Authors: Dawn Pendleton
11
Gabby
It had been ten days. Ten long, excruciating days since I revealed my secret to Wolfe. He’d been more than supportive, his touch comforting me to the bone. And at that moment, I released all my guilt, all my worries of being inferior; I let everything go. Wolfe finally spoke, but his words were not what I was expecting.
“I’m leaving town,” he explained, pulling away from me.
I raised a brow at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I need some time to digest everything, Gabby. This past year has been hell on me, and obviously, I realize now it’s been hard for you, too, but I need some space to go over everything.”
All that worrying about what he would say when he found out about the rape, and he was calm and collected, not even hinting at any anger, like he didn’t care. I gulped, swallowing my pride, damning myself for thinking that he might have an inkling of indignation on my behalf.
“Of course,” I said. “Whatever you want.”
His phone rang, an explosive sound in the silent kitchen. He picked it up off the counter to see who it was and then looked at me.
“It’s my sister. I have to take it,” he explained.
I laughed to myself, or maybe at myself, and nodded. He picked up and I turned away, ready to leave.
To my surprise, he stopped me, asking his sister to hold on for a minute. “Gabby,” he addressed me, covering the mic on his phone with his hand. “I’m sorry.”
That was the last time I saw him, too. According to Luke and Mallory, he went home to Florida, something I always assumed he would want to do. Luke told me that he would be back today, for the court date, though. I wasn’t sure how to feel about seeing him. He made no contact with me while he was away, something that had me feeling more than just a bit apprehensive.
Our hearing was at eight, so I woke up early and showered, taking extra care with my hair and makeup. I wanted to make an impression on Wolfe, wanted him to forget about this divorce and come back to me. As I thought it, I realized how pathetic it sounded, but I’d spent the better part of the last year trying to stay as far away from him as I could. Now, with my mind and heart changed for the better, all I could think about was being with him. Forever.
I arrived at the courthouse ten minutes early and searched for Wolfe among the people gathered for their own hearings and court dates. Nowhere among them did I find the silver-fire eyes I longed for.
Guess he’s running late,
I thought and then stepped forward into the large courtroom, seeking my lawyer. I found her in the corner, quietly chatting with a man I didn’t recognize. I waited nearby while they finished talking and then Sandy approached me.
“Hey, Gabby. That was Wolfe’s lawyer,” she said, gesturing to the man now walking away from us. “Wolfe isn’t here.”
What?!
“Doesn’t he have to be here?”
“Yes and no. You’ve both signed the papers, so this is more of a formality. His lawyer told me that Wolfe had a family emergency and wants to deal with this long distance. He wasn’t able to get here in time, so he and his lawyer are asking us to go through with the divorce without him. This could be excellent for you, Gabby. This means you can pretty much get whatever you want out of the divorce.” Her voice rose in her excitement.
“No. We already agreed on the terms. Just do that,” I said, my tone flat. Wolfe didn’t want to be anywhere near me, and somehow, I didn’t blame him. I felt worthless, the same way I did last year, and all I wanted was to be free from this nightmare. Maybe this was for the best. Probably.
What if it’s not?
A voice in my head nagged at me, forcing me to consider that this might not be the wisest choice, but I shoved it deep into the recesses of my mind, hell bent on giving Wolfe exactly what he wanted.
“Alright, then. Let’s go.” Sandy smiled at me.
An hour later, it was done. Wolfe’s lawyer gave him the emergency letter, or whatever the hell it was, and the judge accepted it after he got my approval to move forward. And just like that, we were divorced.
It was freeing, enlightening, and thoroughly depressing. A failed marriage was hardly something I wanted to experience ever, let alone at twenty-two. Sandy shook my hand and sent me on my way. I should have been happy, should have felt relieved, but the only emotion that stuck was one of loneliness.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wolfe’s lawyer walking to his car. I flagged him down and forced him to talk to me.
“What was Wolfe’s family emergency?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not at liberty to say. Client confidentiality,” he reminded me.
I gulped. “Of course.” I let him continue on his way while I tried not to feel defeated.
