Brian Friel Plays 1 (36 page)

Authors: Brian Friel

Right door – wrong house.

(
He
stands
back
and
examines
the
façade.
)

Right house – wrong door.

(
He
begins
singing
again.
Comes
into
the
garden
doing
an
absurd
advancing-retreating
dance
as
he
crosses
the
stage.
Finally,
very
shortly
after
ANNA
’
s
entrance,
he
falls
into
a
deck
chair
and
falls
asleep.
While
TOM
is
dancing,
ANNA
enters.
She
goes
straight
into
the
living-room.
At
first
she
does
not
see
BEN
.)

BEN
:
You’re very late.

ANNA
:
What are you doing here?

BEN
:
Just to congratulate –

ANNA
:
Get out! Get out!

BEN
:
What’s wrong?

ANNA
:
My head’s splitting – that’s what’s wrong! I’m at my wits’ end – that’s what’s wrong!

(
FRANK
enters
the
hallway.
He
is
elated,
assured,
exuding
confidence.
)

FRANK
:
Helen! Helen!

ANNA
:
Get out, Ben, for God’s sake!

(
Before
BEN
can
make
up
his
mind,
FRANK
enters.
)

FRANK
:
I know she won’t have gone to bed. She may have –

(
He
stops
suddenly
when
he
sees
BEN
.
They
stand
looking
at
one
another.
Pause.
)

BEN
:
I was passing and I just dropped in …

FRANK
:
Yes?

(
Pause.
)

BEN
:
I heard all about it on the radio and read all the stuff in the papers – and for your sake I was really very – it was just great. (
Holds
out
his
hand.
)

Congratulations.

FRANK
:
(
Very
formally
) Thank you.

(
Then
suddenly
FRANK
opens
his
arms
and
embraces
BEN
warmly.
)

Ben! Thank you, son. Thank you.

(
HELEN
enters
from
kitchen.
)

Do you see who’s here?

HELEN
:
Naturally.

FRANK
:
Naturally.

HELEN
:
Well – how did it go? (
To
ANNA
) Had you a great night? (
To
FRANK
) You have news! I know by your face you have news!

FRANK
:
I had a wonderful night.

HELEN
:
Great.

(
He
catches
HELEN
in
his
arms
and
swings
her
round.
)

FRANK
:
And I have wonderful news!

HELEN
:
(
To
ANNA
) Tell me! (
To
FRANK
) Tell me – tell me – tell me –

FRANK
:
Have a guess.

HELEN
:
Guess! How can I guess!?

FRANK
:
But first we’ll have a celebration drink. (
Looking
at
BEN
.) A double celebration. (
Looking
at
ANNA
.) A treble celebration.

ANNA
:
Where’s Father Tom?

FRANK
:
Who cares?

HELEN
:
(
To
ANNA
) He’s being transferred, isn’t he?

FRANK
:
Yes, he’s being transferred.

BEN
:
Wonderful.

FRANK
:
Where would you like him to be transferred to?

HELEN
:
Where? Where?

FRANK
:
Guess.

HELEN
:
Ah, Father –

FRANK
:
Take your choice.

HELEN
:
Tell us! Athlone?

FRANK
:
Anywhere you like.

HELEN
:
Ben, where? (
To
FRANK
) I know! Cork!

FRANK
:
Cork’s for talkers.

BEN
:
You’re going to Galway.

FRANK
:
Galway’s for ageing men.

HELEN
:
Limerick!

FRANK
:
Good God! Never Limerick!

HELEN
:
Where else? – where else? – it’s not! It couldn’t be!

FRANK
:
Couldn’t be what?

HELEN
:
Dublin?

FRANK
:
Dublin it is.

HELEN
:
Oh, Father!

(
She
kisses
him.
)

FRANK
:
(
To
ANNA
) And tell them the rest.

ANNA
:
Better look out for Father Tom.

(
She
goes
out
to
the
garden.
)

FRANK
:
You are in the presence of Lieutenant-Colonel Frank Butler –

HELEN
:
Lieutenant –?

FRANK
:
Administrative Officer, GHQ, Parkgate Street, Dublin City.

HELEN
:
You’re taking a hand at us, Father!

FRANK
:
Nothing’s official yet. But when the Chief tells the Taoiseach in your presence how highly he considers you and then in the next breath talks about certain vacancies, you know it’s in the bag.

