Brought Together by Baby (19 page)

‘You’re not!’ Her words had shocked him to the core. She couldn’t believe that, surely? ‘Why would you think that?’

She’d bitten her lip. ‘You chose her, not me. You had a baby with her. You’re grieving for her,’ she’d pointed out, her words whisper-soft and yet hitting him like hammer-blows.

‘Holly—’

His protest had died in his throat as he’d struggled to take in not just the words she’d spoken but the messages that lay behind them. It wasn’t the first time she’d implied that he’d chosen Julia over her. It wasn’t true. Holly had stood him up and made it clear she didn’t want him—yet the way she spoke anyone would think it was the other way around! Given the support he’d received since the accident, how could he admit that he’d never loved Julia and wasn’t consumed by grief? He’d sound like the most thoughtless, unfeeling bastard ever.

He’d been wrestling with his thoughts when Holly had spoken again, her cheeks flushed, sooty lashes lowered to hide her emotions.

‘I care about you,’ she’d confided softly. ‘I love Max with all my heart. But every time I look at him I think of you and Julia together, and…’ She’d paused, one hand pressed to her stomach, her sky-blue eyes full of pain. ‘There are things you don’t know,’ she’d added cryptically. ‘I can’t help how I feel, Gus. I need time to know if I can deal with this. For all our sakes.’

He’d had little option but to agree and give Holly the time she’d asked for. But he didn’t like it.

Now, as she took Max out to meet Callie and Izzy at
Annie’s house, Gus went to the master bedroom to continue sorting Julia’s belongings. Everything was so complicated. All he could do was wait…wait and pray that Holly truly cared for him, and that her love for Max was enough for her to see beyond the past to the future that could lie ahead of them.

They needed to talk. He had to lay the truth on the table once and for all. Not just that he loved her and always had, but what had happened with Julia…the state of his marriage, even his version of events on the night Max had been conceived. And he wanted to know from Holly why she’d stood him up, why she’d sent Julia to meet him, and why she’d never explained or apologised afterwards. And then there were the ‘things’ she’d alluded to…the
things he didn’t know
. What were they? Were they an insurmountable obstacle to them being together?

Engrossed in his thoughts, he pulled too hard on the drawer in Julia’s bedside cabinet and only just caught it before it hit the floor. As he lifted it to slide it back onto its runners he discovered a large envelope taped to the underside of the drawer. Frowning, he felt inside and pulled out a leather-bound journal.

He flicked the journal open and recognised Julia’s handwriting. Any initial awkwardness he felt at the invasion of her privacy evaporated as some of the entries jumped out at him…nasty remarks and jealous resentment directed at Holly. He discovered that it had been
Julia
who had been in bed with Euan, Holly’s fiancé, leading to the cancellation of the wedding. Holly had shielded him from
that
information, he realised, believing he had loved Julia. He burned with anger at what Julia had done to betray her sister, but at the same time he felt deeply ashamed that he’d ever been taken in by her.

What else had Julia lied about? He flicked through the
journal to the night he and Julia had met. The night he should have been on his first proper date with Holly. The night Julia had told him Holly didn’t want him.

There, in black and white, Julia’s words revealed the shocking truth…

Things turned out so much better than I expected. I only meant to spoil Holly’s date with Gus, but when he went to get me a drink and I discovered he’d left his mobile phone behind it was the simplest thing to send Holly a text cancelling the evening. I’d love to have seen her face when it arrived just as she must have been leaving home! Thank God I had time to delete the message and Holly’s pathetic reply from his phone before he came back…So Gus was none the wiser. Likewise Holly. And with Gus unwell it was easy to convince him of Holly’s duplicity. As far as he was concerned she’d stood him up with no explanation!

It was obvious from talking to Gus how much they care about each other and I knew one missed date wasn’t going to upset things for long. A few questions the next day and it would be obvious what happened. That’s when the idea came to me. I’d had no intention of doing anything more, but with Gus so ill things played into my hands and I just ran with it, acting on instinct. It’s amazing what desperation can drive you to do. Suddenly I saw a way out of the mess I’m in. And if it works it’ll kill two birds with one stone…solving my own dilemma whilst at the same time messing things up for Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. Always a bonus
.

