Because I’m a monster.
Physically and mentally.
But worse than that, he was an ass…
Zarya came awake to someone stroking her hair. Happiness shot through her as she realized what it meant. Lifting her head, she stared into those deep blue eyes that belonged to the most important person in her world. Never had she seen anything better. “How do you feel?”
“Did one of you drop me on my head?”
She laughed. “We only thought about it. Is your sight better?”
Nodding, he turned his head to look at the clock. “How long was I out?”
She cringed, not wanting to tell him. But he had a right to know and it wasn’t like he wouldn’t find out eventually. “Well… let me put it to you this way. You should be having surgery right now.”
He handled the news better than she’d expected. It took a few seconds as he digested it, then he sighed. “Is it morning?”
“Yes.”
Darling ran through his mind the fact that he’d been out for two days. While it didn’t thrill him, there wasn’t anything he could do about it… other than shoot Syn.
Maybe later.
Right now, he wanted to focus on the soft body pressed against his and on other matters he needed to attend to. “What have I missed?”
She wrinkled her nose and gave a playful cringe. “Mostly family tantrums.”
His stomach tightened with dread.
Please tell me they’re not here. Please
… “Pardon?”
As always, his luck fled out the door faster than a thief who’d just tripped an alarm.
“Your siblings are all here. Under one roof. Now I know why you chose not to have them around you while you healed. They can be… interesting, as I’m sure you know.”
That he did. A multitude of adjectives went through his head for all three of them, and he was grateful she was being judicious and kind with her choice of words where they were concerned. Seldom was he so considerate. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with them.”
“Don’t be. Sorche’s here, too. I’d much rather deal with your family drama than mine.”
The catch in her voice concerned him. “Why is she here? Did something happen?”
Zarya shook her head. “She heard the same news report your sibs did and flipped out, thinking you were holding me here against my will. But I’ve got her calmed down and Gera gave her a room not far from Lise’s. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. Your sister’s always welcome here.” Even though he’d never met Sorche, he felt like he knew her as much as he knew his own family. Most of all, since she was one of Zarya’s favorite topics, he knew how much Sorche meant to her. For that reason alone, he’d be more than happy to set her up with a permanent residence here in the palace.
He rubbed his hand over his brow as he heard a dull roar through the walls. “What’s that sound?” He would think it was his brothers and sister fighting, but there were too many voices for it to be the three of them.
And it wasn’t loud enough to be Lise.
“What sound?”
He squinted as he listened again, trying to decipher it. “It sounds like people shouting.”
“Oh.” She bit her lip before she answered. “It is people shouting.”
“And they’re shouting… why?”
He saw the reluctance in her eyes. “You know the old adage, a single drop starts the deluge?”
“Yeah.”
Zarya propped herself up on her elbow to look at him as she traced a small circle on his chest… one that was slowly making him crazy with lust as he wished she’d dip that hand lower and cup him. “Once word spread that you’d been attacked and were down, the people started rioting for every grievance they’ve ever had against you, your family, and their lives. Your gerents have no idea how to handle it, and Ryn is about ready to rally Tavali forces to put them down and shut them up—my paraphrasing, mind you. Ryn’s language was much more… colorful and descriptive.”
That sounded like his brother. When diplomacy failed, kill them all and let the gods sort it out. ’Course his wasn’t much better. In fact, the only thing that really separated their philosophies was that Ryn wanted guns while Darling preferred high explosives. “Where’s Ryn now?”
“Downstairs meeting with a group of social delegates.”
Well,
that
iced his raging hormones. Damn…
Darling groaned out loud. “That’s like asking a predator to guard prey.” And he was the idiot who’d appointed Ryn to the position.
What was I thinking?
Basically that he had no one else he could trust.
Cursing himself for that particular piece of brilliance, he sat up and ignored the pain that burned through him.
Zarya scowled. “What are you doing?”
“Going to save my empire while I still have one.”
She scooted off the bed to stop him. “You can’t. Syn needs to—”
“Zarya,” he said firmly, interrupting her. “Please. I can’t fight everyone at once.”
Growling her own frustration at him, she held her hands up in surrender. “Fine. What do you need me to do?”
“Help me dress.”
Zarya paused at his suggestion. The last thing he needed to do was walk into a room full of people who wanted him dead. People who were itching for a chance to assault him, verbally and physically.
A wicked smile curled her lips as an idea struck her on how to keep him out of harm’s way for a little longer.
She walked up to him and wrapped her arm around his neck, then pulled his head down so that she could nibble his lips while she gently scooted her right hand into his pants to fondle him. Her smile widened as she realized he was already hard and wet.
Pulling back, she whispered seductively, “Dress or
un
dress you, my lord?”
Darling’s head swam as fire ran through his veins. Her fingers felt so good on him that it was hard to stay focused on duty. Especially when she dipped her hand down to cup and finger him.
Yeah, he’d much rather stay here with her.
Something that wasn’t helped as she sank down to her knees in front of him and opened his pants.
You stop her now and
I’ll
kill you.
But he had an empire to run. His id could wait.
No, I can’t.
Yes, it could.
His legs went weak as she took him into her mouth and unmitigated pleasure tore through his entire being. For a full minute, he reeled from it.
The voices outside grew louder, reminding him of the job that awaited him.
Fuck the empire and everyone in it…
Yeah, that would be an intensely bad idea.
He really hated that stupid notion of the “empire comes first” his father had drilled into him as he forced himself to step back from her. The sight of her licking her lips in an open invitation was enough to kill him.
