Breathless (37 page)

“Or, or, wait for it: what if they have a job shoveling elephant dung or what if they’re European and don’t believe in bathing?”

I laughed.

“Or, what if they lived in Antarctica? No way could I live in an igloo. I like my sunshine and Cowboys too much,” he said.

I piped up. “Oh, oh, I got one. What if your soulmate was a Redskins fan?”

Sebastian made a gagging sound and grabbed his chest. “You’re breaking my heart.”

We sat there for a minute, both of us lost in thought, until he said, “
Maybe
it’s possible. I think my parents had it. What about you?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I believe in soulmates, but it’s up to us what we do with it.”

“Have you ever had a moment you thought could be love at first sight?” he asked with a sly grin, like he already knew the answer.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“Are you going to tell me who it was with?” he teased, arching his brows at me.

“It wasn’t Cuba or Matt,” I said wryly, turning to look out the window as we passed my house. The lights were still on. Odd.

“I tried to be with Cuba, but in the end I couldn’t,” I said, sighing.

“You couldn’t because of Leo,” he said. “I was there the day you guys saw each other, and Leo looked like he’d been hit by a two-by-four. I couldn’t see your face that day, but I see you now. You never stop watching him, Nora.”

My heart stuttered, and I stopped breathing for a moment.

“He’s the one you had a moment with. He’s the one for you, Nora.”

I nodded weakly, not able to stop the tears that ran down my face. He pulled me over to him and gave me a gentle hug. “It’s okay, Nora.”

After a while, he scrubbed my head with his knuckles like I’d seen Leo do to him.

I pulled back to look at his kind face. “I wish you’d been my family,” I whispered, the emotional upheaval of the night catching up with me. “I wish you’d been my brother.”

He nodded. “If I’d ever had a sister, I’d want one just like you, Buttercup.”

Chapter 15

Nora

“You gotta know when it’s time to turn the page.” –
Nora Blakely

When we got to the gym, Mila got in her car to go home. Sebastian insisted I come in and crash on their sofa since I was still buzzing from the shots. I agreed. He left me downstairs while he grabbed some towels from the linen closet to dry off his leather seats. When he back went outside, I headed upstairs to his room to change into some of his clothes.

I walked down the hall as Leo came out of his bedroom with his arm wrapped around Tiffani’s shoulders. Her fingers clutched the belt loops on his jeans, like she owned him. As I watched, she smiled up at him, looking pleased. Then Leo kissed her, just like he’d done with me earlier. Her hands roamed all over his back, pressing him close. She moaned a little as the kiss went on and on.

It. Broke. Me.

I stood there stunned, scanning my eyes over her mussed hair and inside out shirt. I closed my eyes, wishing I could scrub the memory from my brain. And as the truth of it sunk in, that he had been with her right after kissing me, I felt demolished, like a bus that I’d never seen coming had collided with me.
Bam!

I wanted to make myself disappear and pretend it had never happened. I didn’t want to remember the way her lips had clung to his, the way he’d kissed her back.

Our kiss had meant nothing to him.

When I opened my eyes, they were facing me, and Tiffani was staring, a satisfied smile on her face. “Oh! I’m sorry, we didn’t know you were back already,” she giggled, her eyes dancing.

I licked my lips and tried to catch my breath, feeling physically winded. I pressed my hand to my chest to rub away the pain that had settled there. I wanted to say something smart, but I couldn’t find my voice, and it felt a lot like when I was up on stage at the open house. Like the spotlight was on me, and I was losing it. Like there was a hush in the room, and all eyes were on me. But this wasn’t a panic attack; no, this was only my heart being shattered into a million tiny pieces, and I imagined that if I could hear it, it would sound a lot like Mother’s china as I’d smashed it. I swallowed and somehow managed to laugh, but it came out mangled.

Leo spoke. “Nora?”

I found my voice, barely, and it came out dull and lifeless. “Sorry, I didn’t . . . I didn’t mean to interrupt your after-you’ve-fucked goodbye kiss.”

She gasped and turned to look at an ashen-faced Leo, like she expected him to chastise me, but he was frozen, his jaw clenched tight as he stared at my face.

Numb, like I was on auto-pilot, I left them and went into Sebastian’s room. I rummaged through his clothes crazily, my eyes not really seeing the contents. All I could see was him kissing her, holding her. I found some old shorts and a shirt, so I took off my ruined dress and slipped into them.

