Airy’s fingers touched his hand and then she twined them through his. “I can’t think of anything that would make me feel like that—even if you’d murdered someone. Because I know if you did kill someone it had to be for a very good reason. I know who you are, Fehin, even though you think I don’t.”
Fehin opened his eyes and leaned forward. He took her face between his hands and kissed her softly on the mouth. “You wouldn’t like the person I was during those months, Airy. I’ll tell you, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
38
Airy turned to face Fehin as he began to speak. Her heart was pounding and her hands had begun to sweat. She kept them folded together as she waited to hear the worst.
“I’ve done drugs, Airy, very bad ones—heroin, crack cocaine, meth, a bunch of hallucinogens. I’m lucky to be alive. In my defense I have to say that losing my magic made me kind of crazy. The drugs helped, especially the hallucinogenic ones.”
“So far I forgive you,” she said, her eyes meeting his. There was pain there and it made her heart hurt to see it. “How did you get off them?”
Fehin let out a long breath. “It took half a year. I was a miserable mess. But I knew if I didn’t I’d be dead. After a point there’s no coming back.” He looked up, his eyes dark. “I saw a lot of people die.”
Airy watched him, trying hard not to cry. The idea of him drugged out with no one to turn to made her feel sick inside.
“That’s not the worst of it,” he continued. “There were women,” he went on, “lots of them.”
“Women you had sex with?”
“Yes, Airy, women I had sex with. There were prostitutes and homeless women and drug addicts. We were all together, living on the street.”
Airy began to cry. “Did you love any of them?”
Fehin didn’t say anything for a long moment. Once she wiped her face he began again. “It’s hard to feel much of anything when you’re high. I liked them in my own way. We eased each other’s pain.” When she turned away he grabbed her, forcing her to look at him. “I told you this would be painful.”
Airy twisted out of his grasp and stood up. “What about me? Did you ever think of me?” She felt hot all over and could barely look at him. All she could see was Fehin wrapped around some other woman, kissing her, his hands on her body. She began to sob and ran for the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She couldn’t stop crying and only hoped that Carla wouldn’t hear her.
A soft knock came some time later and then Fehin said, “Airy? Please let me in.”
Airy rinsed her eyes and unlocked the door. A second later it opened and Fehin entered. His face was covered in tears, his expression filled with sadness and regret. “I’m sorry. And in answer to your question, I thought about you every day. It was thinking about you that gave me the strength to get clean.”
When he reached for her she moved into his arms. “I didn’t know it would be this hard,” she mumbled, her face buried in his neck.
“Come on,” he said, leading the way back to the bed. “Enough for now.”
They both slept fitfully, waking several times in the night to continue the discussion. Airy learned the horror of his life in fits and starts, her mind recoiling at what he revealed. He’d been buried under something so dark that she honestly couldn’t imagine it. He’d said it himself—he was lucky to be alive.
Around dawn they fell asleep for a couple of hours and when she woke she was lying in the circle of his arms. Looking down on his sleeping face she felt tenderness she’d never experienced before. She loved this man, and that’s what he was, a man. She didn’t feel like a woman yet but she was on her way. When his eyes opened he smiled and reached for her, pulling her against him.
“You’re still here,” he murmured. “I dreamed you left.”
“I’m not going anywhere and neither are you,” she said fiercely. “We have to do what we came here for.”
When Fehin and Airy came into the kitchen later Carla was waiting for them. “Is everything all right?” she asked. “I couldn’t help overhearing.”
Airy turned to gaze at Fehin and then reached for his hand. “It is now,” she answered.
Carla smiled and then reached for the coffee pot. “I just brewed a new pot,” she said, grabbing cups down from the shelf. “Do you want tea, Airy?”
“I’m going to try the coffee this morning,” she answered, taking the cups out of Carla’s hands.
The three of them sat at the table and then after a furtive look at Fehin, Airy said, “Wolf is here in Milltown.”
Carla looked like she’d seen a ghost. “How do you know?”
“Tell her, Fehin.”
Fehin took a sip of his coffee and then related the events of the day before. “He expects me to get him a job but now that I’ve bared my soul to Airy he doesn’t have anything to hold over me.”
“Bared your soul?” Carla glanced from one to the other.
