Broken (17 page)

Bree concentrates on the poster. “Eww. I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about Lena. Pervert.”

Oh. “Yeah, well, I was scared too. I didn’t run.”

Bree doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. Her face says it all. She wears a painful expression and she’s back to thinking weird thoughts. Eventually, she falls asleep. Watching her sleep is peaceful and lulls me to my own slumber.

***

Josh kicks my bed and I stir from my sleep. Bree is still in a tranquil sleep. That’s all about to end. I put my finger to my lips and motion to take this conversation to the living room. Josh looks at Bree and softens. He nods and walks out.

At first, I think about sitting on the couch. But, if I know Josh, this conversation is going to end up with us fighting. Josh pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. “Did you get her high?”

I should answer carefully. “She wanted to try it. She wanted to forget.”

“And you thought getting her high was the answer? You thought you should be the one who makes her forget?” he snorts.

“No. I told her to go back to your room. Don’t make this into something it’s not, Josh.”

Suddenly, he’s curious.
I hit a nerve. “What does she want to forget?”

“She didn’t say. That’s up to you to find out. But, we both know it’s everything that she’s been through.” I feel comfortable enough to sit down on the couch now.
“She did hint that she doesn’t like you drinking so damn much. I think she felt entitled to get high.”

Josh plops down next to me. He lets out a long sigh. “I don’t like drinking so much either.
And, I definitely don’t like her going to you to get fucked up. I’m sorry, man. I know you are going through your own shit.”

“It’s okay. I actually liked her company today. And, dude, don’t worry about me getting high with your girl again. She’s a chatty Kathy when she smokes up.” I laugh.

Josh laughs too. “I bet that blew your high.”

Still
chuckling, “Little bit.”

“Hey, man. Listen…Lena will come around. It didn’t help
that I fucking wrecked that dude, Brad. I’m sorry. Let me know if I can help with anything.” Josh tries to communicate. It’s hard for him. I know that he cares. If he didn’t, my ass would have been thrown across the room by now.

“Forget about it. Fucking Brad up didn’t make Lena leave. Lena left on her own.” I admit.

Just as Josh is about to say something, Bree comes stumbling out of my room. She’s cranky and hungry. “Is anyone else craving a burrito?”

Josh and I look at each other and begin to laugh all over again. Looks like someone’s got the munchies.

Before Bree rips apart the kitchen, I order food for us. Once it is delivered, we sit at the kitchen table. Before I take a bite of my food, I realize this is the first family dinner we have had in a long time. I missed this. However, there is a missing person at the dinner table.

***

LENA

Guilty. Angry. Confused. Those are all of the words that describe what I am feeling. Eric’s last word
s to me about breaking his heart nearly killed me. And, I’m struggling to figure out why I left him.

Levi showing up is unreal. Of all of the people I could have run into, it had to be him.
The memories come rushing back along with all of the emotions. And, I feel like I’m back in high school again.

Worst of all, the only person I want to help me is Eric.
I hurt him. I think I’ve lost him for good. Without Eric, I feel like I’m dead. So, why did I run? Maybe, deep down inside I want him to hate me. Hell, I hate me. The question is why? Why do I hate myself?

Just as I think I might have it figured out, there’s a knock on my door. I roll myself out of bed and struggle to the door. Someone bangs on the door again and I yell that I am coming.

When I open the door, my mouth drops open. “Levi.”

Levi looks dapper as usual…not a hair out of place. His preppy clothes are crisp and tucked in all of the right places. Compared to him, I look like white trash. I’m in my usual black tank top and a pair of Eric’s boxers. My short, black hair is in a high ponytail on the top of my head. The remaining pieces of hair are hanging down on my neck.

“May I come in?” he asks.

Still surprised by his presence, I wait a moment before I answer. “Yeah…sure.”

Levi enters my small apartment and absorbs the atmosphere. Looking around, he smiles at each of the prints adorning my walls. “Are these all of yours?” He refers to the prints. I nod and allow him to continue
examining my work.

“Did you come here to look at my work?” I ask.

Levi jams his hands in his pockets, stares at the ground for a second and then stares at me. “No, Lena. I have a confession to make. May I?” He points to sofa.

“Sure.” I watch him sit down.

“I could have had the reunion at a million different places. But, I knew you were here.” His confession creeps me out. And, I dread what he is about to say. “I’ve known where you are all along.”

I roll my eyes. “Seriously. Why? Why would you bring all of the people, I hate, to my town? Haven’t you hurt me enough?”

Levi gives me a half grin. “Apparently, I didn’t think things through.” He rubs his eyes. “I really thought all of the drama had passed. I thought this could be my second chance. I’ve thought about you every day, Lena. I can’t stop. I just wanted the chance to see you again. I thought, after five years, people would have forgotten the trials and tribulations of high school. Clearly, I was wrong.”

“Clearly.” My sarcasm can’t help but shine through. Levi has no freaking clue what I have been through the past five years. He has no idea that I have slept with numerous people just to drown his face out of my head. My self worth has suffered a great deal because of him.

