Business as Usual (Off The Subject) (11 page)

She cries into my shoulder for several minutes before pulling away. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“You’re Reed’s sister. I’m putting you in the middle.”

“I’m your friend too.” Right now I’m siding more with my friend than my brother, but I’m telling myself not to jump to conclusions. Yet when I examine the last week or two, I have to admit that Reed
has
been different. More distant and more harsh. It’s no wonder tutors in the math lab are quitting. I seriously doubt he’s seeing someone else, but
something
is going on. “What does Scarlett say?”

“Nothing.”

I give her a quizzical look.

“I haven’t told her.”

“
What?
Why not?”

“She has to work with him. I don’t want to make it awkward for her.”

“Caroline, she’s your best friend. You have to talk to her.”

She shakes her head. “I have to deal with this myself.”

“No.” I lift my chin. “You have me.”

“You can’t say anything to him.”

I shake my head, adamant. “You can’t ask me not to.”

“Lexi. Please. Let me deal with this on my own.”

How can she drop this on me and expect me to not to do anything about it? But then, she didn’t plan on telling me—or anyone—in the first place. I just caught her at a weak moment. I glance at the clock and see that it’s six-fifteen. “Reed’s going to be home any minute. Why don’t you go clean yourself up and I’ll take care of this.”

A guilty look floats across her face.

“Caroline. I’ve got it covered.”

She gives me a quick squeeze and disappears down the hall to the bathroom. Soon I hear the water running.

I’m on the last layers of the lasagna, although they aren’t in the usual order, which has made it a bit messy, when the front door opens. When Reed walks in, I fight the urge to pounce on him. Caroline asked me not to bring up her concerns, but perhaps I can get him to share with me by taking a less direct approach.

He looks into the kitchen and surprise flickers in his eyes when he sees the mess. “It looks like a bomb went off in here.”

“Rough day at the office, honey?” I joke. There’s a jagged edge to my voice that even I can hear. I love my brother, but I love Caroline too. I can’t stand that he’s hurting her.

Rather than answering, he walks by me to the cabinet where we keep our limited stock of alcohol. He pours a generous drink and downs it in several sips while I openly gawk.

Reed doesn’t drink.

“What’s going on, Reed?”

He stares into his glass before taking another sip.

“
Reed
.”

He looks up at me, he eyes dark with anger. “With all due respect, Lexi, my life isn’t an open book for you to manipulate.”

I gasp. This is a not-so-subtle jab at me for setting him up with Caroline on the fashion show committee last fall. I put my hand on my hip. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you don’t need to know everything about me.”

His words are like gasoline on a fire. “But you expect to know
everything
about me.”

He downs another drink. “That’s different.”

“Why is that different?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “You
know
.”

I realize it’s been an unspoken rule, but the attitude with which he delivers that phrase is my undoing. “You’re an ass, Reed.”

“Am I?”

My anger fades. He’s scaring me. This man is not my brother. He’s not the man who saved me from a life of ostracism. Something is really, really wrong. “Reed,” my voice softens. “I know you think of me as your little sister, but I’m not a kid anymore. I can help you. Caroline can help you. You just have to tell us what’s wrong.”

His eyes harden. “What did Caroline say?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

I back-peddle. Caroline asked me not to confront him, but now I’ve dragged her into this unintentionally. “She knows something is wrong too and she’s worried about you. We love you, Reed. You of all people know that worry is part of loving someone.”

His face softens and his mouth parts, but he hesitates. I can tell that he’s not sure what to say. Then his gaze shifts over my shoulder.

When I look in that direction, I see that Caroline has emerged from the bathroom and is standing at the end of the bar.

He downs the rest of the drink. “I’m fine.” Then he brushes past us down the hall. Seconds later, the bedroom door slams shut.

“What did you say?” she asks, tears in her voice.

“He came in and headed straight for the liquor cabinet.” I look into her face, pleading with her to understand. “We both know that’s not like him, so I confronted him about it and asked him to tell me what’s wrong.” I sag my hip into the edge of the counter. “Obviously, it didn’t go well. I’m sorry.”

