Breathless - Jesse Book 1 (16 page)

Standing outside Five O Four, we searched for Chase and Jesse, but the sidewalk was packed with people. Chase and Jesse were nowhere to be found.

“Oh, thank god,” Kat said still looking at her phone. “Chase just texted back. He is okay. They split when they saw cops. Let’s go find them.”

“You go ahead, Kat. I’m going home. I think I’ve had enough action for one night.”

“What! No, let’s—“ She paused as she looked straight at me. “Are you okay? You look nauseous.”

“Violence makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Okay, hun. I’m coming with you. I’m not letting you go home alone.”

In the car on the ride home, my phone was buzzing like crazy with text messages from Jesse. Kat glanced over at me with her hands on the wheel.

“Aren’t you going to reply?”

I stared at the phone, lying in the palm of my hand. I shrugged and pursed my lips. Kat drove on in silence and threw a sidelong glance to check on me, every so often.

“Not talking?” She waited. “You’re not mad, are you? Niki, seriously girl? Don’t be mad at him about this. Answer him.” She tipped her head in the direction of my cell phone. “He saved Chase, for Christ sake.”

Suddenly, I was overcome with tiredness, exhausted. I didn’t have the energy to speak a word, even if my mind could form one. The words stayed like rocks, weighing down my tongue, too heavy to lift, monumental boulders that I couldn’t get out of my mouth. I sat that way, head down staring at the stupid phone. Finally, I switched it to vibrate and shoved it back in my purse. I rolled my head to the side and let it rest against the cool glass of the window, as I stared out into the darkness.

“Niki, don’t be like this. He was just sticking up for Chase, defending him. Hell, he had to. That asshole would have put Chase in the hospital. You can’t blame Jesse. Chase’s friend told me, that drunken idiot started the fight for no reason. Chase didn’t even know the guy.” She peered over at me and then trained her eyes on the road.

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. Damn him. Why did Jesse do this to me? He wormed his way into my heart and now this. The pain set in, methodically, it crept over the bright parts of my heart, like a black sinister shadow. It consumed every bit of happiness I had found with Jesse, like a festering, pestilent disease. I was gripped with fear, panic twisted its hand around my throat and squeezed all the air out of my lungs. The car couldn’t get me home fast enough. Although Kat had the air conditioning on high, the air suffocated me. I pounded my finger on the window button, frantic to feel the movement of the wind on my face. I wanted to run, to escape, to fly away.

Kat shoved the gear shift into park at the apartment. She laid her hand gently on my knee and spoke softly, “Niki, girl, things will be better in the morning. You’ll see. Everything will look better when the sun comes up. It always does.” She wiggled my knee gently.

I managed a meek, pathetic smile and opened the car door into the still of the night. Kat and I threw our arms around each other, girlfriend fashion, as we humped it up the sidewalk to our apartment. Maybe Kat was right. I exhaled a deep breath, once inside the comfort of my own place, and headed off to bed, where I planned to bury my face under a pillow. I needed to process the night’s events.

Jesse

“Dude, come on, let’s get some blow.” I had been working a deal with a skinny looking chick in an alley. Chase and I had been thrown out of the bar for fighting and I was on fire, my adrenaline pumping like gangbusters. We had to hurry out of there as cops were approaching the scene. Didn’t feel like spending the remainder of the night behind bars. When we got back, Niki and Kat had left and to my frustration Niki was not answering any of my texts. What the fuck was wrong?

Chase yanked my arm hard and spun me around.

“No. Are you fucking crazy? Let’s go.” He wiped dried blood from his nose with the back of his hand. The chick in the alley, paced and smoked a cigarette, nervously flicking ashes, as she watched us talking.

“Hold on, hold on, she’s gonna leave if I don’t go talk to her,” I said and wrenched myself free from his grip. I was out of my mind thinking about Niki. The look on her face as the bouncers carried me out, frustrated me. I didn’t know what the fuck to do, except what I always did in these situations, self-medicate. Booze worked to a certain extent, but blow was the shit.

I was halfway back to the chick when the powerful thrust of Chase’s two hands grabbed me by both arms. He shoved me down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of the alley. It was like a fucking tornado came out of nowhere, lifted me off my feet and flung me against the brick walls, spiraling me down the store fronts. After I stopped bouncing off the walls, Chase walked me farther away from the alley, squeezing my arm in a fucking vice grip and hissed in my ear. “She’s an undercover cop you idiot.”

He dragged me along like a disobedient puppy, as I looked back over my shoulder. I could tell from his face that it was no joke. “How the hell was I supposed to know?” He threw me a glance, like I was a fucking moron and let go of my arm with a push that made me rock back on my heels.

We stopped in front of a dingy sports bar and stood on the sidewalk eye to eye, breathing hard.

“Tequila shots, on me.”

“No more drugs, promise? You’ll never get Niki that way, man.”

“I’m an asshole. I promise.” I jerked my head in the direction of the door to a dive bar and Chase shoved it open with one hand, as we went in

~*~*~

Why the fuck doesn’t this house stop spinning?
I staggered into my bedroom groaned and fell face first onto the bed after another night of meeting with my therapist, Jack Daniels, this time joined by his fellow colleague, Jose Cuervo. Old habits were rising up like blisters these days and drinking myself blind, was a damn good strategy to kill the pain. In hind sight, it was a piss poor idea, but I didn’t give two fucks about shit. It had been three days since the fight and Niki still hadn’t answered my texts or taken any of my calls. I even went to her place but no one answered. What the fuck was her problem. Was she mad at me over the bar fight? Shit, it wasn’t even my fault, and... Fuck! I just wanted the world to go the fuck away.

