Sean sat very still, noting the tense set to her shoulders and the way her brows drew together.
“She bought it years ago with some money her parents left her in their will. They were from Pakistan too. As was my father,” she said in a flat tone
Willing her to continue, he made a low sound that told her he was listening.
Zahra gazed around the room, seeming to take everything in as though it was the first time. “We were supposed to come here the night she died. We’d had it planned for weeks.”
The muscles in his stomach contracted.
“My father controlled her as much as he did me, but when I left for college he lost his hold over me. I did the normal co-ed things, but my rebellion went a little deeper because I’d been sheltered beyond anything my classmates could ever have imagined. The moment I left home I stopped wearing my headscarf, I stopped praying then worshipping at all. At college I lived in residence and made friends, went to parties and even drank for the first time in my life.” Her eyes shot to his. “I started dating, occasionally hooking up with guys at parties. I didn’t much care about anything but feeling alive. My father got wind of what I was doing and insisted I come home so he could deal with my ‘shameful’ behavior. No way in hell I was doing that.
“One day near finals in my last year my mom called me to say things were getting really bad. He was threatening to come and drag me away from school. Apparently he and his buddies at the mosque felt I’d shamed myself and my family and he’d become even more of a hardliner. I knew he blamed my mother and that she was probably taking the brunt of his anger even though she wouldn’t admit it. So I told her I’d come for her, to get her away from him. I would pick her up the night after I finished my exams while he was out with his mosque buddies and we would escape here.” She shook her head, her smile bitter. “I know it sounds like an idiotic plan now, but this was the only place we could think of to go where he might not find us.”
Sean’s heart rate picked up, his mind already racing ahead to where this was leading.
Zahra stared back into the flames. “He knew she’d bought this place soon after they arrived in the States but he didn’t know she’d been fixing it up. She came out here every weekend she could while I was away, to escape.” Her voice caught and it was all he could do not to get up and grab her, hug her tight to somehow keep the pain at bay.
“Where is he now?” he asked quietly.
She turned her head. Her expression was so hard and cold it sent a wave of foreboding through him. “In prison, serving a life sentence for first degree and attempted murder. And I hope he rots in there.”
If Sean was shocked by her statement or the barely contained rage behind it, he hid it well. He didn’t move or say anything, just watched her and gave her the space to continue if she wanted. Unable to bear his gaze any longer she turned away and scrubbed a hand over her face. Now that he knew the horrible truth, the rest of the details weren’t as difficult to talk about. She’d told him this much; he deserved to know the rest as well.
“What did he do?” he asked quietly after a moment.
Even without looking at him she could feel his attention still focused on her. Exhaustion pulled at her but she needed to get this out in the open once and for all. She wanted Sean to understand what had made her into the woman she was today, scars and all. Actually, part of her was surprised he’d been this patient about finding out. With his computer skills and his penchant for detail, she’d half expected him to do his own digging long before now. It relieved her that he hadn’t.
“He found out what we were up to, probably from one of his friends who had twisted him into a zealot,” she began at last, gazing at the books and pretty things her mother had set into the shelves on either side of the mantel. “I picked my mom up that night and we’d barely left town before he caught up with us. I didn’t see him, didn’t even think to watch for him. Then all of a sudden, he was there.”
The memories played before her eyes like a horror movie no matter how hard she tried to stop them. Tonight had brought them all back in vivid detail. “I caught sight of a car speeding up behind us on the highway out of town and that was the only warning I got. He rammed us from behind, sent us flying off the road. I didn’t have time to do anything but try to keep us from hitting anyone else. He hit us again on the side, and we hit the shoulder and flipped over. The car rolled. I remember hearing my mother screaming and the sounds of shattering glass and crunching metal. When we stopped I was pinned upside down in my seat. My pelvis and right femur were broken, I couldn’t move. Then he started shooting.”
Sean hissed but she couldn’t look at him if she wanted to finish this. “A fire started, I don’t know whether from the crash or the bullets. My mother was hurt from the impact and the two bullets that hit her. The fire spread fast and I guess because of the bystanders we’d attracted he took off. I got my seatbelt off. Someone reached through the broken window and grabbed me by the arm, started dragging me through no matter how loud I screamed. Somehow they got me out but then it was too hot for them to go back for another rescue. My mother was on fire. I had to lie on the grass and listen to her burn to death.” Zahra had wailed in agony and grief, wanting to die as well. She shuddered at the memory, the blood-curdling sound of her mother’s screams she’d never be able to forget. That was the hardest part, knowing she’d died in such unspeakable pain.