It’s her turn to be the comforter. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. You’re right. Last October, that’s how I knew the secret he’d kept from me was really bad. We walked in and he immediately poured himself a drink.” Tears fill her eyes. “I wish he’d tell us what’s wrong.”

I sigh. “We both know how stubborn he is.” His drinking worries me, but not as much as his indifference and anger. He acted like this once in high school, and I later found out that he’d been accused of cheating on an exam. Was something like that happening now?

Reed reemerges several minutes later and pulls Caroline into a hug, burying his face into the nape of her neck. When it becomes obvious that they need a moment alone, I disappear into the kitchen to check on the lasagna. I come back out a minute later to find them kissing and my shoulders relax. Reed glances up with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I had a bad day and I’m taking it out on the two most important people in my life.”

“I just want to help you, Reed,” I say. “You’ve done so much for me, and I want to reciprocate.”

“I know,” he says. “But there’s nothing to tell. It was just one of those generic bad days.”

He’s lying. I can see it in his eyes. Caroline’s body stiffens slightly, but Reed doesn’t seem to notice. Or if he does, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“Well, Caroline made a delicious lasagna for dinner and I helped, but it will be another hour before it’s done. So why don’t you two open a bottle of wine and I’ll give you some alone time while I get ready to go out tonight.”

Caroline perks up. “You have plans tonight?”

My brother’s face darkens. “What are you planning to do?”

“Reed, calm down,” I say, not wanting to upset the equilibrium we’ve just achieved. “I’m going out with my friend Sylvia.”

“Which one of your friends is she?”

I release a sigh, feeling like a high-school student who’s discussing curfew with her father. “She’s a business major too. She’s also part of the committee for the children’s charity. You met her after the performance last Friday night.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Reed. You can’t protect me forever. You have to start letting go at some point.”

“Not now, Lexi,” he says in a low growl.

My timing completely sucks; I know this. I should choose my battles, but for some reason I just can’t let this go. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Reed. Why am I being punished?”

Exasperation flickers in his eyes. “You’re acting like a child, Lexi.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re treating me that way.” I’m not willing to get into an argument with him, though, so I go back to my room to get ready. I pray that Caroline lets it go and they don’t fight over me. Again.

I have no desire to sit in my room for an hour and a half before Sylvia picks me up. I could get ready and tell Reed I’m going to the library, not that he’d believe me, or I can leave and tell him the truth.

I decide to go with the latter.

I head into bathroom and re-do my makeup—nothing like last week, but more than I usually wear. Unsure what to wear, I settle on pair of jeans, a silky black shirt, and a pair of black stiletto boots. I find my phone and text Sylvia to meet me in the west university parking lot, then I turn my phone to vibrate and put it in under my pillow. The last time I went out without Reed’s permission, he tracked my cell phone and found me at a club while I was on my first date with Brandon. I’m not about to let that happen again. After I grab my purse and a leather coat from the closet, I suck in a deep breath, preparing myself for a showdown. I’m an adult, I reassure myself. I don’t need his permission. I’d like his blessing, but I don’t need that either.

When I walk out into the living room, Reed is on the sofa watching TV while Caroline is cleaning up the kitchen. Even if tension wasn’t hanging heavy in the room, it’s easy to see they’re not getting along. Ordinarily, Reed would be helping her.

Reed looks over at me, his face hardening with anger. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I told you that I’m going out,” I say, keeping my tone neutral.

“Like hell you are.”

“I’m an adult and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I’ll be home later.” I reach for the doorknob and Reeds stands up. For a moment, I think he’s actually going to try to physically stop me.

“I’m warning you, Lexi: Do not walk out that door.”

I hesitate, hating that it’s come to this, but it’s time to take a stand. I open the door and walk out as Reed shouts behind me.

I’ve finally crossed the line.

