Broken (2 page)

Pretty soon, Super Mario Bros. appeared on the screen. Viv and I played for a good two hours before my mom came to get me. The only words Viv uttered were about the game. For a whole two hours, I was allowed to be a kid.

Now, I see the little boy grasping at his mother. I can feel his fear. The advocate immediately hands the boy his welcome gift. The boy pushes the toy away. Viv makes eye contact with me. I know that she can see that I’m reliving that dreadful night long ago.

Don’t ask me why. But, I can’t stand still and watch the boy suffer much longer. “Hey, little man. There is a pretty sweet playground out back. You want to check it out? Your sister can come too.
” I don’t try to hold his hand. I calmly begin walking towards the back exit of the shelter. The sounds of little feet follow behind me.

The playground is small but the structure is like a jungle.
It’s easy for a kid to find a way to escape for a bit. The little guy immediately begins to crawl through the tunnels. I don’t see his sister. But, I didn’t expect to. I hang back waiting for the kid to invite me in to his world.

The kid plays for about twenty minutes before he speaks. “I’m Joey. What’s your name?”

“Nice to meet you, Joey. My name is Eric,” I introduce myself.

“
Do you live here?” It’s an innocent question.

I answer honestly. “No. Not anymore. But I did.”

“Oh. My mom says I have to stay here with her. We’re playing hide and seek with Daddy.” I remember playing hide and seek with my dad. He found me. I hope to God that Joey’s dad doesn’t find him.

I don’t reply only because I’m not supposed to. I’m just a volunteer. I just let Joey ramble on about random kid shit. That was my goal…to make him forget why he is here. Eventually, he asks me to push him on the swings, so I do.

“Eric?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“I want to go home.” Joey’s declaration stabs me in the chest.

             
Thank God I am behind him because I tear up a little. I feel the pain he is feeling. “I know, buddy. You’ll only be here a little while.”

             
“How long?”

             
“Don’t know, bud.” I’m nothing if I’m not honest. Truth is…some women stay a short time only if they can find a family member who can take them in. Most of the time, the woman goes back to her abuser. Joey doesn’t push the subject.

             
“Can I see Mommy now?”

             
“Sure, bud.” I walk him back into the shelter and find Vivienne with Joey’s mom.

             
Joey’s mother still has the tearstains on her cheeks when I bring him back. Through her pain, she still manages to smile at me. “Thank you for offering to play with him. That was kind of you.”

             
I can’t look at her anymore. It hurts too much. I want to scream at her and tell her to give this kid a chance…stay here in hiding…let Vivienne help. I don’t want her to make the same mistake my mom did by going back to her abuser. “Don’t mention it. I’m here twice a week. I’ll see Joey again.”

             
The house manager retrieves Joey and his family to show them where they will stay. Vivienne slides her hand across my shoulders and squeezes. “Thank you, Eric.”

             
My eyes meet Vivienne’s. “I just did what you did for me, Viv.”

             
She nods her head and squeezes my hand. “You’ve grown in to a wonderful, young man. I’m so proud of you.”

             
I don’t say anything because I know I live my life in a less than perfect way.

***

LENA-
Senior Year of High School

Kaite rings the doorbell of the small house I share with my mom. I told her not to do that. The doorbell distracts my mother’s customers. I run to the front door in hope of catching Kaite before she rings the doorbell again.

             
I reach the door and swing it open before Kaite has the chance to ring it again. I startle her. “Holy shit. You scared me.”

             
“It will be a whole lot scarier if my mom’s ‘friend’ comes storming out of her room. Get your ass in here.” I tell her.

             
We walk noiselessly down the hall, past my mom’s bedroom, to my room. Luckily, I don’t hear any sound coming from my mom’s room. That would be embarrassing having Kaite here.

             
Finally, we reach my bedroom and close the door. Kaite plops down on my bed. “Who does she have in there with her tonight?”

             
“The guy is new.” I don’t give many details. I don’t care who is in my mom’s bedroom. It doesn’t matter. Kaite is my best friend. She knows everything about my fucked up family life. But, still, knowing my mom supports me by having sex with men is damaging and embarrassing.

             
I change the subject quickly, “So, what party are we going to tonight?”

             
Kaite’s eyes shine. She must have scored a prime invite. I’ve never seen her this excited before. “Levi’s parents are out of town. Supposedly, he’s invited the entire school. It’s going to be the last raging party we go to as seniors, Lena.”

             
When she mentions Levi’s name, I go blank. I have had a huge crush on him since we were in fourth grade. Of course, we never really mingled in the same crowd, so getting to know him was nearly impossible.

             
Levi is a popular guy. His parents have more money than I will ever see in a lifetime. To top it off, he’s exceptionally good looking and excels in school and sports. He’s a dream come true.

