She pulls out a folder and pen and shakes her head back and forth. “Does he know you feel this way?”
I keep my head down and trace the lines on the table. “No.”
Behind her glasses, her hazel eyes stare at me skeptically. “I don’t think he’s going to be okay with this.”
Dropping my face into my waiting palms, I groan in frustration. “But there’s nothing else I can think of. It’s too weird with us, Melissa.”
She nods her head in understanding and pulls out a sheet of paper with a list of tutors. She pauses over a few names and finally settles on a name I can’t make out. “I have someone.”
“Great!” I say with relief.
“But he’s a guy,” she admits.
I regard her cautiously when I see the small gleam in her eyes. “His name is Sebastian. He’s tutored for a while.” My fingers drum on the table at a rapid pace because I remember Sebastian is the guy Macsen hates. Melissa quickly rattles off more of his credentials. “Sebastian is really nice and brilliant in math. You’ll be in good hands.”
I slowly nod my head. “Okay...”
Her pen taps against the paper and I just want to scream at her to finalize it already. “You’re okay with this, right?”
“Yep.” I give her the brightest smile I can muster.
Melissa doesn’t look convinced but she drags her pen down a list of names. When she hits Macsen Sloan she automatically crosses off my name next to his. I openly cringe at how final it looks. She quickly writes my name next to Sebastian and smiles sympathetically at me. “People will be coming in soon.” She stands up and points at a table across from Macsen’s. “Sebastian sits over there.”
“Thanks again,” I tell her sincerely.
“I’ll take care of Macsen.” She rubs her forehead, and looks at me regretfully. “He’s not going to take this lying down.”
I know that. The minute he walks through the door he’s going to figure it out.
I go sit down and start to pull out everything I’ll need. My legs shake the minute people start filtering in, and I watch Melissa pull Sebastian aside.
Now that he’s my new tutor, I look at him carefully. He’s average height with a lean build. He has dark auburn hair, cut short. Melissa points back to where I’m sitting and Sebastian follows her finger.
He raises his brows and gives me a nod.
When he sits down, I notice his dark brown eyes and olive skin.
His cheekbones are sharp and lead down to a chiseled jaw.
All I can notice is that he doesn’t pull out a pair of glasses.
He holds out his hand. “I’m Sebastian.”
I give him a firm shake and realize his hands aren’t calloused. “Emilia.”
Instantly, he asks about what I’m working on. I explain what I struggle with and he starts to go through the problems in a slow manner that I’m not really used to.
I nod and listen to him, but I keep glancing over at the entrance every few minutes, waiting for Macsen. And when Macsen does enter the room, I know I wouldn’t have to be looking at the doorway to know, I feel it in my bones. My body is filled with anticipation and happiness and fear—fear over how he’ll react. I stop listening to Sebastian and watch Macsen discreetly. He strolls past everyone with his eyes directed at his normal table.
If he would look up he would see me sitting with Sebastian but instead he just sits down and starts to unzip his bag. Melissa trails after him with quick steps and when she finally gets his attention, she turns and blocks Macsen’s view of where I’m sitting. I know the moment she starts to tell him he no longer has to tutor me. His back becomes tense and I watch as he stands up and leans close to talk to Melissa in a quick, heated tone.
I can’t hear anything from where I’m sitting, but when Melissa turns around and walks away, she looks at me with a murderous expression.
Quickly, I mouth, ‘Thank you.’ She shrugs her shoulders and goes back to her table.
My eyes stay
on her table because I know that when I look back at Sebastian, I’ll have to look at Macsen first and I can feel his anger from here. Slowly, I shift my gaze and when my eyes connect with Macsen’s, I see him watching me with his palms flat on his table. I hold his stare long enough to see just how hurt and angry he is.
But I want to hear his suggestions ... what does he think we should do? I’m out of ideas.
With agile ease, he lifts himself away from the table and walks over to where I sit. I cut a glance at Melissa. She’s watching with her lips tightly drawn and I quickly look back at Sebastian pretending to listen to everything he’s saying.
Out of the corner of my eye I see
Macsen moving closer and when I smell his clean scent I look down at my textbook.
I feel his hands curl around my chair and he leans down. My fingers grip the n
otebook in front of me tightly.
“Can I talk to you?” he asks deeply.
I lift my head and his nose brushes against my cheek. Heat spreads throughout my body with that one action. I give Sebastian an apologetic glance and turn in my seat. Macsen won’t shift back. His face is inches from mine. I can see all the fury and hurt in his green eyes.
“Hi,
” I say stupidly.
His gaze turns icy. “Let’s talk.”
I lean my back against the table and shake my head. Macsen leans in even closer. My heart hammers in my chest because he won’t look away and his anger makes the intensity in his gaze all the more powerful.
“I’m okay where I am now,” I whisper.
Macsen grabs my bicep and quickly pulls me up. I jerk back in shock and his hold tightens. He looks at Sebastian with a dark smile. “I need to talk to her. We’ll be right back.”
Sebastian says nothing. He’s too busy staring at us.
I have to practically run to keep up with Macsen’s strides. He’s always calm and collected and I’m seeing a side of him that alarms me. I don’t know how to take him this way.
People give us curious looks as we walk up the stairs to the second floor. My feet instantly try to backtrack because this area holds memories of the two of us.
“You’re acting like an asshole,” I hiss to his back.
Macsen doesn’t break his stride but his hold on me loosens up. We stroll through aisles and aisles of books and I realize with a sinking feeling where he’s going. I can do nothing to stop it.
