Authors: Bella Love-Wins
ANDREW touched down in San Francisco late Monday evening. He was back in town to deliver his last guest lecture. He had dinner alone in the hotel restaurant downstairs, went out for a short walk, and returned to his room.
It had been three weeks since he had seen Abby. She had not called or texted either. Andrew was heartbroken, but felt it was for the best. In three weeks, he thought things would be easier. Being in San Francisco, knowing she was in town and so close by, brought all his regret back to the surface.
He reviewed his lecture notes that night, preparing for the next day. His phone rang. He checked the number. It was not Abby. It wasn’t a familiar number, but he answered it anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hi Andrew, it’s Rob. How are you doing?”
“Hi Rob. Things are well. What’s up?”
“Not too much. I was calling to check in. I wanted to say hello, and see how things were going with you.”
“Pretty good. I’m in San Francisco for couple of days.”
“Really? We should get together for drinks with the ladies.”
“Yeah. That would be good, except I’m tied up at the moment.”
“That’s okay. How about drinks, just you and me?”
“I’m not sure I can spare the time.”
“Come on, Andrew. None of us have had the chance to thank you. You should probably get used to us reaching out. You’re almost like family now.”
“Thanks. Let’s talk closer to the weekend, okay? When I’m back at the cottage.”
“I don’t mean to be pushy. I thought it would be good to keep in contact. How about just half-hour? I’ll come to you.”
Andrew thought about it. Rob was pretty decent company. And he was not letting up. “Sure, why not. You know where I’m staying?
“Yeah.”
“Good. Meet me at the lobby bar. How soon can you get here?”
“Twenty minutes.”
“Great. See you then.”
Andrew hung up. He didn’t know what to make of Rob’s call, but he hated drinking alone. And he could use a stiff drink. Resigned, he got dressed and went down to the lobby.
Rob showed up a few minutes after Andrew. He held a large gift basket in his arms.
“Hey Andrew,” Rob greeted him, shifting the weight of the basket to shake hands with his free arm.
“Rob,” he answered. “How are things?”
“Doing great. Thanks for asking.” Rob placed the gift basket on the counter at the bar. “By the way, this is for you.”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“Ruth picked it out. It’s coffees, teas and chocolates, I think. Things the ladies thought you would enjoy at the cottage.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have. But thanks.”
“It’s from all six of us. A token of our appreciation for your help during the blizzard, and for putting up with us.”
“It was no problem. I appreciate the gesture, all the same.”
Andrew signaled to the person at the concierge data desk across the hall, and had them take it up to his room. “Care for a drink?” he asked Rob.
“Sure.”
“What are you having?”
“I’m a vodka guy,” Rob replied. “No orange juice.”
“Sounds great. I’ll have one too.” Andrew called the bartender over and gave them their orders. The bartender poured them their drinks and handed it to them. Rob and Andrew stood side by side, silently taking in the hockey game on the flat screen TV mounted high on the wall behind the bartender.
“How have you settled in with college since you got back?” Andrew asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
“Pretty good. I didn’t miss much.”
“This is your last year, right?”
“Yeah, man. I’m already on the job hunt. Hoping to land something here in San Francisco.”
“That’s good. And how’s that going for you?”
Rob looked down at this drink. “Not too great. But I’ve got a few interviews lined up over the next month. I’m hoping to find something by the time school lets out. Definitely before I graduate.”
“And what your what was your major again?”
“Business. With a minor in operations research.”
“Yeah? That’s an interesting combination. I think one of my staff has an operations research degree.”
“That’s cool. I always thought I’d end up in management or some consulting firm somewhere.”
“Makes sense. You know, we may be hiring.”
“Really? I never thought to ask you. What kind of work do you do?”
“You don’t know?”
“No. Well you told us you were a doctor.”
“I was. I work with my father now.”
“Doing what?”
Andrew shook his head. Clearly Abby didn’t say much to the others. “He owns Carrington’s. I thought Abby would have mentioned it…”
“We don’t talk about things like that. I barely see her, and we go to different colleges. So, you mean that big retail chain?”
“Yes.”
“Wow.”
“I can check with HR in New York, if you’re curious about what openings we have out here…And I may actually have something coming up. It’s a pilot project my team is working on. How much did your program cover branding strategy?”
