Business as Usual (Off The Subject) (12 page)

His face scrunches into a sneer. “You think you’re too good for me?”

The words echo through my head.
He
said the exact same thing to me before he violated me.

I will
not
fall apart.

I force myself to take a deep breath. I was helpless that night, but I can stand up to this asshole. “No, I’m too
young
for you.”

He calls me a couple of obscene names before sulking off toward another table of university students.

I sit in my chair, shaken from the encounter. I want to go home, but Sylvia is having a good time. I should have listened when my instincts told me not to come out tonight. Then I wouldn’t have argued with Reed. But that argument had been a long time coming. If it hadn’t happened tonight, it would have happened in the near future. And even though I’m upset over our fight, I know that’s not the true source of my anxiety. I’ve been on edge since I walked in here tonight. I feel naked and exposed and it pisses me off. Have things really gotten so bad that I can only have fun when I’m not myself?

Sylvia comes back to the table after a couple of more songs. “You’re not enjoying yourself.”

I try to smile. “I’m good.”

“No, you’re not. I don’t understand what the problem is. You had fun last weekend.” She pauses for a second. “Although that might have had something to do with Rob.”

I can’t hide my amusement. “You’re terrible.”

“We could give him a call.”

“I am not going to call him.” I shrug. “Look, I’m just tired, and I’m upset over my fight with Reed.”

“Do you want to go home?”

I do, but I figure I should suck it up until Sylvia is ready to leave. “No. I just got hit on by an old guy. Give me a moment to get over the shock.”

She scans the crowd and spots him. “That one?”

I see where she’s pointing and nod.

“God, I’m sorry. What a loser.”

I try to relax, but I’m on edge for the rest of the night. A group of three guys from Southern comes over to our table to talk and everyone pairs off except for me, not that I’m complaining. I purposely avoid eye contact with any of them. I feel completely out of control in this situation, which only adds to my anxiety.

It’s a little after midnight when I see a girl I recognize, heading toward the exit with a group of friends. It takes me a moment to put together how I know her. Tina. She works in the math lab with Reed and she used to live with Caroline.

I sort of know her and she’s leaving. Since I helped move Caroline out of her apartment to move in with us, I know she lives close to campus. I jump up from my chair.

Sylvia shoots me a startled look.

“I see someone I know. I’ll be right back.”

She looks dubious. “Well, watch out for that old geezer. He’s still wandering around, trying to screw his way through his mid-life crisis.”

“He’d be more fun than she is,” one of Sylvia’s friends whispers with a smirk. Their other friend laughs.

Sylvia shoots them a glare as I turn around and hurry after Tina and her friends. I catch them right before they leave.

“Tina!”

She hears her name and looks around, passing over me in her scan.

“Tina,” I say again, moving closer. “Hi! I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m Lexi, Caroline’s friend.” Knowing that Reed is widely considered to be a bastard on campus makes Caroline’s name the safer choice.

Recognition lights up her face. “Oh! I know you! You’re Reed’s little sister.” She gives me a sly grin. “I hear you’re quite the little match-maker.”

I shrug. “You know…”

“You’re pretty good at it. Have you ever considered going pro? I could work up some statistical probabilities for you to help you make more accurate matches. For a cut of course.”

“What?” I shake my head in confusion.

“Well, you’re a business major, aren’t you? You’d think that would be right up your alley.”

She knows more about me than I expected. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one.

“I haven’t really given it much thought.” I move closer, ignoring the curious stares of her friends. “Say, I see that you’re leaving and I need a ride back to my car. It’s parked in the west campus parking lot. I know where your apartment is, so—”

“Why don’t you call your brother? I’m surprised he let you out of your glass cage.” She laughs and her friends laugh with her.

My back stiffens. “Never mind. I’ll just take a cab.” I spin around and am heading back to my table when fingers dig into my arm and pull me back.

“Hold on, Curly Sue.” She’s grinning like she’s up to something devious. “Why don’t you want to call Reed? I’m sure he’d drop everything to come and get you. Or does he not know you’re out.” When I don’t answer, her face lights up. “He doesn’t know!” She laughs. “Hell, yeah, I’ll give you a ride. Let’s go.”

