Break Away (26 page)

“Okay, I need a break,” I panted, trying to catch my breath.

Dex and I were going for a run together, and even though I exercised regularly on my own, I wasn’t in nearly as good of shape as he was.

He slowed to a walk beside me. “I’m impressed, Liv. Not many people could keep up with me as long as you did.”

I laughed. “Well, I would have stopped a long time ago if I wasn’t trying to impress you!”

He threw his arm around my shoulder and pressed his lips against my sweaty temple. “Don’t be silly, babe. You don’t have to do anything to impress me because you’ve already amazed me in every way.”

Whenever he said sweet things like that, which he did often, my heart melted a little bit more. I couldn’t understand how one person could be so sweet and so incredibly sexy at the same time.

“How deep are we in the middle of nowhere?” I scanned the area around us, looking for anything familiar. We were in a rural part of town, along a quiet dirt road with historic looking country homes. I’d told Dex I wanted to see more of the area, since I hadn’t really been anywhere other than the beach and the city, so he took me out to do some exploring.

“Not far,” he said. “This road loops back to where we started.”

We approached a driveway with a wooden mailbox in the shape of a house, and for some reason, it stuck out to me. It was one of those unique handcrafted ones, designed to look like the house it stood in front of. It had miniature wooden shingles covering the roof and an intricate little front porch with dark green shutters. I could have sworn I’d seen it before. Obviously, that didn’t make any sense, but when we got closer I noticed that “EVANS” was painted on the side, and I stopped.

“Dex…” I gestured to the mailbox with a bewildered expression on my face. “That’s my name.”

“What are you talking about?” He looked at the mailbox and then back at me, confused. “Your last name is Mason.”

“Mason was my mother’s last name,” I explained. “I changed it when I turned eighteen because I wanted nothing to do with my dad… his last name is Evans.”

“It’s a pretty common last name. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.”

I shook my head. “I’ve seen that mailbox before and the house… I recognize it. On the other side, is there a tire swing hanging from a big oak tree?”

I knew this place, but I didn’t know why. It was like I’d seen it in a dream, and all I could remember were bits and pieces and a few foggy images that were floating around in my head. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. For some reason, I recalled swinging on a tire swing, laughing with someone whose face I couldn’t see.

Dex jogged ahead to check the other side of the house, and his puzzled expression confirmed it. “How’d you know that swing would be there?”

“I can remember swinging on that swing, Dex. Why do I know this place?” It was a big white house with a two-story front porch, and there was a huge yard with big oak tree in the front, draped with Spanish moss. It was nothing like any of the places I’d ever lived, and yet it was familiar to me. The more I looked around, the more foggy memories began to surface. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

An older woman walked out the front door, heading in our direction. Her gray hair was cut above her shoulders and her jeans had mud on the knees, like she’d been working outside in the garden.

“Why don’t we talk to her and find out?” Dex motioned in the old woman’s direction. “Maybe you visited this place when you were a kid or something.”

“Can I help you folks?” she called out from her front steps.

I grabbed Dex’s arm and tried to pull him away. “No, let’s just go. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

The woman moved closer, and when her eyes landed on me she froze, shocked.

“Olive? Is that you?”

The nickname tugged at a memory, and I studied her face, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “How do you know me?” I asked her.

She seemed shaken, staring at me for a long moment before replying. “I’m Rose. I’m… I’m your grandmother.”

My stomach did a somersault, and I took a step away from her. “No, that can’t be. I don’t know you,” I sputtered, unable to wrap my head around what she was trying to say. “This is too much, it doesn’t make any sense. I—I need to go.”

There was disappointment on her face, but she nodded. “I’m sorry for springing it on you like that. I don’t quite know what to say. I’m having a hard time believing that you’re really standing here in front of me. I know this is strange… but if you want to talk, if you want me to explain… you just come by anytime, okay?”

“Are you okay?” I asked Olivia as we walked home.

She was quiet, and I was worried about her. I couldn’t imagine what must have been going through her head. Coming across your long-lost grandmother during your afternoon run? It was a hell of a lot to process.

“I’m okay,” she said. “Just confused, I guess. It doesn’t seem possible… and yet, I remember being there.”

“What made you think that you didn’t have any family left?”

“That’s what my mom told me. She always said that it was just the two of us, but it didn’t matter because all we needed was each other. Why would she lie to me?”

I wondered the same thing. It seemed cruel to keep a child from her family. If Olivia had known she had someone out there, then she wouldn’t have been on her own for so many years. I couldn’t say that to her, though, so I just shrugged. “Maybe Rose can fill you in. Do you think you’re going to go back and talk to her?”

