BrookLyn's Journey (38 page)

***

BrookLyn’s morning was uneventful, but she was happy to meet up with
Gabby
for lunch, although she was getti
ng tired of eating so much take
out. She made a mental note to start bringing her lunch.

Between bites of her sandwich, Gabby’s face turned pensive.
“After school I’m going to drop you off at the house.”

“Where are you going?”
BrookLyn
asked.
T
his was kind of odd. Gabby never wanted to be apart.

“I’m going to run and get my car. Then I’ll be home after that.”

“Why can’t I go with you?”

“I just figured you’d be ready to go home and do your homework.”

“I can do my homework after we get back. No big deal.”
BrookLyn
shrugg
ed her
shoulders.

Gabby looked out of the window
,
then s
ilently
covered up the rest of her sandwich
and
put it in the little plastic bag.

“Gabby, does this have to do with Shante?”

“It has to do with me picking up my car, Sweets. What’s this with you not trusting me all of a sudden?”

“I never said I didn’t trust you. I just know you always want to be together and today you don’t.”

“Trust me,” she begged.

BrookLyn
didn’t.
“I’ll try
.
”

Gabby sighed and turned the engine on.

“Can I have a kiss before we go back to school?”

“Here?”
BrookLyn
look
ed
around nervously.

“BrookLyn, we’re in the back of a parking lot surrounded by trees. No one is here.”

“Someone could be looking.”

Gabby
looked at
BrookLyn
as if
she were
crazy.

Maybe I
am.
BrookLyn
didn’t know if anyone was looking and
she
didn’t care if the only thing out
t
here
were
trees.
She just
couldn’t do it.

Gabby threw the car in drive and pulled off.

BrookLyn
could feel the heat coming off Gabby’s body.
If her eyes could turn red, they probably would
.
BrookLyn
wasn’t trying to be difficult
—
just
her
paranoid
self.
“Gabby, I’m sorry. I’m just not comfortable with it.”

“Don’t worry about it
.
”

“Please, don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not.”

BrookLyn didn’t think
she wasn’t telling the truth. The one person who always made
her
feel loved was making
her
feel uncomfortable.
Gabby was really
adding to
her
stress
.

“Today when school is over meet me outside by the car
.
”

“Okay
.
”

It was going to be a long day.

They
pulled up in front of the school
as
other students
were
scurrying back inside.
BrookLyn wanted to be one of them. She just wanted out of the car.

Gabby spoke but kept her gaze straight ahead
, lightly tapping her finger on the steering wheel
.
“BrookLyn, I hope that we’re going to be okay. I really love you but I’m not feeling that good about us today.”

“Do you think this is the conversation we should have before we walk into the building? I don’t
.
”
BrookLyn’s
eyes welled up with tears.

“I just need you to know how I feel.”

“Well, now is not the time, okay?”
She
open
ed
the door. “And thanks
.
”
BrookLyn hopped out of the car.

“For what?”

BrookLyn
didn’t reply. If
she
had
said anything
she
would’ve thanked
Gabby
for making
her
cry.
She strode into school with purpose and
walked briskly to the bathroom
.
It took all
she
had not to cry in the hallway.
She made it
into the stall
just in time.

Outside in the hall she
heard the bell ring.
She
was late.
BrookLyn
blew
her
nose and flushed the toilet.
As she
stood in front of the mirror drying
her
face with a paper towel
,
the bathroom door open
ed
.

BrookLyn
turned
her
eyes back toward the mirror
since she didn’t know the girl that came in
.
She straightened her
shirt, smiled slightly, and walked toward the door. As
she
passed
,
the girl
touched
BrookLyn’s
shoulder.
The girl smiled
,
but something about her made
BrookLyn
feel uncomfortable. Something didn’t feel right.

“Excuse me,” she said.

BrookLyn
looked at her
but didn’t say anything.

“I hope your little tears don’t mean there’s trouble in paradise. I’m sure Shante would love to hear that
.
”
The girl
laugh
ed
aloud
and held out
a photo of
Gabby
and
BrookLyn
hugging.

