Authors: Jack O'Connell
Cousin Mo says, “Thank Mr. Cortez for me.”
She marches Zarelli out in front of her, a sweaty, shallow-breathing shield, all the way back to her Barracuda. They don't speak until they cross out of the Park, at which point Zarelli smashes his fist into the dash and says, “You put it up to my fucking headâ”
She cuts him off and yells back, “Who knows what Mo would have done if I hadn't come in. He's untested. He could have done anythingâ”
“âmy fucking head. Right here.” He points to his temple with his index and middle fingers.
“I had to shock them,” she yells.
“Shock them? My heart. My goddamn heart.”
She pulls the Barracuda into the curb with a screech, jams it into park, and they start to slap each other around the upper torso. This is not the first time this has happened. Things escalate and Lenore loses herself, makes a fist, and comes up under Zarelli's jaw.
He drops his offense, takes his face in his hands, yelling, “The bridge, oh no, the new bridge.”
Lenore sinks back in her seat, punches the steering wheel.
“Is it the bridge? Did I break it?” she asks grudgingly.
He doesn't answer right away, sits there stroking his jaw like a shaving cream commercial.
A few minutes go by. Finally, he says, “You know, word's going to get back to Cortez.”
She says, “Let me worry about Cortez.”
There's another pause and he adds, “Thanks for getting me out of there.”
“Sorry about the gun. I probably shouldn't have pulled back the hammer.”
“You had to shock them. You had to move quickly.”
“I made a decision. I acted on it.”
He slides a hand over onto her thigh.
She shakes her head no, shifts back into drive.
“We've got a briefing in about five hours.”
He makes a face that says
please
, changes it, pitifully, into
I beg you.
Lenore stomps the gas and thinks,
I should have popped the weasel when I had the chance.
Chapter Two
A
fter she dumps Zarelli, Lenore cruises home to the green duplex. There's no chance of sleep, so she takes a cold shower, pops a hit of crank, and sits on the end of her bed, naked, pumping ten-pound weights and watching metal videos with the sound off. She's waiting for signs of life from her brother Ike, next door.
Lenore lives on the other side of his apartment, in the other half of the green duplex. The arrangement has worked out pretty well, all things considered. They often work different hours, but manage to have meals together a few times a week. Ike thinks their parents would be pleased to know this. They've been dead just over seven years now. They died within six months of one another. Ma went first, a coronary. Dad followed in the fall with a lethal embolism in the front of the brain. A month after the estate was settledâthere wasn't much, a small savings account, and the house and carâ Lenore and he went in halves on the duplex. She'd gotten a promotion on the force, and things down at the post office looked stable enough for him. They took a twenty-year fixed mortgage and moved in in the spring.
When they do eat together, it's Ike who does the cooking. Lenore, like Pa, enjoys eggs and sausages. Anytime, day or night. Ike tries to warn her about cholesterol and fat intake, but he can't talk to Lenore about crap like that. She takes her life in her hands, and in a big way, like three or four times a week. Last year, down the projects, Zarelli kicks a door in on this upstart smack dealer and Lenore leaps into his pigsty, all pumped up for a big-time collar. But the guy's been tipped, he's expecting them and he's ready around a corner of the apartment, with a gun to Lenore's head. Before Zarelli can move, the dealer pulls the trigger, but, thank God, the gun is this piece of garbage, unregistered and off the street from, who knows, like Taiwan or someplace, and it explodes in his handsâputs the bullet intended for Lenore into the dealer's own throat.
How do you warn someone about the danger of sausage after a day like that?
A guy on the TV screen with semi-permed, peroxide-blond hair grabs his own behind and makes a face like he's in agony. Lenore gets a kick out of this. Nobody could be more shocked than herself that she's become addicted to heavy-metal music. And like most addictions, she's attempted to hide this new habit from everyone she knows. She thinks she's been fairly successful in this attempt, but it's difficult since one of the inherent factors, and, yes, attractions, of heavy metal, at least for Lenore, is its deafening volume.