The bed was shaking. Was I still drunk? Or was this a damn earthquake? What the hell? The shaking didn’t stop.

“Get up, Jesse.” A loud voice invaded my drool laden sleep. It got louder. “Jesse.” And more demanding, “Get the fuck up!”

I was face down on top of the covers in the same position I had left myself the night before.

I rolled over and squinted to see the outline of my uncle. He strode to the window and tore back the blinds, making them rattle in the most annoying way. I groaned and covered my eyes with my forearm. “What the fuck did you do that for? Shut that shit.”

“Get up outta that bed. It’s nearly noon. I’ve had enough of your bullshit behavior. Get your ass up, and take a fucking shower, you smell like puke.” He spat the words, as he threw a bath towel at me
. Damn
. His voice had a sharpness I had never heard before. “When you’re done, come to the family room. We need to have a talk.” He stormed out of my room.
Jesus
. I had never seen my uncle act like this. What the fuck was his problem?

I dragged myself into the bathroom and showered. My head was splitting, like it had been hit with a wrecking crane ball. The search for aspirin drove me out to the kitchen where Kenny stood waiting for me, with a pot of strong black coffee.

“You look like shit.” He pushed a cup of coffee across the counter in my direction.

“Thanks. You look like hell yourself.” I snapped back.

He pursed his lips and took a sip of coffee. “I’m gonna ignore that remark.”

“Sorry, I’m a dickhead.” I winced, as another hangover hammer blow exploded inside of my head. “Do you have some aspirin?” I asked through squinted eyes.

“I should just let you suffer, you little son of a bitch, teach you a lesson. But yeah, I’ll get you some.” He turned and opened a cupboard near the sink. “Listen Jess, we need to talk.”

Aw, shit. He wants to talk. What’s to talk about? I’m an asshole, end of story. But I complied and planted my ass on the big overstuffed chair, next to the brown leather couch, in the family room.

“Here…” He extended his hand, palm up with three pills. I swallowed them down with a mouthful of coffee.

“Jesse, I’m not one for beating around the bush, so let’s cut to the chase. You have been fucking up, man, you have been drunk for three days straight, man and ditching work. I don’t like it and it has to stop.”

My uncle was a man of few words when it came to getting something off his chest. He placed his cup on the coffee table in front of us, in a definitive gesture. He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. I sat and listened hoping like hell, the pounding in my head would ease up.

“I know you like that girl, Niki and I know she is not talking to you because of what happened at the bar with Chase. Yes, you were helping a friend, but you can’t solve all your problems with booze and violence. Women don’t go for that shit.”

“Women fuck with my mind. I don’t understand them at all. Maybe it’s too late for change.” I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, holding the coffee mug between both hands.

“You’ve got too much negative energy in you right now. You need to grow that shit the fuck out of you. Getting drunk doesn’t solve anything; it just defeats your goals. If you want Niki back, you are going to have to change; you will need to show her that you
have
changed,” Kenny said.

I hung my head and listened. I didn’t know what to say, he was right, this was all about Niki. All I wanted was Niki back in my life, and not pissed at me for being a dickhead.

“Why do you keep doing this, acting like a fool? You never used to be this way. I used to be so proud of you. Hell, you had a great career. Winning races and shit. I taught you how to ride and you made me so proud. Everything was going good in your life. Now you just let it all go to shit. What’s going on inside your head?”

 
I flung myself back against the couch and stared at the ceiling, fighting the urge to zone out and withdraw. Putting my feelings out in the open, on the line, was damn uncomfortable for me. “Thing haven’t been going well...” I mumbled. God, that sounded like a weak ass excuse.

“I thought you were over all this...this drinking and recklessness once you came here, but now....I don’t know Jesse. I don’t know.” He shook his head sadly. I felt like a jackass. I had let him down. “You’ve got to get your shit together. You have to be responsible for your own actions.”

“I, I...” I blew out a long breath and got up the nerve to spit it out. It was painful, all this soul searching shit. It may be all well and good for pussies, but it’s not my style. Glancing at him, I knew I had to explain. I drew in a breath and paused for a second. “I just want Niki back. That’s all. That’s what makes me act all crazy like and go ballistic.”

He pursed his lips and nodded solemnly. His features softened as a glint of recognition appeared in his eyes. “I see. So, you think she might be the one? She’s that special?”

“She’s a fucking angel.” I threw my hands out to the sides. “I get all high and shit whenever she’s around and I can’t stop grinning like a stupid Cheshire cat.”

“Hmm. You feel light and happy when she’s around?”

I nodded. He had a twinkle in his eye as he talked and a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Like you can’t think of anything else when she walks in the room? Like you can’t breathe without her?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s
exactly
it. How did you know?” My uncle was the goddamn Albert Einstein of love.

“Yup, sounds like you’ve got it pretty bad for her.” He chuckled.

 
“But she won’t even talk to me. What do I do now?”

“First of all, going on drinking binges doesn’t work. Cut down on your drinking, control your anger, and show Niki that you’ve changed. I’m not saying you have to stop drinking completely, but Christ almighty boy, you don’t have to make it a way of life. Give her a little time to cool off and I think she’ll come around once she sees the old Jesse, the real Jesse, the Jesse that I know.”

I jumped to my feet, my head still pounding from my hangover. “Kenny, I think you are right. I’m gonna go win her trust back. I don’t have a damn clue as to how, but I’m gonna do it.”

I stepped a little lighter as I retreated to my strategic planning room, AKA, my bedroom. The dark gray storm cloud that had been raining on my parade finally lifted. I was stoked.