Brave (Healer)

BOOK TWO

THE HEALER SERIES

APRIL SMYTH

I said to Love,

‘Thou art not young, thou art not fair,

No faery darts, no cherub air,

   Nor swan, nor dove

Are thine; but features pitiless,

And iron daggers of distress,’

 
  I said to Love.

-
‘I Said To Love’,
Thomas Hardy

ONE

              ‘Say hello to Lily,’ my dad smiles at me and hands me the small bundle in white sheets. My new sister feels no heavier than a bag of sugar and looks as sweet too. She is different from Bruce and Jana who, as babies, had thick heads of lustrous black hair, a button nose and tiny rose lips. Lily's hair is fine wisps of sandy blonde and her eyes are like two round moons. My dad is grinning. I haven't seen him this happy since Jana was born, since before all my accidents started. The accidents have stopped and now Lily has arrived yet I feel myself more hollow than ever. ‘She looks just like you,’ he says as if he is prompting me to burst into cooing.

             
‘I guess,’ I smile down at her then she starts to cry so I pass her back to my dad. ‘How is Shannon?’ I ask. Lily was born this morning, I arrived an hour ago and still haven't seen Shannon. All dad said was Lily's birth was complicated. ‘Is she okay?’ I add.

             
Dad’s eyes don’t stay away from Lily's face as if she is going to disappear if he stops looking at her for a second. He nods, ‘Yeah, she'll be okay.’

             
Somehow I am not reassured but I change the subject, ‘When are Bruce and Jana coming to see her?’

             
‘Donna will bring them in a little while when Shannon is feeling better,’ he says, stroking Lily's almost-bald head. He is completely besotted by the new addition to our family. I wonder if he is thinking about how he is going to afford caring for four children or if he is too blinded for her sweet little face and delicate pink fingers to worry. We will need to move house soon, maybe he'll need to pick up a second job too but who am I to ruin the special day?

             
He sets baby Lily in her crib and turns to face me. In the last six months, he has lost most of the excess weight which he piled on during the months of my accidents. I can see his handsomeness again as it is no longer hidden behind four chins but he looks old. His skin is sagging and wrinkled; all his anxieties have wearied him.

             
‘I cannot believe she is finally here,’ I whisper. I have been excited for this day for a long time but at the same time it fills me with dread. It means it has been six months since I last saw Rose and Gabe and since I escaped from Maurice. Rose texts me from time to time informing me of how Arrow's protection spells are stopping Maurice from finding me. They are short bursts of information and totally void of the emotion I am craving. I want to hear how much she misses me because I miss her so terribly it haunts every minute of every day but she never says it. She never speaks about Gabe. I never ask.

             
‘I know, I can't believe I have
another
gorgeous girl,’ he smiles, wraps his arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheek. ‘You're always my number one though,’ he winks. My dad has a different relationship with me than he does with Bruce, Jana or he will have with Lily. He and Shannon have a family; I'm the oddball. I am his bittersweet reminder of his first wife who was brutally murdered by vampires. I am his nightmare while Shannon and their children are his dreams.

             
‘Always,’ I laugh under my breath. I am trying but I’m not portraying joy very well, all these thoughts of mum, Rose and Gabe have been exhausting. Every day is tiresome as I wait for Maurice to find me or Rose to tell me her witch friend has found a cure for vampirism so Gabe can be with me again. None of these days ever come so it’s a constant waiting game. I’m so tired of waiting.

             
‘Are you okay, Cass?’

             
‘I'm great!’

             
‘You sure?’ he asks frowning a little. Dad has been preoccupied with my welfare ever since I returned from Toulouse. He has tried to give me some freedom to enjoy my life. I insist that Rose and Arrow are doing a fantastic job of protecting us so we don't need to worry. I won't be getting into anymore ridiculous accidents either now that Gabe is out of the picture. It still makes me feel nauseous to think that all those accidents were his fault, that he was trying to prove I was as magical as I was supposed to be. Despite knowing these things I can tell Dad doesn't feel comfortable when he watches me walk out the door.

             
I am glad I have the freedom now. I have finally passed my driving test and even made friends: real, normal, human teenage friends. They don't fill the void I feel from the loss of Rose and Gabe but they definitely make day-to-day life easier for me I have even managed to get a makeshift boyfriend, Jonathan. I refuse to call him that. I want Gabe to be my first boyfriend. Maurice stole my first kiss and the first time I had sex but I can save the title of my first boyfriend for Gabe even if I have to wait years. Jonathan doesn’t mind. He is patient and he likes me a lot. We go on dates, he takes me to the movies and we walk down the beach and he's very polite and probably in love with me but it doesn't feel right to me when his hand slips into mine or our lips touch. I will always wish it was Gabe.

             
‘What are your plans today then?’ dad asks.

