Business Doctors - Management Consulting Gone Wild (8 page)

“Yeah. Heroin as a drug was far more powerful and addictive than the other commonly available options during those days, such as marijuana,” Schneider tried to show off his knowledge. It was something he had read long back in some research paper.

“Ever tried it?” Angie asked.

“Uh, tried what?”

“Come on, Michael. I’m just getting you to open up. You’ve been stiff as a pole since you arrived.”

Schneider tried to ignore Angie’s double-entendres.

“I tried grass in college…but I didn’t inhale,” Schneider tried a half-hearted attempt at humor. Angie did not react. Schneider killed his half smile and added, “Actually I did. Fortunately, I didn’t get addicted to it.”

“Then you should try heroin,” Angie pulled out a small packet out of nowhere. “If you like it, you could talk to Woody and get compensated for your services in kind rather than cash.”

Schneider wasn’t surprised this time to see Angie magically pulling out rabbits from her hat. He had been subjected to enough shocks already and he was learning to camouflage his reactions. But he did wonder if Angie’s boredom had got her hooked on to drugs.

“No, thanks. Apologies for sounding non-adventurous, but old-fashioned cash works just fine for me. What happened next?”

Schneider was beginning to suspect Angie’s digressions from the main story. Was she deliberately trying to hold him back longer?

“When the government realized what was happening they cracked down on this route of getting drugs into the
country. Grandpa saw his business taking a hit and started looking at other drugs that would be more easily accessible.”

“So what did he find?”

“Good ol’ marijuana. The dope that you got in college was probably supplied by one of his men. As opposed to heroin, cannabis was cultivated within the country…”

Schneider jumped in again, “True, California was and still is the biggest producer of marijuana in America. No wonder the East Coast junkies say that the grass is greener on the other side.”

“But grass isn’t something that was going to keep our customers hooked on for life. Many wanted to try out stronger and harder drugs after a while. For WFB too, this wasn’t as lucrative as the original heroin business. So the hunt for new drugs continued for several years.”

“So it wouldn’t be wrong to say that WFB has experimented with drugs more than its clients have.” Schneider’s jabs at humor reflected a greater level of comfort within an ambience that had initially intimidated him. “How does it work today?”

“After Bush’s war on terrorism, the heroin landscape changed dramatically. Most of the smack today comes from Afghanistan. Poppy cultivation was banned there and production was at its lowest till American and British troops moved in.”

“Bless their souls,” Schneider was finding the revelations interesting.

Angie continued. “Once again, the land that was earlier being used for poppy cultivations started producing it again. Most of this comes into the US. The bigger gangs end up with a lion’s share of the smuggled stuff. WFB depends on some of these gangs for its supplies. In the end, two things get squeezed out by these suppliers - the profit and Woody’s balls.”

So Angie was reading those books and not just keeping them there for display, thought Schneider. Not just that. She was not only knowledgeable, but also had the analytical ability to absorb from different sources and create her own coherent story out of it. Impressive!

“Why doesn’t Mr. Woody get into their shoes and source it directly from overseas suppliers? And do you have someone in the business who gave you the insider information of the industry after grandpa?” Schneider was curious.

He also made a mental note of checking the structure Angie had laid out and nodding at the fact that they were at the middle section of the story – his consulting instincts made it difficult to let go of the structure.

“That’s easier said than done. It’s an extremely competitive field that needs connections inside and outside the system. WFB isn’t in that league - not even close. And well, I figured out the general state of the industry by making the connection between the books in the library and various calls Woody gets on to.”

Schneider was visibly impressed, but looked back at his watch again.

“I really have to leave now. Thanks for sharing these stories with me. Really appreciate it. Maybe I’ll speak to you again on other facets of WFB. You do seem to know quite a bit. But I guess it’ll be better to let Mr. Woody know that I’m getting my information from you. We don’t want any misunderstanding.”