“I did two advance marketing courses that covered branding last semester. They seemed cool.”
“Just cool?”
“Well, I’m trying to be mellow here, Andrew. This is as close as I’ve gotten to a real job lead.” He motioned with his hands and smiled. “Inside, I’m doing cartwheels.”
Andrew couldn’t help but laugh. “Email me your resume. I’ll see what I can do.”
Rob turned to him. “You do that for me?”
“Sure. Why not? I’ve seen you work. If you’re as hard-working in a job as you were around the cottage, you’ll do fine.”
“Wow. Thanks Andrew. That’s great to hear. I…I really appreciate that.”
“No problem.” Andrew finished his drink. “Was there something else?”
“I really just came to give you the gift basket. And to stay in touch, you know? You seemed cool at the cottage. That’s pretty much it. Well, maybe there is something else.”
“What’s that?”
Rob swallowed a big gulp of his drink and turned to Andrew. “I’m not great at this dating thing. Ruth and I started going out.”
Andrew held up his hand. “Hold on, Rob. I don’t think I’d be a good person to give you advice on this.”
“How do you mean? You and Abby seem to be doing well.”
Andrew gazed down at the ice in his drink. “Not really. But I don’t want to get into it.”
“Why? Haven’t you seen her? I thought you two were doing really well.”
The question killed Andrew. He took a breath, swallowing back his nerves. He turned to Rob, cementing a serious gaze on him. “Things aren’t always as simple as that.”
Rob agreed with a nod, and swirled around the last of his drink. “Well, I should probably get out of your hair. You’re working tomorrow, right?”
“Yes. First thing in the morning. And I should probably be going now.” He stood up and shook Rob’s hand again. “Thanks for the gift. And for coming by.”
“Talk to you later, Andrew.”
He waited for Rob to leave and headed back upstairs. It didn’t sound like Rob had spoken to Abby for a while. Slowly but surely, Abby entered his thoughts again. He hoped she was going to be alright. He went to bed thinking about her and woke up the next morning with her still on his mind.
***
Andrew went to campus early and delivered his final lecture without a hitch. When the session was over, he packed up and left. The limousine would be waiting. He walked briskly through the hallway, headed toward the parking lot. He was close to the exit when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His heart stopped. He didn’t have to look around to know who it was. He knew her touch. It was Abby. He stopped in its tracks, barely able to turn and face her.
“Abby.”
“Hi Andrew…” She stared up at him for a moment, and seemed nervous. “I saw you as I was leaving my seminar. I’m sorry if I caught you off guard. This is probably not a good place to talk.”
Andrew wasn’t sure what to say. She looked so beautiful. And so sad. He had caused that sadness. He could barely grasp how much he had missed her. Now that she was right in front of him, every part of him wanted to pull her in close and hold her again. He stopped himself. He couldn’t go down that road again.
“Yeah. That was my last lecture this semester. I’m heading back home tomorrow… I…I’m not sure what to tell you, Abby.”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure. My driver is waiting outside.”
He opened the door and let her through, then followed her outside. The limo was close to the door, and his driver stood waiting with the door open for them. He motioned for her to go in first, and jumped in after, telling the driver to wait so he could speak with her privately.
“What’s this about, Abby?”
ABBY took a deep breath after sitting in the back of Andrew’s limousine. She collected herself for the briefest moment before jumping in. “When I saw you…all the questions came up again. Are you ready to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” he answered.
Through a cringe, she asked, “Why didn’t you answer my text messages?”
“There was no point.”
Abby was already shaking. She noticed Andrew. He was stone-faced. He was so different. “No point? How could you show up at my door in the middle of the night with bunches and bunches of flowers, sit in my living room and drink wine with me, and then bolt from my apartment, rush through my front door, and totally ignore me for three weeks? Is that normal for you?”
“Abby, I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“I want you to talk to me,” she told him, dead serious. “I still don’t know what I’ve done to upset you. You came over to tell me everything, and before I knew it, you got up and left, and had said nothing. What was it that I said? I just want to understand.”
“I think you understand plenty already,” he said tersely, still as can be.
