Business Doctors - Management Consulting Gone Wild (4 page)

Schneider was in his late thirties. It had been a good ten years since he had started his management consulting business. His five-year stint at a leading consulting firm had given him the technical knowledge, experience and contacts to venture out on his own. For a person of his age, he was quite well-settled financially. At six foot two, Schneider’s striking personality, his taste for good designer suits and his impressive presentation skills worked to his advantage while procuring new projects. Perhaps that’s why Schneider always took upon himself the responsibility of facing new clients. Business development – as the consultants called it.

In contrast, Martin enjoyed number crunching and was good at building insanely complex financial models. He could review a 450-page document and accurately pinpoint anything that was not in place. Though he stood half a foot below Schneider and didn’t exactly match his boss in the looks or personality department, Martin made up in other areas – like the ability to tackle tough business issues with ease.

In physical attributes too they were poles apart. Martin was burly and usually spilled out of any chair he sat on. His football-shaped, bespectacled face wasn’t exactly drool-worthy. This was another reason Martin idolized Schneider and believed that once he became a Partner in the firm, he would lose those extra kilos too.

The two complemented each other well and this was probably one of the reasons why they had been able to successfully run the show for several years.

Martin was in his early thirties, and very passionate about his work. He had the tenacity to sit continuously for hours studying a difficult business problem till he was convinced he had either found a solution, or knew how to find one.

With the work pressure at an all time low, Martin thought this was the best time to settle down in life and have a family. Though he hadn’t yet proposed to his girlfriend Anita, he felt he was ready to take the plunge. They had been together for a little over six months, but Martin felt like he knew her for eternity.

Whether it was his stars that aligned, or it was the glamour of consulting, but Martin considered himself really lucky to have struck gold in his personal life. Anita was all a male fantasy was about, non-meddling, hot blonde with a no-holds-barred attitude towards life. Though he would never admit it, she was the one whom he lost his virginity to. In contrast to Martin, Anita was a wild child. But she was also an emotional anchor and a confidante. She understood and adjusted to Martin’s erratic consulting lifestyle, his business trips and the last minute changes to his personal schedules. Martin had cancelled many parties and dinner dates to stay back in office. When his friends asked him how he had managed to get someone like Anita, his response was simple, ‘Opposites attract.’ Beneath the cool demeanor, Martin was certain that if he messed up this relationship he’d never get another girl like her again.

* * *

The meeting at WFB’s Los Angeles Headquarters was scheduled for 10:00 A.M. and the boys from Schneider Associates were all primed and ready with their opening spiel for the prospective client. First impressions were very important for Schneider. He parked his car and strode confidently along with Martin into the plush premises of the Los Angeles headquarters of WFB.

They entered the main building and were greeted by Joe. Martin quickly glanced at Joe’s colorful Hawaiian shirt and torn jeans.

“Seems like they follow casual dressing,” Martin whispered to Schneider.

If the rest of the guys in the office were dressed this way, then the consultants would appear over-dressed for the occasion.

Depending on how sophisticated the client was, the thumb rule in consulting was to dress one degree higher. So if the client followed a casual dressing code, the consultants would come in business formals. If the clients wore business formals, the equivalent consulting dress code would be business formals too. Among the band of consultants visiting a client, in accordance with the pecking order, Principals and Partners usually wear Guccis and Ar
manis and carry Waterman Carenes and Sheaffer Legacys, while those lower down the food chain wear lowly Men’s Wearhouse suits and carry Parkers. The communication is usually subtle - the glint of light shining against gold cufflinks and nibs conveys the message.

“Hi, I’m Joe. The boss has asked me to take you to the meeting room,” Joe said gruffly, unsmiling. The men from Schneider Associates reached forward to shake hands with Joe.

Joe moved forward too, extended both his arms and began frisking Martin.

Martin lowered his hand slowly from the extended position and looked around to see if anybody else was watching them being treated this way. Joe then turned to Schneider to repeat his procedure. He then turned towards the building and started walking towards the lift.

“Casual dressing,
and
rude behavior,” Martin muttered again.

Joe was a henchman and he looked like it. He was big and burly. The consultants got into the lift and got off on the twelfth floor. They followed Joe through what seemed like a maze of corridors. The silent journey lasted till Joe pointed towards one of the doors.

“I hope you have a projector in the meeting room,” Schneider asked.

Joe grunted in response, “Projector? No, we don’t. But Mr. Woody has a mini-theater at his residence and a fantastic DVD collection as well. Mainly action movies. I personally prefer romance and horror, though.”

Schneider felt this was Joe’s way of making polite conversation. Simultaneously, he gave a glaring look to Martin for not having checked out the logistics of the meeting beforehand.

“Why do we need a projector? We ain’t gonna watch movies today, are we?” Joe queried confusedly. Were they here for business or for entertainment?

The consultants gave each other a look. The big burly henchman was not joking, they realized.

“No movies. But we have a deck of slides that we would’ve liked to begin with just to introduce ourselves.”

Joe’s stoned-faced expression stayed glued to his face. It was almost as if he felt that moving facial muscles was a waste of energy. After expending it all on his biceps that morning in the gym, there was little left for frivolous and unproductive gestures.

“Never mind, we carry a small portable projector for all our client visits, just to tackle situations like this,” Schneider settled it. “The quality isn’t top rate, but we can manage.”

In contrast to Schneider’s expectations, the meeting room was hardly sedate or corporate-like. The Dungeon belied most of the characteristics of a regular boardroom. This one was more like a mix between a living room and a men’s club. Comfy chairs randomly scattered around a large, long table. A couple of bean bags were dumped close to the wall. A dart-board and paper balls strewn about the place gave the room a very
lived-in
appearance. The room was huge for most boardroom standards. In one of the corners, there was a pool table, with a few guys playing.