“Don’t worry about him,” Angie added. “If my sleeping with you helps save his business, he’d be more than thrilled to have me gift-wrapped and delivered to your door-step. Do you still want to pick up those recordings now or just leave them here for another day?”

“Oh! I almost forgot the real reason that I came down for.”

Schneider collected the recordings and left.

Chapter 7

“This is so freakin’ boring,” Martin couldn’t control his frustration any longer. He had been watching the recordings sent across by Dave from Woody’s Pecker in Las Vegas.

“We’ve spent over an hour fast-forwarding through this trash and still have no clue what it is that we are looking for. Some crazy customer could’ve made all this more interesting by just breaking into the cashier’s cabin and taking off with all the cash. But all we’ve been seeing is retired guys and grannies spending countless hours on these tables waiting for lady luck to shine on them,” he grabbed the desk with both his hands and pretended to bang his head on it to display his frustration.

“Dave from the casino was right,” Martin continued. “
Wild Las Vegas Nights
would’ve been far more entertaining than this. This is even worse than some of the amateur home videos I’ve seen. And remind me. What exactly are we looking for here?”

“Let’s go back to the basics and open up our issue tree here shall we
?” Schneider said.

Years of training had assured him that these frameworks helped the thought process. In fact, they could be applied to personal problems as well.

“We have three branches here for the casino business, number of visitors, time spent by them in the casino and the average revenue per visitor. Going strictly by statistics, the odds are heavily loaded against the player in most of these games,” Schneider was thinking out aloud. “If the customers play long enough, as is the case here, the casino should ideally pocket all the money. With a steady flow of customers coming into this place, it should’ve been a profitable business for WFB. So where’s the money going?” Schneider wasn’t sure how he could have a breakthrough here. Maybe he had missed a branch in the tree which was breaking down the average revenue into price and cost? He thought for a while and felt there was a better option to fall back on, rather than breaking his head over the darn issue tree.

“I know someone who could help out with this. Richard Smith. He was a consultant with us for several years before deciding to move on and specialize in the field of casino auditing.”

“Casino auditing?” Martin seemed surprised. “You mean to say there are experts in something as niche as that?”

“Yup, the field is lucrative enough to deserve an independent practice within the big audit firms. Rich knows the business inside out. If my guess isn’t wrong, he should be in Las Vegas right now. Let me see if I can get his contact details - under S, S.M - ,” Schneider scrolled through his address book. “Bingo! Smith, Richard. I’m not sure if his number has changed, though. Let me give it a shot,” he added as he clicked on the Call button.

“It’s ringing - hey Rich - this is Michael. Yup, really long time. How’ve you been? Good, good, I’m working on an assignment for a casino - well, long story. By the way, are you in town or in Las Vegas? It’s been a long time since you left our team. I thought it would be good to catch up - oh, ok - well, we needed some help. We’ve got some recordings that we’d like some help analyzing. Do you think your team could help out? Great, I’ll arrange to send across the same to your L.A. office. It should reach them by tomorrow. My office will get in touch with yours to sort out the contractual formalities. In the meanwhile, can you talk to them and set the ball rolling…resources, timelines, the regular stuff…thanks, Rich. Catch you later.”

Martin didn’t have to wait for too long as Schneider finished his call. There were consultants Martin had encountered who’d spend eighty percent of the time discussing stuff that was completed unrelated to the main topic. Relationship building, they’d call it. Schneider’s approach was completely the opposite. He’d try to keep the fluffy part of the calls to a bare minimum and move in straight to what was important. In his words, he believed in maximizing the productivity of his waking hours. That may have been the reason he could achieve so much for his firm in such a short duration.

Turning back to Martin, Schneider asked, “What else do we have planned for today?”

“Let’s see,” Martin looked at his schedule on his phone. “We are meeting Lenny Dobson from WFB. He manages their video business. I thought it would be a little out of place to invite them over to our office…Not that he’d be naked and
in character
when he comes to meet us, but why take a chance - and I find the Dungeon pretty depressing. So I suggested we meet them at the Santa Monica Pier for lunch.”

