Breaking Love Full Hearts 2 (32 page)

He needed to put as much distance between himself and Megan as he could. A horrible empty feeling had settled over him and his stomach churned. He realized he hadn’t felt this type of grief since his mom had died. He was not built for this type of emotion. He was a man in control of himself and his world, only not this time. Somehow Megan had stripped him of his self-control and made him question everything he thought he knew with just her smile, the touch of her hand, her laugh, her kiss. He had never known such fierce and complete love before, and he knew without a doubt that this was the real thing. She made him happy and filled him up in ways he hadn’t known were possible. She had stilled his restlessness where no one and nothing else ever had before. He needed her, and Luc Chevalier hadn’t
needed
anything in his entire adult life.

He took the little green soldier out of his pocket and stared at it for a moment, thinking of Elliott. Elliott needed him to stay away. Luc would prove only another bitter disappointment. He shoved the toy back into his jacket pocket as the first boarding announcement was made. No matter how much he ached for Megan, he would never be what she and Elliot needed.

* * *

That night, Luc boarded the red-eye to Paris, feeling utterly drained of energy. Despite having had a couple of glasses of Scotch at the airport, he ordered one more on the plane. He nodded off, hoping that when he woke he would be home and that being home would make him feel more like himself again. He knew he was making the best choice for Megan and Elliott, no matter how much it hurt at the moment. He would get over it. He was a man who had never expected a forever anyway.

He dreamed of Megan. In his dream they were on the couch, making love. He could feel his hand under her bra, the lacy fabric pressing against the back of his hand as he caressed her breast. He could feel himself pushing further inside her as she arched her back. He woke with a start, sitting straight up. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed under his breath. The well-dressed elderly woman beside him glared in his direction. He adjusted himself, grateful he had a magazine on his lap at the moment.

“Sorry. It was a bad dream. I apologize if I have offended you.”

Luc waited a minute before getting up to make his way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. Had he really had unprotected sex with Megan last night? Or was it just a very vivid dream? He couldn’t be sure unless he asked her, but how could he do that after leaving so suddenly? He had been so exhausted the night before, it was almost like being intoxicated. Maybe it
was
just a dream. It had to be. Megan would have woken up and stopped him. Wouldn’t she?

“Oh fuck,” he said to his reflection. “What have I done?”

TWENTY-THREE

Boulder—Four Days Later

“Mom! For the fiftieth time, you need to wait for help to come down the stairs!” Megan barked from the kitchen, rushing to help Helen. She had just gotten home from dropping Elliott off at school and had been about to start editing some photos.

“Don’t yell at me, young lady!” Helen replied sternly. “I’m just fine. I can hold the railing and I’m feeling much better.”

“Can you just let me help you a little? Honestly, you’re so stubborn sometimes.”

“Hmm, who else do you know that might be like that?” Helen said, raising her eyebrows at her daughter and pursing her lips.

Megan rolled her eyes and sighed. “Just call me when you want to walk down the stairs, alright?”

Her fingers gripped her mother’s elbow firmly as they descended the staircase. When they got to the living room, Helen swatted her daughter’s hand away. “I’m fine!” she insisted.

Walking slowly to the kitchen sink, Helen turned on the tap to let the water run cold while she reached for a glass in the cupboard. Tilting her head back caused her to get dizzy again, and she wobbled a bit. Megan held her arm behind her mom’s back to steady her and got the glass down. She gave her mom a peck on the side of her forehead and filled the glass for her.

“You’ve been helping me for years. Let me take care of you for a few measly days, at least.”

Helen sighed. “I just hate feeling like a burden. You’ve got enough to deal with.”

“I’m fine, Mom. Really.”

“You keep saying that, but I don’t believe you. Why don’t you tell me what happened with that handsome man of yours? He left in quite a hurry.”

Megan’s shoulders slumped. “I did tell you. He had to go back home to his life and his job. It was just a casual thing anyway. It’s really better that he went before we got too attached. It would never have worked for anything permanent, and neither of us wanted that anyway.”

