Brody (7 page)

I inched closer and sat on the edge of the bed.
My
side of the bed. Looking into her baby blue eyes, trying to figure out how I’d ever been stupid enough to let another man have her, I asked, “What’s life without hope, Ri?”

“I can’t afford to hope,” she said, closing her eyes. “Not again.”

I brushed my lips across her cheek. “What would it take for you to give me another chance? For you to let me love you again?”

“I can’t.”

She sounded so tortured, I just wanted to haul her against me, to cradle her in my arms and promise I’d never let anything hurt her, but since I was the source of her pain, I couldn’t do that. “You can’t or you won’t?”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, her voice raw with emotion. “Why are you doing this to me again? Why are you even here?”

“Because I love you.” It had been a long time, too long, since I’d shown her, but those words had never stopped being true. I reached for her hand. “You’ve always been my best friend, Ri. When my world’s falling apart, you’re the one I call.”

“But do you think that’s fair to me?” she asked, watching me kiss her hand.

“No, I definitely haven’t been fair to you, sweetheart. But I think I can change.”

“You think you can change?” She sounded incredulous as she ripped her hand from mine. “You
think
? And that’s supposed to be reason enough for me to walk through hell with you all over again?”

“I know I don’t have the right to expect anything from you—”

“You’re damn right you don’t!” She shoved my shoulder, brushing at the tears streaking her cheeks. “You don’t get a do-over! You’ve had chance after chance, and all you’ve ever done is played fast and loose with my love, like it was a gamble you could afford to take.”

“It wasn’t,” I whispered, lowering my head. “Nothing’s worth losing you.”

“Gambling is.”

“No, it’s not.” I looked up, hoping she could see the depth of my sincerity. “I’m sorry if I ever let you believe it was.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “What are you saying, that you’re giving up gambling?”

My gut clenched at the suggestion. God, what would I do without the thrill, the excitement, the challenge?

“No, of course that’s not what you’re saying,” she said, sounding disgusted. “How could I be stupid enough to think that? You’ll never give that up. Not for anything.”

“I just need some time to figure things out.”

I wouldn’t make her any more promises I couldn’t keep, especially not on the spur of the moment, in the middle of the night. With the moonlight filtering through the window, her blond hair falling over her shoulders, she looked like a goddess, and everything in me told me never to leave her. To get down on one knee, right now, and beg her to marry me. But I would never forgive myself if I woke up, after acting on impulse, and realized I wasn’t ready to commit to forever. Not even a forever that included Riley.

“You’re out of time, Brody. You ran out of time a long time ago, remember?”

I closed my eyes as she sucked in a sharp breath when my lips grazed her shoulder. “This is where I belong, right here with you. We both know that.” My lips traced her collarbone before finding the sensitive hollow with my tongue.

“No.” Her hands gripped my shoulders, probably to try to maintain some control. “This isn’t right.”

“Then why does it feel so right?” I licked and kissed her neck hungrily, unable to hold back as my body remembered how amazing it felt to be inside her.

She’d always been my one and only weakness. Sure, there’d been booze and gambling, but Riley had always been my only living, breathing vice.

“It does feel right.” She whimpered, rolling her head back onto the soft down pillows. “God, it feels so right to have you back in my bed.”

I crawled on top of her, intent on giving her pleasure, not taking advantage of her weakness. I kissed her while my fingers slipped inside her, drawing her out of her head so she could enjoy this indulgence. Riley spent entirely too much time in her head, always weighing out the pros and cons, especially where I was concerned.

“Brody…”

The way my name slipped from her lips as I pleasured her took me back to a time when she’d given her love so freely, believing I was the man who could make all of her dreams come true. God, I missed being that guy in her eyes.

Refocusing on her, on what she wanted and needed, I drew lazy circles around her peaked nipples with my tongue, enjoying the hitch in her breathing when my hand found a steady rhythm, remembering exactly where all of her hot spots were. It may have been a while, but my mind was programmed to know how to satisfy this woman.
My
woman.

