Burning Attraction (18 page)

             
Pierce on the other hand, has been just the opposite of me. He has called, sent texts and even showed up at my apartment twice. The second time I finally let him in, but we didn't have sex. I told him that I was in love with Avery and he is the only person I want to be with. He wasn't happy but said he understood and has left me alone since. That was a week ago.

             
Aubrey has been spending most of her time with Mason, but makes sure she has time for me too. I don't blame her for not wanting to be around me much though, I've been a wreck. I lost over ten pounds the first three weeks, but in the last three I've gained it back, plus some. My jeans are feeling awfully tight around me, causing me to lay back on the Ben and Jerry's.

             
As of four days ago, I found my new love, the thing that'll help me release tension and stress. Something to replace what I originally needed Pierce for. Kick Boxing. I started at a gym down the road from my apartment, and have fallen more in love with it each time I go. I've been in pain the past couple days from it, but it beats the pain of my broken heart. Every time I go to the gym, I leave my stress at the door and feel great when I leave. Yesterday when I left, I got a massage, which helped me feel a tiny hint of pleasure for the first time since Thanksgiving. It's slightly pathetic, but certainly smarter than using someone for sex.

             
I arrive at the gym today and am taken back for a moment as I recognize a familiar figure. I'd know that shirtless man from anywhere, even from the behind. With his bulging muscles, and dirty blonde hair all mangled just right. He must feel someone starring because he turns his head right around, looking directly in my eyes. His blue ones shining back, and he is grinning so much, I see that dimple in his right cheek I've missed.

             
I walk over to him with caution. I haven't talked to him since school let out either. Although, I had seen him around campus a few times before vacation and we always at least said hi. Since he is smiling, I'm assuming he will be okay with small talk. "Hey Carson, fancy seeing you here."

             
"Hey beautiful, I could say the same. I've been going here months, never seen you here before."

             
I smile at him and it feels good, I haven't been doing much smiling in the past few weeks. I hit my belly with my hand. "I've added on a few pounds, so I figured it was time to get back in shape."

             
His eyes graze over my body in delight. "You look perfect. What have you been doing? Running?"

             
"No, I've been kick boxing."

             
He nods in approval. "That'll make your butt look nicer." I laugh at his words and it feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've missed talking to Carson. I look around and take notice his girlfriend isn't here. Every time I had seen him she was attached at his hip.

             
"You don't work out with your girlfriend?"

             
Carson shrugs, "nah, why would I? This is my time, she has her time for shopping or whatever it is girls do in their alone time."

             
"Oh, well, I'll let you get back to it then."

             
"No," he says quickly then chuckles, "I mean, er, you don't have to go. I'm just saying she doesn't have an interest in the gym. What time does your kick box class start?"

             
Everything he says causes me to smile, I know he misses me too, just by the way he acts. "I don't have a class, I have a personal trainer."

             
"Oh, well, mind if I join in with you?"

             
"I'd love it."

             
Carson works with me and my personal trainer for the next forty five minutes, and it was the most fun I've had kick boxing since starting. I'm pretty sure I laughed more than I actually did of working out, but my stomach feels tightened nonetheless, so it doesn't matter. When I'm done, I am smiling larger than I have in a month and a half. Carson seems just as happy as me, and it makes me feel really good.

             
"Thanks for joining me, that was fun," I say to Carson as we walk towards the locker rooms.

             
"Thanks for allowing me to. I had fun too." He pauses for a second and looks down at the ground before looking back at me. "I'm sorry that I just moved on without telling you Cassie, I hope I didn't hurt you too much."

             
I give him a reassuring smile before replying. "Yeah, it hurt but I understand. We both hurt each other. I think it was inevitable that we would end up with other people. Well, that you'd end up with someone at least. I'm happy for you and I hope that you two can appreciate one another. You're a perfect guy Carson, and was a perfect boyfriend. I'd love if we could be friends, but if not, I understand completely."

             
He hugs me to him for a moment. "Thank you beautiful. You've always had an understanding, kind heart. Do you mind if I ask what happened? With Avery I mean. I thought the two of you...?"

             
I press my lips together, embarrassed to tell him what I did. I have no reason to lie though, not to Carson. "I screwed up big time. Apparently screwing up is the only thing I'm good at. I sort of slept with Pierce. A couple of times." I bite down on my lip, scared of what Carson will think or say.

             
He shakes his head, clearly not impressed with my bad choice. "Well that is too bad. But trust me when I say, there are plenty of things you're amazing at besides screwing up." Carson chuckles for a moment, letting me know he is thinking of naughty things. "He is an idiot for letting you go. And I'll be quite pissed off if the two of you don't work your shit out. I would have never let you go if I had known you two wouldn't end up together. You and Avery are clearly head over heels for one another."

             
I'm shocked by Carson's words. "You let me go because you wanted me with Avery?"

             
"Yeah, well," he shrugs, "I didn't want you with him. I wanted you with me. But more than that, I wanted you happy, and I knew deep down you'd never feel complete with me."

