Fehin embraced the man who’d been like a father to him, Kafir’s warmth taking away some of the cold that never seemed to go away. “This is Airy,” he said, after they pulled apart, gesturing toward where she stood by the couch.
“Airy,” Kafir repeated, regarding her with a warm smile. “I guess I have you to thank for my son’s return to health.”
Airy seemed embarrassed, a nervous smile making its way tentatively across her lips. “I was also the cause of his illness,” she admitted, looking down.
“From what I hear you were bullied into it.”
Kafir turned to Fehin. “Your mother wants to see you, Fehin. You being ill has been very hard on her.”
“I shouldn’t have told her,” Gunnar said, speaking for the first time.
Fehin glanced toward the druid. “She would have known anyway.”
Gunnar’s mouth quirked. He nodded. “I often forget about Gertrude’s psychic abilities.”
When Fehin saw his mother in his mind’s eyes, his heart felt squeezed. He had a feeling that the men’s abrupt appearance signaled something they weren’t saying. “I’m coming home with you,” he announced.
“But Fehin…” Airy said, moving toward him. “We have our…”
Fehin put his hand up. “All of that can wait. Maybe you should come along too.” Fehin glanced toward the druid who was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. “Is that possible?” he asked him.
Gunnar slid his eyes sideways and then shrugged. “Not the best idea
I’ve heard, but I suppose it’s possible.”
Airy looked worried and uncertain. “This doesn’t seem….”
“Doesn’t seem what?” Fehin asked, irritated. “I almost died, Airy. I have a right to go and see my mother.”
“I didn’t say you shouldn’t, Fehin. But now that you’re feeling better, we…”
Fehin ignored her and went into the kitchen area. He fiddled around with the coffee pot listening to the silence coming from the living room. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Does anyone want coffee?” he finally asked.
“No thanks,” Kafir answered. “If I don’t leave soon, I’ll be old before my time.”
“Will you come back for us, Gunnar?” Fehin asked, turning.
“You can meet me in San Diego,” he said. “
Skidbladnir
will be waiting.”
“But when?”
“Just get there as soon as you can.” The druid took hold of Kafir’s shoulder and then they both disappeared.
Fehin watched the spot where they’d been and then turned to see Airy staring at him. “What?” he asked, belligerent.
Airy shook her head and turned away, heading into the bathroom. He’d invited her along. What was the problem?
32
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Airy said, trying to get Fehin to look at her. He seemed remote and had been for weeks. He was different since the illness and she didn’t know him anymore.
“And what would you suggest? I’m worried, Airy. Something’s not right back there.”
“Is that it or are you projecting because you want to go home so badly? What if we can’t return? I feel like we’re supposed to be doing this, whatever it is, sooner rather than later. Have you noticed how bad things are? There are more and more people on the streets every day.”
“Of course I’ve noticed. Have you even bothered to open the book Gunnar gave me? It’s all explained in there. Why don’t you go out in the snow and commune with the trees--maybe they’ll tell you what to do.”
Airy stared at him. “That was mean and uncalled for, Fehin. I don’t have to read a book to know what’s going on. All I have to do is open my eyes. Do you even like me anymore?”
When Fehin’s eyes met hers she saw a deep anguish and sadness. He seemed to be struggling with something but if he didn’t tell her what it was she couldn’t help him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, turning away again. “I have to get out of here soon. The cold is seeping into my bones. It’s making me crazy.”
“No cold weather on Thule?” Airy said, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, I made Thule temperate all year long. It’s a wonderful place. You’ll see.”
If I go
, Airy thought to herself. But her options were limited. She would either have to stick with Fehin, wait for him to come back, or do this bridge thing on her own. Either that or go back to school. “I think the bridge is us. We have to forge a connection between humans and nature—people hardly notice what’s around them anymore, not that I blame them, and the government keeps passing laws that take away more and more of the wild places. The family farms are gone, replaced with those companies that poison everything around to grow their crops. The trees and plants and bugs and animals are suffering because no one cares.”