When I got to my car in the far corner of the courthouse lot, I found Mallory waiting for me. She hugged me tight, her grip surprisingly strong for such a skinny girl.
“I’m sorry, Gabby,” she murmured against my ear.
I pulled away. “Don’t be. I’m not,” I lied, knowing the only way to get through this was to pretend it was what I truly wanted.
“You don’t have to keep up the act for me,” she chastised.
“Who’s acting? I couldn’t be happier that I’m a single woman again,” I said, forcing my mouth into a smile.
She gave me a disapproving look, shaking her head. “We’re all here for you.”
I should have been comforted. I wasn’t. “Yeah, thanks.”
“Want to go to lunch?” she asked, shifting her feet awkwardly.
I shook my head. “No thanks. I took the day off work, figuring I wasn’t going to be able to work afterwards, so I’m just going home, okay? Thanks for the support, though,” I added.
Her mouth formed into a small frown, showing her disappointment, but I needed to be alone, period. Mallory and Luke were in an amazing relationship, one I was purely jealous of, one I used to have before I threw it away. It might not be fair, but they were the only true happy ones in our group, the only ones who made it. Baker and I, and even Wolfe, if he felt the way I did, were alone, left to deal with our emotions solo.
I got into my car and drove away without another word, leaving Mallory in the rearview mirror. She didn’t understand.
Once I was home, I changed into my favorite sweat pants and a tank top before crawling into my bed, the bed I once shared with Wolfe. I curled up under the covers, surrounding myself with blankets and memories of a man I wanted now more than anything else in the world.
I drifted in and out of sleep for several hours, waking at one point to a text from Mallory. I rolled my eyes as I opened it.
We need to talk. Meet me and Luke at the bar at six. Not taking no for an answer.
I smiled, despite hating her and her perfect relationship. She really was my best friend, forcing me out of my bed when I wanted to stay there for all eternity. I typed out a quick
fine
reply and then checked the time. I had an hour to get ready.
With a groan, I flipped back the blankets and got out of bed. I hopped in the shower, turning the temperature dial all the way to red so the water scalded my skin. It helped wake me up, but also to take my mind, if even for only for six minutes, off Wolfe and how alone I was. I scrubbed myself awake, letting out a yawn when I stepped from the shower.
I dressed casually, not wanting to get too dressed up, and then drove to the bar, fully intending not to drink at all. The last thing I needed in my current state of mind was alcohol. There were only a handful of people in the bar, and Mallory and Luke were two of them. I made my way over to the table that we always sat at, taking my seat across from the happy couple.
But they weren’t happy tonight. Each of them was drinking water, instead of the customary beer.
“Something wrong?” I asked, looking at each of them.
“It’s Baker,” Luke started. “He’s gone.”
I rolled my eyes. “Pretty sure you tried this one already, guys. Is he in Florida?”
“It’s not a joke, Gabby. It’s not a ploy this time, either. He hasn’t been doing that well since Rainey died and we’ve all kind of been wrapped up in our own lives to really focus or worry about him,” Mallory explained.
Guilt flooded me. I had been so worried about my own issues that I had barely talked to Baker in the last few weeks. He was the one who suffered the most with Rainey’s death.
“Do you know where he is?” I asked.
“No. He left a note saying he needed some space, to clear his head. I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid,” Luke muttered, obviously worried about his best friend.
“So what do we do?” I asked, feeling helpless.
“I’m not sure there’s anything we
can
do. He’s an adult, so we can’t exactly find him and drag him home. And he left a note, so we can’t file a missing person with the police. For now, we wait,” Mallory said.
Fuck that.
“I say we look for him, find him, and drag him home. I don’t care if he’s an adult or not. We shouldn’t have to worry about him while he has his mental break.”
Luke laughed. “And where do you want to look? He could be anywhere.”
“Well, that’s true. But we know him better than anyone else, especially you, Luke. Where would Baker go?”
“Honestly, I figured he would be here at the bar, but I guess I was wrong,” Luke said, staring at his glass of water.
