Breath of Life (23 page)

“Don’t hide from me. Not now,” Jack said sitting himself beside her on the bed.

“I feel used and pathetic right now,” Kenleigh’s voice was quiet and muffled.

“That’s not what last night was about, I swear Kitten.”  He ran his hand along her back. She jerked away and tears were in her eyes. Jack’s chest ached.

“How would you know?! You said yourself you couldn’t remember last night!” She shoved off the bed and Jack knew he should leave but he couldn’t leave her like this. 

“Even though we were both drunk last night, it was one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time. Now…now it’s just the worst. I feel used, like a whore, like a toy. I can’t be your revenge. I can’t.” Kenleigh walked away from him. She couldn’t look at him right now.

She went to the closet and snatched her suitcase out. Jack saw her throw clothes in it.

“Don’t leave. Not now, I need you. I need a friend here,” Jack pleaded. He couldn’t lose Paxton and Kenleigh in one day. Jack knew it would be too much for him. He would never recover.

“Jack, stop. I can’t do this right now. I need to sort through my feeling now. Be
my
friend now and give me some space. I just need to clear my head.”

Jack left and didn’t say a word. He went back to his room. He knew he couldn’t deal with the fallout of Paxton right now. His thoughts were focused on Kenleigh now. He hurt the one person he needed in his corner. He laid on his bed in the dark.

He heard the drawer slams as she finished packing. Then it was silent. He didn’t hear her leave but he knew that she probably was crying on the bed. He hurt her deeply. He cut open her chest and probably ripped her heart out. She lashed out and she had every right too. He closed his eyes and wished he could have a redo on the last year of his life.

EIGHTEEN

Duke walked into his apartment after a long day at school. He set his bag on the couch and kicked off his shoes. He went to the kitchen and started to preheat the oven. He decided on pizza on the way home. He didn’t feel like cooking tonight.

He went to take a shower. He had an awesome practice with the team. He hoped they would take state. He picked up the coaching position for baseball as the old coach quit. It kept him busy year round between football in the fall and baseball in the spring. He threw a towel on and stepped out of the bathroom. There was a knock on his door. He looked up from towel drying his hair. He walked over and looked through the peep hole. Paxton was standing outside his door, tears in her eyes.

“Paxton?” He swung the door open. She ran into his arms.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.”

“Hey,” he said rubbing her back. “It’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He felt Paxton try to get a slight smile against his shoulder. “Come in. Sit down.” He led her to the couch.

Paxton sat down and he saw her facial expression change as she realized he was only in a towel. Duke smiled and looked down he needed to lighten the mood.

“Like what you see Pax?” He wiggled his eyebrows. Through her sob she laughed and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Let me go change and then we can talk.” She nodded.

Duke went back to his room. He quickly threw on jeans and t-shirt. He quickly checked his phone because he didn’t have it all day. He forgot to plug his phone in last night, so he woke up late. He left it on the charger while he went to work. He saw a couple missed calls from Paxton and a few texts. The first few were from Paxton stating she needed to see him and that she was heading over hoping he was there. He wondered what the hell happened that she was trying to get a hold of him.

He flipped to the next message. Jack’s name pulled up. Duke hadn’t heard from him since he left Paxton the first time. He saw him for the first time leaving Paxton’s house a few days ago. He reluctantly opened the message and a picture popped up. He and Kenleigh were naked, happy and naked, probably post sex. The message for it popped up on the screen. ‘
At least I didn’t almost call her the wrong name…’ 
Duke gripped his phone. This must be why Paxton was here. Jack fucked the one person Paxton felt inferior to. He shoved his phone in his pocket and headed towards the living room.

Paxton was sitting on the couch staring at the blank TV. The tears stopped and when she caught sight of him, Duke saw her fall apart all over again. “What happened Pax?”

“She answered his phone.”

“Who?” Duke decided to play dumb.

