Breathless (40 page)

He sighed. “Okay, I won’t, because you should. When you’re ready.”

Never going to happen. “He doesn’t care to know, Sebastian. He doesn’t want me.” Who’d want a sniveling, weak girl like herself?

“Will you go to the police?” he asked, not letting it go, Tate tenacity at its best. Ah, Sebastian, too young and too optimistic. He’d never been exposed to the horrors I had. Leo had loved him, protected him.

I wrung my hands into my shirt, twisting it around. Feeling frustrated. “I can’t do that. You don’t get it.”

“You can make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else,” he said, his eyes gentle.

My stomach rolled at that ever-present thought. “I can’t face telling other people and showing them the pictures. Not yet.”

“Alright, I get that,” he said. “And about Leo: whatever you said to him Saturday night, it jacked him up.”

I masked my flicker of hope with a nonchalant shrug. “Don’t care.”

He kept talking, “He’s been a bear to everybody for the past few days, bitching at the contractors, calling the decorators and complaining about the color of the walls. Crying about the new equipment. He’s been drinking at night.” He searched my eyes. “He stares out the front window all the time. Looking like he pissed off, but like he’s in pain too. I think he’s looking for you.”

I shrugged. “That ship has sailed, and he named Tiffani the captain.

Chapter 18

Leo

“I lie awake and dream of her; I close my eyes and dream of her.”
–Leo Tate

Five days after she’d seen me with Tiffani, I woke up needing to see her. Just see her face. Once, that’s all, and I’d be okay and could get through the rest of the week. But it wasn’t a good idea, so I shoved the feeling away.

Why did I feel like I had to see her?

When I went for a jog later, I wondered what I wanted in my life. I’d thought it was work and Sebastian, but now I felt confused and lost. Why couldn’t I stop myself from thinking about Nora? From wondering what she was doing and who she was seeing?

Later that day, even though I swore I wasn’t going to, I found myself parked outside a fucking high school, leaning against my newly painted Escalade, waiting for a girl. Yeah, that scenario hadn’t happened in over eight years.

And, just after noon, just like Sebastian had said, she came out through the stone arches of the main building. My hands got sweaty. She looked like a ray of sunshine with her boots, yellow skinny jeans and white shirt. She stared at the ground as she walked, like she was deep in thought, and I waited for the moment when she saw me.

She finally looked up and glanced around, and I walked closer, needing her attention. When our eyes met, lust roared through me like a hurricane. All it took was one flash of her green eyes, and I pictured us in my car, her straddling me, her eyes looking at me like she had that night at the movies, like she needed me. Allowing myself to dream a little, I kept remembering the day our eyes had connected in the parking lot. The single most incredible moment I’d had with a girl. And it hadn’t involved sex. Just our gazes, holding, anchoring each other.

She halted, and I saw indecision on her face and then sorrow. But, in just a few seconds the vulnerable look was gone and a tougher Nora eyed me. One with a tight face and a wall around her.
This
was the girl I’d created when I let Tiffani in my bed.

A well-dressed tall guy came running out the school doors. “Nora!” he called out, jogging over to her side. He smiled crookedly and handed her a textbook. “You left that in class,” he said, standing too close to her.

I watched her eyes move from me to him; I saw her body pivot toward his. I felt my heart crash and burn.

Lanky guy flicked his eyes at me. “You okay out here? Need me to walk you to your car?”

“No, I’m fine.” She shrugged. “He’s Sebastian’s brother.”

He nodded and lowered his voice. “Hey,” he said hesitantly. “Can I call you later? I . . . I have a question for you.”

“Having trouble in Cal already?” she said with a smile, arching her brows. Even though I had no right to her, her smile for him pissed me off. She should only tease with me. Which was ridiculous.

He blushed. “No, something else.”

She hesitated, cutting her eyes at me. Hell yeah, I was listening. I was angry and maybe even
hurt
at the way she seemed to gravitate toward this guy.

“Uh, okay. You still got my number?” she asked him.

He smirked cockily. “Had it for years, sweetheart. I’ve got it memorized.” He patted where his heart was.

Now, she blushed.
Was she fucking him?

“Alright then, call me later,” she said, waving at him as he jogged backwards to the school, smiling at her the entire time.

She turned back around and started walking toward her car, avoiding my eyes.