             
"Oh my God Carson, that is the most selfless thing I've ever heard. I'm the idiot for ever allowing you to go." I can feel a tear fall from my face but I wipe it away and blink back the rest before they can fall. "Thank you. For everything. For being so wonderful. While we were together and even now. If that girl of yours doesn't treat you right, you let me know and I'll use my new kick boxing moves on her, okay?" I smile at him, to let him know the later part of it is a joke.

             
He bursts into laughter, "with what I just saw in there, I don't know how well that'll work out."

             
I push at his arm. "Hey now, that isn't very nice." Then of course I cannot help but laugh too. It's true, I just did horrible, but I don't normally. Carson was just making me laugh insanely.

             
"Well, we both stink so I'm going to hit the showers. I'll see you later. Maybe we can work on your skills together again." He smiles at me.

             
"Speak for yourself," I laugh. "I'll see you later Carson. I'm glad we got to talk."

             
"Me too," he says in return. We both make our own ways into the locker rooms. I don't see him when I leave, but I was in there a while, so I really didn't expect to either.

             
Seeing Carson, and having fun with him, having the serious conversation with him, and even the joking, it all made me feel so much better about things. About myself. I'm not a horrible person, I just did horrible things. I'm glad that Carson can understand me, I just beg the Lord above that Avery can understand and forgive me too. A light bulb clicks on, and I jump into my car, heading somewhere I should have gone before now. Avery's parents’ house.

             
I pull into their long driveway and spot Avery's motorcycle, so I know he is here. I breathe away my nerves before getting out of my car and making my way towards the large red door. When I press the doorbell, all the nerves I just breathed away come back full force. Their housekeeper answers the door just moments later. "Hi, is Avery here?" I ask.

             
She nods, "yes Ms. McKnight, please come in and I'll get him for you." I step foot into their foyer and wait until their housekeeper gets him. I'm surprised she knew my name, I don't recall ever meeting her before, but of course I don't question how she knows my name. It's sort of the last thing on my mind right now.

             
Minutes later Avery walks into the foyer, looking completely shocked I'm here. "Cassie?"

             
I swallow back the dry lump forming in my throat. "Hi Avery. Can we talk please?"

             
He sighs, "yeah, come on." I follow Avery up the stairs to his bedroom. I'm all smiles when I enter his room because there is a few pictures of us lining a bulletin board of his. Some from when we were younger and two from since he's moved back. In the middle of all the pictures is a sketched picture of a brown haired little girl, holding hands with a black haired little boy. Hearts are traced all around the lined white paper. I remember drawing this picture for him when we first became friends. I had no idea he kept it all these years.

             
"I love this," I say about the whole board. There is an awkward silence so I turn to face Avery. His eyes are shut and he is just standing in the middle of the room. "Um," I clear my throat, "you alright?"

             
Shaking his head he doesn't answer but finally opens his eyes. "Why are you here Cassandra?"

             
"Stop calling me Cassandra," I stomp my foot. He chuckles softly which causes my heart to pump extra fast. "Sorry, that was a little dramatic. It just hurts, I like when you call me Cassie, or uh, Angel," I state sheepishly.

             
Avery walks over to me and hugs me to him. I put my hands around his waist and pull him tighter towards me. "Angel," he says, causing a serious case of butterflies.

             
"Much better," I whisper back. I can feel his heart racing against his chest and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels something between us. I pull back and look up at him. There is so much emotion in his green eyes, it breaks my heart just a little more. If that is possible.

             
"Why are you here though?"

             
I sigh before answering, "I messed up Avery. But I've been trying like crazy to get you to even look at me, let alone talk to me. I didn't want to start school with this tension. Can we please at least be friends?"

             
"I don't want to be your friend," he states so matter-of-fact.

             
"I don't either!" I snap. "I want to be so much more Avery Manning. I want to be your God damn girlfriend."

             
His eyes enlarge at my words. "Have you slept with Pierce since the last fight?"

             
"I haven't slept with anybody since Thanksgiving. I haven't kissed anyone either. It's you Avery. It took me a little bit to see, but it's you. I am so desperately in love with you, I'm going insane! I'm sick to my stomach, I'm heart broken, and I’m hurting so bad. I need you Avery. I've lost you before, I can't do it again."

             
Avery's lips are on mine in seconds. When he pulls back, he looks my face over, memorizing all my features. "I love you, too, Angel. You hurt me so much more than I could ever explain. I don't understand why you did what you did, but if you can promise me that that shit won't happen again, I think we can make this work."

             
I'm more excited than words can explain. I throw my arms around Avery's shoulders and press my lips to his. He walks me over to his bed, and shows me just how much he loves me. I've had amazing sex, multiple times, but the way that Avery looks down at me, touches me, caresses me, nothing has ever compared to what we just shared. I understand the difference between sex and making love now. It's a much more incredible experience.

Chapter 14: Bliss

             
Several days pass and everything between Avery and I have been more than perfect. I've been continuing my kick boxing, mostly because I'm determined to get back in shape, and also because I really enjoy distressing myself that way. Carson has joined me in one more session, which I did tell Avery about, and surprisingly he wasn't mad. I told him about the conversation I had with Carson, and that the feelings I have towards Carson is strictly just friends. I do have love for him, but maybe I was never in love with him. I was infatuated. I was falling but I never landed. I just thought I had.