“Christ, Zahra…”
Feeling raw and exposed, she flinched away from him when he got up and walked to her.
Strong arms wound around her middle to pull her back against his powerful body. “I’m sorry. And then tonight it was almost the same again.”
She nodded. “Whoever it was, he wanted to make it like last time. He knew my background well.”
“Twisted motherfuckers,” he muttered against the back of her hair. “God, no wonder you were so deep in shock earlier.”
Zahra closed her eyes and leaned back against him, savoring his strength and the protectiveness of his embrace. “Guess whoever it was didn’t count on me having a former Recon Marine with me.”
He grunted and held out his arms. “Come sit down with me so I can hold you.”
Her heart flipped over at the need in his voice, wanting the security of his arms around her too. She followed him to the sofa and went into his arms. Sean stretched out on his back and pulled her on top of him. With her head resting on the solid wall of his chest she listened to the soothing beat of his heart while he ran one hand through her hair. The wind buffeted the cabin, rain pattering on the roof. It should have been cozy and relaxing but she was too deep in her head to enjoy it.
His hand slipped beneath her shirt to rub her lower back, then slid higher. She knew the moment when he felt the hard, swirled patch of skin that traveled over the right side of her ribs to between her shoulder blades. Doctors had performed skin grafts to cover the burn but the scarring was still bad. Still, Sean didn’t seem to mind her imperfections. Though the nerve endings were dead there, she could tell from the way his hand moved against her shirt that he was still stroking the area. “Did they have to operate on your hip?”
She nodded. “Three surgeries. My pelvis is stable at least but I’ve got pins and plates and rods holding my right femur together. I did a ton of rehab to strengthen the muscles surrounding the joint but my hip will never be as strong as it was and it gets fatigued really easily.”
“Most people wouldn’t even notice your limp.”
“You did.”
“I’m not most people.”
She smiled at that. No, he wasn’t. “And thank God for that, or I wouldn’t be alive right now.”
He kissed the top of her head and didn’t answer, as though uncomfortable with the praise. “What happened afterward?”
“They arrested my father when I was still in the ICU. I didn’t see him until I had to appear at his sentencing. He’d pled guilty to avoid the death penalty but I still had to give my statement before the court. It was awful.” She hadn’t realized she’d tensed until she felt the pressure of Sean’s arms around her back, squeezing her. “I made myself look at him even though the sight of him made me physically ill. He sat next to his lawyer glaring up at me with so much hatred it makes my skin crawl to think of it. He hated me and everything I stood for. And you know what? I hate him right back for what he took from me.”
“I would too.”
They lapsed into silence for awhile. Now that she’d told him everything she felt lighter inside. He didn’t judge her or pity her for her decisions and their consequences. “I think it will always haunt me though. I can’t stop blaming myself. Part of me will always wonder if I hadn’t left home, if I’d had a better plan, maybe my mother would still be alive.”
“And if she was, it’d be both of you serving life sentences in the life he made for you,” Sean countered.
True. All her therapists had told her the same thing, that she shouldn’t play the “what if” card because she was suffering from survivor guilt and PTSD. Having a diagnosis didn’t change the way she felt and didn’t make it any easier to bear. It didn’t erase the image of her mother engulfed in flames, her arms flailing in a futile effort to escape the fire.
Zahra squeezed her eyes shut and took a calming breath. “I’m doing much better these days.”
“I can’t believe how tough you are, to overcome something like that, let alone be so functional right now.” His tone held so much pride that it made her throat tighten.
She rubbed her hand gently over the right side of his chest and shoulder, mapping the contours of hard muscle with her palm. It might mean heartbreak for her later but there was no way she could keep her heart out of the equation now. “Why didn’t you check up on my background before?” She knew he’d been curious about her.
“I asked Alex about you but of course that was a waste of my breath, and that’s as far as I was willing to take things. I didn’t want to break your trust by going behind your back to look into something you obviously didn’t want anyone else to know about.”