“Who was that?” I asked, not caring about the tightness in my voice.

She kept walking.

I swallowed. “Nora, I’m talking to you.”

She stopped and glared at me. “Seriously? Fuck you, Leo. Who I talk to is none of your business.”

I looked away, deserving every bit of that. “I got my car back this morning,” I said, patting the hood.

She sighed, her eyes running over the Escalade. “I’m sorry for all the trouble it must have caused you.” Then she nodded, like she was done talking and walked over to her driver’s side door.

“Wait, don’t go. I’ve got something for you,” I said, running back to my vehicle, opening the door, and grabbing what I’d brought for her off the seat. I felt compelled to give it to her.

“Why?” she snapped once I’d turned back to face her.

I huffed. “I don’t know, okay. I just wanted to see you for a minute and give you this,” I said, gesturing at the book in my hand.

I walked toward her. “Sebastian said you’re staying with your aunt. Do you need anything? You know we have an extra room if you want to stay with us.”

I meant those words. I wanted to protect her. Sebastian hadn’t said why she’d left home, but I sensed it had something to do with why she’d made that list.

“I’m fine. I don’t think I’ll need your extra bedroom again,” she said curtly, still poised to get in her car.

I stood next to her and stuck the book out. She stared at it but didn’t take it.

She looked back up at me. “What’s that?”

“It’s a book, Nora. For you,” I said, hating the gulf between us. “Please. Take it. I thought about you when I saw it.” That was a lie. I’d searched for three hours for the damn thing, so she could have it.

She took it. “A guide to Paris?” she asked, staring at the Eiffel Tower on the cover. She read the title, “
The Most Beautiful Walk in the World: A Pedestrian in Paris.
” She got quiet, and I watched her face, seeing it soften a little.

“Is this for me?” she asked with a quiver in her voice. She coughed to cover it up.

“Um, yeah. I remembered Paris was your happy story, and I came across this in some of my mom’s things. Just thought of you, that’s all. You don’t have to read it or anything. It’s just an old book.” I shrugged.

She opened the cover and gasped. “Leo, your dad gave this to your mom. Look, he even wrote her a love note,” she said, showing me Dad’s sprawling handwriting inside the cover. “Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

“Yes,” I said, swallowing. Most definitely.

“Thank you,” she whispered, giving me an unsure look, like she didn’t understand me. Yeah, well, I didn’t understand me either.

I watched her flip through the pages, her face relaxed with pleasure as she peered at the pictures. It felt good, seeing her smile again.

She tucked the book in her backpack and unlocked her car door, ready to leave me. She liked my gift, but she couldn’t wait to get away from me. I didn’t blame her.

I had to make her listen to me. “Nora, wait. I want you to know that I think about you . . . all the time. I tell you shit I’ve never told anyone. About my parents. You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met. You make me laugh, you’re smart, you’re beautiful . . .” I stopped, my voice drifting off.
Damn.
This was all coming out wrong. I never meant to say
any
of that.

I reigned myself back in. “I want you around. I need you as my friend.”

“But that’s it, right?”

I nodded, reaching out to touch her hand, dying for just some small contact. The last time we’d touched had been our kiss and that had been days ago.

She moved her hand away from me. “I got your message loud and clear this weekend,
friend
. There’s no need to remind me.”

I groaned.
What could I say?
I couldn’t admit my feelings. If I came clean about everything, it would be disastrous for us. I’d use her, get scared, and then leave her. Or she’d leave me.

It would be best to let it go, to let her go.

Chapter 19

Nora

“It’s hard to give up something when it’s everything you want.”
–Nora Blakely

The next day, I walked over to the gym for our first band practice. Everyone was there but Leo, and I wondered if he would show.

As we got ready, Teddy pulled out his camera and snapped pictures of us setting up the equipment. It made him happy. When he heard I’d bought the music to “Girl on Fire,” he turned his camera off and insisted on me playing it. I laid out the music, and we sat down together at the piano. Sebastian gave Vixen the drum music, grabbed his guitar and turned on the sound system.

“Are your ears on?” I asked Teddy.

He cocked his head awkwardly and spoke in his high voice, “Yes, my ears are on the side of my head.”

I grinned even though he wasn’t looking. “That was a joke. What I meant to say was . . . are you ready to listen to the song?”

He stared at my forehead. “Jokes are hard to get.”

