Broken Wings (Cruel and Beautiful World, Book One 1) (23 page)

"Yes, well, your fucking girlfriend didn't like all of the attention her precious father gave me when her mother was right there! So you know what she did? When he wasn't home, she came into the closet he kept me locked in and she tortured me!"

Xander stood frozen. He had never heard this before.

"But no, not just a lash or a cut! That was too easy for her, and she just thought she was so much cleverer than that! So you know what she did?"

Xander's throat grew raw as Deryn spoke. He shook his head weakly and said, "No," almost afraid to hear the answer.

Deryn let the comforter drop and lifted her sweater so Xander could get a good look at a large scar covering most of her right side. A large, indented scar that was still glossy pink and fresh looking, even though it was years later. Xander instinctually reached out to touch it, but Deryn pulled her sweater back down before he could.

"It's my biggest one. And it still hurts. It still fucking hurts me, Ruby! Finley thought if she scarred me then her father wouldn't want me, so she began experimenting with weaponry and developed a way to burn me and scar me with a wound that will never heal. And I have several smaller ones all over me. She wanted to get me everywhere but it wasn't fully developed yet, and it failed."

Deryn paused for a moment when she was unable to stop a whimper. She wiped her cheeks before looking back at Xander, a horrible, raging fire visible in her eyes. He didn't like it.

"And these." Deryn held out her wrists so Xander could get a good look at the dozens of marks all over them. "These deep ones here are from when her father used to tie me up so tight I couldn't even struggle. Back when I still tried!"

Xander really wanted to grab her right now. To take her in his arms and hug her, apologize for being such an idiot and promise to seek revenge. But he didn't do that. Instead, all he said was, "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't! Because you never fucking asked! You should've asked, Ruby! You should've asked me before you brought a fucking Guardian here! You should've known! You should've fucking known better!" Deryn lunged forward and shoved him towards the door. "Get out!"

"Leon, I'm sor -"

"Get out!" she screamed, shoving him again and again until he was in the doorway.

Xander grabbed the sides of it and tried to brace himself. "Leon, stop! Please, just let me explain -"

"There is nothing for you to explain! I understand this is your apartment, and that you were
kind
enough to let me stay here! But this ...
this
is crossing the fucking line! Don't talk to me! Don't ever talk to me unless it's to say the curfew is over and security is limited enough for me to get the hell out of here! Understand?"

"Leon, please -"

"Get out, you selfish bastard!"

"No! I -"

Deryn grabbed her Element off of the dresser and pointed it at him, pressing the button for wind.

Xander went flying backwards and landed hard against the arm of the couch. As soon as his eyes focused, he looked at her door just in time to see it slam. He ran over and pulled at the knob but she had locked it.

"Leon!" he shouted while slamming his fist into the door. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry!"

Xander knew he didn't say it much, but that was because he so rarely actually was. But this time he truly regretted what he had done, and he hated himself for giving into Finley. He didn't even want to sleep with her. It was all just a mistake. A horrible mistake.

Giving up on ever getting in, Xander went to his room and began throwing things around.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he shouted as he punched the wall.

Xander hated this. He hated that he was so affected by a scar on someone else's body.
Her
body. The same one he had been imagining beneath him not even thirty minutes earlier. The urge to vomit was back.

He hurried to the bathroom and pulled the toilet seat up just in time to heave into it. When the sickness passed, he crawled over to the same wall he had sat against with her just last week.

What the hell was wrong with him? The whole fucking thing was really taking a toll on him and he didn't like it. For the first time in his life, he felt like he wasn't in control.
She
was.

"Leon," he whispered as he lay down on the cold tile. "Fucking bitch." Only, she wasn't, and he hated himself for even thinking it.

And then Xander's mind drifted back to that robe. For some reason, he really wanted her to have it, but there was no way he could go into a store like that without raising suspicion. It was only Finley who had seen him that day but what if it had been someone who might actually question why he was about to walk into a women's store?

And then he remembered. This was exactly what the fucker downstairs was for!

Getting to his feet, Xander ran into his bedroom and dug through his sock drawer for his extra money.

Once he had the cash, he ran out of his apartment, not even bothering to put on shoes.

Xander didn't stop until he got to the third floor, where he immediately began banging on Bronson's door. It was several moments before Quigley answered.

"Ruby, what the hell are you -"

"I need Bronson," he demanded.

Quigley raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"We're fucking lovers, asshole. Now, get him out here!"

"Such language." Quigley smiled. "Hey, Bronson!" he called over his shoulder. "Your lover's here to see you!"

"My what?" asked Bronson, coming to the door. "Ruby? It's, like, five minutes to curfew. What do you -"

"I'll be quick," said Xander, stepping back so Bronson could come out.

The other two men eyed each other skeptically. They each shrugged and Bronson stepped into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. "You okay, Ruby?" he asked, taking in his disheveled appearance.

"I'm fine," he lied, "but I need you to do something for me."

"Go on," said Bronson, crossing his arms.

Xander pushed the money into his hand. "In the Shopping District there's this store. I don't know the name, but it's on the corner where that clock tower is. It's this women's store and there's this blue and fuzzy and completely ridiculous robe in the window."

"Uh-huh ..."

"And Leon needs it."

Bronson crinkled his brow. "Why?"

"She just does, alright?"

"Okay. So why can't you get it?"

