Broken Love (29 page)

AVA GRABBED MY leg and squeezed it. “Stop bouncing your leg. You’re shaking the table.”

I had no idea why I was so nervous. No, that was a lie. I did. Just the thought of seeing Jackson made me feel sick. He was the one reminder I always tried to avoid. Maybe even the whole reason Nate and I left Montana. I ran into Jackson six months after Kate died. The pain of seeing him was almost too much to stand. He must have felt the same, because I saw it in his eyes.

“Tell me what you’re thinking right now,” Ava asked in a low voice.

I looked around the restaurant. “That we should have done this at the house. Because even though my sister is gone, I still want to kick his ass for getting her pregnant.”

“Ryder.”

Ava’s voice was laced with concern. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry. I won’t kick his ass.”

Every time the door to the place opened, we both looked over, each holding our breath. Ava had no clue what he looked like, but when I released my breath, she would release hers.

Her phone buzzed as she picked it up and typed something back. It was her boss, Maurice. He had been keeping her busy the last few weeks. Before he would send her designs to clean up, now she was doing her own designs. I was so proud of her. If only he would put her stuff in a show. My chest felt light as I thought back to earlier when Ava was so proud of Kate. She never even knew her, but there was something there. Some kind of weird connection I didn’t want to admit at first, but now I saw it. The way she stood up and walked to that picture was almost as if Kate whispered it in her ear.

The door opened and Ava asked, “Is that him?”

I nodded and stood. Jackson scanned the restaurant before our eyes met. He looked the same, just a bit older. His sandy-brown hair was cut short and he was dressed in a suit.

“Yes, that’s him.”

“Go, Kate. He’s a looker.” I quickly shot a look to Ava. “What? I’m just saying she had good taste.”

With a huff, I forced a smile when Jackson walked up. Reaching my hand out, I somehow managed to talk. “Hey, Jackson. It’s good seeing you.” Motioning to Ava, I said, “This is my fiancée, Ava.”

Jackson, shook my hand and then Ava’s. “It’s good seeing you again, Ryder.” He smiled at Ava. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Ava.”

“The pleasure is all mine.”

I pointed for him to sit. “Please, sit down. Would you like a drink?”

He laughed and said, “Yes, something strong.”

It seemed we were both a little nervous about meeting.

After the waitress took his order, he looked directly at me. “I have to say getting a call from you out of the blue has me a bit out of sorts.”

With a nod, I replied, “I know. It’s just … well …” I turned to Ava and she placed her hand on my leg and took control of the conversation.

“Jackson, I found Kate’s diary a few months back in the old stone house.”

His brows raised. “Really? Just now someone found it?”

Okay, so he knew she kept a diary.

“Well, she had hidden it in a place that really not many people would look to find it. I kind of had a few clues.”

Jackson looked at me and barely grinned. The last thing I wanted to tell him was my fiancée felt a connection with his dead girlfriend.

“Anyway, I started reading and it was soon clear to me that Kate would not have wanted anyone, like her mother, to read the diary. I talked to Ryder and Jennifer about it and they both agreed that Lucy should not find out about it only because there are some rather … personal and graphic memories.”

Jackson’s face turned red and his eyes looked sad. “Kate was amazing. I truly loved her with all my heart.”

I looked away. It felt like someone was trying to rip my heart out and stomp on it.

“I know you did. I can tell by the way she writes about you. But, in reading the diary, I found out she was pregnant and I told Ryder.”

Jackson moved about in his seat and cracked his neck. “Oh. That explains the phone call.”

I cleared the lump in my throat. “It’s nothing like that. For my own sanity, I just needed to know how she felt about the pregnancy. Why didn’t you guys say anything? What were your plans?”

Jackson picked up his drink and downed it in one gulp. Lifting his hand, he pointed for another.

“Please forgive me, I don’t normally drink, but it’s been awhile since I’ve talked about Kate and the baby. Well, actually I’ve never talked to anyone about it. I’ve kept the secret like she asked me to.”

In that moment, my heart broke for the guy. He had to hide the fact that he had a child with the love his life. I wouldn’t even try to understand how that must feel.

“It’s okay, believe me I understand. Totally understand and I’m sure this is selfish on my part,” I said, glancing over to Ava.

“No. I want to talk about it. I think it will actually do me good.” His hand pushed through his hair as the waitress dropped off his drink. He picked it up and took only a sip this time.

“When Kate told me she was pregnant, I was stunned. We were always careful. None of that really matters now. The fact was we were going to have a baby. We had both gotten our acceptance letters for the University of Montana. As soon as she told me about the baby, I asked her to marry me and she said yes.”

“What in the hell where you going to do? Go to college with an infant?”

Ava kicked me under the table. I needed to keep my emotions in check.