“See? That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t know anything. You have not told me anything, Andrew.”
He shifted in his seat and turned away. “Was the point of telling you, when you went and found out yourself anyway?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Don’t worry about it anymore, Abby. What’s done is done.”
“Is it about the articles? Because I haven’t—”
“It’s in the past,” he said, cutting her off abruptly.
She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off again.
“Like you and me. I’m over it.”
She sat quietly, letting it resonate for a minute. He looked away in silence.
“This can’t be happening. You’re not even listening to me.” She took a deep breath to calm herself down. “Please Andrew, don’t do this to me. Did you care about me at all?”
“What happened was for the best.”
Her eyes widened. How could he be so cold? This was not the same Andrew she had fallen in love with.
“How can you say that, Andrew?” She could hear her voice shake and crack, but was past the point of caring about how she sounded.
“Because I was wrong. None of it should have happened. It’s not meant to be.”
“Is there someone else?”
“Of course not. How could you ask me something like that?”
“You know, I wish you would just tell me. I wish you would just answer my questions. But you put up this wall between us, and I don’t understand why. I thought we felt the same way…about each other.”
“It’s my fault, and I’m sorry.”
“What is your fault? I just want to know.”
“You know what I’m talking about. This is not getting us anywhere, Abby.”
“Did you even mean it when you said you wanted me to be yours? Did you mean it when you told me you loved me? Or was that all for fun?”
Tears welled up in her eyes. She was looking at a man she thought she knew, when in fact she knew nothing about him. If this was his other side, letting him go and moving on was for the best.
“Abby. I never meant to hurt you. I’m deeply sorry. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I think you should leave and forget about me. Forget it all happened. Can you do that?”
“What happened to you?” she asked, her eyes clinched shut in disbelief. “How could I have been so wrong about you? What is it that turned you into this cold, heartless man right now?”
Abby didn’t wait to hear his answer. She opened the limo door jumped out, and ran to her car. Andrew did not follow her. She didn’t know why she would expect him to do such a thing, after the way he had just treated her. She started the car and left campus. She had to get away. She drove home and dropped all her things in the living room. She went to her bedroom, climbed into bed and let the tears fall.
ANDREW didn’t think seeing Abby again would have been so difficult. Or so painful. She looked so beautiful; yet so heartbroken. There was something so tragic about watching her leave this time. Seeing that physical distance grow as she walked away. But it was not as bad as the distance he forced himself to create when she had been sitting right beside him in the back of the limo. He was hurting, but it killed him that he had caused her so much pain. Not telling her was one thing, but to know the lack of information had done its own damage anyway—well, it was almost too much to bear.
If he had just kept to himself while they were at the cottage, this would not have happened. They would have been six grateful guests, and nothing more. And Abby would not have had to go through this grief. He had caused her pain. First, by opening half of himself to her, and then, by closing himself off completely and refusing to talk to her. It was a losing proposition either way, really. If he had told her the whole truth, he would have lost her; and by not telling her, he lost her anyway.
But the whole truth was still too much to share. The whole truth was he still felt responsible for Emma and the man’s deaths. Had she known the whole truth—and now she did, with those news clips—she would do what any reasonable person should, and run in the opposite direction. He was too broken, held on to too much of the blame, was way too lost, and above all, he didn’t deserve her. Abby deserved a normal guy, with normal problems.
He wondered why she wanted to hear his side of the events. What good would that do, except bring all those emotions back to the surface, and torture him all over again? Abby had what she needed to know, and leaving her alone was the right thing to do. But why did it feel so wrong? Why did she still want to talk to him after everything?
After all that had happened, her touch was still magnetic. Her eyes were still warm to him. The energy between them was still blazing hot. Sparks flew when she had placed her hand on his shoulder in the campus hallway.
Fuck! This is absolute torture, Andy. Just give it up and let go.
He let out a sigh and got ready for bed. Sleep. Sleep would help. If not in one night, then maybe a few years would do. Neither time nor sleep had been his friends where Emma was concerned, but maybe a little more time would help him get over Abby. He rested his head on the pillow and did his best to put her out of his mind. He let sleep put some distance between him and his wayward thoughts.
