Breath of Dragons (A Pandoran Novel) (43 page)

"No, we're not," Thad said, grabbing my ankle, "because we still need to find a way to get you in to Karth, and I have the perfect plan." He flashed me that mischievous smile I knew so well, and I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

Thad's perfect plan had been simple, though the four of us still managed to argue over it for at least one hour. Mostly because it meant Thad and I would enter Karth
alone
, and Alex was having none of it. Thad hadn't known exactly how many men Eris had sent to try to capture me, so we all agreed we didn't know how deeply Eris's influence reached. We had all also agreed that any enemies present would recognize Thad and assume Thad was on their side, which could work to our advantage. And with me being escorted as Thad's prisoner, none of Eris's men would suspect Thad was working with me, and therefore would most likely leave us be. Alex and Vera, on the other hand, could more easily be recognized, not to mention Thad would appear outnumbered, and their presence would raise many unwanted questions and earn us a potential escort for added security. Which we didn't need.

No, there hadn't been any disagreement about the essentials. It was the fact that I would be with Thad—alone—that Alex couldn't deal with. In the end, I made the decision to go forward with Thad's plan, and Alex was so angry with me that he got up and left through the dwarf-sized front door. I hurried after him, but Vera grabbed my arm.

"No," she said. "He needs to learn to trust you, princess. His feelings go well beyond that of your Aegis, and it's affecting his reasoning. Let him sort it out."

I blinked at her in surprise. "Thank you, Vera."

She nodded sharply and let go of my arm.

Alex didn't come back until the fire had dissolved into hot embers. Vera was curled up on a blanket near the door and Thad was resting in his bed. He'd exhaustively offered it to me, but I'd stubbornly refused and sat before the stove. Though I was extremely tired, I couldn't sleep until I knew Alex was back safely.

I didn't turn around when I heard the door creak open. It closed with a soft click, and then Alex's footfalls moved closer until they stopped behind me. He then took a seat at my side, close enough that his arm brushed against mine.

A few seconds of silence passed.

At last, Alex spoke. "I'd hoped you'd be sleeping," he said quietly, gently. His anger was gone.

I squinted at the kindling. "And I'd hoped you'd come back sooner."

Very slowly, he reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "I feel like I'm always apologizing to you," he whispered.

"Stop acting absurd, and maybe you won't have to," I said.

He chuckled softly beside me, rubbing circles on my wrist with his thumb. "You're right. It's my feelings for you that make me act so…
absurd
." He emphasized my word. "They cloud everything, Daria. I know I need to trust you more. I need to let you be who you are and have better faith that you know what you are doing—you've proven that over and over again on this journey. And right now, what you need is my support; it's just sometimes I…"

He turned his body so that he was facing me, and when I looked up into his face, the look in his eyes made my heart beat a little bit faster. The orange embers warmed his face and softened the angles, and I could see the dark shadow of stubble poking through along his jaw. "Daria, if anything happens to you, I'll never be able to forgive myself. You are a part of me that nothing else can fill. I wish that I could protect you from everything, but I know that I can't. As your Aegis, I know that I must defer to you and that there are things you must face without me. But as your…" He clenched his jaw. "It's…it's hard." Here, he paused and a looked at me with a question in his eyes. "Do you really trust him?"

It wasn't a loaded question. His eyes searched and his face had softened in a way that was genuinely interested.

I sighed and glanced briefly at Thad's sleeping frame before settling my gaze upon the fire. "I'm not sure," I said at last. "I want to. I really,
really
want to, Alex." I threaded my fingers together and flexed them over my kneecap. "I spent three years not trusting you, either, you know."

"That's entirely different," he said.

"Is it?" I glanced back at him, gazing deeply into his eyes. "My whole life I didn't know who you really were. Here I'd thought you were my best friend, and I didn't even know your real last name. I was
so
angry for so long, Alex. I spent
years
bitter and resentful that you'd left, and when you came back, I spent even more time furious with you for lying to me. I wasted so much time and energy being angry and hurt and unwilling to forgive—all because I didn't understand. All because I didn't understand you or why you did what you had done. No, it wasn't until I almost got us all killed that I realized how stupid and selfish and unfair I had been. And I realized that, had I been standing in your shoes, I probably would've done the exact same thing."

