Burning Attraction (23 page)

             
"Ouch," he mumbles, still starring me in the eyes. His green eyes have darkened and I know he is angry, but he isn't yelling, which is a good sign. I think. "So what happened last night? That you remember at least. Or was told I should say."

             
I tell him everything that Pierce told me, leaving out a few minor details. He looks heartbroken with every sentence that leaves my mouth, and I feel guilt taking over my insides. "I'm sorry," I breathe out once I'm done telling him everything I can.

             
"Me too," he says. There is a long awkward pause before he utter the words that break my heart. "I think we need a break."

             
Those words. They're the same thing Carson said to me that broke us. That ruined everything we had. That started what I had with Pierce. That killed me once already. I can't do this, not with Avery. I can't take a break. I can't lose him.

             
"NO!" I shout, getting off the bed to stand up. I pace around the room, mumbling profanity under my breath, trying to figure out how to make this work. I look back at Avery, who is staring at me like I have two heads. "Fuck no Avery, I won't lose you. We're not taking a break. Go, leave, take a few days to process shit, but we're not taking a break. You're still mine, I'm still yours, and it's going to remain that way!" Tears fall freely down my cheeks. I try to be strong, but fail miserably.

             
Avery stands up and walks towards me, putting his arms around my shoulders, holding me close. I wrap my arms around his waist, crying into his chest. His heart is beating against my ear and I soak up the sound of it. "Shhh," he says, rubbing my back. We sway together for a few seconds before he starts to pull away from me.

             
I look up at his watering green eyes. "Don't do this Avery."

             
He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before looking back at me. The water that was just brimming his eyes fade away as he stares down at me. "Just give me a day, okay?"

             
I nod, accepting that, praying it's really only a day. "Can you at least stay for a little while? You're drunk, I don't want you out getting in trouble." He pulls me with him to the bed. We cuddle up together and I go over everything he said to me about yesterday. "So, are you signing on with those guys?"

             
Avery tenses before responding, "yeah, I think so."

             
"What does it all mean?"

             
"It means, this really may not work right now Angel." My heart goes into overtime. "I'd be leaving at the end of the semester, which is in about ten weeks, and I'd be traveling around to different cities, fighting. It is a six month trip, then I'd be back for a month before leaving again for another six months. I'd be on buses, staying in hotels, fighting different contenders, and trying like hell to make it to the big time."

             
"I can't lose you Avery, not again. I don't know what to do without you," I say, trying my best not to cry again right now.

             
"I know Angel. I can't lose you either. But let’s not discuss this tonight, okay? I have a few things to think over before I sign the papers. I'll talk to you about it all before I sign them."

             
"Don't bother. I'm not going to support you." I know that makes me an incredible bitch, but I can't help it. I'm being selfish because I gave up on Avery once, I won't give up again. I won't let him go again, because who knows if I'll ever get him back. And right now, I just don't see a future without him.

             
"You don't have to." He plays with my hair and I close my eyes, laying my ear against his beating chest again, mesmerized by everything that is Avery Manning. "Do you want me to sing to you again?"

             
I smile, even though he can't see it. "I'd love that."

             
Avery hums for a moment before he softly sings one of my favorite Rascall Flatts songs. "
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left. I hope you always forgive, and you never regret, and you help somebody every chance you get-"

             
My tears are too strong hearing him sing this to me. "Stop," I clear my throat, "I mean, I want you to sing, but not that. You're making me cry too much."

             
He starts playing with my hair again. "Okay Angel. What do you want me to sing?"

             
I think on it for a few minutes. "Do you remember the Snow Patrol song we used to blast?"

             
Avery chuckles, "how can I forget? Our moms would get so annoyed. It was our jam."

             
I can't help but laugh and it feels so good. "Can you sing that please?"

             
He starts humming again and it causes my smile to grow. Tears still run down my face, but this song causes much more joy. It gives me hope that if Avery does love me, he will come back to me again. Like he promised me when we were younger.

             
"We'll do it all, everything, on our own. We don't need, anything, or anyone. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know, how to say, how to feel. Those three words, are said too much, they're not enough."

             
He stops.

             
"Keep going," I whisper. Avery kisses the top of my head before continues.

             
"
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told, before we get too old, show me a garden that's bursting into life. Let's waste time, chasing cars, around our heads. I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own."

             
It's silent for a minute, and I want to ask him to keep going again, but I know he's been drinking, and if he keeps pausing, he probably doesn't want to keep singing. I sing the one portion of the song that seems to fit us perfectly right now. "
All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. I don't know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all."

             
Avery's heart thumps harder against his chest, so I know he is awake still. I pull my head back so I can see his face, and he too has tears streaming down. "I forgot how well you could sing. I used to love listening to you when we were little," he says softly.

             
"I love listening to you sing too. I love you, Avery."