I’m not sure I like that she’s so enthusiastic about the idea that I snuck out behind Reed’s back, but she’s offering me a ride and I’d hate to refuse it. “Let me get my coat and purse.”

She thumbs toward the door. “We’ll meet you outside.”

I nod and then hurry back to our table to scoop up my things.

Sylvia’s eyes widen. “What are you doing?”

“I found Tina, who works with Reed in the math lab. She’s leaving, so she’s going to take me to my car.”

Concern wrinkles her forehead. “I don’t know…I should take you.”

“Sylvia, I’m fine,” I say forcefully. “You’re having fun. Stay.” Before she can protest, I hurry through the exit, grateful for the fresh air when I make it outside.

Tina and her friends are standing beside two cars, laughing and shouting and clearly inebriated. I realize I hadn’t really thought this plan all the way through. There are seven people in Tina’s group, three girls and four guys. I glance at the cars, both mid-sized sedans. “You know, I feel bad just inserting myself into your plans. I can find another way to get to my car.”

One of the guys snickers. “She just said
insert
.” The rest of them start laughing and I resist the urge to tell them to grow up. But they’re drunk, and most drunks act like three-year-old kids.

Tina shakes her head and loops her arm through mine. “Come on now, Lexi. We’re practically family, you and me. Between Caroline and Reed, we’re closer than in that damn Kevin Bacon game.”

“I know, but I don’t want to interrupt—”

Tina shoves my head down and pushes me into the back of the open door, sliding in beside me as a guy gets in on the other side. My chest tightens. I don’t want to ride in a car with a drunk driver, but to push my way out at this point would make a scene. I watch as one of the guys gets into the driver’s side. Thankfully, he seems more sober then the rest.

I grab the seat in front of me and lean over his shoulder. “How much have you had to drink?”

He looks over and laughs in my face. “Calm down. I don’t need another DUI. I’m the designated driver. I haven’t had a drink in over an hour.”

His breath in my face confirms his statement.

I ease back in the seat while Tina and the guys laugh.

“You’re an uptight little virgin, aren’t you?” Tina asks, resting the back of her head on the seat.

“I’m not a virgin,” I murmur before stopping to consider what I’m saying.

Tina sits up, narrowing her eyes as she studies me with this new piece of information. “You’re just full of surprises tonight, Curly Sue.” She reaches up and bats one of my curls. “I might just keep you around for entertainment purposes.”

“I just want a ride to my car.”

“We’ll get there.” She leans back again, closing her eyes.

The car backs out and we pull out of the parking lot and head toward the university campus. We ride in silence and I think Tina has fallen asleep until we approach the west edge of campus. “Take Curly Sue to her car,” she murmurs, her eyes still closed.

The car turns into the parking lot and I point out my car, one of the only vehicles left.

Tina sits up again, chuckling. “A
Volvo
?”

I clench my teeth. I can see why Caroline didn’t have very many nice things to say about her.

The driver stops next to my car and I wait for Tina to move so I can get out, but she just keeps watching me. “I like you, Curly Sue.” She turns serious and looks deep into my eyes. “I think a part of you is tired of being the good girl. When you want to have a good time, call me and I’ll take you out.”

I push on her arm. “Thanks for the offer. I’ll consider it.”

She laughs as she gets out of the car and I slide out of the seat and head toward my Volvo.

“Your secret is safe with me,” she says.

I stop. “What secret?”

“Where you were tonight. You don’t want Reed to know, otherwise you would have called him.” When I don’t answer, she shakes her head in disgust. “Come on, Curly Sue. I’ve played this game before. I’m the master at. But against my better judgment, I’ll keep this between the two of us.”

I narrow my eyes in suspicion. “Why?”

She shrugs and hangs onto the car door. “Call it solidarity.” Before I can ask her what she means, she gets in and the car drives away.

Lexi

Reed is waiting for me when I get home. He’s on the sofa, his eyes glued on the television, which is providing the only light in the room.

