Broken (12 page)

Josh and me have been on our own going to through the motions. We’ve built a life around music, sex, drugs, and booze. It worked. I guess, you could say we both knew something was missing. That something showed up with a bunch of box
es, a fucked up past, and a cute, little friend I can’t pass off as a one-time fuck. Shit.

“Where,
the fuck, are you, man?” Josh interrupts my thoughts. He scratches his head and looks worried.

He explains that he asked me if I wanted to go grab something to eat with Bree, at her place. Apparently, she texted him saying she was done her article. “You don’t want to be alone with her?”

“Sometime tonight. But, she asked me to bring you. C’mon, she ordered a whole bunch of grub for us.”

“Sure.” That confirms it. We’re becoming a family…intertwining in each other’s lives and beginning to care for each other. It scares the shit out of me. Because when you start to care and shit goes down, it’s not good for anyone.

***

LENA

The past few weeks have been wonderful and torturous at the same time. Eric and I have hung out almost every day. To make matters worse, Josh and Bree have included us in everything that they do. Eric and I have managed to keep the no-sex rule into place. But, it physically hurts being around him.

I’m at Bree’s place
helping her with her make-up. I’m enjoying the girl time I have with her. Eric and Josh are always with us. It’s a nice break. It makes me think of Kaite and how much I miss her.

“You look hot, baby girl.”
I admire my masterpiece.

“Thanks to you. You always know how to put an edge to my make-up without making me look like a whore.”
Bree looks at my handy work.

I laugh and begin to
freshen up my look. “So, are you staying at Josh’s tonight?” I know that she is. Bree always does. This time, I will be staying too. I don’t know how to go about telling Bree without getting too involved in my relationship with Eric.

“Yeah, probably. Hey, you can stay here if you want. I wasn’t sure what your plans are. But, if you are drinking, I don’t want you to drive home,”
she offers.

My lips curl
, “Thanks for the offer, but Eric beat you to it. I’m going to stay with him tonight.”

Bree doesn’t give me a hard time. It’s refreshing. Nonchalantly, she says,
“Nice. Maybe we can all go get breakfast in the morning.”

“Yeah. I will let Eric know after the show. As long as his lazy ass can get out of bed we’ll go with you and Josh. I’m up early so I will be the one in charge of getting everyone up. Is there some sort of sign you can hang on the door of Josh’s room? I don’t want to walk in on you banging each other,”
I joke.

I’m concerned
. Bree doesn’t laugh along. “Did I say something wrong?”

She
fiddles with her hair trying to get the pieces to lay right. “Of course not. It’s just I don’t think you need to worry about walking in on us doing that.”

Does she think I’m dumb?
“Please. Eric and I can hear faint moans through the walls.”

“First of all…eww. If I had known that y’all were listening, I definitely would have kept it down. Secondly, we are not doing it,”
she confesses.

I drop
the lipstick on the counter. My mouth hangs open in astonishment. “You are kidding, right?”

“Nope. Not kidding.”

“It certainly sounds like you are,” I accuse. I don’t want to be in her business but I can’t fathom that they are not doing it. Maybe I’m a little green-eyed because I wish I were having a sexual relationship with Eric.

She
blushes, “We are doing ‘things’. Just not that.”

“Are you
a virgin or something? It’s not unusual for a twenty-two year-old woman to be a virgin. Holding on to your virginity is very ‘in’ now a days.” I wish I held on to mine. Lord knows I regret that night with Levi. The asshole pushed me into a whirlwind of loveless sex.

She
bursts with laughter, “No, I’m not a virgin.”

“Fuck. Is Josh?”
If that man is a virgin, then I’m a nun.

At this point, Bree is hysterical with laughter,
“No. He is pretty clear that he has had plenty of practice before he met me.”

I sit
on the bed facing Bree with a questionable stare. “Are you scared because of Nick?” I don’t blame her if she is scared. If I was Bree, I’d be petrified. Nick is a merciless bitch. Some of the stories Bree has told me have made me cringe.

Bree gives me a warm smile. I smile back, hoping to coax her to talk.
“It’s Josh. He wants to wait. For what? I don’t know. It’s been a decent amount of time since we started dating and I know he wants to take it slow but I’m ready. I know I want this. It feels right.”

