. But those times that
Grace had smiled at him, those times could make him happy for a
whole week. Even the thought of it made him smile.

Gabe’
s
friends were hyper today which brought his mood straight back
down.

“Yo! What’s up
Gabe? You looking like you got the world on your shoulders,”
laughed Dave, “No offence mate.”

“None taken
Dave.” It was an old joke.

“We all up for
having a little party tomorrow? Celebrate your last exam and
another little event we are attending to today children?” Johnny
swaggered up to Gabe and slipped something in his pocket that Gabe
saw was cash.

“What’s that
for Johnny?”

“Well, do you
want to be let into a little secret?” Johnny threw out a line.

“No, no
really,” Gabe answered truthfully.

“Well we’re in
this together now mate and if we pull it off it’s gonna be happy
times ahead for a little while. A little something to get you all
through the summer partying rather than McJobbing it.”

“Tell him
Johnny, Gabe don’t know what’s good for him half the time. Tell
him.” Dave was impossible to ignore or defy.

Frank was
hopping around with a grin that kept appearing then disappearing.
“It’s win-win Gabe. Please say yes.” Frank said fearfully earnest
as ever.

And so Johnny
explained the plans. Gabe knew to take anything Johnny said with a
huge pinch of salt but this is what he told them.

Johnny was
involved in some money laundering. There were three businesses in
the city that ran the money from drug dealing and contraband, and
fuck knows what else, through their books. Johnny had got in on it
all. He was now playing with the big boys. It was the easiest money
Johnny had ever come by but he was pissing off a few people. The
wrong people. Johnny shot off a list of names, the men that he was
having crap off of. Some of the names were familiar, too familiar.
Big business names in the city, some even on the council. Fathers
of kids that Gabe knew of, even a few names that Gabe recognised to
be people in his year at school. Sons and heirs to all this
bullshit. Gabe knew some of them as the crowd that Grace hung out
with. The Beautiful ones. And, most obviously and importantly, Gabe
heard the name, ‘Alistair’.

Johnny had set
his sights on upsetting Alistair, only the man that Gabe had seen
with his arm around Grace that morning. Now if Gabe was into
coincidences, he might have just seen this as a sign, an opening
for him to act out his revenge. Was this how life worked? Was this
part of the game? It felt right. The thought of upsetting Alistair
felt very good and tempting indeed. But, Gabe sensed, due to the
build-up and the cash involved, this wasn’t going to be a case of
simply spray painting ‘wanker’ on the side of his car.

“So what we’re
going to do is take their takings, what they got last night. I know
where it is, I just need you guys to help me. One to drive. One to
look out. And one to help me, give me a leg up and help me carry
the gear out. We got to do this one kids, alright? Dave’s got a
van, Gabe can drive it, Frank can wait up the road on look out and
Dave can come with me. That way, worse way out, me and Dave take
the fall ok? All for one and all that.”

Gabe shook his
head, “I don’t know Johnny.”

“Come on Gabe!
All those fellas that sniff round Grace, probably sniffing her
panties and catching a feel of those pretty little titties. You
don’t want a bit of that mate? It’s time eh, time we did something
to address the balance don’t you think?”

And Gabe wanted
to say, “But you don’t even like Grace!” because they hated Grace
and her friends and all they stood for, or rather, for all that
they had. It always wound him up, the way they went on about how
horrible Grace was, when they didn’t even know her. They knew that
he liked her, liked her a lot, however much they tried to put him
off her. But he also knew that they were only doing it for his
sake, they knew the score...that Grace was impossibly out of Gabe’s
league. They were just trying to soften the blow. Being cruel to be
kind.

Gabe could
really do with the money though. He was broke and his mum was
broke. He needed money for everything. Especially now that
everything was changing and this was going to be his last time
after all wasn’t it? Was it better to just do one big risky haul
now, rather than dozens of little ones that would end up dominating
his summer, if not his life?

Gabe looked at
the faces of his friends and wondered if they thought at all and if
they did, what were they thinking about? He felt no connection to
them. If he did one big haul now he wouldn’t have to see them
again.

This was
something different though, breaking and entering, stealing. Even
if he was only going to be driving, this was far bigger than the
usual, ‘hold onto this for a couple of days for me will you mate’
or ‘just stand here and shout for me if you see a copper Gabe.’