She thinks that possibly Zarelli is responsible, at least to some degree, for this pathetic love of the screeching sounds that issue from bands with names like Metallica and Iron Maiden. Here's Zarelli, at twenty-eight, two years younger than Lenore, and he's got this big thing for Tony Bennett. Before Zarelli, Lenore couldn't have named one Tony Bennett song besides “I Left My Heart in San Francisco.” But when they started seeing each other, it seemed like she was slowly being indoctrinated in this Cult of Bennett. It got a little depressing. Zarelli drives this old 1972 Lincoln Continental that has the seats all ripped up from his kids and his cats. And the car still has this horrible eight-track cartridge player that should be in a museum. The back seat of the Lincoln was always filled with these old Tony Bennett eight-track tapes, those fat mothers that often cut a song off in the middle of a lyric, then picked it up a few seconds later when it clicked over to the next track. For some reason, Lenore came to despise eight-track tapes. They came to symbolize both inefficiency and obsolescence. She thinks that if you want to really teach school kids the way of the world, the laws of evolution and adaptability, show them an old, label-peeling eight-track of
Tony Bennett Sings Tour Old World, Favorites.
Lenore thinks that she became addicted to heavy metal as a reaction to Zarelli's passion for Bennett. To the best of her ability to date it, the problem began about six months ago, when she and Zarelli were hitting the hottest stretch of their ridiculous romance. One night before bed, she changed the station on her alarm clock to wake herself up with something loud and thrashing. Then she began picking up some new cassettes for her own car, mainstream metal like Twisted Sister and Mötley Crüe. One night last spring, she's at the minimart leafing through magazines to bring on a dull stakeout, and unexplainably, like she was acting on subliminal orders from someone else, she buys
Metal Mania Monthly
, then reads the damn thing cover-to-cover. Within weeks she's sending for these sick catalogues from the classifieds in the back and ordering garage-band cassettes through the mail, stuff recorded on independent labels by bands too far over the line for big corporate companies to touch. They've got names like Severed Artery, and Aryan Warlocks, and Puss and the Gash. Awful stuff. They sing songs, in these weird and ironic yelling-falsetto voices, with titles like “Tonight I Killed Her Parents” and “I Sold You to a Guy Named Phil.” She keeps all these tapes in a bottom drawer behind her turtleneck sweaters.
Lenore thinks that no one, not even Ike, has any idea how strange she really is. But
she's
always known it. The feeling stretches back to her earliest memories. Possibly, she thinks, her father suspected it, maybe had a hunch as to some really abnormal brain activity going on in the skull of his female child. She deduces this simply from the occasional look she'd find on his face over the dinner table, a combination of curiosity and fear and confusion. Lately, she's begun to wonder if he suspected his daughter's weirdness only because it ran through his own thought patterns.
Just once she'd have liked to see that look on Zarelli's face. Anytimeâsitting in his stupid Lincoln in front of some smack house down in Bangkok Park, eating the veal at Fiorello's where everyone knows him, going at it in the motel room down Route 61âjust once she'd have liked to see that he had a doubt, a vague hunch, a moment of terror regarding her, indicating the fact that he knew nothing about the way she thought or felt or why she continued to work unbelievably hard at a pathetic and ultimately useless job.
Zarelli is a guy who's done pretty well in the nine years with the force. He's never been seriously hurt, never involved himself in any real, over-the-line corruption, kissed enough ass to move up to detective but still kept some camaraderie with most of the bowling team. Zarelli, she knows, is in narcotics because, oddly, it's the department in which he can define himself and keep his compass straight. This isn't to say there aren't corrupting temptations in narcotics. Just the opposite: there are probably more opportunities to go bad in narc than anywhere else. But in narcotics, Zarelli can think and function like a ten-year-old. He can rely on the fact that all the importers, and dealers, and junkies he moves through every day are monsters. Evil. Dark. Bad. And since he is their opposition, he's goodness and light incarnate. He's the other side of the fence. Society will back him up on this. Public opinion will comply with this view absolutely.