Leo barged in the room.

“Can’t you knock, please?” I asked him, turning away and straightening my shirt.

“Like I haven’t seen you undressed before,” he said, shutting the door. His eyes roamed over me, his gaze landing on my now scabbed over elbows. “What the hell happened to you?” he demanded, striding over and reaching out for my arms.

I came to life, jerking away from him. “Don’t! Just don’t. If you touch me right now, I think I’ll be sick,” I said.

He visibly winced and stepped back. I wondered where Tiffani was. Had she left?

I picked up a brush from Sebastian’s dresser and attacked my hair, not noticing if the braid got out or not. My eyes were open, but my brain wasn’t processing. I was holding it all back, trying not to feel, trying to not let him see my anguish. I set the brush down and just stood there looking at myself in the mirror. Through the mirror, I saw Leo with his back against the wall, arms crossed, watching me. His body looked drawn up and tight, like he was barely holding himself in check. His sharp gaze kept trying to capture mine, but I’d look away. He’d avoided my eyes all night, and now he wanted to have a stare down? No.

He pushed off the wall and started pacing around the bedroom. “Listen, I’m sorry you saw that. You didn’t deserve it, especially after the kiss we had. But you and I . . . you have to understand, we can’t be together,” he said, stopping and standing behind me.

I checked my teeth in the mirror. I practiced my fake smile. I practiced it again and again. I counted the seconds down in my head.

“Nora, quit primping and say something.
Anything
,” he pleaded, coming closer to me. “Don’t ignore me.”

Falling for someone can be a lot like playing roulette. You don’t know what will happen when you place that bet, but you take a deep breath anyway and put all the chips out there. And when the ball spins around and around, you pray it lands on your number. Probability says you’ll likely loose, and in this game of love with Leo, odds were I would lose, too, but I had to try.

I was going all in.

I stared at him through the mirror. “Leo, I know it’s unexplainable because I barely know you, but being with you makes me feel good inside and
happy
. I’ve never had that. When I see you, I feel like I’m home. Like we’re pieces of a puzzle that have finally come together. And . . . and I think being happy isn’t about the big moments, like when you graduate from college or get that job you’ve been wanting. It’s the small moments that take your breath away and make you truly happy, like the first time you see your newborn’s face or . . . or when you meet someone who could be your soulmate.”

“What are you saying?” he whispered in a strained voice, breathing hard, like he was winded, too.

I turned to face him, trembling. “I shouldn’t have painted your car. I shouldn’t have stripped for you. And, I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted me back. No one does. So yeah, maybe I am a mess, but I do know one thing for certain. I want
more
little happy moments. I’m greedy for them. I want them over and over . . . and . . . I’m not going to get them from you am I?”

He paled, giving me his answer.

He was my Prince Charming, but I wasn’t his Cinderella.

He strode over and stood close to me, until we were almost touching. He cradled my cheek in his hand. Like he cared.

I stepped away and wiped my face where he’d touched it. “Don’t act like you care when you don’t. Because if you did, you’d never have kissed me tonight and then turned around and been with
her
. Just leave me alone and stay out of my business. For good.”

He looked dazed, not even listening. “Are you saying we’re soulmates . . . that you’re
in love
with me?” he asked, his eyes boring into mine.

I ignored him and gathered up my wet clothes.

“Nora, tell me the truth,” he implored, and I heard anguish in his voice, and I wondered why it was so important to him.

I nodded. “This is the truth: I’m done with you. I hope she makes you happy and—” I swallowed. “Goodbye, Leo.”

Chapter 16

Leo

“She’s this beautiful chaos.” –
Leo Tate

“Wait,” I whispered, finally finding my voice, but she didn’t hear me because she’d already left, the click of the bedroom door sounding final.

I sank down on the bed and gripped the ends of my hair and pulled hard, trying to yank myself back to the present, because my head was still reeling from her words about love and soulmates. Did it mean that she loved me?

She’d never said.

Sebastian stormed into his bedroom, his legs eating up the ground to where I sat. “What the hell did you do to her?!”

I scrubbed my face with my hands.

“Leo?” he demanded, “Tell me what just happened in here.”