“Oh God…”

Her whole body tightened in anticipation of her release, and the selfish part of me wished I could draw this out a little longer, delay her gratification so I could freeze this moment, in case she never wanted to repeat it.

“Brody…”

I captured her mouth, stealing her breath and kissing her with all the love in my broken heart. Because as happy as I was to be with her again, I felt her cool detachment in the way her hands didn’t hold me as much as they held me at bay. I wanted to be engulfed in her again. To feel her adoration in the way she wrapped me in her arms, sighing contentedly as she breathed in my scent and whispered she loved me.

I felt the tightness in my chest when she finally opened her eyes and looked at me. Instead of sleepy satisfaction, I saw only wariness and regret, and it tore me up inside. Easing off her slowly, I ran a shaky hand through my hair as I positioned the white duvet over her.

“Where are you going?” she asked, looking confused.

“To bed.”

Her eyes shifted to the other side of her bed, and I saw the unspoken question in her eyes. More than anything, I wanted to take her up on her offer, but not until I’d earned her trust again. I didn’t want to see
that
look in her eyes ever again.

“Um, you’re going to sleep in the guest room?” she asked, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen and damp from my kisses.

“I think that would be best.” It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew it was best for her. For us. “For the record, I never meant to take advantage of you, Ri. That’s not why I came in here.”

With a shaky laugh, she said, “I don’t feel taken advantage of.” Her heated gaze drifted to the obvious bulge in my pants. “If anything, I feel a little guilty.”

“Don’t.” I brushed her cheek with the back of my hand. “If anyone should feel guilty, I should. You’ve given way more than you’ve ever taken from me.” When she didn’t argue, I let my hand fall to my side, and I slowly backed out of the room before turning when I reached the door.

“Hey,” she said, when my hand circled the knob, “when you came in here, you said you wanted to ask me a favor. What was it?”

I’d gotten so lost in her I’d almost forgotten about another potentially life-altering decision I’d made. “I want to meet my half-brothers. Will you come to Vegas with me?”
For moral support.
I didn’t have to say it. Riley knew me well enough to know that was what I was asking of her. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I mean, we’re not even a couple anymore, but—”

“Of course I’ll come. I think it’s great you want to meet them. When?”

“The sooner, the better.” Before I chickened out. “I’ll have to track the old man down, find out where he’s living.” I sighed, thinking how much it pained me to extend him any courtesy. “I guess I’ll call to let him know I’m coming. He said something about being a long-haul truck driver. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll be out of town. Then I can just spend some time getting to know them without him hanging around.”

Her smile was sympathetic. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but eventually you’re going to have to let go of this hatred you have toward him. For your sake, not for his.”

She was right, but breaking a life-long habit of despising someone, even when they were flesh and blood, was hard. “I’m trying. I guess this is a step in the right direction, right?”

She nodded, her smile widening. “I think so too.”

***

Riley

Two days after that mind-numbing orgasm, I was sitting on a plane next to Brody, trying to keep my emotions in check. He’d asked me to come with him because he needed support. It wasn’t a reflection on us. I had to keep reminding myself of that, so I wouldn’t romanticize the trip.

He was vulnerable. He needed someone. Of course I would be the logical choice, given our history.

Brody sighed as he tossed his iPad aside and stretched his legs out in front of him. I knew he was grateful to be flying first class, so he could do that without disturbing anyone.

“You okay?” I asked, slipping my eReader back in my bag.

He hadn’t been very talkative during the flight, and I assumed he was nervous about meeting his brothers. After a brief phone conversation with his father yesterday, he learned the boys were seventeen and eighteen, just slightly older than his nephews, which meant Jack hadn’t been alone long before he met “our mother’s replacement” as Brody called her.

“Just trying to make sense of all this,” he said, swiping a hand over his face. “A few days ago, I didn’t want to think about the old man at all. Now here I am, headed to his house. The house he shares with his real family. It still seems surreal.”

“Did you tell Kane about your plans?” As far as I knew, Kane was the only one of his brothers he’d confided in about seeing their father.

