Break Away (21 page)

I thought about saying no, but the idea of sitting at home alone on this beautiful day was way too depressing, even for me. “Sounds great. I’ll get changed and meet you out front.”

We went to our usual spot on Folly Beach, which wasn’t easy considering how crowded it had become now that summer was in full swing. Just as we were getting settled in, Sadie started jumping up and down, waving her arms excitedly.

“Dee! Over here!”

My heart jumped into my throat when I looked up and saw Dex and Nate walking over to us. I noticed Dex hesitate for a second when his eyes linked with mine, clearly surprised to see me there, and my pulse began to race.

I glanced over at Amy. “I didn’t know that they were coming…”

“I told them to meet us here. I hope that’s okay.” She turned to me with a questioning look. “Is there something going on with you and Dex?”

Apparently he hadn’t filled her in on what happened. The last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to the situation and make things uncomfortable, so I did my best to brush it off. “No, of course it’s fine. I just, uh, thought that he’d be working today, that’s all.”

“Not today, finally. He’s been totally MIA all week doing who knows what. I had to resort to putting Sadie on the phone this morning to beg him to come meet us. I knew he couldn’t say no to her,” she said with a laugh.

As the day went on, I avoided looking at Dex, who had been quiet ever since he arrived. Instead, I buried my nose in my book, pretending to be completely absorbed in what I was reading. It worked for a while, until Nate and Amy took Sadie to go swimming, and Dex came over to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you were going to be here. I swear,” he said sincerely. “I can make up an excuse to leave if you want me to.”

I started to feel guilty. He was avoiding his family because of me—because I’d instructed him to stay away from me. And yet, I didn’t want him to leave. Being near him turned me into a jumbled mess of emotions, and I was losing track of how I was supposed to feel. I was furious with him, but I adored him at the same time. I wanted nothing to do with him, but my traitorous body craved him, responding to every lingering glance and aching for his touch. Everything about him pulled me in.

Something was off about him, though. The easygoing smile was missing from his face, and there was no trace of his usual goofy humor. He looked as tired as I felt, and I could see the dark circles under his eyes. I worried that his nightmares were keeping him awake at night. It pained me to recall him thrashing and screaming in his sleep, terrified by the images in his head. Then I reminded myself that I wasn’t supposed to care.

“No, it’s fine… stay,” I told him, sorting through my conflicting emotions. “There’s no reason we can’t hang around each other. I mean, we’re all friends here, right?”

He smiled sadly. “Right.”

During the weeks that followed my horrendous fuck-up, the only time I saw Olivia was when Nate and Amy were around. She hardly spoke to me or even looked at me. I wanted so badly to talk to her and try to explain everything, but I was afraid to piss her off more. She was barely tolerant of spending time with me in a group setting, and if I tried to push, she might stop seeing me altogether. And when it came down to it, being around her in a limited capacity was better than not seeing her at all.

I missed everything about Olivia. Her friendship, the cute little smiles she saved for me, her laugh, the way her eyes found me in a crowd or across the room and looked at me like I was actually something special. Every once in a while, I thought I caught her looking at me that same way, but she would glance away so quickly that I couldn’t be sure if it was really happening or if I were simply imagining things. Either way, I longed for those moments because it was all I had left. At this point, I would settle for any little piece of Olivia that I could get. I let myself imagine that she felt something for me because it was the only way I could get through the day.

My nightmares were coming more frequently, waking me up nearly every night and leaving me tense and anxious throughout the day. I tried to take the edge off by running, spending more time at the gym and fighting whenever I could, but nothing seemed to help. I refused to resort to my previous method of using random woman to numb the pain, because I knew it would only drag me deeper into the depths of my misery. I only wanted Olivia. After being with her for that brief moment in time, anything else felt wrong.

When Nate and Amy invited me to grab lunch with them at the Seaside, I readily agreed since I knew that Olivia was working. Being near her put me at ease in a way that nothing else could. It didn’t matter if she ignored me; her presence alone brought a fleeting sense of relief to my pathetic existence.

“Hey! What brings you here?” Olivia greeted us as she led us to an empty table in her section. She seemed surprisingly happy to see us—even me—and I wondered if perhaps we were turning a corner. If maybe there was a chance for us to get closer to where we were before I took it upon myself to destroy everything.

Amy answered, “You’ve been working so much lately that we decided to come to you.”

We sat down at the table, and Olivia brought over the menus. She handed one to me and for a split-second her finger brushed against mine, sending a volt of electricity shooting through me. Her smile faltered, and I knew she felt it, too, but for once she didn’t jerk away from me. Her cheeks flushed a faint shade of pink before she resumed taking our orders, and I reveled in the idea that I still had some kind of effect on her. I missed making her blush.