Schneider looked at his watch. “We should start moving then. I hope the traffic on 405 isn’t too bad today. Freeways
are supposed to facilitate free flow of traffic, not block it. But that’s not how it seems to work around here on most weekdays – every day seems to be Carmageddon day!”

* * *

“We have a reservation for three, booked in the name of Mr. Schneider,” said Martin to a pretty young thing who came up to them as the two entered the restaurant close to the Santa Monica Pier. “Yes sir, your guest is waiting for you at table number four. This way please,” said the PYT with a charming genuine looking smile, beckoning them to follow her. “She has managed to keep off the artificialness that usually starts creeping up over the years. Imagine it. You are forced to be polite to customers even if you thought they deserved to be thrown into a piranha-infested river. Pretty much like our story, huh?” Martin whispered to Schneider.

“Mr. Dobson? Hi! I’m Schneider and this is my colleague, Martin. Hope you haven’t been waiting for too long.” Schneider reached out his hand.

“Not at all. Call me Lenny,” replied Lenny, fully-clothed as Martin had correctly assumed. He shook Schneider’s hand with a strong grip, and then turned to Martin. “Hi Martin.”

“Hi Lenny. Apologies for saying this, but you look more like an in-front-of-the-camera guy more than a behind-the-scenes director…and you look familiar too.” Martin thought for a while, “Oh yes!
Nerds in Herds – I, II and III
, right? I was a huge fan of the series.”

“Yeah, you are right. I was an actor for several years. Then over time, the years…and the earth’s gravitational force started catching up. And in this line, let me tell you, gravity is not your best friend. But I try to keep in shape.”

“So you found it difficult to rise to the occasion?” Martin asked, with a silly grin on his face.

“Kid, if you don’t mind, can I make a request? I’ve been in the industry long enough to have heard, written and acted out puns and double entendres by the ton. They are cheesy and completely unfunny, and that really pisses me off. So I’d really appreciate it if you keep them bottled up safely and tightly within yourself and not let them spill on to our discussions. Would that be too much to ask for?”

“No problem,” Martin realized this was not a good time to showcase his juvenile humor. The grin abruptly disappeared from his face.

After a brief pause, as if to get his thoughts and focus back, Lenny went on.

“Having been in the industry for such a long time, I thought I should try my hand at direction. The technical stuff was a little difficult to grasp at first, but I got the hang of it. It’s not rocket science, really.” Lenny realized he was digressing and tried to get back on track. “Anyway, all those stories about I, me and myself can wait. We are here for a different reason. So, gentlemen, tell me. How can I be of assistance?”

Schneider explained. “Mr. Woody has requested us for some help and we are trying to understand how his various businesses work. And that’s the reason we are here, to understand what you do and how you do it”

“So I’m back in the spotlight now, huh? Which is not the same as limelight, if you get the drift of what I’m saying. This is more like being under a scanner. So after all these years, I need to justify what I do.” Though Lenny said it very politely, there was just a whiff of sarcasm in the tone.

“Don’t look at it that way, Lenny. Mr. Woody just wants to have ideas on how he can grow his various businesses.” Schneider intentionally tried to downplay the we-are-here-to-find-out-what’s-wrong element of their objective.

One of the biggest hurdles Schneider faced as a consultant was being perceived as an evil external force that came in to disrupt regular business and make existing employees look like dumb idiots who had no clue how to run their business. This severely impacted the co-operation they would receive from key managers within the businesses. The flow of critical information would stop before it began. Without good authentic information, there was little that Schneider’s teams could do in terms of data gathering and analysis. In a usual project, consultants would be advised to build relationships with their client contacts instead of raising the CEO alarm at the slightest provocation. But so far on this project, Schneider had had to resort to this tactic as the only name that counted here was of Woody’s.

Schneider explained to Lenny. “During this assignment, we will be an extension of the WFB family. All findings and suggestions will stay within the family.”