“We’ll figure it out, guys. We have to,” I promised them, liking the idea of finding him more and more. If anything, the search would distract my mind from the depression I was surely headed toward. Postponing it sounded like a great idea.
“So where do we look?” Mallory asked.
“Let’s split up,” I suggested, not wanting to be stuck looking for our friend with them. I loved them both dearly, but I couldn’t handle their love right now. “You guys search the north side of town and I’ll head down to the coast, see if he’s hanging out by the beach.”
“It’s a little cold at the beach, don’t you think? I was thinking he probably left town completely,” Luke announced.
“It’s possible, but we have to be sure.”
“Alright, when do we start looking?” Mallory asked.
“Tomorrow morning is as good a time as any. It’s too dark to go searching for him tonight,” I told them. “I’m going to head out as soon as the sun’s up.”
“Good plan,” Luke said with a smile, snaking an arm around Mallory and squeezing her.
I looked away, not wanting to see the show of affection, not wanting to be reminded of exactly how alone I was. Looking for Baker, hopefully, would take my mind of Wolfe for a while. I wanted to know what was up with him, but I wasn’t about to call him after the way we left things. The last time I saw him was almost two weeks ago, and he dismissed me like nothing and then left town, neither of which I was prepared for.
“I’m going to head home, though, guys. It’s been a long day for me, and I want to get started early tomorrow,” I told them as I stood.
“Alright,” Mallory said, sliding out of the booth to give me a hug. “I love you,” she whispered in my ear.
I smiled. “Love you too.” I pulled away and looked at Luke. “Have a good night.”
“Goodnight, Gabby.” He nodded his head at me in salute.
I left the bar, wondering how in the hell I was ever going to tolerate being around my best friends again, now that I was so thoroughly alone.
Maybe I needed to start dating …
12
Wolfe
Florida is fucking hot.
It was the only thought that came to mind when I stepped off the plane and into the gorgeous sunshine in Tampa. I rented a car and made the drive to Fort Myers, directly to my sister’s house. There were so many things for her and me to discuss, the most important of which I wasn’t sure I quite believed yet.
Mandi was a few years younger than me, and more protective of me than anyone in my family. When things went south for Gabby and me, Mandi had wanted to come up to Maine and shake some sense into my wife. I had managed to waylay her, but only just barely.
Now, of course, I was grateful I’d been smart enough to keep Mandi at bay. Given what Gabby had gone through last year, I couldn’t even believe she’d slept with me at the inn, let alone ever again. Sex was about trusting your partner, and after what happened to her, it amazed me that she still trusted me.
And then I hadn’t been able to tell her how I felt, how much I wanted to seek justice for her, to kill the coward who forced himself on her. I’d been silent, deathly silent, and then Mandi called, forcing me to ignore the world, if only for a moment. Her news had shaken me, caused my whole world to crumble, and then I jumped on a plane without even packing my house up.
But being a father would do that to a man.
Well,
probably
a father. Mandi was certain I was the father, but anything was possible.
Almost six years ago …
Dianne and I were happy together. Even though I spent my summers in Maine, she seemed perfectly happy to keep a long-distance relationship going. And every fall, we were right back to normal, thoroughly in love and happy.
Until I came home from my summer away, right before college. I was eighteen and had spent an awful amount of time at the beach in Maine, admiring the bikini-clad girls and even participating in a sand-castle contest. It was probably the best summer of my life.
Contact with Dianne had been patchy, since we always seemed to catch each other at bad times, forever leaving voicemails for one another instead of actually talking on the phone. I couldn’t wait to get home to her, though. She was the one, the girl I was going to marry.
When I got back into town, I went straight to her house, not even bothering to call. It was late August and my classes started in just a few days, so I was anxious to spend that time with her. When I got to her house, though, everything changed.
Her mom answered the door when I knocked. “Dianne is gone, Wolfe.”
“What do you mean?”
“She decided she didn’t want to be with you,” the older woman informed me, her voice cold. “She applied to a school far away from here and she’s gone. She doesn’t want to see you again and even changed her number to get away from you.”
The world stopped for me. Everything froze as all my dreams were crushed, my heart shattered, and I lost my first love.