Martin looked around to see if there was a mini-bar as well. Or half-naked girls in various stages of undress, swinging from poles, dancing amidst strobe lights and loud music. There wasn’t any of that.

A group of four serious looking men were watching with intentness as a man in an impressive suit played a particularly bad shot and missed the hole by a mile.

“Woohoo, amazing shot! You really blocked the hell out of number nine” exclaimed one of the men. An amused Schneider was quick to realize who the boss was.

Woody caught sight of the duo, walked up to them and shook hands with the trio. “Hey, men. Good of you guys to show up.”

Martin got down to setting up his laptop and projector and in the absence of a projector screen, flashed the images directly onto the wall. The walls were stripped alternate grey and white and it wasn’t really helping his cause, but that was the best he could do. He made a mental note that from now
on, he would carry the foldable projection screen that was lying unused and collecting dust, behind the receptionist’s desk at his office.

Neither Woody nor Joe bothered to make a formal one-on-one introduction. Woody looked at the wall and then squinted at the marred opening slide of Schneider Associates with their logo blurring into the stripes on the wall. For some strange reason, the first three letters from ‘Associates’ were looking brighter and bolder than the others. Schneider wasn’t feeling too flattered with the unintended special effects.

“You are Mr. Woody, I’d guess,” Schneider asked, just to confirm his assumption. “Are we expecting anyone else?”

“No,” Woody responded curtly, taking in the paraphernalia of notebooks, laptops, projector, et al.

“Do we really need all this? We could just talk, ya know,” Woody blurted, gesturing towards the strewn table, clearly surprised at this razzmatazz.

“We think this approach is more effective. Helps us get the message across clearly and without ambiguity,” Martin responded firmly.

“Though we would be happy to explain only through a conversation, if you insist - ” Schneider cut in to contain the situation. “Although, you will realize the full spectrum of our services through this short presentation,” he added to
influence
the client, instead of
imposing
anything on him.

“Alright, let’s do it your way,” grumbled Woody and Joe frowned.

The men settled into their seats. Schneider gestured to Martin who was generally assigned the task of opening a sales meeting. Martin’s cool demeanor and soft, almost gentle delivery generally was known to have a soothing effect on most clients. Soothing enough to make them loosen up their purse strings for Schneider Associates. 

“Schneider Ass -” Woody squinted his eyes and tried reading from the wall.

“Associates,” Martin quickly filled in the rest and launched his marketing pitch. “Good morning, gentlemen. My name is Martin Wiehler, and with me I have Michael Schneider, our founder. Before we get into the nitty-gritty of your business problems, we felt it would be helpful to introduce ourselves and let you know about our backgrounds,” Martin looked around with a smile.

There were blank stares around him, with Joe staring at the splash of colors on the wall, while Woody was trying to comprehend what Martin was up to. The last time Martin experienced such blankness was while watching the expressions of over-the-top zombies in a C-grade horror movie on cable. Martin cleared his throat loudly and continued, “We are a ten-year-old management consulting firm - relatively young compared to the big firms in the business. But our depth of experience should give you an idea about our capabilities. We’ve solved business problems of over a hundred clients, of different sizes and across multiple industries. We have had the unique opportunity of working with eight of today’s top ten tech firms, and thirty-two of the Fortune 500 companies. Our clientele has been spread across the world – most of our recent work has been with clients across the Americas, Western Europe, and very recently South-East Asia. It is our great pleasure to be here today – thank you for considering us to assist you.”

Woody and his band of thugs looked flabbergasted and were at a total loss as to how to react to such a polished and suave introduction.

Martin flashed a slide containing logos of clients that they had worked with. “The logo colors look a little messed up on the wall, with all those stripes, but their shapes might look familiar.”

Martin tried adjusting the focus of the projector, but the images got worse. He gave up and continued with his talk.

He cursed himself for being lazy and not taking the customary color printout of the pitch the previous night. The production team in office had been off and Martin did not want to keep Anita waiting for some printouts that they most likely would not have needed. Thoughts of Anita’s black, cleavage-revealing dress from the previous night flashed back in his mind, but he quickly regained composure.

“Just to let you know upfront, we have not really worked in real estate before.”

Martin had learned to proactively admit to the known gaps in their presentation and provide a justification. This way the awkward point would not raise its ugly head at an inappropriate and unexpected moment later on during the meeting.

“But in our line of work, most of the skills and expertise we use and gain in our engagements are easily transferrable. Schneider has fifteen years of consulting experience and I have close to ten.”

Martin looked around to see if his audience of two was looking impressed with their credentials – they still looked totally lost. Joe was transfixed on the projected images, the zombie-like expression holding strong. Woody was looking amused, as if Martin was performing some stand-up comedy act. Except that this comedian’s material was dry and totally unfunny.

Years of training had conditioned Martin, like all good consultants, to constantly gauge his audience and change the agenda. Another trick was to continually engage them in a dialogue.

“I will skip the next few slides that show a few case studies of our earlier engagements, and come directly to the point. We normally use our company databases to try to
gather more information about clients that we meet for the first time. Unfortunately, this time, we couldn’t locate much information about your organization. Could you please give us a brief overview of your company, and summarize the key issues that you are facing? What we were able to gather from our sources is that your company is into real estate. However, being a privately held firm, we were not able to gather much else from our in-house research. Once we start with a brief summary from you, I can certainly give you a quick roundup of the real estate market in LA across residential, commercial and industrial verticals,” Martin tried to show that they had done their homework despite the lack of public information.