"I tried! I fucking tried but every-fucking-where I go someone I know is there! I can't fucking get away from them!" Xander was fidgeting and pacing, clutching the sides of his head and pulling at his hair. It didn't even cross his mind that he probably looked insane.

"Ruby ... you're kind of freaking me out."

"Just get it, will you?"

"Okay," said Bronson. "Anything else?"

Xander thought about this. "A book. A real paper book in the bookstore right near there.
Yesteryear
. It's her favorite."

"Done," said Bronson, pocketing the money. "You sure you're alright? When I saw Deryn earlier I got the feeling the two of you were in a fight or something."

"We're not in a fight! Did she say we were in a fight?"

"No, but she seemed to think you were avoiding her."

"Why the fuck would I be avoiding her?" shouted Xander, his mind immediately returning to the bathroom floor.

"I don't know. You tell me."

"I'm not!"

Bronson paused and eyed him curiously. "Ruby, promise me you're not going to do something stupid."

"Of course I'm not going to do something stupid!" Again.

"So you're not ... you don't ... I mean, you and Deryn ..."

A loud siren sounded outside the building, informing everyone in the city that curfew was about to begin. "Get it, Bronson. Tomorrow."

Xander turned to leave.

"Ruby, wait," called Bronson. "I just wanted to warn you that there's supposed to be a thunderstorm tomorrow night."

Xander looked back at him and cocked an eyebrow. "So?"

"Well, I mean, I just thought you should know so you can prepare. Since Deryn's afraid of them and all."

Xander blinked.

"You didn't know?"

He blinked again.

Bronson rolled his eyes. Apparently, they were all picking up the habit. "The night you had me stay up there with her there was a thunderstorm. She got so freaked out that she ended up sleeping in the bathtub."

Oh. Well, that explained why her bed had not been slept in. Xander shouldn't have felt relief about that but, for some reason, he did.

"I'll take care of it."

Without another word, Xander ran back to his apartment, shutting the door and locking it with only seconds left until curfew. The punishment for being caught by a S.U.R.G.E. past midnight was always different, and Xander had no desire to find out whether it was imprisonment, torture or death on the menu tonight.

After staring at Deryn's door for several minutes, Xander went over and tried the knob again. Still locked. He sighed and headed to his room.

He looked at his bed for a long while before tearing off the sheets and stuffing them into his trashcan, ridding it of any signs of Finley. Luckily, he had another set.

"Fucking bitch," he muttered as he made the bed. And, this time, he meant it.

Climbing into bed, Xander closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but he found himself having to get up and vomit every time his mind drifted to inappropriate thoughts of Deryn.

"What is wrong with me?" he whispered while crouched over the toilet for the third time, his eyes drifting back to the spot where they had been together. He hated that spot. Only, he really didn't.

The next morning, Xander was awoken by the sound of someone going through his desk in the living room, obviously not caring about the noise they were making. He rubbed his tired eyes for a moment before the events of the previous night came flooding back to him.

In a quick movement that was meant to be swifter than it was, Xander stumbled off of his bed and ran to the door. He threw it open just in time to witness Deryn's foot disappear into her bedroom. Her door slammed but he went to it anyway, aggressively pulling at the knob. Locked. Damn, she was quick.

"Seriously, Leon? This is fucking ridiculous! Get back out here,
now
!"

A weird surge entered through his hand. He looked at his desk and saw his portable computer was missing, something that didn't require a fingerprint to work as long as his wristband was in range, and he had mistakenly given her the password to it two weeks earlier. Somehow she had just hacked into his private settings and put a soundproof shield around her room. He would need to figure out some lie to tell whoever checked his daily activity report about that one.

Xander smacked the door in frustration before returning to his room and collapsing on the bed. He kept his door open, just in case she decided to come out and go to the kitchen, or something. She was definitely going to need the bathroom at least once.

Xander waited all day but Deryn never came back out. At one point, he drifted into a daze. It was a moment before he realized his mind had immediately filled with images of her again, and they were hardly innocent. His eyes shot open and, as soon as he returned to full consciousness, he realized he was touching himself. He pulled his hand away quickly, feeling absolutely repulsed.

While he tried to tell himself the reason behind his repulsion was because she was an Outsider, he knew it wasn't true. It was because of everything she had been through. It seemed wrong to do those things to her without her consent, even if they were just in his head.

Of course, he could never ask her permission for such a thing. Xander would rather never have sex again than admit to these thoughts.

Sometime in the middle of the day, Xander's mindless staring at his ceiling was interrupted by someone banging on his front door. He got up to check, hoping it was Bronson with the robe and book for Deryn, but it wasn't. One look out the peephole and he saw that it was Finley. The loud cursing dropping from her mouth every few seconds was another surefire sign. She was angry. He didn't know why, but he didn't care either. There was no way he was letting her in. Even after Deryn was gone and out of his life forever, he would never allow her near him again. They were finished.

It was a good hour before she left, and Xander killed the time by smoking on his balcony. And then he killed more time out there. The sun had already long set when he started to wonder what he was doing. Why was he waiting around for Deryn? She clearly wasn't coming out. Not tonight, anyway.

"Fuck this."

Xander marched back inside. There was no reason for Deryn's actions to be affecting him so much, and he wasn't going to waste his time any longer.

After changing his clothes, Xander went to her door and knocked once more.