“Kenleigh. I called Jack because I’m trying to get my job back. Jonathan said that if you and Jack could vouch for me along with Dr. Keeler there should be no problem getting my job back. I wanted to talk to him, but she answered. Her voice was groggy.” Paxton stared into space.

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. She finally wore him down. I’m sure they slept together, why else would she answer his phone?” She looked up at Duke. He knew now that she didn’t know they actually slept together, she only had her suspicions. 

“He said that he was leaving, going back to New York.”

“You deserve better cupcake,” Duke said pulling her in. “You deserve so much more and yes I will vouch for you. I’m so happy that you want to go back.” He placed a kiss on her head.

 Duke loved her but he didn’t want to tell her. She would refute it, he wasn’t sure if she felt the same or not. Ever since they slept together, something changed in him. He loved her before because she was Ella’s best friend but now his feelings were more. For the first time since Ella past, he was ready to love again. He wanted Paxton even though he wasn’t sure if he should cross that line. They were drunk when they were together. It may have been just spur of the moment for her. She was filling a need, but he was happy to fill it for her.

“Do you still think of Ella?” Paxton broke into his thoughts.

“Yes. That’s why I moved out of our house into this apartment. I never wanted to go home. Our house was filled with too many memories. I still love her but I think she would want me to be happy, so I moved on. I still go to her with flowers. She will always have a place in my heart.”

“How do you move on? How do you get past that loss?”

Duke closed his eyes. He remembered how hard it was for him the first few months after Ella died.

“I had the support of friends. I knew you were having a hard time and I knew Ella wouldn’t want us to waste our lives. I moved on for Ella.
You are my moment, my breath of life.
That rings in my head every single day. I live my life because that’s what she would want. I let myself fall for someone that I knew she would approve of, even though that person isn’t ready to fall herself. I know I will never forget Ella but I can’t live my life in the what-ifs. I just live. I let everything be my moment. Those moments are my breath of life. I like to think that Ella is the one creating these moments for me.”

Duke lifted her up to look at her.  He didn’t want to admit it to her but he wanted her to know after he realized what he just said about Ella.

“Paxton Andrews, you are my moment now. Ella would want us to be happy and you make me happy. You make me think of a future. I fell in love with you that night in Athens. It’s as if fate put you in front of me.  I love you.”

Duke felt Paxton freeze. She stared at him. She shook her head. “You don’t love me. Ella, she would want you with someone you deserve. Someone special.”

Duke’s heart stopped for a moment. “No, I do love you. I don’t care if you don’t return my feelings but you need to know I will always be here for you. Even if it’s with someone else, I will love you.” Duke let her go. She stayed where she was. 

“There is nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect. You need to be cherished and I want to be the one who does that, but I do not want to force you into this.” Duke waited for her response.

“I need to go.” Paxton stood up.

Duke chastised himself. He knew he just dropped a bomb on her. She wasn’t ready to hear it and he shouldn’t have said it. His head dropped. He may have just driven her away. He heard the door open and close.

“Dammit!” Duke screamed after a moment. He stood and went to the kitchen. He threw in his pizza and waited. He wasn’t sure if he should go after her or not.

He decided not to go after Paxton right away. She needed time to deal with what he just confessed to her. He was however going to see Jack. It was time that those two sat and talked about things. He ate his pizza then quickly got up and washed the dishes he created. Once they were done, he grabbed his keys and left.

He drove aimlessly until he figured out which hotel he was staying at. Duke called every single hotel in town. He went down the list that Google provided him on his browser search. He called the Comfort Inn & Suites. He got his room number after the clerk tried to connect the call through. He pulled up and stormed inside. He navigated to the suites on the top floor. He slammed his fist against the door.

Duke heard shuffling behind the door then it opened. He pushed his way in. “What the fuck are you doing Jack? What the hell is this?”

He shoved his phone towards Jack with the picture of Jack and Kenleigh filling the screen.

Jack didn’t say anything but his face hardened. “Paxton was just at my house because Kenleigh answered your phone. What the hell are you doing to her? Is this your payback to her?”