             
After all of these years, we finally have a class together. Figures. I loved the guy since I was nine years old and I don’t have a single class with him until we are seniors in high school. Talk about the universe cock blocking me.

             
This year, life decided to cut me a break. Levi is required to take an elective before he graduates. He chose photography. Since photography is my thing and Levi is inept with a camera, the teacher made us partners. My luck is beginning to change.

             
But, Levi is still ‘A+’ material. I’m clearly ‘C-‘ material. I can’t imagine Levi dating me…the daughter of a whore. I mean he does flirt with me when we work on school projects. Usually, we are alone in the dark room. No one is around. It’s like our own little world. I don’t know how he is going to react with me showing up at his house.

             
“Earth to Lena. Come in, Lena,” Kaite teases. “Where are you?”

             
I break out of my empty stare. “I don’t think I should go.”

             
Kaite flops over on to her belly and stares at me like I have two heads. “You’re shittin’ me, right? It’s the biggest party of the year, Lena. We are not missing this!”

             
“I don’t think his kind will want me there. That’s all,” I admit.

             
Kaite’s hazel eyes meet mine. “Lena, you have every right to be at that party. It’s all-inclusive. Like I said, the whole school is going.”

             
Looking at Kaite, you wouldn’t think we could be friends. Her brown hair is long and curled in beachy-waves. Both of us are considered short. We stand about 5’2”. Kaite wears clothes that only have labels like, Abercrombie, Hollister, and Gap. Meanwhile, I’m rocking skinny jeans, a band t-shirt, and my trusted black hoodie. My naturally, black midnight hair is just a bit longer than my chin and falls over my blue eyes. Plus, I sport a little diamond earring in my nose. We couldn’t be anymore different.

             
Kaite’s has always been by my side. She’s the only one who never left me even when she found out what my mom does for a living. “So, you think I could blend in?”

             
Kaite looks me up and down, “Sweetie, there is nothing about you that blends in.” At first, I take her comment as an insult. “You’re beautiful. Now, freshen up and let’s get the hell out of here.”

***

             
Did I mention that Levi’s house is huge? I got lost just looking at it. Already there are high school kids sprawled all over the lawn. There are red cups everywhere. I don’t see the point in the joy of having a party like this. It looks like one hell of a mess to clean up. Then again, I doubt Levi will be the one cleaning.

             
Kaite leads me through the front doors of the mansion. Kaite’s right. The entire school is here. Kids are in the hallways, on staircases, sitting on tables, and some lying on the floor in their own vomit.

             
As I walk through the manor, I hear whispers from the partygoers. I know they are talking about me. They usually are. Whether I am at the grocery store, at school, or anywhere where normal people go, they talk about me. It’s the same comments over and over again. ‘Her mom’s a prostitute.’ ‘I wonder if she does it too.’ ‘Here comes the whore’s kid.’ I’m almost immune to it. Almost.

             
I spot Levi leaning against his kitchen counter. His group of people surrounds him. He has them engaged in a conversation where they are all laughing at what he says. For a minute, I’m jealous. I want to be there with him laughing along. I contemplate going to him but then realize it’s a silly thought.

             
Instead, I lean against one of the walls adjacent to where he is standing. Kaite hands me a concoction that tastes something like cough medicine and watermelon. As I suck down the potion Kaite provided, I survey Levi with his friends. He’s yummy. His natural athletic body fills his light wash, straight jeans perfectly. His green polo clings to his tall frame. His chocolate tuffs of hair fall towards his forehead complimenting his blue eyes. I’m smitten.

             
Levi must feel my eyes on him because he stops mid conversation. It looks like he is excusing himself. Great. I probably freaked him out and he wants to run away. Except, he doesn’t run away. He’s walking towards Kaite and me.

             
“Lena and Kaite, I’m glad you made it. This is fucking insane. Right?” Levi greets us.

             
“Totally insane,” Kaite confirms. “It’s insane. Right, Lena?”

             
It takes me a minute to respond, “Yeah. It’s crazy.” He gives me a shy smile. The kind of smile he saves for me when we are alone in the dark room.

Levi checks out the beverages in our cups. “Who gave this to you?”

Kaite shrugs and takes another swig. “Some guy. Why?”

Levi takes the cups from our hands. Kaite gives him a ‘hey’
look. “You’re drinking shit. This is disgusting. It’s probably Red Bul
l
®
,
cough medicine, and watermelon schnapps. Follow me. I’m going to get you the good stuff.”

Kaite and I follow Levi into his kitchen. It could be my imagination or even my insecurity, but I feel the dirty looks people are giving me. Shaking the
sour thought from my mind, I let Levi lead us to a table where most of the popular kids are hanging.