Lenore spends all her time as an actress. She feigns belief in this same, simple moral code. Us against them, white hats against black hats. In actuality, she's not so much repulsed by this code, as she is incapable, even for the briefest of moments, of taking it seriously. Of even considering it. It rings so false. It falls in the realm of fantasy.
Not even Ike knows the real reason Lenore does her job. The real reason, or at least the best symbol of the real reason, hangs at this moment inside a leather shoulder holster, from a hook on the inside of her bedroom closet door. Lenore's weapon of choice has become, sadly, something of a cliché. She finds this annoying but not too important. Let the gangs of the Hollywood brain-dead trivialize and prostitute and unintentionally parody one of the finest examples of craftsmanship and quality she knows about. Just keep them far away from Quinsigamond and the eleven-inch length of her Smith & Wesson.
She's had experience with a variety of both handguns and, lately, more than ever, assault rifles. And she owns a small collectionâa Parabellum automatic, a Gewehr 43, an original 1921 John T. Thompson .45 caliber submachine gun, all of which she keeps perfectly maintained and some of which get exercised at the shooting bunker. Her most recent purchase was an Uzi. But for reasons that have to do with instinct and aura, the gun she almost always takes to work is her .357 Magnum Model 27.
She knows about her weapons with a degree of scholarship that makes her a “buff,” in the same way other people bone up obsessively on the Civil War or old Corvettes. Ask Lenore over a cup of coffee about the Magnum. She'll nod and start to talk slowly, in a regulated voice that almost gives away its excitement just by the extent of its suppression. She'll forget the time and infect you with her competence on the subject. She'll start in 1935, the year the weapon was introduced, developed by a pistol specialist named Elmer Keith and supported by Major Daniel B. Wesson himself. They used a .44 target model frame, then made the barrel 222.25mm long. The caliber of .357 was used to set the gun apart from all other ordinary .38s. She'll tell you how, at first, the gun was only available by special order, but demand forced it into general production. And how, because of World War II, production had to be suspended in 1941. By that time 5,500 had been forged. Luckily, she'll explain, production started up again after the Axis powers had been slapped down. Her particular gun was built in â74. It's got the shorter 3.5-inch barrel and weighs about two and a half pounds. It's got a standard six-shot cylinder and a rate of fire of 12 rpm. The last statistic she'll end on, the one she'll let you ponder and hope that you'll attach a vivid image to, is muzzle velocity. She might ask you to guess this factor and swig down the last of her bitter coffee. And when you admit your inability to do so, she'll nod again, bite her bottom lip for just a second, stare into your eyes, and spill it:
One thousand four hundred and fifty freaking feet per second, my friend, with a striking energy of nine hundred and seventy-two joules. It will detach an arm completely off a shoulder. And I ought to know â¦
Lenore believes in this gun in the manner that others believe in an ancient dogma, or a concept of family or love.
Lenore adores the fact that this gun is so real, so solid and fixable, locatable in a world that seems to be more transient, transparent, and decomposing every day.
Lenore no longer believes in God. She does not believe in an afterlife. She does not believe in some fixed code of divinely transmitted morality. She does not believe in turning the other cheek. She does not believe that the meek will inherit the earth. She now believes in power and persistence. In logic and rational thought. In seizing what you need without regard to the effect of your actions upon others. She hides these beliefs out of what she feels to be wise self-preservation, out of the fact that if others knew her true convictions, it would become pretty difficult to live the way she wants.
It's only in relation to her gun that she allows herself to expose and vent the certainties at the core of her brain, the ones she thinks her father had nightmares about. Lenore has killed one personâa twenty-two-year-old Colombian who fired a shotgun at Zarelli from the shattered back window of a speeding Trans Amâand wounded three others in varying degrees of severity, including blowing the full right arm off a longtime smack broker from down the projects who made the mistake of charging her with a razor in a dark stairwell. In each of those incidents, Lenore has felt a burst of emotion that she can't put a name to, that has no definition in the heart of the average person. She approximates it every time she pulls out her weapon and draws down on a suspect without firing. It's not the same as actually pulling the trigger, but it's a step in the right direction and more pleasing than frustrating.