“Okay,” her mom said skeptically. “If you say so.” Helen made her way over to the table and eased herself into a chair. “Come and sit for a minute.”

Megan did as she was told, giving her mom the same blank stare she used to give her when she was a girl and hoped to hide something she shouldn’t have done.

“Listen, Megan, I want to tell you something important, something you
need
to hear. Life’s short, my girl. Really fucking short.”

Megan’s eyes popped open at her mom’s foul language.

Helen raised a finger at her daughter. “That’s right. I said
fuck
. I want you to remember this moment. You young people don’t understand how fast it all goes by. One minute you’re thirty-five and the next you’re dead. That’s just the way it is. We all get only one shot at living the life we are meant to. You have to decide how you want to spend your life now, because if you think you can postpone it, you’re wrong. It’s
happening
while you’re trying to hide from it. Your dad was here and then, in a blink, he was gone. I thought it was over for me last weekend, but I got lucky. I’m still here. And I’m going to make the most of it. I’m not going to be afraid anymore.”

“Okay, Mom. Good.”

“No!” Helen slapped her hand on the table for emphasis. “Don’t just say ‘good’ as though I’m not talking about you! I don’t want to watch you hiding away from love anymore! That’s enough already. Ian turned out to be a bum. A horrible, fucking disappointment, but
you
are letting him ruin the rest of your life and that’s your fault, my girl. That’s on you. When you get to the end of the line, you’ll regret not having given love a chance. Now, I hardly know Luc, but I can tell you two have something there. I saw how he looked at you, and I know everything he did for us. That’s a good man, and you’re a fucking idiot if you let him get away.”

“When you decide to drop the F-bomb, you really let it fly,” Megan interjected.

“Stop that,” she ordered. “I’m not kidding. As soon as I’m feeling better, I’m going to ask Charlie to go on a trip with me for a few days. I want some romance in my life, and I’m going to get it. Being loved feels great, damn it, and I intend to spend the rest of my life being loved. And if it’s not by Charlie, I’ll move on to the next man and the next, until I find someone who sticks. I suggest you do the same. Now help me over to the couch, I want to watch the news
.
”

Megan got up and helped her mom over to the living room. Helen patted her cheek a little too hard. “You’re so beautiful and you’re a wonderful mom to Elliott, but you can be as dumb as a rock sometimes.”

* * *

That night Megan sat in bed, trying to read. Unable to concentrate, she sighed loudly and picked up her phone. There were no messages from Luc and she hadn’t tried to contact him. She desperately wanted to talk to him but she didn’t know what else to say. She had been waiting to feel stronger before she spoke to him, but she didn’t know how long that would take.

She quickly typed a text to him and pushed Send before she could change her mind.
You up?

A moment later, her cell buzzed.
Yes. Just getting into bed. How is your mom?

Still dizzy but getting better each day.

Good. I’m glad she’s getting better.

Can I call you?
Megan’s heart thumped in her chest as she pressed Send. She had to wait almost a full minute before a response came. Was he deciding if he wanted to talk to her? Was he with another woman already?

Yes, of course.

Megan felt a wave of relief rush over her as she dialed, but the sound of his voice as he answered the phone tugged at her heart. She could picture him lounging in bed with only a sheet covering his sculpted body.

“Hello, Megan.” His voice was quiet.

“Hi.” Megan swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “I just wanted to thank you for everything.”

“I told you that I never do anything I don’t want to do,” he replied, trying to brush off her gratitude.

Megan couldn’t help but wonder if that included leaving her. “I know, but I just don’t see how I can ever repay you for it.”

“There’s no need. It was nothing.”

“But to me it meant everything,” Megan responded.

“I’m glad I could help your mom, Megan. But I don’t want you to feel bad about it. I did it because I wanted to, but if I thought it had made you feel somehow guilty, that would really bother me.” Luc’s voice softened.

“No, I don’t want you to think that. I mean, I know you did it because you wanted to. I just want you to know I’ve never met anyone as generous and kind as you. You’re really a remarkable man. I hope you know that.”