Airy waved her hands in the air. “Long sad story but the main thing is he can’t blackmail us. I told Fehin we have to get on with what we came here to do.” She smiled, turning toward Fehin. “Our destiny awaits, young prince.”
Fehin bowed his head. “I am at your service, my queen.”
“Wait a second,” Carla interrupted. “Why is Airy a queen and you’re a prince?”
They both laughed. “Okay,” Fehin continued, “how about, ‘I’m at your service, my princess’?”
“Or, ‘our destiny awaits, my ancient king’.”
“Ancient?” Fehin asked.
Carla let out a laugh and then rose from her chair. “Why don’t you two figure out the semantics while I do the laundry?”
“Seriously, Carla,” Airy said. “Fehin doesn’t have magic and I’m at a loss as to where to start.”
“Start at the beginning,”
When Carla headed toward her bedroom Fehin jumped up, his eyes wide. “What time is it?”
“Quarter till nine, why?”
“I was supposed to be at work at eight this morning. So much for having a job,” he said, shaking his head. “I was on probation.”
“This way you don’t have to see Wolf,” Airy reminded him. “Wasn’t he planning to meet you there?”
Fehin raised his eyebrows. “You’re right. Now I have to figure out how to kill the bastard.”
“Quit saying that, Fehin. You’re not going to kill your half-brother.”
“Want to bet?”
39
“Do you have classes today?” Fehin asked as they left the house a while later.
“Yes, but I think I’m done with the school thing. I was serious about getting on with our destiny.”
“Building a bridge?”
“Coming up with a way across a chasm or abyss, either metaphysical or otherwise.”
“That’s good, Airy. Good start.”
She laughed. “You like that? I have more. How about ‘a symbol that links two disparate thoughts, worlds, ways of being, or even species’?“
Fehin grinned. “I think you’re getting closer.”
“So what is it?”
“Let’s get a coffee and talk about it. I haven’t had enough caffeine to discuss this deep a topic.”
After Airy bought two lattes they settled into wrought iron chairs under an umbrella. It was a cold day and the wind had come up and they sat hunched, warming their hands around the paper cups.
“For some reason this weather reminds me of your brother. I wouldn’t be surprise if he showed up.”
Fehin looked around and then turned his gaze on her. She noticed the softness in his mossy eyes, an expression he hadn’t had until this morning. Unburdening his mind had definitely loosened something. But beneath his eyes were shadows that pointed to an unhealthy lifestyle and not enough rest. She reached for his hand and moved her chair closer. “I feel so different now,” she said.
“Different…about me, about us?”
“About everything, Fehin. I feel closer to you than I ever have and now that, well…you know…it’s even more so.”
Fehin smiled and squeezed her fingers. “I guess we had to go through our own special hell to get here.”
“You more than me.”
“I don’t know about that. You had to deal with my illness and near death, me deserting you and not knowing if I was going to ever come back, and now hearing about all the crazy shit I went through. I would say that was fairly hellish and painful. But the good thing is I got a first hand view of the problems in this country.”
Airy was just about to answer when a shadow came across the table and then a voice said, “Here you are. I wondered where I’d find you.”
Airy let go of Fehin’s hand and scrunched down in her chair.
“What are you doing here, Wolf?” Fehin asked.
“You weren’t at the construction site. Sam is more than a little irritated. He hired me on, by the way.”
“Good for you,” Fehin said. “Now get the hell away from us.”
Wolf put his attention on Airy, moving close. “I have a nasty little story to tell you,” he began.
“I know everything,” Airy answered, her eyes narrowing as she watched the monster version of Fehin. Her body had begun to tremble.
“You know all about the whores and the sex and the filthy disgusting life Fehin was into? The drugs that made him into an animal?”
“Yes, Wolf, I do. Nothing you can say will turn me against him. Now leave us alone so we can discuss our plans.”
“Like how you two are going to save this world?” Wolf laughed. “Without magic my brother doesn’t stand a chance. And anyway, this place is beyond redemption. Don’t worry about it though, the coming nuclear war will blow it all to bits.”
Fehin was suddenly on his feet. Airy watched his fist shoot out, landing in Wolf’s middle and sending him sprawling. He grabbed Airy’s hand. “Let’s go.”