“Then, do it. Make the first move.”

“Heh. I’ve tried. Multiple times,” she confesses.

Bree is fiddling
with her hands. She needs a confirmation that Josh really cares for her. “I’ve seen you and Josh interact over the past few weeks. It’s apparent that there is something really special brewing. Sometimes, when we want something so bad, we end up sabotaging the natural process of obtaining whatever it is that we want. Stop thinking and just enjoy the flow.” I should follow my own advice.

“You are a relationship guru.”
Bree proclaims.

“Moi? Hardly. I don’t even do relationships because of this shit. My relationship goal is to remain as aloof as I can be so there are no emotions involved.”
It’s been a plan that I swear by since Levi.

“How’s that workin’ for ya?”
Bree imitates Dr. Phil.

I playfully smack her.
“It works just fine for now. Guys dig a chick that just wants to have a good time without a commitment. I get mine. They get theirs.” Silently, I curse the bastard who made me like this. Levi Porter, I fucking hate you.

Bree doesn’t push. Nonetheless, I can see it in her face…she doesn’t buy my bullshit. I respect her for not calling me out on it.
“Let’s get going. I don’t want to miss Josh before he goes on.” Bree changes the subject.

***

As I stand watching Eric on stage at his weekly yard concert, I’m cursing our no sex rule. I want Eric more than I’ve wanted anyone in my life. Paperless Story is jamming out to their rendition of Kiss Off by the Violent Femmes. I think about the Eric’s invitation. He asked me to spend the night. Of course, I said yes. However, I know he won’t make a move on me. Part of me wants him to. The other part of me knows that I will run. And, that bothers me. I don’t want to lose him. Hell, I don’t want to lose Josh and Bree either. I’m finally a part of something…something like…a family…for all intensive purposes. We work together. We eat together. We play together. It’s a wonderful sensation to be included in their lives…not just Eric’s world. I’m scared I will lose all of this.

The next song, Glycerine by Bush, is dedicated to Bree. It’s adorable. Josh is so in love with her. I can’t help being a little jealous. I want that someday, with someone.
Maybe, even Eric. As I think about this, my gaze meets Eric’s clear blue eyes. We stare at each other for what seems like eternity and he gives me a shy, lopsided grin. He’s so damn sexy and he knows it. I get chills up and down my arms and I wonder if he can tell that he is affecting me. He breaks eye contact with me and looks a little worried, which makes me worried. He is eyeballing Josh and now I know something is wrong. Both Josh and Eric are rushing from the stage pummeling through the crowd.

Bree’s back is to me and she is facing a girl with straggly black hair and huge blue eyes. The rim of blue around her pupils is very small, giving the illusion that her eyes are almost black. She must be on something.
Before Bree has the chance to say a word, Josh interrupts. “Amy, what the fuck do you want?” Bree’s confusion lifts. I gather this must be one of Josh’s ex-girlfriends. Suddenly, the jealous feelings that consumed me a few moments ago fade away. This is another reason I don’t get involved with anyone. No lovey-dovey feelings, no confrontations with exes. It’s a glorious way to live.

             
“I hear you have a new girlfriend, Josh. I just wanted to meet her. Why are you so agitated? I got something to take the edge off, if you’re interested,” Amy offers.

             
“I don’t want anything you’re offering, Amy. It’s my house and I want you gone.”

             
Amy laughs, “You are being so rude. You never minded me coming before, Josh. What’s changed?” Amy studies Bree with intensity. “Is this the reason?” I don’t like the way Amy is staring at Bree. I find myself wanting to knock the bitch out for even looking her way.

             
Josh comforts Bree, “She’s none of your business, Amy. Get the fuck out of here.”

             
“Hmm. You are very protective of this one. Does she know about us, Josh? Does she know that we fucked at least 3 times a day?  How about that time that I went down on you in the corner of that bar where you had a gig? That was fun.” I put my hand on the small of Bree’s back. That had to sting. No one wants to hear about the sexual escapades their boyfriend partook in.