I sat there, feeling unbalanced, like someone had just turned my world upside down. Had I subconsciously wanted her to see me with Tiffani? To what lengths would I go to in order to push her away?

He shoved my shoulder with his fingers, like he wanted to start a fight. “I
knew
you’d do this. I knew you’d piss all over her.”

I stood up. “Watch what you say, Sebastian. You’re angry, and I get that, but back off,” I warned. “You’ve got no idea what’s going on between me and Nora.”

“I’ve seen how you look at her,” he said, shaking his head at me. “You’re the biggest fool I know.”

I heard a noise downstairs and took off for the door. I knew it wasn’t Tiffani. I’d told her to leave as soon as I realized Nora had seen us.

“Is she still here?” I asked, not waiting for an answer, but running down the hallway. I stopped at the top of the staircase. “Nora!” I called out, but only silence greeted me. Cursing, I took the stairs two at a time until I was at the front desk. I paced around the foyer. Nothing. I went into the band room. Nothing. I checked the restrooms. Nothing. I ran outside and stood on the street, hoping maybe she was still in the parking lot.

“She’s gone,” Sebastian said, following me. “She ran out before I knew what was going on. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”

“What happened to her tonight? Was she drinking? ”I asked hurriedly, remembering her wet clothes and scratched up arms. Visions of her car wrapped around a tree played through my mind. Shit, I had to find her.

He suddenly looked worried, his brow pulled down. “Yeah, early in the night she had some shots. Then she got into a fight with a girl.”

“Shit,” I muttered, feeling the tingle of fear go up my spine at the thought of her drunk driving. I had to make sure she got home safe, and if I was honest, I wanted to tell her again how sorry I was. I’d said I didn’t want to hurt her, but it seemed like that was all I did.

I pulled out my keys out for the Yukon I’d been driving while my car was in the shop and strode over to it.

Sebastian followed me. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To find Nora. She’s upset, and she’s been drinking,” I said, opening my car door and sliding in. “People do crazy things when they’re drunk, Sebastian.”

“You don’t even know where she lives,” he muttered.

“So get in,” I said exasperated. “And tell me where she lives.”

He got in the car, slamming the door hard. I sat there for a moment, my hands clenching the steering wheel, because he was upset with me and it scared me. Did it mean that they were more than just friends?

I cranked the car and pulled out of the parking lot, the tires squealing.

“Where to?”

“Maple Street in Highland Park,” he said. I typed it into the GPS, and we headed that way.

After a few minutes, I cleared my throat. Somehow I had to make him understand where I was coming from with Nora. “Hey, remember two years ago when we drove up to Bakersville and got caught in that snow storm?”

Sebastian shot me a look, grudgingly responding. “Yeah, I remember. The news said it was the worst snow storm there in a hundred years.”

I nodded. “The way it came at our windshield . . . it was like this white tornado, and if you looked at it too long, you got dizzy,” I said. “And when we woke up the next day, there was ten inches on the ground. Remember, we had to trudge through the snow to get to a diner across the street and everywhere we looked, it was like a sea of white. It was so bright we had to put our sunglasses on.”

I said, “Nora’s like that storm. It’s like she came out of nowhere and knocked me off course. She makes me wild, like I can’t control myself. She’s this beautiful chaos, and I
do
want her, but you know I don’t like commitments. I can’t love someone and then lose them.”

He shook his head. “Sometimes you gotta take a chance and just go for it, Leo.”

“She saw me and Tiffani,” I said, cringing at the memory.

“Screwing?” he said tightly, shooting me a dirty glance.

“She may as well have,” I said, hating myself.

“She’s not like those phony girls you fuck. She’s my friend, and she’s good for us. Even Teddy likes her,” he said.

“Are you watching out for her like I asked?” I said, glancing at him before looking back to the road.

“I’ll always take care of her, asshole. I love her.”

I braked and pulled over to the curb. “What the hell?” I said quietly, a quiet rage building in me as adrenaline raced through my veins, as sickening thoughts of Sebastian and Nora together ran through my mind. Furious, I clutched the steering wheel so I wouldn’t ram my fist through the dashboard. So I wouldn’t ram it through his face. And here’s the thing: I had
no
right to feel that way. None. She was not mine. I’d made sure of that tonight when I lied to her about the first time I’d seen her at the open house.