The restaurant was fairly quiet, so Olivia made frequent stops at our table to visit with us. It didn’t last long though. Two guys came in and sat down in her section, forcing her to get back to work. They were dressed in khakis and polo shirts, looking like they’d been out golfing or something, and were probably about thirty or so. They had light hair and were clean shaven, and definitely seemed soft: the type of spoiled rich guys whose idea of living dangerously was taking a risk in the stock market or having an extra light beer at their Sunday tee-time. Bunch of fucking pussies.

I watched as one of them trailed his eyes trailed over Olivia appreciatively. My fists immediately clenched at my sides as my protective nature kicked in. Nate shot me a look across the table, warning me to calm down. I took a deep breath and relaxed my hands, without taking my eyes off her.

Richie Rich immediately began flirting with Olivia, sending clever smiles her way and flashing his pearly whites in her face. I wanted to knock those damn teeth right out of his fucking mouth.

As though he could read my mind, Nate leaned over to me and whispered, “Dude, calm down. Liv gets hit on in here all the time, but it’s not like she ever goes for it.”

This was different, though. I knew it. These weren’t skeezy drunks or stupid frat guys, and Olivia wasn’t doing her usual “polite but not interested” routine. Instead she was hanging around their table to chat, laughing with them and falling for their stupid rich-boy charm. At one point, she placed a hand on Richie Rich’s shoulder, and I couldn’t take it anymore. All I wanted to do was go over there and stake my claim—tell him that she was
mine
. Tell
her
that she was mine.

But she wasn’t mine.

She wasn’t mine, and it was my own fault that I lost her. But I couldn’t just sit around while this asshole swooped in and stole her away from me. I knew his type. They appeared all suave and polite on the outside, but inside, they were no better than me. In fact, they were worse than me because they hid it underneath polo shirts and fancy hair-cuts. At least I was honest about it. These guys charmed women left and right, pretending to be gentlemen until they got what they wanted. They were self-entitled, and the only thing they cared about was their bank accounts and having some pretty young thing on their arm who they could control. Olivia was better than this guy, and I wanted her to know it.

Instead, I fought every instinct I had and stood up from the table, throwing down some bills and mumbling a quick goodbye to Nate and Amy as I walked out.

***

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing anymore. Normally, I didn’t give men the time of day when they flirted with me, but for some reason, I’d gone along with it today. Not only did I flirt back, but I’d agreed to go on a date with the guy.

Brian was good-looking and seemed nice enough, but deep down, I knew it had less to do with him and more to do with the fact that Dex had been watching from ten feet away. I hated playing games, but an overwhelming part of me had wanted to make Dex jealous and give him a taste of how he’d made me feel. But when I saw Dex slink out of the restaurant, my stomach immediately twisted in response.

Was I being a total hypocrite? Perhaps our emotions led us to do stupid things where our hearts were concerned, and maybe I’d been too hard on Dex for what his made him do.

I wouldn’t let myself go down that road. It was time for me to move on. From Dex, from Steven… it was time to start fresh. I couldn’t mope around forever, and it was just one date. I hadn’t agreed to marry the guy. And who knew? Maybe Brian would end up being the perfect guy for me if I gave him a chance.

Despite the pep talk, when Sunday evening rolled around, and it was time to get ready for my date, I was beginning to seriously question my decision. First dates were supposed to be all about excitement and anticipation and nervously trying on six different outfits before finding the one that would leave him speechless. I wasn’t feeling any of those things.

I pulled a cute dress out of my closet, eyeing it briefly before hanging it back up and grabbing a pair of jeans. No sense in pretending this was something it wasn’t.

I knew better than to let some stranger know where I lived, so I was meeting Brian at the restaurant instead of having him pick me up. Since I put little effort into getting ready, I had some time to kill before it was time to meet him.

I began looking through the first batch of photographs that I’d gotten back from being developed. They were all the ones that I’d taken when I first arrived. The photos from the pier on the morning when I first met Dex, various places around Charleston, and all the pictures that I’d taken when I was with Amy, Sadie, Dex and Nate. I flipped through the photos from our first trip to the beach, snapshots of Dex and Sadie building sandcastles together, laughing and smiling. There was no darkness in these images of Dex. I missed his easy smile and carefree laugh. I missed seeing him happy.

As I continued to thumb through the photos, I found ones that I hadn’t taken, and I vaguely remembered Dex playing around with my camera one day on the beach.

They were all of me.

Snapshots of me and Sadie playing in the ocean, and of me and Amy laughing together while we exchanged stories. There were some of me when I hadn’t thought anyone was paying attention—gazing out over the water, sitting in the sand, and close-up shots of my smile… They were meaningful and beautiful.

There was adoration and significance in those photos, and I was taken aback to think that Dex was the one behind the camera. People always said that a photo tells more about the photographer than the subject. If that was true, then what did these photos mean?

All of a sudden, the idea of going on this date seemed wrong. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it. I picked up my phone to call Brian and let him know, but when I saw the time, I realized he was probably on his way there already and it would be rude to cancel now.