Broken Man (18 page)

“So, where are you planning to go,” he ignored her hint.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she replied as she sat down next to him on the bed. “I haven’t really thought about that too much either. I have just been really busy, but I am sure all those thoughts will hit me when I am on the road,” she said as she shifted her body towards him. “Right now, I just want to get in my car and drive until I find somewhere I might like to be.”

Amanda watched as he shifted his body uncomfortably as her leg softly touched his and he thought about what to say. Maybe we should have stayed at the restaurant and gotten drunk, she thought to herself as she again moved her leg against his. This would be easier.

“Well, it sounds like you have a plan,” he said as he gave up trying to escape the touch of her leg. “Or at least a plan to not have a plan.”

“I have had a plan my entire life,” she smiled as she thought of her freedom. “I just want to take a month to decompress and see some of the country. I think it would be good to clear my mind before I start working.”

“I agree,” he finally seemed comfortable with the touch of her leg on his. “But, I do want you to be careful traveling by yourself.”

“I will be, Jack,” she smiled as she appreciated his concern. “So, what are you going to do.”

“I guess I am going to go back to South Florida and return to the resort. I called the owner this morning, and I am all set to start on Tuesday.”

“That’s good, she replied, disappointed that he had already made plans. “And, what are you going to do then?”

His eyebrow slowly raised and his head tilted to the side as he tried to figure out where she was going with her line of questioning. “What do you mean?”

“Jack, you are here with me for a reason,” she took him by the hand and looked into his eyes to try to make him understand. “You didn’t want to leave, and that’s why you came back. Going back to South Florida isn’t going to solve your problems, so I want to know. What are you going to do when you get there and you are right back to where you were a few months ago?”

Amanda watched the tears form in his eyes as he squeezed her hand and she suddenly saw the despair she had seen once before. I have gone too far, she panicked as she quickly tried to find a way to not let him leave. I am not going to let that happen again, Amanda decided as she stood up to block his exit as he struggled to find an answer to her question.

Then, she kissed him. First on his forehead, cradling his head against her body like a mother trying to make her son feel better, trying to make his pain go away. Then, she kissed him again, looking into his eyes and feeling the softness of his mouth, gently letting him know that she was there for him, there to listen, there to feel his pain and to comfort him. Finally, she closed her eyes and kissed him more deeply, her body moving against his, unable to hide the way she would heal him, the way she would help him move on with his life and forget about the past.

He finally gave in, his mind no longer able to resist, his emotions losing the battle. Amanda felt him return her kiss and his body relax as she touched his cheek and felt the pain running down his face. She enjoyed the taste of his tears as she moved her mouth to his neck and sensed everything he was feeling, everything he had gone through. As she felt his body tense up at the feel of her touch, she removed his clothes slowly, careful not to surprise him, careful not to scare him away.

Her mouth returned to his, and his hands found the straps of her shoulders, her dress falling easily to the floor, his mouth moving naturally to her breast. As he softly suckled her nipple, his hands moved to her legs, and she quivered as he touched her ever so lightly, his fingers teasing her inner thigh until they lovingly moved between her legs. Slowly, he moved his hand, letting her adjust to his touch and direct him to where she needed him to be as the pressure increased and his caress brought her to the edge.

She closed her eyes and her fingers dug into his shoulders as she hung on for dear life until she finally grabbed his hand and made him stop. Her body ready to accept him, Amanda anticipated what he might do next as he stood up erect and kissed her softly as her hand reached down to touch him. Excited at the thought of finally making love to him, she gently massaged him as her tongue moved slowly into his mouth and he somehow continued to grow.

He can do anything he wants with me, she thought as he placed his hands on her hips and turned her around to face the bed. Just take me Jack, her knees buckled and she lost her breath when he touched her again, his body pressing against her as she grabbed onto the bed for support.

Her senses going crazy and all of her inhibitions gone, Amanda was deflated when he turned her around to face him and gently laid down with her, his mouth again finding hers. This kissing is nice, but I need more, her body tensed up after they had just come so close and she remembered their last unconsummated encounter. Fortunately, Jack seemed to read her mind as he finally stopped kissing her, and she knew he was ready when she opened her eyes and saw how he looked at her.

He looked at her in a way in which she had never been looked, thankful for her love, needing to be with her. The first touch so exciting, she readied herself to accept him, to let him know how much he was loved. As she felt him move closer, her entire body relaxed as he looked directly into her eyes and finally said the words she needed to hear.

“Amanda, I love you.”

Amanda stared back at him as her eyes filled with tears and she accepted him into her body, her fingers tensing on his lower back, a soft gasp escaping her mouth as he joined her completely.

“I love you too, Jack.”

They moved slowly and tenderly, both them out of practice, neither wanting to hurt the other. Finding their rhythm, his hands moved to her bottom, and as he held her more firmly against him, she closed her eyes but couldn’t return his kiss, her mind distracted by what was about to come. The intensity building, she felt every movement of his being as she slowly reached her peak, her legs vibrating against him, her mind and her body for the first time able to fully release.

The excitement too much, the moment too long coming, Amanda heard herself cry out as she felt him explode inside of her.

Chapter Nineteen

“I love you, Jack,” Amanda smiled at him as she rested her head on his chest.

“I love you, too,” the words suddenly seemed so natural coming out of his mouth. “Thank you so much for not giving up on me, for fighting so hard.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” she looked at him to see if he understood.

“What do you mean?”