Fehin turned from his perusal of the falling snow. “What government? You mean the corporations? And how do you propose to do that? Start a cult?”
“I don’t even know what a cult is.”
Fehin made a derisive sound. “It’s a group of people who believe something and go to great lengths to protect it and get others to believe. It’s usually religious. We’d be the cult leaders. We could call ourselves the nature lovers.”
“That sounds good,” Airy said, not realizing that Fehin was being facetious.
“Airy, we’d have followers, weirdos who trek around with us and expect us to know what we’re doing. We’d have to feed them and take care of them.”
“I don’t mind the idea of followers. We need to get people interested in our cause. Maybe some of the people who are out of work would come with us.”
Fehin shook his head and sighed. “I don’t think this is what Corra meant by a bridge. It has to be more metaphysical than what you’re proposing. You need to quiet your over-active mind and meditate on it.”
“Why are you treating me like a child?” Airy stared him down, her hands on her hips. “You’ve been acting strange for more than a month. What is your problem?”
“Sometimes you act like a child, Airy. My problem is…” Fehin turned away and rubbed his hand across his face. “My problem is,” he started again, “that I don’t fully trust you and without that we can’t do anything.”
Airy’s face went hot. “How long have you felt this way?”
“Since we’ve been here. I didn’t know what was bothering me, but now…now I know. Something in me has closed down. That’s why I have to go home.”
“I’m not going with you,” she said, her eyes filling. “I can’t believe you’ve been faking all this time, letting me take care of you and acting like we were working together on our mission. You are a real jerk.” Airy went to pull on her boots and then got her coat out of the little closet. She opened the door and slammed it behind her, trying to muffle her sobs.
Nearly blinded by the thick snow coming down Airy blundered down the sidewalk away from the motel. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she had to get as far from Fehin as she could. Her heart actually hurt. All this time she thought he loved her. They’d even said as much when he was still in the hospital. How could he pretend all this time, letting her fix his meals, plump up his pillows and cheer him when he was depressed? She felt humiliated, furious and betrayed by the one person she thought she could count on.
***
Wolf watched the girl leave, waiting to see what would happen next. He knew all about the druid and Kafir, had known the minute they appeared. After they left he’d heard the shouts, had seen the tears on her face as she hurried away. When Fehin came into view at the top of the stairs carrying his backpack, Wolf smiled. His plan was working.
***
When Airy looked up she found herself in front of the library, and even though she’d left the overdue book at home she went inside. A blast of hot air hit her when she opened the doors, warming her with a sense of familiarity. The librarian sat behind the desk as she always did, peering curiously at Airy over her half glasses. But she didn’t say anything and Airy continued past her and then into the stacks. Thank goodness there was hardly anyone here, she thought as tears continued to run down her face.
With the shorter days it was nearly dark by the time she left the historic brick building. She felt able to face Fehin despite the pain of his betrayal. Maybe her parents had been right all along—he was not what he seemed. Her insides hurt as though she’d been punched in the stomach.
When she reached the motel the lights were off making her wonder if Fehin had fallen asleep. She slowly climbed the stairs, her feet growing heavier the further up she went. At the door she fit her electronic key into the slot and then opened it. “Fehin?” she called, switching on a light. She moved into the bedroom and flipped the switch.
He was gone, along with all of his things. And on further examination she discovered he’d taken most of the cash she’d recently withdrawn from her account. “You bastard!” she screamed and then covered her mouth. If her parents had cut her off what in hell was she going to do? If Fehin had been there at that moment she would have put her hands around his neck and squeezed the breath out of him.
33
After using a sizable amount of Airy’s cash to buy a bus ticket to San Diego, Fehin curled up on a bench outside the station to spend the night. He felt bad about taking Airy’s money but what could he do? He had no money in his account and until he found a job he was without cash. Every cent he’d had, had gone into the trip to Colorado and then the hospital bills after he got sick. No one had mentioned it but he was fairly certain that a lot of his care had been gratis, the doctors and nurses taking pity on him. Airy’s parents would never let her starve.