We go to the exact row of books where he once lifted me onto a bookshelf and kissed and loved me like he was starving for me.
I stare at the small aisle, refusing to go in. Macsen crowds me, forcing me to move forward into the small space. When I’m a few steps in, I turn back around and try to slide past Macsen because I don’t want to be in this tiny space with him. His hands land on my shoulders, preventing me from escaping. I expected cold glares from him when I switched tutors but I didn’t expect this much anger and it throws me off balance.
A deep shuddering breath escapes me as I look up at him and see his eyes filled with so much hurt. It makes me ache. I want to reach out and lay my head against his chest but I don’t know where we stand anymore.
The two of us stand there silently, and the longer we stand, the more Macsen starts to loosen up. His hands drift from my shoulders, and slowly his fingers touch the skin above my collarbone. He thoughtfully looks at me in the way I was used to.
The urge to lean into his touch is powerful; I purposefully dig my fingernails into my palms to keep me alert.
“Can you let me go?”I whisper, but to my own ears, it sounds like a plea.
His arms don’t move an inch as he stares down at me with confusion. “What are you doing?”
I play stupid and look into his green eyes without blinking. “I’m here for math.”
“I can help you,” he emphasizes slowly.
“No, you can’t.” I push out of his grasp and back away, leaning against a shelf.
“Hell I can’t,” he growls and leans closer, “I’ve been tutoring you since September. Why change that?”
Looking over at him, I see the panic in his eyes and realize that maybe he’s hanging onto our tutoring sessions just as desperately as I am. My hands gr
ip the bookshelf behind me. “I’m doing this because you want this!”
He instantly pushes away from the shelf and points between us. “I didn’t want this. You did this!”
My eyes slam shut and when I open them I see raw hurt etched into Macsen’s features. “I can’t pretend everything is okay,” I whisper. “You can, but I can’t do that.”
A muscle in his jaw flutters as he looks around the space. I know he’s thinking about the last time we were here. He has to be.
His eyes flit down to the ground before he looks back at me. “Us not being together doesn’t affect me helping you.”
I
want to believe that, so much. But I know it’s not the truth. “Macsen, you told me that we shouldn’t talk. I think that affects the tutoring.” He opens his mouth and I interrupt him. “What do you want me to do?” I whisper with anguish in my voice.
He runs both hands down his face and shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
The urge to wrap my arms around his waist is so strong I have to lace my fingers tightly behind my back. “I’m trying to do the right thing,” I say softly.
Macsen rests his hands on his narrow waist and looks at me angrily.
“And you think Sebastian is the right person to tutor you?”
“No, he’s not!” I admit before I sputter out more of the truth.
“But things are messed up between us!”
“So you pull this?
”
“I can’t win with you, Macsen! I’m doing this because I thought it would be the best for us!”
I’m trying so hard to do the right thing because I love him. I love him enough to take a step back when I really want to take two giant leaps into his arms and never let go.
He stares at me, saying nothing and takes a step back, putting his hands up in the air.
“You want Sebastian to tutor you? Fine. Go ahead.”
Instantly, I step forward.
“Why are you mad?” I cry out.
“Why wouldn’t I be,
Emilia? I open up my fucking soul to you, and you blew it to pieces.”
My body is shaking.
“How many times do I have to say sorry?”
He shrugs and backs away. “Go do the math with your new tutor and maybe you’ll find the right answer.”
MACSEN
I’ve never played poker with Chris.
Sitting around the table with my brother and three of his friends, I understand why.
They’re all laughing and drinking around my kitchen table with cigars in their mouth
s while I sit here, thinking about Emilia.
Chris dangles
a cigar between his fingers and looks at me. “You want one?”
I take a drink of my beer and shake my head. “Thanks but I like my lungs the way they are.”
“Remind me, why did I invite you to this?” Chris asks as he puffs on his cigar and blows smoke into my face.
My brother sits across from me and smirks as he looks down at his cards. “You invited him because we needed another guy,” Thayer says with a grin. “And because he really sucks.”
Tonight, I couldn’t focus on anything. I bet everything I had and now I was out for the rest of the game. Chris wouldn’t take a buy back and to quote him, “You pay to play.”
I think I could apply that term in other areas of my life. I paid when it came to Emilia. I took a gamble on her, thinking that my gut was right, that I had finally met someone that would always hold my attention.
But she knocked me off my fucking feet.
I should have been relieved that she had found someone else, but I wasn’t. The minute Melissa told me that Sebastian would be helping her all I wanted to do was pick up my chair and throw it at him.
There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s enjoying all the time with her. He liked Emilia before me, and he’ll like her after me. I’m not stupid. The little fuck is going to try to snatch her up.
But she’
s mine in my head. Even knowing everything she has done to me, Emilia is still mine.
I’ve only watched him tutor her for one session and that was one session too many for me. Tonight I skipped out because if I sat back and watched them
, I knew that I was bound to explode on Sebastian.
“Remy, my man,” Chris says with a cigar in his mouth. “I’m surprised you’re here. I thought me stealing your money last time would make you never want to play again.”
Remy is the point guard on the basketball team. I don’t know much about him, except that he’s the quietest of Thayer and Chris’s friends.
He lifts his middle finger in the air and looks down at his car
ds. “I wasn’t going to come, but Thayer conned me into it. Sebastian bailed at the last minute—we were supposed to hang out, but he had to tutor someone.”
Thayer looks over at me, and I shake my head in a warning. But Chris doesn’t see the warning. He tosses some poker chips into the middle of the table and grins. “Is that code for fucking a girl?”