“Fuck you Duke. You have no room to talk here. You fucked my wife.”

“I had sex with your
ex
-wife,” Duke corrected him.

“Ex-wife or not, you crossed a line. She is mine and I
will
get her back, she just needs her space.”

“I think you have given her enough space over the last year and there was no such line in place.”

“I think you should leave. You have no idea what happened between Kenleigh and I,” Jack spat out.

Duke saw Kenleigh peer through the door that wasn’t closed all the way. Jack didn’t even hear her open it.

“You slept with her! You fucked up Jack. You really did. Paxton won’t forgive you, she won’t see past this.” Duke looked quickly over Jack’s shoulder and saw Kenleigh peering through the door waiting for Jack’s response. Duke knew baiting Jack in the heat of the moment was a low blow but he didn’t care.

“Kenleigh meant nothing to me last night!
Nothing
. I am here for Paxton, only Paxton,” Jack growled. Duke’s face dropped as he heard Kenleigh’s gasp as she shut the door. Jack turned realizing what just happened.

“God fucking dammit!” He turned back to Duke. “You are an asshole! Get out of my room before I have someone throw you out!” He grabbed his wallet and left the room.

Duke felt bad for Kenleigh but she needed to hear it. He left and saw Jack knocking on her door pleading for her to open up. He headed out of the hotel and back to his place.

Duke laid in his bed, it was only 7:30 now but he was tired and wanted this day to be over. He closed his eyes and hoped that tomorrow would be a better day.  His adrenaline was finally coming down and now he felt like shit. Going after Kenleigh was wrong but Jack dug his own grave.

Duke looked at his phone. He hadn’t heard a single word from Paxton. He decided to text her. He couldn’t stand the silence. He didn’t know where she was or how she was dealing with this.

Duke: You okay?

His phone buzzed immediately.

Paxton: You dropped a bomb on me.

Duke: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.

Paxton: Did you mean it?

Duke: Yes.

Paxton: I have feelings for you. Just not in the same way.

Duke: We need to talk in person. Not like this.

He didn’t get an immediate response. Duke sighed, he knew he couldn’t corner her on this. She had to come to him about it when she was ready.

Duke: When you are ready.

After a few silent moments his phone buzzed.

Paxton: Can you come over???

Duke: Are you sure?

Duke felt his hopes raise a tiny bit. Her replies weren’t immediate as they had been.  A few minutes went by before he heard a buzz with her reply.

Paxton: Yes. When can you get here?

Duke: on my way.

Paxton: k

Duke wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but she was talking to him. That had to be a good sign. He jumped out of bed. He wanted to get there before she changed her mind. Thoughts of Jack and their argument had disappeared.

He found himself walking through her door within ten minutes. He drove like a bat out of hell to get there. “Paxton?”

“Upstairs!” He heard her voice shout out.

He took the stairs two at a time. He looked in the master bedroom but she wasn’t there. He heard a noise from down the hall.

He walked towards the nursery and found her rocking herself. Her eyes met his as he slowly walked into the room. She removed her foot from the foot rest in front of her. Duke took it as his seat. His legs were now on both sides of hers, he leaned forward. “What are you doing in here?” He quietly asked taking her hand in both of his.

“Thinking.” She didn’t make eye contact with him. “What if I had a child? Would it be so hard to move on?” Duke wasn’t sure what she was asking.

“What if Ella died and I had a child, do you think I would be like this? Like I was?”

“I think you did what you needed to do. Don’t go there Paxton, I can’t watch you fall apart again.” He kissed her hand. It trembled. This room was not good for her. This represented a future she could have had with Jack. One she would think about.

“But what if you had a child? Would you have been there for me?”

“Yes, maybe if Ella and I had a child, you would be there for him or her. You would protect that child like they were your own.”

Duke saw her flinch. She was keeping something from him but he didn’t know what. He didn’t know why she was dwelling on the what-if’s of children they could have had.

 “Yeah,” there was no conviction in her voice.

“Paxton, what’s going on? What’s this really about?”