I didn’t bother arguing with her mom, knowing that the woman never truly liked me to begin with. I walked away from their house and by the end of the block, I was running. I had no idea where I was going, but I ran and ran until I literally couldn’t run anymore.
When I finally got back home, I begged my parents to let me go to school in Maine, a place I adored. They finally agreed and moved me to Maine more permanently. Two years later, I met Gabby.
As Mandi filled me in, apparently Dianne was sent away because she was pregnant all those years ago. Her parents told her that I didn’t want her, that I didn’t want to be a daddy, and convinced her to leave town, going to stay with some distant relative and starting a life with a new baby as a single mother.
As much as it angered me, I knew I couldn’t be upset with Dianne. She’d been so sweet, so naïve about the world when we were together. She would have believed anything her parents told her.
And now she was gone. She was killed instantly in a car crash a few weeks ago, her five-year-old daughter, Katie, left alone. Dianne’s parents took Katie in, which was how Mandi met her.
While shopping at the Kroger, Mandi almost hit Katie with her cart, since the child was running through the aisles wildly. One look and Mandi knew Katie was my child, or so she said. Her eyes were the exact replica of mine, her hair the same dark shade. So Mandi called me immediately so I could begin the process of seeing if she was my child and, if so, gain custody.
It was a pain in the ass, especially in Florida, with all their crazy laws, but I was ready to battle Dianne’s parents, since they were the ones who kept the knowledge from me. But first, we were waiting on the news of the DNA tests. It had been just shy of two weeks, which seemed like an eternity.
I was permitted to see pictures of Katie, who, I had to admit, was like a little mini-me, but the court had decided I needed to refrain from meeting Katie in person until her paternity was finalized, so she wasn’t confused any more than she already was. Losing one parent was too much for a five-year-old, not to mention being introduced to a new “daddy” and then losing him, too. I actually agreed about not meeting her yet.
I was deathly afraid of being a father. Gabby and I had talked about having kids for a long time, both of us deciding we were too young, but the truth was, I hadn’t been sure I ever wanted kids. I felt inadequate to be a dad, and if Katie was mine, I had a lot of making up to do, as well as learning. Mandi was a single mom of two already, so I knew she would offer to help, but I wasn’t even sure I wanted to raise a child in Florida. There was nothing wrong with Fort Myers, of course, but I’d grown attached to a certain small town in Maine.
The divorce was finalized, which left me feeling irritated and relieved at the same time. Some part of me thought Gabby would fight it, maybe having changed her mind after everything, but she didn’t. She also didn’t ask me for anything more than what we already agreed upon, which did surprise me a bit. Maybe she was in shock that I didn’t show. I’d spent hours on the phone with my lawyer and the court officials, begging them to let me not attend the hearing so I could be in Florida when the DNA results came in.
They agreed, but here I was, ten days later, still without results as to whether or not I was Katie’s father. It bugged me, but maybe it was for the best that I wasn’t in Maine for the court date. Chances are, I would have tried to get back together with Gabby, and that wasn’t the right choice; at least, not right now. One day, sure. But for now, if Katie was indeed my daughter, I needed to focus all my attention on her, make sure she knew I loved her, regardless of not knowing about her.
As part of my dedication to the five-year-old, I made up my mind that if I wasn’t her father, I would help with the search of her real dad. No man deserved not to know about a child. Granted, I was eighteen when it happened, but I wouldn’t have just walked away from my daughter. I wanted to believe, if I wasn’t her father, that her real dad wouldn’t have, either.
I was staying with my parents in Fort Myers, who were ecstatic to have me home. After ten days, I thought I might lose my mind. Grown men weren’t made to live with their parents, I decided.
I drove to lunch to meet my sister, who insisted we have lunch at least three times a week. I parked in the parking lot, which was packed, being so close to the holidays. I walked up to the double glass doors just as Mandi burst through them.
“You’re late.” She gave me a look that suggested I had committed a crime.
“Mom wouldn’t shut up,” I explained.