I shut the door and take off my coat before he finally focuses his attention on me. “I hope you had a good time tonight, Lexi, because you won’t be going out again for a long time.”

I’m too tired to argue with him, but can’t let him think I’m willing to kowtow to his wishes. “Reed, I love you. You know that.” I take several steps toward him. “But I can’t keep doing this.
We
can’t keep doing this.”

“I’m glad we agree on that.”

“No, Reed. We don’t. You can’t shut me away in this apartment for the rest of my life.”

He rolls his eyes. “It’s not for the rest of your life, Lexi.”

“Then how long, Reed? How long until I can be like everyone else in the world?”

“
Lexi
.”

“No, it’s a legitimate question.” My voice is soft and controlled. “How long?”

He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. “I don’t know.”

“I need a parole date. Do I get time off for good behavior?”

His shoulders stiffen. “Now you’re acting like a child again.”

“And you’re acting like a parent. But you’re not my father and I’m not a child.” I take in a breath. “I know you threw everything away for me—”

“Lexi, I didn’t throw everything away for you.”

“But you did. You gave up Stanford—your dream. You did it for me. And I understand how scared you must have been bringing me here. I was a mess…I know that. But I’m better now, Reed. I’m stronger than you give me credit for.”

He takes in a deep breath and releases it.

I sit on the sofa next to him and take his hand. “Reed, I love you more than you can possibly know. I will never in a million years be able to repay you for what you’ve done for me, but I can’t keep living this way. So I’m asking you: When are you going to let me live without these restrictions?”

“I don’t know,” he finally says. “Until I feel comfortable letting you go.”

“That’s never going to happen and you know it.”

He stiffens and pulls his hand from me. “Don’t push me. Not tonight.”

He’s angry anyway, so I decide to go for it. “Why have you been on edge over the last few weeks?”

“Lexi.” He’s shut down again, but he’s hurting me, and he’s hurting Caroline. We deserve some answers.

“Does it have anything to with Mom and Dad?”

He turns back to face the TV. “We’ll discuss relaxing your restrictions tomorrow.”

This is more than I hoped to get from him tonight, but I just can’t let this go. “I know something’s seriously wrong. I’ve only seen you act like this one other time, back in high school when you were accused of cheating on a test. Has something like that happened here, Reed?”

Anger hardens his face as he turns back to look at me. “I’m not discussing this with you. Now go to bed.”

I realize his voice has risen several times now and Caroline still hasn’t emerged from their bedroom. “Where’s Caroline?”

“Gone.”

My stomach falls to the floor and I feel lightheaded. “What do you mean
gone
?”

“She left and said she didn’t know when she’d be back.”

“
Where did she go?
” My voice rises with my panic.

“She didn’t tell me.”

My anger bursts loose. “You’d follow me to a club and make me leave,
but you won’t even track down your own fiancée
?”

“That’s different and you know it.”

I shake my head, tears burning my eyes. “How is it different, Reed? Are you saying you don’t love her anymore?”

“This is none of your fucking business, Lexi. Now go to bed.”

“It
is
my business! She lives with us. She’s like a sister to me. I want to know what you did to drive her away. And I want to know where she is.”

Reed lunges from the sofa and turns to face me. “You’d choose her over me?”

“Does there have to be a choice? You’ve been impossible to live with over the last few weeks, you know, and you drove her to tears this afternoon. She tried to make lasagna for you, because she’s worried that you might have found someone else. We both know that she hates to cook. Did you even acknowledge that she went to all that trouble?”

The color drains from his face.

“For the love of God, stop being so stubborn and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Why would she think I’ve found someone else?” The way he asks it sends terror racing through my veins.

I’ve said way more than I should have, so I can’t tell him about Caroline’s visit to his office. “
Have
you found someone else?”

Tears fill his eyes. “How can you even ask me that?”

“Answer the question, Reed.”

He turns away, looking devastated. “This is between Caroline and me.”

“That’s not fair.”

Anger blazes in his eyes. “Life’s not fair, Lexi. Get used to it.”