             
Josh lets go of Bree moving forward towards Amy. He points his finger in Amy’s face, “I told you. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here.” Bree pulls at Josh’s arm.

             
“I don’t need to know anything about you, Amy. That was then and this is now. If you’re trying to rattle me enough to let Josh go, well, then, you are really going to be disappointed. I’m not going anywhere,” Bree stands up to Amy. I’m so proud of her. Bree claims Josh by enclosing her arms around his waist.

             
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the local junkie...whatever you came looking for isn’t here. So leave.” Eric appears by Josh’s side. Josh and Eric are so in sync with each other. The loyalty they share for each other is beautiful.

             
Amy looks stunned for a minute but she regains her composure. “Aww. Now big brother is making sure you’re okay,” she points at Bree. “I get it. Y’all are tight. You fucking Big ‘E’ too?” Now, I feel the sting. Thinking of Eric and Bree together twists my insides in and out. I know this bitch is just talking smack, but damn she knows how to push the right buttons.

             
“Listen, whore. I’m about two seconds from picking your ass up and throwing you out myself. Take your sorry ass and get the fuck out of here,” Josh screams in her face.

             
Amy begins to laugh, “Aww. C’mon Josh. I was just having some fun. I’ve missed you.” She tries to run her hand up Josh’s chest. He swipes it away. The situation is getting beyond anyone’s control.

             
“Amy? Did you come here with someone?” Bree asks. Amy looks around and seems a bit confused.

             
“I’ve seemed to have lost my date,” Amy looks around, “Wait. There he is.”

             
Bree walks towards him. It’s like watching Bambi walking up to a deer hunter. I can’t stand to watch this.

“Bree, what are you doing?”
Josh tries pulling her back. “Let me talk to him.”

             
“No, Josh. You are too upset. I got this. Watch Amy.” Bree refuses to listen. Bree is a tough cookie. I give her that.

             
I’m about to follow her when Josh pulls me back. “Eric, go with her. Please.” Eric strolls behind Bree as she makes her way to the dealer. I’m afraid for Eric and for Bree. No one knows how this dude is going to react.

             
They are gone for a few minutes. While they were gone, I catch the interaction between Josh and Amy. It’s sad. Amy is just a lost girl with a bad habit. Unfortunately, for Amy, Josh doesn’t care about her problems. I don’t blame him. He isn’t in love with her. At least he told her how he feels. It’s more than I can say Levi did for me.

             
Eric and Bree return with Dealer. “C’mon Amy. It’s time to go,” Dealer orders. Without hesitation, Amy obediently follows Dealer out of the yard.

             
Bree ropes her arms around Josh’s waist. “You okay?”

             
“I am now. How did you get him to get her out of here?” he asks.

             
Eric chimes in with a grin, “It was great, man. She was as calm as a cucumber. Bree walks right up to him and says, ‘Dude, your girl is causing a scene. I’m sure you don’t want the cops showing up and raiding the place and searching you. So, get her the fuck out of here.’ He just eyed her up and down and excused himself.” Eric is beaming. He cares for Bree. It’s plain as day. The problem is…I can’t tell if it is as a friend or something more. Panic sets in. I feel myself putting up walls so I don’t get hurt.

             
Josh is teasing Bree and they begin to kiss. Eric watches them and it makes me more panicky.

             
When they take a break from kissing, Eric starts to pull Josh from Bree, yet again. He glances at me, “You okay, Lena?”

             
I quip back, “Fine.”

             
Eric’s bewilderment dances across his face. “I’ll catch up with you after the show.”

             
“Whatever.”

             
He shakes his head and pulls Josh to the stage.

Bree looks a little upset. I’m a shitty friend. “Hey, you okay? That was pretty intense.”

She shrugs, “I guess it comes with the territory when you are in love with a guy like Josh. But, it was hard to hear some of the things she said, Lena. And…everyone is staring at me…like…ha ha ha…stupid girl, you fell in love with a player.”

Bree’s right. The little altercation drew a crowd. Josh and Eric’s fangirls have resorted to pointing and whispering. I know they are doing out of spite. It doesn’t hurt any less. Lucky for Bree, I have years of experience with this sort of thing. “Bree, go inside. I’ll let Josh know where to find you.”