“I am so sorry for what I did to you. I was eighteen years old, Lena. I didn’t have the knowledge I have now. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have done everything differently.” He offers a half-assed apology.

I fold my arms across my chest. I’m not going to make this easy for him. “What do you know now?”

“Well, I know that it doesn’t matter what people think. Being popular in high school doesn’t help you get the job or get the girl.” It’s a lame excuse. He is missing a very important factor.

“That’s it?” I scorn. My mother may have been a whore but at least she taught me how to treat people with decency. She taught me to be good to people. “Yo
u did it for popularity? Acceptance? I was expendable because of what people thought of you?” Levi doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t have to. Nothing he says can help get back the space he has rented in my head for years. It’s time to evict him.

All along I have felt that I wasn’t worthy of love and respect because of what happened so long ago. It wasn’t what
Levi said to me, it was how he made me feel. I have been holding onto that feeling and carrying the weight of it with me. Single handedly, I gave my self-worth to Levi and let him keep it all these years. Obviously, I need to get it back because he didn’t take very good care of it.

“Levi, if I was worth it, you would have fought for me. You
let me walk away. To be blunt, you gave me a swift kick in the ass. That’s okay, Levi. I’m over it now.” My chest puffs out. I feel powerful. I walk over to my purse. I pull out fifty bucks and throw it at Levi. “I must have forgotten to pay you. Sorry about that. Here’s a fifty to get the fuck out my life.”

Levi makes some kind of snorting sound. He looks at the money I threw at him. He stands up and walks towards the door. With one hand on the doorknob, he looks behind at me. “Take care of yourself, Lena.”

I let out the breath I was holding in. My body feels unchained and almost happy. There is only one hurdle I have to overcome. And that is getting Eric to forgive me.

The entire time I was with Eric, I fought to keep my walls up. I didn’t want him to see that I
was incapable of loving myself even though he loves me.

I rummage through my purse to find my phone. There are umpteenth texts from Bree asking me if I am okay. Calling her is the only way to get to Eric. I don’t want to explain everything in a text.

Her phone rings multiple times. Finally, she answers. “Lena?”

“Hey, Bree.” I answer back. I’m not sure how she feels about me. She didn’t say much when she dropped me off the other night. She is very close to Eric.

“How are you doing, Lena? I have been texting you like crazy.” She is worried. That’s a good sign. Losing Bree would hurt me just as much as losing Eric.

“I’m okay. How is he?” I need to ask this question. I have to know he is okay.

There’s a long pause on the other end of the line. “He’s had better days, Lena.” Another sigh escapes her lips. “His friend, weed, has been keeping him company.”

“He’s smoking up again?” I remember Eric telling me that it stifles his creativity so he doesn’t do it much anymore.
              “That’s about all he’s been doing.”

“I fucked all of this up, didn’t I?” I begin to cry.

“It’s nothing that can’t be fixed, Lena. Fix it. Fix him.” I think I have a plan in place. I’m going to need her help.

In the back of my mind, I fear Eric won’t want me back. However, the plan is worth the risk.

“Will you help me, Bree? I swear to you, I will never hurt him again.” I beg her.

“You know I will.” That’s Bree for you. Forgiving…loving Bree.

I need her to know that she is important to me…that her friendship means everything to me. “I love you, Bree.”

“Love you, too.” We end the conversation and hang up.

The hard part hasn’t begun. But, I am heading in the right direction. I tuck my phone into my pocket and begin the road to recapture Eric’s love and trust.

***

ERIC

Josh and I have a show tonight. As much as I’d like to blow it off and get high
, I can’t. Josh made it clear that he’d kick my ass if I didn’t show. Luckily, I can do this shit with my eyes closed. Once I am done, I will be back in my room with my pipe in my hand.

I hang by the edge of the stage waiting for the band to come on. Keepi
ng to myself, I see Bree checking up on me out of the corner of my eye. Before we came here, she kept telling me that she had a surprise for me. I wonder what it is.

Occasionally, one or more chicks passing by pinch my ass. I pretend like I don’t feel it. I know what they want. For me, there is only one girl I want touching me and she left me.

We’re about fifteen minutes away from show time. I feel a tap on my shoulder. These girls don’t take a hint. Before I turn around I lash out, “Look, I’m not interested. Get lost.”

To my surprise, I hear a dude’s voice. “Excuse me?”

I peek over my shoulder. Fuck no. It’s Levi. This can’t be good. “What the fuck do you want?”

He sticks out like a sore thumb. His perfectly pressed khaki pants and polo don’t meet the dress code at this place. I look down at my black hoodie with the Silve
rstein logo on it and my baggie jeans with a belt chain. We couldn’t be anymore different from each other. “I thought maybe we should have a conversation. Man to man.”

“Man to man, huh?” I laugh sarcastically. Levi gives me a smirk. He knows what direction this is going.

Perky, little Bree struts up behind Levi. “Everything okay here, boys?”

Before I can respond, Levi decides he’s going to be an asshole. His eyes rake over Bree in a way only douche bags look at chicks. It doesn’t sit well with me.
“Keep your eyes in your fucking head, asshole.”