“I knew I was in love with you the first time I met you,” she whispered to him. “People can laugh or say what they want about destiny and fate, but I know you were truly my destiny. I know that God brought us together for a reason, for us to heal, for us to love.”

Jack thought about the feeling he had experienced as they made love. It had felt like destiny, he remembered the sensation of entering her body, the way that she looked into his eyes as she told him she loved him. It had seem to be fate, the way they had met on Christmas, a chance encounter at the poker table after a spur of the moment thousand mile journey.

“I think I knew that as well,” he returned to the present and kissed her gently on the forehead. “But, I was in too much pain to see it, to let it happen. I honestly tried, but my mind couldn’t let go of her, I couldn’t move on,” he paused as he thought of Brittany.

“I understand, Jack,” she said as she rolled over onto his body and looked directly into his eyes. “Do you want to talk about her.”

Jack still wasn’t sure he could talk about her, and he paused to collect his memories. “She was an amazing woman. Smart, beautiful, talented, a great mother. You remind me so much of her.”

“How do you mean, Jack?”

“It’s your spirit, your independence, your perseverance, even your flaws. A lot of people are just drifting through life, doing what they are told, no real passion or spirit to drive them, almost as if it was beaten out of them, if that makes any sense.”

“I think it does,” she responded as he remembered what he loved about both of these women.

“But, you are different. No matter how bad things got for you, no matter hard it was, you just kept trying, kept plugging away. It’s amazing what you have accomplished in your life considering the circumstances from which you came. You should be very proud of all that you have done.”

“Thank you, Jack,” she smiled as she accepted his compliment. “I was very lucky to have a wonderful grandmother growing up. She not only loved me, but she also taught me so much. About responsibility, about free will, about self-accountability. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for her.”

“I wish I could have met her, she sounds like an amazing woman.”

“She was amazing,” Amanda agreed as he felt her getting emotional. “She just had a different way of looking at life, not held back by any restraints or worried about what people might think. She had her own code, her own thoughts on what was right and wrong, on how life should be lived, and she passed it on to me. She really was ahead of her time.”

“When did she pass away?”

“She died just after I turned twelve,” Amanda paused as she seemed to remember that tragic day. “She had fought so hard, as if she knew she had to make it until I was ready to be on my own. I’ll never forget the last thing she made me promise her.”

“What was that?”

Amanda shed a tear as she looked directly into Jack’s eyes. “She made me promise that I would leave Atlantic City.”

That made sense to Jack. He liked Atlantic City, but it was no where for a child to grow up, to spend their life. Amanda had spent enough time struggling to survive in this town. It definitely was time for her to move on, to see the world, to try to find happiness.

“She really was a smart woman,” Jack thought of the life ahead of Amanda. “You have your entire life ahead of you, you can do whatever you want, wherever you want to do it. It must be a great feeling.”

“It is, Jack,” she paused as Jack could see the gears turning in her head. “So, tell me more about Brittany.”

Jack again paused for a second as he remembered Brittany and tried to come up with the proper words to describe perfection. “She really was just like you. She overcame so much in her life and just kept pushing forward, towards what she wanted. Brittany was passionate, caring, intelligent, and driven, really able to do anything she set her mind to. She could also be stubborn, insecure, and difficult at times. I think that made it even harder for me to be with you, the way that you remind me of her. Both of you complicated women, able to love like no one else I have ever known. You would have really liked her.”

“I’m sure I would have. She sounds like like a fascinating woman.”

“She was,” Jack smiled as memories flashed through his head. “You should have seen her with her daughters. She loved those girls so much, they really were the most important thing in her life. It wasn’t like it is with most parents these days, their children seemingly a burden, barely paying attention to them. She was right there with the girls, talking to them, listening to them, always providing the love and guidance they needed.

“Do you ever see them anymore?”

“It’s funny that you ask,” he replied as he remembered Delaney’s call. “I haven’t seen them in nearly eighteen months. Their father wouldn’t allow it.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” she said as she gently kissed his chest. “That must be hard.”

“It is hard. I probably wouldn’t even recognize them anymore. Delaney is thirteen now and Bailey is eight. I often think about how they are doing, how much they have grown up over the last year and a half. I think their father was just trying to do what he thought was best for the girls, but it really did hurt not to see them,” Jack paused as he considered what to say next. “But, he is coming around. I am actually going to see them next Sunday.”

“That is great, Jack. How did that come about.”

“Delaney called me today,” he looked at her for a reaction. “She wants us to visit her mother on Mother’s Day. She told me it was time for both of us to try to get over her and move on with our lives, that we needed to do this. For some reason, her phone call finally woke me up to what was important, to what I needed to do, to what Brittany would have wanted. I realized that I had to set an example for the girls. I mean, how can they be expected to ever get over her when they see me not able to do so myself. It was then that I turned around and came back.”

He watched Amanda closely as she processed this piece of information. Would she be jealous of his visiting Brittany? What would she think when she realized the simple phone call of a thirteen year old girl had inspired him to do what she had been trying to get him to do for months? Would she understand?

“I guess I owe Delaney a favor,” she kissed him softly on the mouth. “She sounds like a very special girl.”

“She is,” Jack smiled as he thought of Delaney. “I am glad you understand.”

“Of course I understand, Jack. You went through a very traumatic event, and it is going to take time for you to get over it. You need to take the proper steps to grieve, to eventually understand and accept your loss,” she paused to consider her thoughts as she again became emotional. “I don’t care how you ended up here with me, I am just happy you are here, happy that I can love you. We will work through this together. Do you understand.”