“No, I thought I’d see how it goes and fill him in when I get back.” I slipped my hand through his, and he gave me a lingering look before pressing his lips to the back of my hand. “Thank you for being here with me, Ri. I wouldn’t have the guts to do this without you. And I can’t shake the feeling this is something I need to do.”

I happened to agree with him. He still had a huge mountain to climb with his father and half-brothers, but at least he was taking the first step. I was proud of him, which was ridiculous, since I had no right to be.

“I’m glad you asked me to come,” I said, squeezing his hand. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to go through this alone.”

We stared at the small screens in front of us, though neither of us had been interested in watching the romantic comedy.

“If only it were that easy, huh?” he asked, watching the couple on screen kiss, a sure sign they were getting their happy ending.

“What’s that?” I disentangled my hand from his on the premise of reaching for my water glass.

I had to keep reminding myself we weren’t a couple. We were friends. Barely. We shouldn’t be holding hands or kissing… or spending time exploring each other’s bodies until one or both of us cried out in ecstasy. I still shivered at the memory of what he’d done to me in my bed, how in-tune he’d been to my body, giving me exactly what I needed without having to ask, as though we’d never been apart.

“Figuring it all out.” He sighed. “I’m thirty-six. I should be more settled by now, ya know?”

Yeah, I knew. He wasn’t the only one who was thirty-six. I was too. And my biological clock was ticking so loudly, I couldn’t drown it out no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to be settled, to have a husband I could count on and a couple of sweet kids. I wasn’t like my sister, who was content to roam. I needed security, but life with Brody had provided anything but certainty.

“There is something to be said for settling down,” I said, trying to remind myself who I was talking to. “But it’s not for everyone.”

Brody had a lot more in common with Macy than he did with me. They spoke the same language: thrill-chasing, fun, excitement, travel, fame, and fortune. I didn’t need any of that to be happy. I just needed my business, my friends, family, a nice little house, and someone I loved to share my life with. But Brody had spent the better part of the last five years claiming that could never be the life for him.

I was ashamed to admit I was one of those women who’d held out for too long, believing the man I loved would change, that he would eventually come around to my way of thinking because he couldn’t live without me.

Now that Brody claimed he may be ready to change, I couldn’t believe it. I knew he was lonely and confused, and I believed that was what was prompting him to re-evaluate his life, not any residual feelings he may have for me.

“How’d you know what you wanted?” he asked quietly, tipping his head back against the pillow the flight attendant had provided. “I mean, how’d you know you wanted a life with me? Even when we were young, in our early twenties, you talked about it.”

I did not want to have this conversation, especially since nothing had turned out as I’d hoped it would. Except my business. I still had that. Thank God. “I guess I’ve never been one of those people who needs to keep wandering or looking for something better. I found what I wanted in you, and that was enough for me.” Too bad he hadn’t felt the same way.

He tipped his head toward me, sighing. “You were more than enough for me, Ri. Don’t ever doubt that. It was just that life, all the trappings that I wasn’t sure about.”

I laughed, trying to pretend his choice of words didn’t cut deep. It shouldn’t hurt anymore. I’d heard it all before, but hearing the man you loved saying he didn’t share your dreams never got easier. “Is that how you felt when you thought about a future with me—trapped?”

“No, God, no,” he said, sitting up straighter. “It wasn’t like that at all. I wanted to be with you. Only you. I wanted to come home to you. I just wanted to travel too. I wanted to explore, to see what was out there.”

“You’ve seen a lot of the world. More than most.” Sometimes I even envied his nomadic lifestyle a little. He could pick up at a moment’s notice, go anywhere, do anything, and he didn’t have to answer to anyone.

“Yeah, I guess I have.” He twisted the flashy diamond ring on his right hand. “It’s been a good life. I can’t say I have any regrets.”

No regrets? I wished I could say the same. I had a ton of regrets. I was even beginning to regret letting him in when he showed up at my door in the middle of the night.