             
He smiles softly but stares at the wall behind me instead of at me. "I love you, too, Cassie. Go to sleep."

             
I cuddle up close to him, and I hear him hum out the remaining of the song silently, causing me to drift off to sleep in just minutes.

Chapter 18: Getting Out of the House

             
Two weeks from the day I woke up in my empty bed, heartbroken, I'm finally learning not to cry. I've seen Avery around school and we'll talk for a second, but it hasn't been enough. We're not a couple any more. We're not anything more than two people who run in to each other occasionally. It was hard at first, in fact, it's been horrifyingly painful, and I missed a few classes because I was too busy sitting in my car, wallowing in self-pity. But today, I see Avery and we smile at each other and my heart doesn't burst apart at the seams. I don't run off in tears. I appreciate that I get to see his face.

             
I'm not ready to move on or to let go, but I'm ready to accept that we may really need time apart. I was extremely angry when he didn't call me or answer my phone calls for the first few days, but I got the hint that it was just as hard for him as it is for me. He doesn't have to say anything to me about his deal, but I know he accepted it, or he would tell me differently. I know Avery too well, probably better than he knows himself.

             
I stopped going to the gym, I couldn't face Carson after my heart just got shattered from Avery. I have seen him around school too, and when he asked why I stopped going, I told him because Avery and I split and I need time alone. He hasn't talked to me since, but I see him glancing at me every so often. I always smile, sometimes wave, and he returns the gesture, but our friendship has seemed to disappear as well.

             
Pierce and I talk often, he has truly become one of my best friends. We don't sleep together, we don't even hang out, we just talk. Sometimes on the phone, sometimes through messages, sometimes we write little notes in class to one another. He's been a shoulder to lean on the past two weeks and honestly I'd be lost without him. It's strange how our relationship has formed, but I don't question it, because sometimes when his eyes linger on me, or his hand grazes mine slowly, I get nervous he may have feelings that I don't share.

             
Aubrey and I are as close as ever, but she is with Mason still and they're going strong. I don't get a chance to see her as much as I'd like, which makes me feel lonely. I have a few other friends from school, but I don't hang out with many of them. I've just been too depressed to see anyone right now. It's been bad enough that I actually spent last Friday night watching movies with my mom.

             
This evening, however, there is a beach party going on at La Jolla Shores, and Aubrey is forcing me to come with her. Normally I'd be very excited, but I'm still not in a sociable mood. Especially since most everyone is going to be in bathing suits. I've lost a lot of weight again, and it's actually pathetic that my bathing suit is loose on me.

             
"You should eat a few burgers before we leave," Aubrey says when I walk out of my bedroom.

             
I turn right back around, walk in my bedroom and slam the door behind me. It took me almost ten minutes to walk out of the bedroom in the first place, because I knew she would have a witty comment. I'm depressed enough as it is, and seeing myself in the mirror hasn't helped, being dragged out to this party is worse, and hearing Aubrey's comment just pissed me off. I reach in my closet, grab a summer dress and throw it over my bathing suit. Aubrey marches in a second later. "What?" I snap at her.

             
"Enough with the freaking attitude Cassie. Sunshine will do you some good! So won't some food. You've seen those damn Snicker's commercials, you're acting like that!" I can’t help but laugh at her, only Aubrey would bring a Snickers commercial into an argument. "Good, you're laughing. You look fine by the way, I wasn't insulting you, but you've lost a lot of weight, you really do need to get some weight on you. It scares me."

             
"I know Aubrey, I feel bad. I don't mean to thrown a tantrum, you're right. Now, let's go."

             
"Whoa, pull in the reins. Did you just say I'm right?"

             
I change the conversation over to her, because I hate admitting I'm wrong to anyone. "Did you just tell me to pull in the reins? You've been hanging out with your cowboy too long."

             
She laughs, "don't turn this around on me, I'm keeping score. You admitted I'm right. Point one for Aubrey!"

             
"You're an idiot," I mutter out, walking past her out of my bedroom.

             
We get to the beach and at first I stand around like a big grump, but more and more people come talk to me, easing the tension I have. Eventually I easily fall into conversation with people and even manage to keep down two hot dogs and a bag of chips. It feels amazing not to throw my food back up or feel my stomach rumble. Mason shows up and I'm surprised Avery hasn't tagged along with him. I want to ask him where Avery is, or how he is doing, or anything about him, but I don't. He is here to have fun with Aubrey, not listen to me ramble about my broken heart. The only thing I say to him is hi, then I leave them to be alone.

             
I get asked to join into a game of volley ball, but I'm too weak, so instead I sit on the side lines and watch. "You're looking better," I hear Pierce's voice from behind.

             
"Didn't know you'd be here," I say, spinning around to face him. You can tell he has been getting a lot of sun lately, as his skin is darkening back up. It looks amazing on him, especially against his pearly white smile.