A
shocked gasp
escaped BrookLyn’s lips before she could stop it. She hurried
out the door
without looking back
. Middletown was
suddenly
too small and was closing in on
her
. Everyone and everything here were connected.

She just
wanted to crawl out of
her
skin
,
but
she
pulled
her
self together as
she
walked down the hallway
to class
.
She
was really late
now,
which
was
something
she never was.

She hurried
into class and immediately apologized to
her
teacher.
How embarrassing.
She
wanted to run in the opposite direction.
“I’m sorry. I’m new
.
I kind of got a little lost.”

“You’re only new today. Tomorrow you’ll know where to go and
at
what time. I expect you to be on time,” Mr. Shields said.

BrookLyn
felt every eye on
her
.
She was grateful all her honors classes were filled with all
the
other
kids
that
people called geeks
,
so
she
didn’t have to spend as much time trying to prove
her
self. They were in the same shoes
she
was in. They were just here to learn. Although they
did
stare as
t
he
teacher
chastised
her,
it was different
kind of
look.
More like
they shared
her
pain
, rather than
enjoyed it.

She
took
her
seat in the back of the classroom.
BrookLyn
never liked sitting in the front because
she
always felt like people were staring at the back of
her
head.
Sometimes
her
previous classmates threw things at
her
when the teacher wasn’t looking. I
t was the only place she
felt safe
—
with
her
back against the wall.

Mr. Shields went back to teaching Chemistry. He was a large man with a long beard and curly hair. His writing wasn’t easy to read. It looked like kindergarten scribble.

Once
she
thought he was focused on scribbling on the board,
she
slid
her
cell phone out of
her
pocket.
She
had to send Gabby a text
,
had to let her know what just happened.
She
had never seen that girl before and she looked too old to be a student.
BrookLyn
glanced at Mr.
Shields
and
then
around the room to make sure no one saw
her
.

The only one who glanced
her
way was a kid wearing a pair of black glasses, sporting what looked like a uni
-
brow and a pen protector.

Is
he for real?

He smiled
and she returned it halfheartedly
.

She typed out her message.
“Someone just approached me in the bathroom and asked me if I was upset over trouble in paradise. She said Shante would be happy if there was. She showed me a picture of us too
.
”

“What? Who was it?”
Gabby wrote
back.

“I don’t know
.
She didn’t tell me her name.”
As
BrookLyn
sent messages to Gabby
she
wrote class notes in
her
notebook too.
She
didn’t need Mr. Shields to take
her
phone.

“What did she look like?”
she asked.

“She was taller than me. She was kind of skinny with long dark brown hair. And she looked a lot older than us,”
BrookLyn
typed. June
was
only a few months
away.
BrookLyn
needed this all behind
her
.

***

As they sat in
Gabby’s
bedroom after school
, BrookLyn thought about running into the guidance counselor in the hallway after class. Ms. Evans was almost as tall as the lady in the bathroom, older, but she reminded BrookLyn of her. She turned to Gabby.
“
Does
Ms. Evans know about us?”

“I don’t think so. She does know about me.”

“Well, she knows about us for sure then.”

“BrookLyn, I am comfortable with who I am. It took some time for me to get here
,
but I like me. That’s why people know who I am. I refuse to hide it, but like I said before, I will keep us a secret for you. Just so you know, from my experience people tend to assume that I am a girlfriend to most of my female friends. I’m sure that’s all that happened with Ms. Evans.”

“Guilt by association. Lucky me
.
”
BrookLyn didn’t hide her
sarcas
m
.
I just want the pain to go away! I don’t know if I want to go on like this.

“You know, suicide is never the answer
, BrookLyn
. It is the question sometimes
,
but it is
never
the answer. It’s the most selfish act ever. Things always get better. After my mom died I didn’t want to live
,
but I had no choice. I never thought I’d smile again
,
let alone love
,
and then you walked into church.
Y
our smile gave me hope. People always told me it’d get better and I didn’t believe them. But they were right. This may feel like the end of your life. Sometimes it might get so unbearable that you just want to end it. But that’s not an option. It’s
never
an option.
”