             
‘I thought I would hang out here for a while and spend some time with my new sis,’ I create a fake smile. I hate hospitals. I hate the clinical, nose tingling smell of bleach, the incessant beeping from machines and the bone chilling sight of sterile needles. It reminds me of hot, sticky days spent under the microscope before I knew I was a Healer and, worse so, makes me think of the needles plunged into my skin when Maurice wanted my blood.

             
Dad shakes his head, ‘Don't be silly. You will see her plenty when she comes home. You'll be sick of her! Why don't you invite Lucy and Kate over for a sleepover?’

             
Although dad winces at my new found freedom and worries himself sick whenever I'm out late, he loves my new friends Lucy and Kate. I think he's just glad I don't talk about vampires or crazy, dangerous sports anymore. Lucy and Kate pull the normality within me and bring it to the surface. We go shopping, we laugh until we cry and I can tell this gives dad some peace of mind. ‘Maybe,’ I smile but I don't feel like being with Lucy and Kate or Jonathan tonight. How can I pretend everything is fine when I know it’s not?

             
‘Well, it was lovely meeting you Lily,’ I say into the cot. She looks angelic. I wish I could remember how it felt to be that peaceful, to sleep so easily. She doesn’t have to worry about vampires or magical spells or love lost. I touch her small pruned finger and blow her a kiss. I give my dad a quick hug and send my best wishes to Shannon before driving home.

             
Driving keeps me calm when I have my meltdowns. When missing Rose and Gabe and my mum becomes too overbearing, I jump into the car and start driving with nowhere to go. Sometimes I even pretend they are sitting beside me in the passenger seat. It doesn’t seem that long ago that Gabe really was there. We’d be arguing. We always were. I wish my memories weren’t so tainted with all our disagreements. If I hadn’t been so cowardly, so selfish and stubborn, I could have admitted to him, and myself, that I was in love with him all along. We might have run away before we ever got to Maurice instead I denied it. I wanted vampires and excitement and I didn’t want to fall in love with a human boy who could
really
hurt me. In the long run, he did that anyway. Gabe has broken me a thousand times more than Maurice ever could. It wasn’t real with Maurice. I convulse with disgust when I think of his kisses but it brings tears to my eyes to think of Gabe’s sweet lips upon mine.

             
Jonathan calls me and asks if I want to come over for a while. His voice makes me feel obliged so I agree. I feel guilty. We have been dating for two or three months now since we kissed at Lucy's birthday party. I can't deny I like spending time with him but he is completely unaware that my heart belongs wholly and solely to somebody else; I will never feel for him the way he feels for me. I don’t want to inflict that upon anyone especially not somebody as adorable as Jonathan but I also can’t make myself break it off. He is too kind and warm.

             
I feel underdressed showing up at his house in the tight black leggings I wear to jog in and a baggy grey jumper. I had been out a run before visiting Lily in hospital. I run every day now, sometimes twice, since coming home from Toulouse. Yet I’m not any skinnier. If anything I have gained more weight. I may run on a daily basis but I am constantly shoving food in my face nowadays.

             
‘Hey babe,’ Jonathan opens the door and kisses me on the cheek. He is conventionally handsome. He's almost a foot taller than me, really skinny, and his mousy hair is always clean and well-kept. He always smells like fancy shower gels and aftershaves, like sea salt. I should really break up with him and give him to another girl who could appreciate his good looks and butterfly kisses.

             
We sit in his room, he asks me about Lily and he plays me music that I don't really like and talks about football players I don't know. His mindless babbling is a distraction from the thoughts I'm trying to ignore. Where is Gabe? Is he ok? Is his memory coming back? Are Arrow and Rose safe too? Will Maurice find me and my family? I can't share these worries with my friends. How could Jonathan understand this?

             
Maybe I haven't given Jonathan enough credit over the past few months. I'm almost tempted to tell him why I am so noncommittal and why I seem so distant all of the time. Then he says something which is like being punched right in the stomach, ‘Oh did you read that crazy stuff in the paper about vampires being back in town?’

             
I feel sick, ‘What?’

             
‘Yeah, well you know everyone went ape about that vampire being in town like last year? Apparently someone saw the same guy again,’ Jonathan is staring at the ceiling so he doesn't see all the colour drain from my face. He is talking about Maurice. Maurice is here, in town, and he's going to kill me and he will probably kill my family too. He might even kill Jonathan too if he realises he is attached to me but Jonathan doesn’t realise any of this.

             
‘I need to go,’ I say. I sprint out of his navy blue bedroom and into my car where I speed off down the street. I need to speak to Rose. Why hasn’t she contacted me? If Maurice was here, she would have told me and she said Arrow’s spell was working great, he wasn’t anywhere close to finding me but if he had killed them first there wouldn’t be any way of her telling me.