Julia’s maliciousness appalled him. He’d blamed Holly for things going wrong and for rejecting him, but all the time
she
must have been blaming
him
. Holly had never sent Julia to the Strathlochan Arms in her place. Holly had received a cancellation text she’d believed was from him, and then she’d learned from gossip that he’d spent the evening with her sister. No wonder she’d been hurt and angry. And had assumed he’d chosen Julia over her.

Damn Julia and her lies. Why had she done it? Shaking his head, he looked back over the journal entry and frowned. What had Julia meant about solving her own dilemma? Irate and puzzled, he sat on the bed and turned the pages, needing to learn more. But as he read one horrifying entry after another, the blood chilled in his veins and his whole world crashed down around him.

* * *

Having forced herself to act normally with Annie, Callie and baby Izzy—who, with her shock of red hair and her mother’s startling violet eyes, was developing a firecracker personality—Holly headed home with a characteristically laid-back Max. She felt far from relaxed, however, as her nervousness about facing Gus increased.

After the most incredible night of her life, during which Gus had told her he wanted them to be a family, she’d woken in the morning confused and unsettled. Everything she most wanted was hers for the taking, so she should have jumped at the chance. But she couldn’t. Because, as she’d told Gus, no matter how she felt about him she couldn’t get out of her head the fact that he’d been with Julia. And if she entered into a relationship with Gus, uncertain whether she could live with it, what chance would they have?

He’d said she wasn’t second best, but however much she wanted to believe that the evidence pointed to the contrary. Gus had chosen to be with Julia, to have a baby with her. And it still hurt. So much. She felt guilty for feeling so jealous
and upset—especially given the tragedy that had befallen her sister. As for Gus, she knew he would do what he thought was best for Max. So did Gus really want
her
? Or did he just want to secure a mother for his son? She feared the latter while dreaming the former was true. But how would she
know
?

If it had been anyone but Julia maybe she could have put it behind her. But her sister…? A shiver ran through her. What else had Julia told Gus about her? She thought of his questions about her cancelled wedding. Julia had taken a fragment of the truth, twisted it to give a very different impression, and left Gus to believe the blame lay with Holly, not Euan.

Euan. Her childhood sweetheart. The man she’d planned to marry. And, until last night, the only man she’d ever slept with. She hadn’t told Gus the full truth about the betrayal that had led her to call off the wedding. Why hurt Gus, who was grieving for his lost wife, by telling him what Julia had done? Nothing could change the past.

Just as she could never fully recover from what had happened a week or two after finding Euan and Julia together. The skeleton in her cupboard that no one but Julia and her GP knew about. Pain ripped through her as the memories returned. Even after all this time tears threatened, and the dreadful hollow void deep inside remained. Could she tell Gus the full story? She didn’t know. But she could never start a relationship with undisclosed secrets hanging in the air—just as she could never forget that Gus had chosen Julia and that Max, however beloved, was his and Julia’s son.

She was going round in circles. Sighing, she walked up the path. Opening the front door, she reversed in, better able to guide Max’s buggy through the porch and into the hall. Closing the door, she turned round, halting in surprise.

Ashen-faced, Gus was sitting near the foot of the staircase watching her.

Unease was replaced by the cold weight of dread as she met his gaze and saw the despair and pain that dulled his smoky green eyes.

CHAPTER TWELVE

‘G
US
? What is it?’ As he stared at her in silence Holly pressed a hand to her chest, where a knot of anxiety had formed. ‘You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?’

Slowly he rose to his feet, and for the first time she noticed the leather-bound book in his hands. He walked down the final steps and handed it over, before slipping past her and opening the front door.

‘Read it,’ he instructed, his voice disturbingly flat and devoid of emotion.

As the door closed behind him Holly hesitated, unsure whether to do as he had asked or go after him to ensure he was all right. Concerned for him, and needing to understand what had upset him, she went into the living room, her thoughts confused.