"Daria, I hope you know by now that I don't fault you for your reaction. You were completely within your right to be angry with me for lying."

I shook my head. "I know that you don't fault me, but it's not about that. It's not about what you should or shouldn't have done. It happened, and for me to have held on to it so tightly for so long was wrong. Our time in the world is so short, and life is too fragile and too precious…" I paused, swallowing through a tight throat. "I can't always know what makes a person choose to act this way or that. I can't always see the road they walk or understand what burdens they carry, but it doesn't matter that I understand. What matters is what
I
choose to do about it, and I won't make the same mistake again. I won't waste any more time or energy or emotion being angry about things I can't control. I won't let my compassion wither away because I can't let go of bitterness, like my uncle.

"And Thad…it would be dishonest of me to say that I don't want a relationship with him. He was there for me at a time when no one else was, and through that, no matter how true or false his actions, I grew to love him like a brother. I'm not saying that I've forgotten Thad's betrayal—I will never forget that. But forgiveness isn't about forgetting. Forgiveness is about moving on and starting anew and beginning the healing process from a wrongdoing, and hopefully the relationship will be stronger because of it. We all make mistakes, Alex, no matter how great or small. Thad made a very big mistake, but that doesn't change the fact that I still care about him. He has asked for a second chance; who am I to deny him that?"

For a long time, Alex was silent. There was a look on his face I'd never seen before, some mixture of wonder and curiosity and humility. At last he reached out and trailed his fingertips along my jaw. "You've changed," he said, though even through his whisper, I could hear his pride.

My grin was slight. "I've learned some things in the past few months."

His eyes were huge and close as he trailed his thumb over my bottom lip. "And now, I'm learning too." He pulled his thumb from my lip and cupped the side of my face. "It goes against every fiber of my being to let him close to you, Daria, but I can't argue with anything you've just said. If you want to give him a second chance, I won't try to stop you. Granted, I can't say that I'll be as kind, but I'll do my best. For you. You're a better person than I am."

"No, I'm just tired of being angry all the time."

He smiled, slipped his hand beneath my chin, lifted it slightly, and he kissed me. Tenderly and gently. Perfect. It only lasted a moment, but it still managed to leave me feeling lightheaded and dizzy. He slipped his hand in mine and helped me to my feet. He grabbed a few blankets from a shelf, and the two of us spread them out near the stove. I was surprised he was allowing himself to lie beside me, but he probably figured he was safe from my romantic attacks with Vera and Thad in the room. I curled up against him, and he wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me so close that even through our leathers, I could feel his hard and lean frame against my back.

What I wouldn't give for a lifetime of this.

And it was to the sound of his breathing and the warmth of his breath on my hair that I finally found peace enough to sleep.

Chapter 21

The City of Karth

T
he four of us stood under cover of a crop of trees, gazing upon a great stone wall. The city of Karth was behind that wall, turrets and spires poking their heads up from behind its great heights as if to keep a watchful eye on the world outside. Flags of reds and golds fluttered from their crowns, matching the red and gold banners hanging down from the apex of the arched portcullis in the wall—the only way in and the only way out.

"Are you ready?" Thad asked me.

I took a deep breath and pulled my hood up and over my head. I wasn't wearing the
venita
cloak this morning. I'd left that back at Thad's. Thad had had a nice collection of woolen cloaks that he'd given each of us to wear. I had concealed my dagger beneath it, and I had also ripped Tran's note from the bindingbook, folded it, and shoved it in my pocket—just in case Arioch Prime needed proof. "Ready as I'll ever be," I said.

Thad tugged on his hood. "Okay. Time to put these on." He held out a pair of fancy shackles with runes etched all over the cuffs. When the light hit them just right, the lettering glimmered as if they had been written in silver glitter. According to Thad, they were magical handcuffs. The runic markings were charms in case the bearer tried using magic to disable the cuffs—the cuffs would absorb the magic.