On the long bus ride he fell asleep, his head lolling onto the shoulder of the heavy-set guy sitting next to him. He knew this because he woke several times and tried to lean the other way. The man didn’t seem to mind. Fehin’s sleep was deep and strange, filled with imagery he didn’t want to see. Wolf was there lurking, and Airy, hurt and unconscious. If only he could turn the clock back to before all of that happened, he thought waking suddenly. He still loved her but without trust it didn’t matter much. Any time spent with her family would undermine how she felt for him. And the thought of her making a choice between them and him made his stomach hurt. He couldn’t imagine cutting himself off from his mother or Kafir, no matter how bad things got.
By the time the bus reached San Diego he was stiff and out of sorts. He reached for his pack and then left the bus, heading inside to ask how to reach the Port of San Diego. The air was warm here and it helped his mood to feel it on his skin, to see the sun and the blue sky after so much cold and gray.
With the few dollars he had left he caught a taxi to the Port and then wandered around trying to figure out how to find
Skidbladnir
in the mass of boats and noise and commotion. After an hour of searching he wondered if she was here at all, but as he headed away he caught a glimpse of a red sail and turned to see her sailing directly toward him. His heart lifted at the sight of her. But when he faced the druid who was sailing her it was a different story.
“I have come to tell you that it is not your destiny to go to the future. Your path lies here in this world. Whether you choose to follow it is up to you, but I will not assist you in this folly. I would have tolerated it if Airy had come along but you alone doesn’t fit the story.”
“What story are you talking about?”
“The one where you and the girl share a future. I am not clear on what your mission is, but I know you’re supposed to be together.”
“I don’t feel like that anymore,” Fehin answered. “She seems too young and besides that I don’t trust her.”
Gunnar stared at him, his eyes narrowing. “Too young? Where did you get that idea? Do you think what she did for you in the hospital was childish, Fehin? She’s braved the system to care for you, using her own money to buy you special food, finding herbal remedies and putting up with your depression. What more do you want from her?”
Fehin hung his head, shame making his face flush. He’d treated her as though she’d done something terrible when in fact she’d done nothing but take care of him. Without her he’d probably be dead. But as that thought went through his mind he wondered if being dead might be better all around. He was tired of feeling empty, tired of not caring about anything and tired of the negative thoughts that constantly plagued him. “I have this hollow feeling, Gunnar. In here,” he pointed to his chest. “I don’t have the will to go forward.”
“Fehin, it takes time to heal. Your body may be better but your psyche hasn’t caught up. You nearly died and from what I observed you welcomed your death. Are you happy to be alive?”
Fehin thought about the question and couldn’t come up with an answer.
“Spend time alone. Do what feels right to you. If that includes the girl then go and find her. But only if you can be kind and see her for who she is.”
“How do
you
know who she is?”
Gunnar pressed his lips together and shook his head. “Don’t be an idiot,” he said before turning toward the boat.
“But what about my mother? Is there something happening you aren’t telling me?”
Gunnar turned. “As long as she knows you’re all right she’ll be fine. And I’ll tell her you are—would you try and make that the truth?” Gunnar raised his hand in a good-bye salute just before he slipped into the throng and disappeared.
34
Airy gazed around the motel suite wondering why she hadn’t noticed how shabby everything was. And now with Fehin gone it was utterly bleak. She flung herself on the couch, letting grief take over, her hiccupping sobs reminding her of when she was small and her mother would come and soothe her hurt. But there was no one to soothe her now and even the thought of her parents made her cry harder. If she were home right now MacCuill would comfort her, she thought, imagining his arms around her, the scratchy feel of his robe against her cheek.
When it seemed there were no tears left she went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her face swollen. This thing with Fehin had turned her into a sniveling little girl. No wonder he said what he did. She splashed water on her face, angry with him and with herself. She was seventeen now. It was time to grow up.