Oh, he’s definitely
entertained now. Deciding he wants to fuel the fire, his fingers touch Bree’s cheek. Bree pulls her face away. I can tell she didn’t like to be touched that way. “How about you go get us a few beers, doll?”

I scan the area for Josh. If he saw that, this bitch is going down. “I’d keep my hands to myself if I were you. Touch her again, I will break your fingers.”

Levi puts his hands up in the air like he is surrendering. “Sorry, man.” He’s still smiling. Yeah, he wants this fight. That’s okay. I’m down with kicking his ass.

“Bree, I’m good. Go hang with Josh.” She gives me a
cautious look. I know she is going to get Josh. I watch her walk away.

“She’s cute.” Levi keeps egging me on.

“Man, you have no idea who and what you are fucking with. Say what you have to say then get your yuppie ass out of here.” My hands start to clench in the pockets of my sweatshirt. I want to hit him so bad. Insulting Bree is one thing. But, what he did to Lena is unacceptable. He took her trust and innocence away. And, I want to kill him for it.

Grinning ear to ear, he cocks his eyebrow. He knows he is rustling my feathers. “Very well. I came here for Lena. I’m not leaving without her. I know that she is confused and hurt. I think you are the one confusing her.”

I pretend like I’m laughing. “I’m confusing her? A week ago, she was perfectly fine. More than fine. You show up with your ‘mean girl’ posse and she is flipping out. Do us all a favor and get out of town.”

Levi sneers, “I already told you. I’m not leaving without her. So, let me make this worth your while. Name your price. I’ll pay anything. The deal is you tell her to leave with me.”

He didn’t really say what I thought he said. The pot must really be going to my head. Levi can’t be dumb enough to try to buy me. As I try to process the information, Bree returns with Josh on her arm. This conversation is about to end. “Bitch, did you really try to buy me?”

Levi pokes me in my chest. I see Josh about to lunge. I throw my hand up to stop him. This is my fight. “Don’t call me a bitch. Eric, I always get what I want. I want Lena.
Have some dignity. You know she is coming with me. I’m going to buy her like my dad bought her mother.”

Red. It’s all I see. It’s the second time he’s referred to Lena as a whore. It’s unforgivable. I’m not a violent guy. As a matter of fact, I rarely fight because of my experience with my dad. Without thinking, I deliver a blow to Levi’s face. It’s not a debilitating blow because he still standing. He’s winded but he wants to fight back. Standing straight, he
springs forward and knocks me up against the stage.

By now, there is a crowd around us cheering us on to keep the fight going. My arms reach underneath his rib cage and I
hit him over and over again. I’ll give it to him; he’s hanging in there. We push away from each other, catching our breath. Josh is circling us. He’s chomping at the bit to get a punch in. It’s apparent that Bree told him that Levi touched her.

I huff out, “You done?”

“Not even close.” This time, I feel the knock across my face.

The adrenaline in my body is surging. Sure, my face stings, but it makes me want to
attack back. I already feel the bruise on my cheek. I pummel him to the ground and start striking him over and over again. Finally, when I think he’s had enough, I get up. I turn my back on him, thinking he is down for the count. My mistake. Josh steps and knocks him back down again, kicking him in the stomach. “That’s for touching my girl.” Levi doesn’t get up this time. I think he got the message.

The bouncers finally show
their faces. They aren’t going to kick me out. Josh and I are tight with most of the bar staff. One of the female bartenders hands me an ice pack for my face. The bouncer asks me what I want to do with Levi. I tell him to take him to his car. I don’t think he will be coming back.

While I sit on a bar stool, someone hands me a beer. I take a swing. Josh tells the DJ to play for a little while longer.
“I would have handled that for you, man. You didn’t have to fight. I know you don’t like to do it.”

The adrenaline is still
pumping through my veins. I really need to smoke to calm my ass down. “Yeah, I did. He said he was going to buy Lena like his dad bought her mom. He touched Bree. He fucking deserved it.”

“
Fuck yeah, he did. Are you going to tell Lena? She should know.” Josh asks.

The hurt I still have in my heart has turned it black. “If she leaves with him, then she deserves it.
The only girl that didn’t fuck me over was your sister. I’ll never find another girl like Lindsay.”

Josh takes a sip of his own beer. His head cocks to the side to look at me. “
I love my sister. She was everything to me, Eric. But, she wasn’t good for you. If we are being honest, she strung you along the entire time she was with that dick who beat her up.” Josh takes a long breath. “The day we went to your mom’s grave, I saw Lena’s face. She’s loves you, man. And, love is fucking scary, especially after you have been through a bunch of shit.” Fuck. My heart is breaking all over again. It must have taken everything for Josh to admit that his sister wasn’t perfect. “If you didn’t care for Lena, you wouldn’t have fought for her. You wouldn’t have bothered. Stop this shit. Stop comparing Lena to my sister. Get off of your ass and go get her.”

I’m beaten down. I rub my eyes. “What if she doesn’t want me?”

“Then, you did everything you could. Now, get the fuck out of here.”

I’m off the stool in a second, runnin
g to my car. I’m running towards Lena.

***