Alex hadn't been a huge fan of this part of the plan, either, but Thad had emphasized how every single detail counted. It would be expected that a high-profile prisoner, like myself, would be wearing magical cuffs, and if we were spotted by some of Eris's men, they'd be suspicious if I wore anything less. To Alex's annoyance, both Vera and I had agreed with Thad on that point, too.

The cuffs clicked open and I set my wrists into them. The metal was surprisingly warm, and no sooner had my wrists touched it than the metal clamped shut. The runes glittered, sliding over the surface like liquid, and I suddenly realized the hinges in the cuffs were no longer visible. The cuffs had become one solid band with glittering letters moving around it.

Thad noticed my concern and said, "Don't worry, Rook. They're not permanent. I'll take them off as soon as it's safe."

"You'd better," I said.

Thad rolled his eyes.

"So help me, Thaddeus, if anything happens to her…" Alex said.

"I know, I know!" Thad said. "You'll hang me from a tree and let my entrails fertilize the earth."

Alex's eyes narrowed. "Worse."

"Uh, you'll tie me up in a sack, tie a cannon to my feet and throw me over the Great Cliffs so that I can drown in the Black Sea where the bone carp can feast on my eyes?"

Alex adjusted his arms. "Worse."

"Not Mistress Harpy." Thad's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

Alex's eyes narrowed further. "Would."

"Wouldn't what?" I asked. "And who's Mistress Harpy?"

Vera grumbled and rolled her eyes. "One of the girls in the bard's choir. She has a terrible voice, but they can't kick her off because her father is the director. She has a thing for Thaddeus."

I smirked back at Thad, who made a face like
don't even start
.

There was even the hint of a grin on Alex's lips. "Thaddeus thinks…what was it you said?" Alex glanced sideways at Thad. "That she's the size of a duråt?"

"No, bigger. And she sings like a gargon."

I chuckled and Thad looked back at me with a smile on his face.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Ready," I said.

I looked back at Alex. His eyes were locked on my face, and I could see the struggle in them. This was extremely difficult for him, but he was trying. He then nodded for me to go on, like if I didn't hurry, he might change his mind and never let me out of his sight. I mouthed the words
I love you
, and he whispered, "Then come back."

Thad and I emerged from the tree cover and out onto the open road. When I looked back to where we'd left Alex and Vera, I could see nothing but trees. He was there, though, watching me. I could feel him like the pull of an electromagnetic field.

It was strange, being alone with Thad like this again. It was sort of like old times, but it wasn't. There was the image of Thad, my friend, but it kept flickering with an image of Thad holding a knife to Fleck's neck, like some hologram being distorted with digital interference, and I couldn't seem to separate the two channels.

"Rook, you can't marry Point of Fact," Thad said as we walked.

"You don’t listen very well, do you?" I flashed eyes at him.

"Nope," he said easily, glancing down at my rook-embedded sheath. "You're still wearing it."

I stared back ahead at the wall and pinched my lips together. I stretched the cuffs apart as far as they would go, just to give myself something else to do rather than think about marriages, but the cuffs only stretched about five inches.

"I'm serious," Thad continued, grabbing hold of my arm.

I flinched at his touch, lowering my hands.

Thad noticed, and I felt his disappointment. "Sorry," he said. "But I kinda have to…"

"I know," I said flatly and relaxed a little. I knew he'd have to escort me, but the contact was still a little too much, too soon.

"You can't do that to Del Can't," Thad continued lowly.

We were on to this again? I glared straight ahead. "Really? Because he's the one who's been telling me to consider it all this time."

"Only because he has to," Thad said.

"And what would you know?" I spat.

Thad hesitated. "I know that I've never seen anyone love someone in the way that he loves you."

I grit my teeth together. "Anyway, I'm here so that I don't have to marry Danton."

"And I'm saying that even if you don't find what you're looking for, you can't marry him."