Levi hands each of us a wine glass. He fills the crystal form with wine he pulled from a wine rack.  He slowly takes a sip from his glas
s
tasting the dark liquid, letting the wine stay in his mouth for a moment.

I mimic Levi’s action
s hoping I don’t let my inexperience show. Levi appears well schooled in the art of wine tasting. Making a fool of myself is not an option. In actuality, I shouldn’t know what I’m doing but I care what he thinks of me.

“Well, what do you think?” he asks. He doesn’t bother asking Kaite because she gulped down the wine not tasting a damn bit of it.

Truth is, I liked it. It was sweet and bitter all at the same time. Kind of like me. “It’s wonderful.”

             
And…there it is. The ‘drop your panties’ grin. I’ve seen it before. Levi doesn’t appear to know what that smile can do to a girl. “I’m glad you liked it. More?” he offers. I nod and immediately my glass is full.

Kaite seems to be bored out of her mind. “Lena, I’m going to check out the drinking games in the other room.  Want to come?”

I don’t. I like exactly where I am. The hesitation shows on my face. Levi interrupts, “Kaite, can I steal Lena from you for a while?” Yes. He can. Levi can steal whatever he wants from me.

Kaite looks from Levi to me. I know she can see the look of pure glee on my face. “Sure. I will catch up with you in a bit.”

Levi and I watch Kaite walk away. We sip more wine in silence. As someone walks by, they hit my shoulder knocking me in to Levi’s hard chest. Protectively, he grabs me and chastises the guy who hit me, “Dude, watch where you’re going.”

              The guy apologizes to Levi but snubs me. I’m so used to it, I don’t even think of it. Happily, ‘Drunk As a Skunk’, struts away. “I’m sorry about that, Lena. Alcohol and assholes don’t mix.”

             
“Ehh. I’m used it. No sweat.” I say.

             
Levi’s sympathy shows on his face. I hate that he knows about my mom. The other shits…I don’t care about. But, Levi knowing what my mom does for a living kills me.  “Want to take a walk?”

             
“Yeah.” Levi takes my hand and leads me through French doors that open to his sprawling yard. My god, it looks like a well-manicured golf course with ponds and fountains.

             
“Levi, this is beautiful. I’d love to photograph it.” I admit.

             
Levi snickers, “You always see things through the eyes of a camera.”

             
He’s right. I do. “Where words fail to describe a moment, a picture will capture it.”

             
A flash of curiosity emerges on his face. “So, you are saying that you capture every moment with a picture to accurately describe it?”

             
“If it was possible to capture every moment…sure.”

             
Levi stops walking and stands in front of me so I can’t move. I glance behind me to see how far we journeyed away from his house. We are completely out of view.

I hear the sounds of running water. A pond is situated to the right of me. “Why did we stop?”

Levi puts his hands on his hips. “That’s the problem with everyone today. We are so busy capturing the moments instead of living in the moment. Tell me, Lena. Can you capture this?”

Levi
seizes my mouth with his lips. His tongue passes through my lips, gently entering my mouth. My tongue dances in unison with his. I grab his face in attempt to get more of him. Too soon, he removes his tongue from my mouth and plants light kisses on my bruised lips.

“Well?” he asks.

Still dazed, I inquire, “Well, what?”

“Could you capture that with your camera?”

I allow my fingertips to dance across my bottom lip where Levi just kissed me. “No,” I answer.

Levi is satisfied with himself. I can see it. “Point proven.”

He was proving a point? Not fair. “That wasn’t very nice.”

The confusion shows on Levi’s face. “You didn’t like it?”

“I liked it, Levi. A lot,” I confess. Sadness shows on my face.

Levi takes his hand and cups my right cheek. He slides his fingers down to my lips. “I’m at a loss. If you liked it, then why so glum?”

“You kissed me to prove a point. I want you to kiss me because you like me.” Hell, I’m already embarrassed. Why not make the situation slightly more awkward?

Levi lets out a hardy laugh, which makes me more
insecure. Kids laugh at me every day of my life. Levi laughing at me hurts.

“I didn’t kiss you just to prove a point, Lena. I thought my intentions were clear. I do like you. And, I want to kiss you again.”

Levi dips his head towards mine so our lips can touch. My lips fall open to give his delightful tongue a fast pass into my mouth. As our tongues entwine, I let out a soft moan. His mouth leaves mine to trace tender kisses down my neck. He stops just above my collarbone and lightly sucks. My fingers pull at his hair urging him to keep going.

When his lips reach above the skin exposed
above my breasts, I stop him. “It’s just a little fast for me,” I expect this is the point where he tells me I’m a tease. I’ve heard that before. No guy expects the daughter of a whore to be an inexperienced virgin. Levi stops immediately. No question asked. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

“It’s okay. I got a bit carried away, Lena. I’m sorry.”