Lexi

I sit in my car in the west university parking lot, the car Reed took me to buy only a month ago. I feel incredibly guilty, but I tell myself I have no reason to feel this way. Reed’s overprotectiveness borders on ridiculousness. It’s time to cut the cord.

But as I sit and wait for Sylvia, I realize I didn’t wait to get a response from her. I have no idea if she received my text. Thankfully, she pulls up five minutes later. I hop out of my car and get into the front passenger seat.

“Did you tell Reed you went to a study group? Is that why we’re meeting here instead of the apartment?” She knows my usual cover stories.

“No. I told him the truth. And then I left, so he wouldn’t try to lock me in my room.”

“You can’t be serious.”

I wouldn’t put it past him.

“So what do you want to do?”

My eyes widen in disbelief. “Go out, of course. I didn’t go through all of this for nothing.” I sure as hell hope our night out is worth it because I’ll have hell to pay when I go home.

“Well, okay.” She pulls out of the parking space. “Do you want to go to Voodoo Lounge? There’s supposed to be a great band tonight.”

“Are your friends still going to join us?”

“They’ll meet us there.”

“Sounds good.” But when we pull into the parking lot of the bar, my stomach is in knots.

Sylvia turns off the car and takes the keys out of the ignition but makes no move to get out. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.”

She rests her hands on the bottom of the steering wheel and stays silent for a few seconds. “We don’t have go out,” she finally says. “We could go back to my dorm room and watch a movie.”

I know Sylvia thinks Reed is strange and overbearing, and it hurts me that she thinks so badly of him. Part of me would like to tell her everything. I could share my conflicted feelings with someone who’s not caught in the middle. But Reed’s given up everything for our anonymity; he even risked his relationship with Caroline last fall because of it. I can’t break his trust.

I grab my purse. “No. I’ll be fine.” I open the car door. “Let’s go in.”

“Okay.”

We walk across the parking lot and I keep telling myself I’ve done the right thing. That no other nineteen-year-old girls let their brothers treat them like they’re twelve. Then why do I feel so guilty?

There’s a cover charge since there’s a band, so we hand over our money and find Sylvia’s friends, who have already grabbed a table. We make our introductions and Sylvia goes up to the bar to order our drinks. The band is still setting up, so we sit and chat for the next twenty minutes. I can’t help comparing tonight with last weekend, even though it’s an unfair comparison for so many reasons. I ignore my strong desire to go home and force myself to smile and pretend like I’m having a good time. Worst case scenario, if I want to go home before Sylvia, I can call Caroline and have her pick me up. Except then I’ll get her into even more trouble with Reed, not to mention the fact that I don’t have my phone. Leaving it behind had seemed like a good idea at the time.

The music starts and after two songs, Sylvia is ready to dance. I finish my second drink and follow her onto the dance floor. Not many people are out here yet, so I feel conspicuous. As we start to dance, Sylvia leans into my ear. “Lexi, lighten up. Maybe you need another drink.”

I’m not driving, so why not? I need something to take away the dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I walk up to the bar and order a cosmo, leaning my arm onto the counter and watching the crowd as I wait for my drink.

A hard, warm body presses against my back and a man drops his mouth next to my ear, his breath warming my neck and sending shivers down my back. “Hello there, beautiful.”

My body stiffens, but I refuse to turn around and give him any more attention than necessary.

The bartender places my drink on the counter and the man behind me places cash on the counter.

“That’s really not necessary,” I say.

“I insist.” He doesn’t sound like a typical college student, so against my better judgment, I turn around to look at him.

I was right, there’s no way he’s a college student. He has a dark complexion and hair and deep brown piercing eyes that remind me of a predator’s. He has to be at least thirty and he’s creeping me out.

The bartender is taking the man’s money, but I call out, “Wait.”

He stops, raising his eyebrows in question.

I dig money out of my front pocket and hand it to him. “I can pay for my own drink.” I don’t even wait for my change before heading back to my table. Unfortunately, the man follows me. I turn around to confront him. “I’m not interested.”