She seemed to accept that as an excuse. “Fine, whatever. Let’s go in. We’ve got a table already,” she said, hooking her arm through mine and leading me into the restaurant.
Once we were seated, she started in on me. “Have you heard anything yet?”
“No, Mandi, I haven’t. If I don’t get a call by Friday, I’m going to call them. I’m sick of waiting.”
“I don’t blame you,” she agreed. The waiter approached and took our drink orders before she continued. “Do you think you’re ready to be a father?”
“Always so blunt, Mandi,” I laughed at her. “The truth is, I’m trying not to think about it too much. If she’s not mine, all my time and effort will have been for nothing, and if she is mine … I guess I’ll deal with that when the time comes. I’m positive I’ll be a decent dad to her.”
“I think so too. You’re a great guy, as much as I don’t want to admit. I’m sorry about Gabby,” she murmured as our drinks arrived.
We gave our lunch orders to the waiter and then I gave her a sad smile. “What do you have to be sorry about? Gabby and I … We just weren’t meant to be, I guess.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way, you know. I bet she would take you back,” Mandi suggested.
“Doubt it. Gabby had a whole year to take me back. And trust me, there were moments when I thought she might. Unfortunately, Katie changes everything. If she’s mine, I won’t turn my back on her, and I’ll fight for custody. Gabby isn’t likely to accept a step-daughter, especially not after I told her I didn’t really want kids.”
“People change their minds, Wolfe. And it’s not like you have a choice about Katie, if she’s yours. Gabby would applaud you for taking her in, for stepping up.” Mandi tilted her head at me and gave me a crooked smile. “Maybe you just can’t satisfy her sexually.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you just said that,” I muttered, annoyed that my sister felt comfortable enough to talk so openly about sex. “I am
not
discussing my sex life with my baby sister.”
“Whatever. I’m just saying, hot sex can make or break a relationship.” She sipped her wine, like she hadn’t just spoken so loudly that the people at the table to the left of us weren’t staring at us.
I gulped. “
Any
way …”
She laughed. “When did you become such a prude?”
“When I found out I might be a father,” I answered honestly. “It’s certainly put things into perspective.”
“I know the feeling. Speaking of kids, Annie and Austin have their Christmas chorus concert on Thursday night. Are you coming?”
“Of course,” I agreed. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You missed a lot of them. I know you love Maine, Wolfe, but we’re your family, and we’ve missed you.”
It wasn’t a guilt trip, per se, but I felt guilty nonetheless. “I know. But Gabby was my family, too, and she wanted to stay in Maine. You know you could have come to visit anytime.”
“Right, because my bank account is just overflowing with so much extra money,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“I would have paid for you to come,” I told her.
“I’m not going to owe anyone anything. There’s a reason I haven’t taken any money from Mom and Dad, Wolfe. I am doing this on my own, no matter how hard it is.”
I sighed. “I know. You’re doing a great job, by the way. I don’t tell you often enough.” I reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “You’re a great mom.”
She blinked away tears and pulled her hand away. “Shut up. I don’t cry in public. So stop.”
I smiled at her, taking in how tired she was. Mandi was a hard-working mom, a woman who had been abandoned as soon as the twins were born. She took care of them, though, and she was right; she hadn’t accepted a dime from anyone. Mandi didn’t believe in taking charity, despite how much she might have needed it in the past. She did accept the free childcare from our mom until the kids were in school. They were seven now, and so adorable, both the spitting image of their mother.
Her dark hair was the same shade as my own and pulled back into a messy bun. She wore just a hint of makeup, probably just eyeliner, if I had to guess. Her tank top was older, the material thin in places and the color faded. She put every bit of money she had into making sure her kids had everything, and whatever was left, she spent as little as she could on herself.
An idea sparked in my head, a way to make sure she had a great Christmas this year, since I would be home. I smiled to myself, ready to spend the holidays with my family, but also knowing I wouldn’t be here for long.
Whether Katie was mine or not, as soon as I could, I’d be heading back to Maine, to start my life over. I wanted to be back in Casper, surrounded by my friends who had become family, and maybe even Gabby.
Maybe
.