Jackson took in a deep breath and pushed it out. “That’s what we were trying to figure out. We thought we had it all figured out. She was going to tell your family and I’d tell mine. She was due in March and she figured she would go to school up until she had the baby. She had talked to the principle who agreed to let her homeschool after she had the baby to finish her degree.”

Holy shit. The fucking principle of the high school knew our sister was pregnant?

“She knew Kate was pregnant?”

Jackson shook his head. “No. Kate told her that her father was going out of the country and taking the family.”

I pulled my head back in disbelief. “And she believed it?”

Jackson smiled. “I don’t think she did. I think she put two and two together, but never said anything.”

“Okay, so then what were you going to do?”

He looked at Ava. “Wait. Your name.”

“What about it?” Ava asked.

Jackson smiled. “Ava. That was one of the names Kate had picked out if the baby was a girl.”

My head turned to look at Ava. Her face turned white. “W-what?” I could see her chest moving up and down.

“Yeah, she met someone who worked at the movie theater who had that name, and I remember she wrote it down with the other baby names. I think I still have the list at home in a box of things I saved.”

Ava reached for my hand.
Jesus. Maybe my sister was in that damn house. I’m never sleeping there again.

Jackson saw the reaction of what he had just said on Ava’s face. She had been trying to keep it in, but a single tear slipped and rolled down her face. “Sorry, Ava, your name just clicked.”

She wiped a tear away. “S-okay.”

“Anyway, I thought we had it somewhat planned. We knew it would be hard, but I was pretty sure we could do it. I was going to take a full load one year; Kate would take a couple classes since we’d have the baby. Then we’d switch the next year. I’d take a light class load and she would take more.” He looked away and I saw the tears building in his eyes.

“Then everything changed. Two days before she … before she died, she called and asked me to meet her at your family house in Helena. She said she wanted to spend the night with me and we had something important to talk about.”

His voice cracked and he took a few moments to get his emotions in check.

Ava reached for his hand and held it. “It’s okay, Jackson. Take your time; I know this has to be hard.”

He nodded. All I could think about was what Kate was about to tell Jackson. You could almost still feel the pain pouring off of him.

“Kate told her parents she was spending the night with a friend or something. We had the house to ourselves.” He smiled as a tear rolled down his face. “She made us dinner and then we went for a walk and I dared to let myself believe that someday we’d be a family and walking our own—”

He closed his eyes. When he opened them he smiled.

Ava and I exchanged looks as Jackson cleared his throat.

“Anyway, after we had … well … spent some time together,” Jackson looked at me and then looked away. “She told me she had gotten a job offer. I remember laughing and thinking it was probably working for your family’s ranch. When she showed me the contract, I was so happy for her. I felt like I was going to burst at the seams I was so damn happy. Then she told me she would have to move to France. At first I thought she was kidding, but I could see the look in her eyes. I remember getting angry. I told her I couldn’t believe she was going to just up and leave me. Take our child and move to another country. I said some pretty hurtful things to her … things that haunt me every fucking night in my dreams.”

I couldn’t imagine what Jackson must have been going through. If Ava told me she was pregnant and leaving for France, I’d blow a fucking gasket too.

Ava held onto Jackson’s hand as she said, “Jackson, you can’t beat yourself up over all of that. Never mind the fact that y’all were so young in the first place.”

He let out a gruff laugh. “Yeah. It sucked. She had to wait until she was eighteen before she could actually go to France and work as a designer, but they wanted four of her dresses. They told her they would easily bring in over twenty thousand and the demand for more of her work would be something they could see. After I calmed down, I told her I’d go with her. That when the time came, I’d move to France with her.”

“What?” I whispered. I was stunned. Beyond stunned. Here I wanted to knock the hell out of this kid this whole time and now he is sitting here saying he would have given up his own dreams so she could follow hers.

“Oh, Jackson. What did Kate say?” Ava asked.

“At first she said no. She took the contract and taped it behind a picture in the master bedroom.”

“That’s where we found it today,” Ava said.

Jackson looked stunned. “You found it? Today? How did you know to look there?”

Ava waved her hand and replied, “It’s kind of hard to explain, but we did find the contract. She hadn’t signed them though.”

Jackson wiped at his eyes again. “No. She didn’t because she said we needed to think things through. She wasn’t ready to let me walk away from my dreams and there was no way she would ever take the baby away from me. So, we decided we would decide in two days.”

The lump in my throat was growing. I needed a break. Standing, I quickly said, “I need a second. Excuse me.”

Turning, I quickly headed outside and dragged in one deep breath after another until if felt like I was able to breathe.

Dropping my head, I whispered, “Oh, Kate. My sweet sweet, Kate.”

JACKSON HAD EXCUSED himself right after Ryder did, except he went to the men’s restroom. I checked my phone and smiled when I saw I had a voice message from Renee. After listening to it, I hit her number.