“Yeah?”

“My sister says I annoy people. There was a girl at church I liked, but she told me I never shut up about music and pictures.”

“You don’t annoy me. You’re just different, Teddy, but I’m different, too.”

He thought for a moment. “How are you different?”

“I have a high IQ. I fixate on words. I count things. Lately, I’ve been breaking things. I get obsessed with things like piano, sewing, or people watching.” I leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t say anything, because it makes people uncomfortable, but in my head, I assign everyone an animal.” I tapped my temple. “I got a whole menagerie of people-animals running around up here.”

“Oh.”

“Hey, I got a problem.” I laughed.

“What animal am I?” he asked.

“An elephant,” I replied immediately since I’d lain awake for the past few nights thinking about it, “because you’re strong. And like me, you’re what I call quietly watchful which means you study people, but they don’t see it. They focus on the elephant’s large frame, or in your case, they see your autism.”

Teddy blinked. “You’re good.”

I grinned.

“Vixen?” he asked.

“A female fox, of course.”

“Sebastian?”

I chewed on my lip. “Still working on that one.”

“Leo?”

“Most days he’s a tiger, but sometimes he’s a stubborn rat.”

Teddy nodded, like he could totally see it.

I added seriously, “You know, sometimes I feel sad.”

“My sister makes me a grilled cheese when I’m sad. I like that. What do you do?” he asked.

“Well, I try to be brave.”

“How?” he said, his eyes studying the piano keys.

“By facing my fears. By admitting that something bad happened to me. I think that’s bravery.”

Our attention was abruptly taken by Leo as he stalked into the room and picked up his guitar. “Sorry, I’m late. Interviews went longer than I thought,” he told us.

Sebastian looked up from his sheet music. “Who’d you hire?”

“An office manager and two more personal trainers.”

Sebastian flicked his eyes at me. “Nora needs a job after school.”

My mouth opened at Sebastian’s words. I knew he meant well, but I couldn’t work here and be around Leo all the time. I glared at him with my eyes, telling him telepathically,
When we are alone, I will kill you slowly by beating your guitar over your head.

Sebastian’s eyes said,
Oh yeah? Bring it.

Leo flashed his eyes at me. “I asked you if you needed anything, and you said no. Why didn’t you tell
me
you needed money, Nora?” Leo said, his hands gripping his guitar. Like he was angry.

“I’m working at the bakery,” I said, giving Sebastian one more dark look.

Sebastian shrugged. “Her parents aren’t helping her.”

“Hello, right here,” I muttered.

Sebastian ignored me. “She could work the afternoon shift, and then use the gym to take a shower ’cause she doesn’t have a real bathroom at Portia’s. And, dude, the room where she sleeps is tiny,” he finished with a dramatic shake of his head.

I gasped aloud at his blatant lie. Yeah, it was a small room, but he hadn’t been up there.

“Sebastian—” I started.

“You know you need the money, Nora,” Sebastian said.

I paused, knowing he was right. Who knew what expenses I’d have this year. What if my car broke down? What if something happened to Aunt Portia? I had to be more responsible and focus on providing for myself. Plus, I still hadn’t heard back from my dad about my winnings.

I nodded uncertainly, not sure what I was agreeing to.

“Done,” Leo said. “You can start whenever you’re ready since we’re already getting membership requests and phone calls. It’d be great if you could man the front desk.”

He seemed to freeze as he waited for my reply, and I wondered if he was anxious about me working here. Did he think it was a bad idea?

It would be hard to be around Leo. How would I react the next time I saw him with Tiffani?

“Great, I’ll do it,” I said quickly before I thought too long and changed my mind.

Leo smiled. “If that’s settled, then let’s practice.”

He nodded at me and strummed the first chords of “Girl on Fire,” and I joined in with the piano, immediately becoming immersed in the sound as Vixen tapped in with a gentle drum beat. It was a slow song, almost liquid like, with its smooth music and Sebastian’s gentle vocals. As he sang about how the girl burns like fire and takes on the world and triumphs, I wanted to be that girl. I
would
be that girl. When Sebastian got to the chorus, Leo’s deep voice sang back up, and after a moment, even though my voice was awful, I did too. You know those people that think they can sing, but really can’t? Well, that’s not me. I
knew
I couldn’t sing worth crap, but I played on and sang anyway.