“No… I don’t know,” she sighed, her hands twisting anxiously at her sides. “My mom must have had a reason for keeping her from me, so maybe it’s best if I stay away. My whole life it was my mom and me, she was my best friend. I never had any reason not to trust her before, and now that she’s gone, it doesn’t seem fair to question her motives, you know?”

I didn’t say anything because I knew she was trying to convince herself more than me. Her eyes were full of questions that she was scared to answer because she didn’t want anything to tarnish her memory of her mother. I only hoped that she wouldn’t let her love for her mother stand in the way of finding out the truth about her past and where she came from.

“I hate that I can’t ask her,” she said softly, eyes welling with tears. “She hated my dad for leaving us, and I could see how much it upset her when I talked about him, so I avoided it. I thought that if I waited to ask about him until she was happy with someone else, then it would be easier for her. I never wanted her to think that I didn’t appreciate her, or that asking about him meant that I loved her any less. Now she’s gone, and it’s too late. I just… I really wish she was still here.”

“I know, baby.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. “I know.”

It was then that I realized I wasn’t the only one with ghosts. We were both anchored to the past, haunted by our own regrets and unable to move forward or let go. In a lot of ways, Olivia was still a three-year old little girl, scared and confused about why her dad was no longer there. I was stuck in a desert halfway across the world, watching my best friend die in front of me and wishing more than anything that I could stop it or take his place.

What kind of a future could we ever have together if we were both constantly looking back?

After Olivia went to work that night, I went home and stared at the envelope that Teddy’s parents sent me. It had been sitting on my coffee table for months, taunting me with its presence and daring me to open it. The only way I would ever have a future with Olivia was if I confronted my demons and accepted the consequences, and reading this letter was the first step.

How do you make yourself read a letter that will verify all the worst thoughts that you already have about yourself? Hearing it from people who I loved would make it all the more real, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to recover from that. My fingers hovered over the envelope, ready to tear it open and face the truth, but I couldn’t do it. Fear shot through me and I chickened out, as usual.

Instead, I hid in my bedroom, where the letter wouldn’t mock me, and waited for Olivia to finish her shift. Sometimes she would come here afterwards and I hoped that tonight would be one of those nights. When she was with me, I didn’t have to think about the past or worry about the future – all I cared about was the present.

This is it. After months and months of endless training, tactical preparation and pushing our bodies to the limit, we are finally shipping out to begin our first tour overseas. All our blood, sweat and tears have led to this moment, but in a way, it’s only the beginning.

Teddy and I wait to get on the flight that will take us to Iraq, surrounded by our parents who insisted on seeing us off. It’s more for them than it is for us. We chose this, but I know that our parents haven’t quite come to terms with it yet. I can see the fear in their eyes, and I know that my mom is barely holding it together. She’s gripping my dad’s hand so tight that it’s turning white. I’m glad that Amy didn’t come. She’s nearly nine months pregnant and about to pop, and I don’t want to upset her any more than she already is. Teddy’s little sister didn’t come either; she’s too young to deal with this. It’s hard enough with our parents here. They have to watch us walk away and wonder whether or not we’re going to come back on our own or in a wooden box draped with the flag of the country we’re fighting for.

We already had the hard conversation – you know, the one where you sit down and talk about how you want to handle stuff if you don’t make it back. My mom had to leave the room during that one, but my dad sat there graciously while I explained what I want in the case of death or serious injury. It’s a real shitty fucking conversation to have, but the Corps drilled it into our brains how important it is to have it.

I can see the other men from our unit starting to make their way to the boarding area and I know it’s time for us to go. I look over at Teddy and he nods.

“
We better get going or else we’ll miss out on the in-flight cocktails,” Teddy jokes, trying to lighten the mood. He glances sideways at me. “I hope they have those little umbrellas in them, I love those.”

“
Don’t be ridiculous, Ted.” I scoff, rolling my eyes at him dramatically. “Of course, they have those little umbrellas!”

We laugh, but as usual our parents are less than amused by our antics. My dad steps forward first and pulls me into a hug.

“
I love you, son. We’re so proud of you,” he says, clutching the back of my neck and squeezing me tight. “Be safe out there, you got it?”

I nod. “I will, Dad. I love you, too.”

My mom looks like she’s going to burst into tears at any moment, and my dad has to guide her over to me.

“
Get over here, Mama Bear,” I smile. “I need a good hug for the road.” I lean down and wrap my arms around her, lifting her a few inches off the ground. “I love you. Take good care of that little niece of mine and send me pictures when she gets here, okay?”

She nods tearfully against my chest. “I love you, honey. Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“
I promise.”

I hug Teddy’s parents, too. They’ve been like a second family to me all my life, and it’s almost as hard to say goodbye to them as it is to my own mom and dad.