Lenny seemed happy with the answer or at least pretended that he was, as he leaned back on the chair and asked, “Do you want to order something to eat first?”

After the waitress went away with their order, Lenny started his story.

“Most of our work happens in the San Fernando Valley. Many prefer to call it San Pornando Valley or Silicone Valley. You probably already know that. So no points for guessing why,” Lenny added with a smirk. “Many actors, producers, editors and other professionals linked with the adult film industry can be found within a few square miles of that area.”

Martin felt the urge to demonstrate his awareness of the craft, “I read somewhere that this region accounts for ninety percent of the total adult content that is legally distributed within the United States.”

Lenny nodded knowingly as if he had been the author of the research paper that Martin was quoting from. It was obvious to Schneider and Martin that this wasn’t the first time Lenny was sharing his knowledge on the topic.

“But it wasn’t always like this. In the earlier days…we are talking about the seventies here…most activities were focused around Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York. However the rentals in these cities were getting higher by the day and people started looking at alternatives.”

Lenny had also done some reading on the topic, Martin thought. As an actor and then a director, there was hardly any need for him to get history lessons about the industry. Maybe this was the special preparation he had done before meeting the consultants. Defensiveness makes people do strange things.

Lenny went on, “San Fernando Valley provided what the industry was looking for. The rentals were low, the climate was good and the best part, it was close to Hollywood. So, technical expertise could be tapped from Big Bro next door.”

“So what are your revenue streams?” asked Martin, a great opening question on a normal assignment.

Watching Lenny’s straight face, Schneider quickly cut in, “Er, what he means is, what kind of other related businesses are you guys into? I mean, apart from videos? Magazines, toys, erotic services…?”

“Mainly videos,” Lenny interrupted Schneider, “We don’t publish magazines. However, we supply photos from our movie shoots to other leading magazines and also internet sites. We don’t have our own full-fledged magazines.”

“What about your own internet sites?”

“Nope. We only pass on the pics to others.”

“What do you do with the videos after it’s been shot?”

“We get down to polishing and packaging it. The regular drill, ya know, editing, dubbing.”

“Do you do distribution as well? Who manages the cable, video rights?”

The probing was getting a little too technical now. But Lenny continued to respond.

“No. We have agents to take care of that. We prefer focusing on what we do best. Shoot.”

Finally, Lenny looked outside the window at the Ferris Wheel against the blue backdrop of water and added, “Well, it’s a shame that we are discussing such an interesting topic over lunch, watching families taking their kids for rides at the pier. If you guys are really keen on understanding the way we work, why don’t you come over to our San Fernando Valley studios? I could take you around the sets and also introduce you to some of our stars.”

Martin’s eyes lit up.  “Sure, sounds like a good idea,” he blurted without waiting for Schneider’s inputs.

“We are having a shoot tomorrow. Does that work for you guys?”

“We’ll ensure that it does, Lenny.” Martin sealed the deal.

A beaming Martin looked at Schneider who had allowed his excited colleague to firm up the next day’s schedule. Schneider returned back a stern gaze. Martin’s grin quickly vanished.

* * *

The next day, Schneider and Martin were walking around the studios in San Fernando Valley. Their willing guide Lenny was back with them, enthusiastically extolling the virtues of the business.

“This is one industry that doesn’t care if the rest of the world is in an economic mess. Recession or no recession, our juggernaut keeps rolling. If you get a boner, you get a boner, and it’s gotta be taken care of. It’s the law of nature and you don’t mess with Mother Nature, do you?”

“I’m guessing it’s very profitable as well?” Schneider asked.

“It used to be. But now it’s a lot more messy. There are too many people trying to get in and too many crappy movies being made as well. Quality is being sacrificed for quantity. More is merrier. Judging by the number of movies that get churned out every year I’d guess we are as big, if not bigger, than Hollywood. I’m just talking about the number of movies made. The money and scale is definitely bigger in Hollywood.”