Somehow they ended up in the woods behind campus, coming to a stop underneath the familiar pine tree as they tried to catch their breath.
“I
am
going to kill him,” Fehin announced again.
And this time Airy didn’t protest.
***
“He’s probably right about the war,” Airy said later as they were walking back to Carla’s house. “There are wars all over the globe now. There’s no end to it that I can see. More than half the countries have nuclear capability. My professor is worried.”
“More reason why we have to make a plan. I didn’t realize it was the entire world we needed to fix. That’s going to be a hard one.”
“You need your magic. Once you have that you could conjure another world.”
Fehin laughed and then he frowned. “Jesus, Airy. I don’t have that kind of power. But you may be onto something. A metaphysical bridge could do the same thing but not in such a physical manner.” He shook his head and looked down. “I have to think on this for a while.”
“Jesus was an avatar, right?”
Fehin looked over at her with a puzzled expression and then registered what she’d asked. “That’s my take on it. Why?”
“Maybe we’re avatars.”
Fehin watched her, wondering why she’d brought this up. “We need to be dead and then come alive again to be avatars.”
Airy stared into space for a moment, her eyebrows scrunched together. ”If you conjure the world, what’s my part?”
Fehin laughed. “Your mind is all over the place today. I don’t know. Maybe it’s up to you to convince them to go. You’re the one who talks to trees.”
“That’ll be easy, especially since most of the people I’ve met think I’m a nutcase.” Airy walked up the stairs ahead of him and fetched the key from under the pot. “I’m glad Carla’s not here,” she said, turning to him as she opened the door.
Inside she grabbed Fehin’s hand and tugged him with her into the bedroom. She closed the door and then pulled her T-shirt over her head. “Well?” she asked, unzipping her jeans.
Fehin took one look at her and quickly undressed.
It was a while before they surfaced again, lying back against the pillows and attempting to re-enter the real world.
“What got into you?” Fehin asked, turning his head.
“All the talk of other women, wars and saving worlds, I suppose. Not to mention seeing you punch Wolf in the stomach.”
Fehin reached over and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck. “You are not who I thought you were.”
Airy pulled away to stare at him. “What do you mean?”
“For one thing, you’re no little girl.” He shook his head, grinning. “I love you,” he said, serious.
“You didn’t before?”
Fehin looked embarrassed for a moment. “I didn’t know you could take it, Airy. I expected you to crumble after you heard what I did. You surprised me.”
“We’ve both grown up.”
“Yeah, I guess we have. Now all we need to do is get rid of Wolf, conjure a parallel universe and then move all the people and creatures from earth.”
“No problem,” Airy said, grinning. When she kissed him he wrapped his arms around her and there was no more talking.
“Airy? Fehin? Are you here?”
Airy jumped up from the bed and pulled on her jeans. “I didn’t think she’d be home so early.”
Fehin looked at his phone. “It’s nearly four in the afternoon.”
“What?”
Fehin grinned and jiggled his eyebrows up and down.
“We’re here!” she called out, trying to find her hastily removed T-shirt.
“Sorry, Carla,” she said pulling the bedroom door shut behind her. “We fell asleep.”
Carla looked skeptical but didn’t say anything. “How were your classes? I thought Fehin was starting his job this morning.”
“He was supposed to be there at eight. He was on probation so he figured he was fired before he even started. And I skipped my classes. I’m quitting school.”
Carla looked surprised. “Why is that?”
“Because we have a destiny and it doesn’t include me taking classes. Wolf showed up while we were at the coffee shop. Fehin hit him in the stomach and knocked him down.”
Carla’s mouth dropped open. “I thought you said Wolf was enormous.”
“He is.” Airy went to the cabinet and opened it, pulling out a bag of chocolate chip cookies. “Fehin’s a lot stronger than he looks.”
“He looks quite strong to me,” Carla said, taking the cookie Airy held out. “But I didn’t think he would antagonize Wolf like that.”
“Believe me, the antagonizing was all coming from Wolf. Fehin just had enough.”
“I’m impressed,” Carla said opening the refrigerator. “Would you two like to join me in a glass of wine? I’d love to hear your plan.”
Airy glanced toward the closed bedroom door. “Fehin can’t drink, Carla. He’s an addict. And I don’t drink alcohol.”