Luc scoffed. “I’m so remarkable that you wanted me to leave.”

So he didn’t want to leave.
“Luc, please don’t say that. I didn’t want you to leave—I
needed
you to. It’s not the same. I couldn’t keep our agreement. I thought I could do it, but I’m not as sophisticated as I hoped. I wish I could have been.” Megan’s voice broke as she spoke. She paused for a moment, trying to blink back her tears and force herself to find her strength.

Luc sighed audibly. Megan could picture him running his hand through his hair, and the thought of it made her body ache with longing.

“Falling in love doesn’t mean you aren’t sophisticated. It means you have a beautiful soul, one that won’t let you hold back and keep up with the jaded lies you tell yourself. It’s not a flaw to be vulnerable.”

“It
is
a flaw, Luc, because it means we can’t be together anymore, no matter how much either of us wants to be.” Megan spoke quietly, staring out the window at the moon.

“You aren’t the problem, Megan. It’s me. I should have left you alone. I knew I would never be what you needed, and I selfishly pursued you anyway, thinking only of what I wanted.”

“How do you know you would never be what I need? That sounds like bullshit to me, Luc. You were everything I needed when my mom got sick. You didn’t just take care of me, you took care of Elliott and of her too. What if you
do
have what it takes to be with someone like me, Luc? What if you’ve been lying to yourself about not being capable of this, but you really are?” Megan’s voice was now just short of pleading. She stopped herself before she said more. She wasn’t going to beg. She had begged Ian and all it had done was rob her of her dignity.

Luc voice was sad. “You don’t know everything there is to know about me, Megan. If you did, you would understand. What you do know should be enough to warn you off me, though. I am not a family man.”

“Okay, Luc. I know enough about life to know that you need to trust someone when they tell you who they are,” Megan answered. “You would never be happy in Boulder, shovelling snow and mowing the lawn. That would be hell for a man like you, who has spent his life in the most glamorous places in the world. I know that.”

Luc pictured himself in Boulder, pushing a lawn mower in the summer heat. Immediately he could see an image of Megan smiling at him as he wiped his brow. A pang of longing hit him rather than the dread he would have expected. “I don’t think either of us is willing to risk finding out if it would be heaven or hell. There’s too much at stake.”

Megan let out a puff of air, leaning her head against the headboard. “The fact that you seem to understand why I can’t take chances makes this so much harder for me.”

“Should I pretend I don’t get it and that I’m angry with you? Would that help you?”

“It wouldn’t work. You told me you’d be pretending.”

“Listen, I need to know that you’re going to be alright.” Luc’s voice was thick with emotion.

No! I’m not going to fucking be alright! This is going to hurt like hell!
Megan did her best to sound convincing. “Of course, I’ll be fine. I’ve been through much worse. I’ve got to go, okay?”

Luc paused. “I want you to promise me one thing,
mon ange
. Promise me you will call me if you ever need me. If you are in any type of trouble, ever, you let me know. I’ll be there for you.”

Tears rolled down Megan’s cheeks as she listened to him, still wanting to care for her, even at the end. She nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see her.

“Are you nodding?”

“Yes,” she whispered, laughing a little at herself and at him for guessing what she was doing.

“Oh fuck, you’re crying, aren’t you? I’m so sorry, Megan. I wish I was there right now to hold you.”

“Me too, but I’m pretty sure it would only make this much harder. Goodbye, Luc.”

“Good night, Megan.”

Paris—Two Weeks Later

Luc sat at his desk in the office at Cloud, looking over design boards with his decorator, René. The first club he had opened needed updating and he was in the final stages of approving designs. The phone rang and Luc pressed the hands-free button without looking up to see who was calling.

“Luc Chevalier,” he answered, his voice impassive.

“Luc, you piece of shit! I hope you’re ready to say goodbye to that big dick of yours! I told you’d I’d chop it off if you fucked over my best—”

He lunged for the receiver, picking it up before Harper could finish her sentence. He waved René out the door, avoiding the designer’s wide-eyed, gape-mouthed expression as he exited the room and closed the door silently behind himself.