Stamping down the fire in his blood, he narrowed his eyes at her. “You
are
devious. Don’t think I’m not on to you.”
Any other time, it would work. But he couldn’t allow her to distract him today or to know just how much power she ultimately had over him. He was completely weak and pliant when it came to her.
“Fine,” she snapped irritably, rising to her feet. “Freshen up and I’ll get your clothes ready.”
Before he stepped away, he pulled her into his arms to give her the hottest kiss he could manage. One that had her wrapping her arms around him and clutching at his back. When he forced himself to pull away again, she was breathless.
Blinking, she stared at him with a hunger in her eyes that matched his.
He ran his hand along her jaw. “Don’t you hate it when someone stirs a fire you can’t quench?”
She narrowed those amber eyes at him. “You better be glad I’m still not over the close call you just had. Otherwise, I’d make you pay for that.”
He grinned at her before he went to take a quick ice cold shower.
Darling hesitated before he opened the doors to the throne room. What if Zarya was right and his presence here worsened things? His people hated him. He knew that better than anyone. The plebs saw him as a selfish, entitled prick out to work them until they
dropped while he became richer and richer off their backs. The aristos thought he was spineless and weak, and they laughed at him to his face. Thanks to Senator Nylan, Arturo, and his own desperate stupidity, none of them had even a modicum of respect for him.
Both groups viewed him with the utmost disdain.
Worse, his mask had been destroyed in the attack. If he walked in there, he would do it with
all
scars showing.
With Pip’s name carved into my face.
Shame shredded his confidence while unwanted memories flogged him. Fingering his cheek, he stepped back and traced the raised scar. Even with his beard over it, it was plainly visible. Their contempt for him would only grow once they saw what had been done to him while he’d been powerless to stop it.
How helpless and pathetic he really was. If he couldn’t protect himself, how could he protect his people?
That’s exactly what they’ll say.
He winced as he remembered his guard corps spitting at his feet.
They all disdain me.
I can’t do this. I can’t be laughed at again.
In that one lonely heartbeat, every degradation and humiliation of his entire life slapped him hard in the face. He heard the laughter and ridicule that had been shoved down his throat since the day his father had died.
No one respected Darling Cruel.
I’m the punch line of all cocktail party jokes
.
He closed his eyes in an attempt to blot it all out, and instead what he saw was his own brother’s face as Drake sneered his contempt for him.
“I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not my father. You barely qualify as my brother. I swear, Lise has more testosterone than
you do. You’re just a worthless piece of shit who cowers and grovels every time Arturo gets near you. I refuse to be like you, so pathetic, wasted, and scared that my own guards mock me for it. I will not give up or give in, and I damn sure won’t belly crawl for someone else. So why don’t you go find a cock to suck on, and get out of my face. Let me show you how a man handles things.”
He flinched at Drake’s angry words that’d been hurled at him when he’d tried one last time to stop Drake from confronting Arturo over embezzling part of their inheritance.
Only fifteen, Drake had thought himself man enough to fight.
And after Arturo had almost killed him for his adolescent stupidity and left the boy in intensive care, Darling had made the mistake of going to Ryn.
“You have to help us. Even though you’re illegitimate, you’re a direct blood descendant from the governor. The CDS can make a special accommodation for you to rule until I turn thirty.”
Just like Drake, Ryn had sneered in his face. “Forget it. You’re not dragging me back into that backbiting shithole. I’ve had enough of it. I don’t want your throne or anything else to do with Caronese politics. For the first time in my life, I’m happy and I intend to stay that way.” Ryn had tried to make him leave Ryn’s apartment, but Darling had refused to go.
“He’s going to kill them, Ryn. Don’t you understand? They won’t listen to me at all. Not my mother or Drake. No matter how much I beg or threaten them. Drake’s only getting worse as he gets older. He thinks he can take Arturo head on. And I’m tired of running interference between them. Of deflecting Arturo’s anger to me so he’ll leave them alone. Please? I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. I’m through being their punching bag. I just want to go to sleep one night in my shitty life and feel safe. Is that really too much to ask?”
Darling had gestured to his arm that Arturo had shattered
when Darling had stupidly tried to kill him for what he’d done to Drake. “I’m still underage by our laws. And none of the other aristos will do anything to help us. Believe me, I’ve tried. The gerents are all too afraid of Arturo to back me without a stronger man to come in as my guardian. You told me that you’d be here if I needed you. I need you, big brother. We all do. Please, don’t do this to me. I’m begging you for mercy.”
Ryn shook his head in continual denial. “I love you, Darling. I do. But I’m not about to let you or anyone else drag me back to that hellhole. I’m not a politician and I don’t want to be one. Just go home where you belong. They’re your family, not mine. You deal with their psycho asses.”
In that second of panicked desperation, Darling had looked down at the scars on his wrists from when he’d tried to kill himself and, like Drake, he’d let his fury get the better of his tongue. He didn’t want to go back either. It wasn’t fair that Ryn had his freedom while he’d have to wait more than another decade for his. He was tired and frustrated.
Most of all, he was through with being the sole defender while he had an older brother who should have been willing to help them.
Just as Drake had done to him, he’d verbally gone for Ryn’s throat. “So that’s it then? Captain Tavali. Lord Badass. At the end of the day, you’re nothing but a selfish, scared asshole just like all the others in
your
family. I wonder what your friends would think if they knew what a spineless coward you really are?”