Tipping her head back, she met his eyes. “Thank you.”
His smile was so gentle it squeezed her heart. “You’re welcome. I was tempted a time or two though, not gonna lie.”
With his skills, it wouldn’t have taken much for him to find out everything. His thoughtfulness surprised and touched her. “I’m really glad you’re here with me. My mom would be too. Pretty sure she’d have already fallen in love with you.”
“What about her daughter?”
Startled, a little afraid to answer, she lowered her gaze and pressed her cheek back to his chest. For a moment she thought about deflecting the question, then decided against it. She’d just told him her darkest secrets. If she could trust him with those, then why did she feel so vulnerable admitting her feelings? “She’s headed in that same direction.”
Sean caught her head in one hand and tilted it back to look at her. “Good,” he said, staring right into her eyes. “Because I’d hate to be the only one.”
Taken off guard again, Zahra lifted up on her forearms to stare down at him. He was so impossibly sexy all sprawled out beneath her, looking totally out of place yet comfortable on the girly sofa. She lifted a hand and touched her fingers to his lips, stroked the soft skin. His eyes darkened. He caught her wrist and kissed her fingertips. Cupping the back of her head in one big hand, he pulled her down as he leaned up. The kiss was gentle, almost chaste compared to what he’d done to her earlier, but the emotion behind it shook her to the bone.
Pressed flush against him her body flared to sudden, desperate life. Her breasts tightened, the tips hard and sensitive, and a restless ache built between her thighs. She shifted to get closer, opening for the caress of his tongue and moaned a little when she felt him harden against her stomach. He answered by taking complete control of the kiss, stroking her tongue and the roof of her mouth as he rubbed his erection against her.
In moments she was breathless, her heart beating erratically. Her body craved skin to skin contact, the release he could give her. She sucked his tongue, eliciting a low groan from him and parted her thighs to rub just the right spot against his hard length. Pleasure speared through her, swirling hot and needy deep in her belly. A strong hand curved around to cradle her bottom, holding her firmly against his hips as he rocked up against her, teasing her with the promise of what he’d feel like inside her.
The empty ache between her legs took on a sharp edge, her inner muscles clenching around nothing. She wanted him in her, filling and stretching her, soothing that ache. He was so hard against her, rubbing over the damp, cloth-covered flesh. Zahra moaned into his mouth and let the sensations run through her while her heart pounded and her mind went blank. Sean guided her movements with one hand on her ass and the other wound into her hair, but let her set the pace. A tremor ripped through her as the pleasure swelled higher, pushing her into desperate need when suddenly an insistent buzzing broke through the sensual haze.
She raised her head, hoping she was hearing things.
Drawing back, Sean stared up at her with barely leashed desire, nostrils flared, pupils dilated. “Worst fucking timing,” he grumbled and reluctantly let her go.
Zahra rolled off him to the side as he sat up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. She listened to him talk to whoever it was and decided it had to be Hunter. “No, she’s doing fine,” Sean said. A moment later he frowned. “You’re breaking up. Hang on.” He checked his phone then looked at her.
“Try the front porch,” she told him.
He went out on the porch and closed the door behind him. Through the window she could hear his muted voice. Sitting up, she scrubbed a hand over her face. The conversation went on for a long time and Sean didn’t come back in. She was beyond exhausted, so she decided to head to bed. Leaving the door open in invitation, she slipped beneath the covers and cuddled up, hoping he’d join her. Minutes later the fatigue and drumming of raindrops on the roof pulled her down into sleep’s embrace.
****
Amir made sure he was at the gates long before prison visiting hours began. He was the first in line when the guards came to take the visitors through security. Keeping his wounded arm at his side and his hand in his coat pocket to keep it from moving, he approached the guardhouse. The exertion made him woozy and his skin broke out in a clammy sweat.
“Your name’s not on the list today,” the guard informed him curtly, scrutinizing his appearance as he compared it to the fake ID. Amir knew he looked like death with his face so pale and the shadows under his eyes. At least the bleeding had stopped, his crude stitches holding for the time being.
“It’s not?” Amir tried to mask his fear, the sudden leap of his heart at the guard’s pronouncement. Coming here was a huge risk yet he had no choice. He had to speak to Ibrahim immediately. “It should be. I came in to see him the other day.”