HELEN
:
I’m going to waken Tina – phone Miriam –

FRANK
:
Later – later – later. Let’s savour it ourselves first.

BEN
:
(
Looking
around
) So you’ll be leaving here.

FRANK
:
At last, at long last, and without one regret. To Dublin.

HELEN
:
To the Hero and to Anna.

BEN
:
To you, Father.

FRANK
:
Hold on – where’s Anna?

HELEN
:
In the garden.

(
He
goes
to
the
door
and
looks
out
to
the
garden.
ANNA
is
crouched
beside
TOM
,
trying
to
waken
him.
)

FRANK
:
Let him sit there for God’s sake. Come inside and celebrate with the family.

TOM
:
(
Suddenly
awake,
sings
) We’re here because we’re here because we’re here because we’re here –

HELEN
:
So that’s the condition.

ANNA
:
(
To
TOM
) Come inside and lie down for a while.

FRANK
:
You’re a bloody useless slob, Tom. Pull yourself together, man.

HELEN
:
How did Anna enjoy it?

(
FRANK
turns
back
into
the
living-room.
ANNA
gets
TOM
to
his
feet
and
they
make
their
way
slowly
into
the
room,
TOM
singing
intermittently.
)

FRANK
:
Anna? Anna was – what’s the word? – the cynosure of all eyes. Radiant, that’s what Anna was, sitting there beside me, basking in the glory. And the compliments – my God! The Taoiseach called her – incidentally that was by far the best speech of the night. And astonishingly well informed – named every one of the soldiers I had saved and a few personal comments about several of them. And when he was talking about me – well, he was so effusive and so generous that I was almost embarrassed. Talked about ‘quiet heroes from quiet places’ and ‘men whose full development blossomed only in full manhood’. Really eulogistic stuff. Very satisfying.

HELEN
:
And Anna?

BEN
:
Sit over here, Father.

FRANK
:
That’s the state he was in after the first course.

HELEN
:
What did he say about Anna?

FRANK
:
Oh, Anna? What’s this he called you? – a real tongue-twister – ‘the Commandant’s comely, composed and curvaceous consort’ – at which the men just
howled
. Didn’t they?

ANNA
:
Yes.

FRANK
:
Would you like to try that one, Ben?

BEN
:
(
Quickly
)
You’re okay, Father. You’re fine. That’s it.

ANNA
:
(
To
BEN
) Could I get him something?

FRANK
:
Let him sleep it off. He’s beyond sobering.

TOM
:
(
Suddenly
awake
) Where’s Helen? Want to ’pologize to Helen –

HELEN
:
Hello, Father.

TOM
:
(
Rising
) – ’pologize to Helen – privately – in here, Helen, in here. (
Staggers
into
the
kitchen.
)

FRANK
:
Ignore him.

HELEN
:
Poor old Tom.

FRANK
:
But the highlight of the evening, Helen – I was presented with an illuminated address by the people of Ballybeg!

TOM
:
(
Off
) Helen!

FRANK
:
The people of Ballybeg – my God! A parchment this length, all the colours of the rainbow, and a photo of me stuck crookedly on the top; and read out before everybody by that pompous T. D. – McLaughlin, McLucas, what’s his name.

HELEN
:
That was nice of them.

FRANK
:
D’you think so? Yes, I suppose the intention was good. But being publicly addressed by the people of Ballybeg – ‘you are our most illustrious citizen’ sort of stuff – my God they don’t know me and we don’t know them! But you’ll enjoy this – you really will. Must have left it out in the car. Hold on a second.

TOM
:
(
Off
) Helen!

FRANK
:
I know him in this mood. Ignore him.

(
FRANK
leaves.
)

HELEN
:
Have you ever seen him so elated! I’m delighted for him. (
She
kisses
ANNA
.) For both of you. Was it exhausting? Are you falling apart?

TOM
:
(
Off
) Helen!

HELEN
:
O my God. (
Calls
) Coming! Coming!

(
She
goes
into
the
kitchen.
Pause.
)

ANNA
:
I can take no more of it.

BEN
:
If you just –

ANNA
:
I’m going to clear out in the morning.

BEN
:
Leave him?

ANNA
:
Didn’t you hear him? ‘I – I – I – I – I.’ And how they howled – oh, how they howled – after sniggering behind their hands all night.