After taking Max out of his buggy, Holly gave him a kiss and a cuddle, then settled him on his play-mat. Drop ping her bag on the floor beside her, she sat in an armchair and opened the book at the page Gus had marked. Immediately she recognised Julia’s handwriting. Puzzle ment turned to shocked disbelief as she read her sister’s journal.

Holly gasped as she discovered it had been
Julia
who had sent the message from Gus’s mobile phone to cancel the date that fateful autumn night. Gus had known nothing about the text, nor her reply to it, Julia having deleted the evidence.
Anger, pain and regret filled her. Whilst she’d blamed him for what had happened, Gus had believed
she
had coldly and calculatingly stood
him
up. No wonder he’d been so strange with her.

Both she and Gus had been hurt, each seeking explanations the other had been unable to give, each feeling the other had staged a humiliating public rejection…just as Julia had wanted. And with so many of their colleagues in the Strathlochan Arms as witnesses the subsequent hospital gossip had driven the wedge more deeply between Gus and herself, completing the job her sister had started.

The ache inside her turned to sick despair as she read more of the journal entries…

I hadn’t thought further ahead than sabotaging Holly’s date, but then Paul and I rowed so terribly that afternoon…I was panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Unlike Holly, I’ve never wanted to be a mother. When I first realised I was pregnant I had every intention of having an abortion as Paul demanded. I was shocked when I went into the clinic and found I couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want the baby and I didn’t want to lose Paul, but I just couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t kill it. Paul was so furious. He kept accusing me of trying to trap him…It’s not true. It was an accident…a condom failure—ironic, given what I said to Holly after her miscarriage
.

Holly pressed her fingers to her mouth, fighting back a sob as she relived the terrifying and heartbreaking moment a couple of weeks after Euan’s betrayal, when she had miscarried the baby she hadn’t known she was carrying. The anguish and hollow ache of loss had never diminished, and the
news of Julia’s pregnancy had only increased her feelings of betrayal and jealousy.

‘Don’t you know anything about contraception?’ Julia had sneered. ‘Or the morning-after pill?’

‘A condom must have split,’ she’d explained, hating the way her beautiful, sophisticated older sister always belittled her, making her feel small and stupid.

‘At least you’ve lost it and haven’t had to arrange an abortion.’

Holly had been horrified ‘I’d
never
have had an abortion,’ she’d retaliated, distraught that this unexpected and all too brief new life had been extinguished.

‘There’s no way I’d be caught like that—or have a baby ruin my body.’ Julia’s tone had been characteristically patronising, her words wounding. ‘It’s different for you, Holly, you’ve always been plain and careless about your appearance.’

Shaking her head as she relived that painful conversation, Holly tried to push the memories from her mind and refocus on the journal…

Hopefully I can win Paul back when this is over. In the meantime, I’m facing the frightening prospect of doing it alone. Or
was
… until I met Gus. I may not have planned it, but when the opportunity arose, I went for it. I know it’s impulsive and mad, but it’s the best outcome for the baby. It was a risk, but the stakes are high for me. I knew Gus was living at the Strathlochan Arms so his room was nearby. He was disorientated from whatever virus he had. Apparently he doesn’t drink, and was taking medication, so I took the chance and put loads of vodka in what he assumed was water. He reacted so quickly I was worried I’d overdone it, but I helped him to his room, then got him undressed and
into bed before he passed out. Enough people saw us to spark some gossip that will hurt Holly. Come morning, Gus had no memories of what had happened. I almost laughed aloud at the horrified look on his face when he woke to find me in bed with him!

So I feel I’ve done pretty well for myself! Not only did I achieve my original aim of spoiling things for Holly, but I’ve gained an insurance policy and solved my problem. Given Gus’s sense of honour and responsibility, I knew he’d step up if he thought the baby was his. What I never anticipated was his demand to get married! In name only, thank God…But even that has its benefits. He’s taking care of me in every way, and Holly’s heartbroken, thinking the relationship is real. Perfect
.