***
Andrew had not booked his flight until the end of the day. He took the morning to torture himself with his thoughts all over again during breakfast. Frustrated, he busied himself with work.
He spent the rest of the day walking the halls of the three Carrington’s department stores in the city. He had promised staff for weeks now that he would check things out in person. The team had discussed merging their online and in-store branding strategy. Andrew had suggested it to the board of directors via his father, and the idea had been well received. They were agreeable to running a few pilot programs, and looking at the San Francisco stores, they could be great candidates.
Time flew by, and soon it was evening. He was looking forward to getting back to the refuge of the cottage. The phone rang as Andrew was almost ready to leave for the airport. At first, he wondered if it might be Abby. He looked at the phone. It was Rob. He was probably calling about his resume, or to do drinks again. Rob was a decent guy, and everything, but Andrew just did not have the heart to hang out with him tonight. It would probably remind him of Abby all over again. He let it go through to voicemail the first time, but when it rang again, he answered it.
“Hello?” He answered.
“Hey Andrew. It’s Rob. How’s it going?”
“I’m fine, Rob. How can I help you?”
“I’m just calling to see if you spoke to Abby recently.” Rob didn’t waste any time getting to the point.
“I have. She’s well, I believe. You should call her yourself.”
“I will. Look man, I won’t take up too much of your time. I just want to tell you I hope you two can work it out. I don’t know all the details, but my sister probably put her nose where it didn’t belong, and sent Abby a bunch of articles about your accident in New York. Becky was out of line, and I apologize if she did any damage. She sent them to me too, but I never noticed them until now. I want you to know, I don’t care about anything they say.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Andrew answered. “I’m over it.”
“I’ve seen enough in the media to know they will spin anything and everything to try and make someone look bad. I’m not buying any of it. I’m smart enough to make up my own mind about the type of person you are. And I know Abby. She is way smarter than me. She’ll muddle through the bullshit, so you shouldn’t worry. You’re a standup guy, Andrew. And none of us will ever forget that about you. It’s pretty much all I wanted to say. If you’re in town again, I hope we can have dinner with the ladies…or hang out or something.”
“Thank you for saying that, Rob. That means a lot. Sure, let’s get together whenever I’m back in town. My car is waiting for me downstairs, Rob. Thanks again for the kind words. Talk to you later.”
“Later, man.”
Andrew hung up. So it was Rob’s sister who had sent the articles to Abby?
God, how could I have been so wrong?
All this time he thought Abby had looked up the information herself. It was probably still too late, bur he felt he should apologize. He would do it when he got back to the cottage. He would send her a text, or phone her. He had upset her enough in person. At least this way, there would be no hard feelings.
He got up and started to leave, and the phone rang again. Andrew almost didn’t answer it, thinking it was Rob again, until he noticed it was from his father.
“Hi Dad,” he answered.
“How are you doing, son?”
“I’m alright.”
“Where are you? I just stopped at the cottage to check in on you, but I see you’re not here.”
“I’m in San Francisco, Dad. I was helping Dr. Sansbury out a bit. Covering a few guest lectures for one of his professors on sabbatical.”
“Sounds great. I always thought Frank would be the one to get you out of Lake Tahoe, but even I was wrong.”
“What you mean, Dad?”
“Son, you’ve met someone, haven’t you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Someone by the name of Abby?”
Andrew froze. “How do you know about her?”
“I’m sitting in the library right now. I’m looking at a note she must have written to you. I’m sorry for reading it, but it was laid out on the desk I use in here.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize... What does it say, Dad?”
“You haven’t read it yet? So I was right. You
have
had some folks over. The place feels different this time.”
“Yes, Dad. Abby and her friends were stranded when their car broke down during the snowstorm a few weeks back. The six of them stayed here with me for a few days. What does her note to say, Dad?”
“I’m not sure you want me to read this out loud, son. It’s very… personal.”
“You’ve already seen it, Dad. It’s okay with me. Please, tell me what it says.”
“Okay. Here goes, but don’t tell me I was snooping when I’m done.”
He cleared his throat.
Hi Andrew,
As I probably won’t see you for a week, I thought I would leave you this note, just in case you’re missing me. When my mom was still alive, she would leave little notes for me when I came home from school, if she and dad were still out doing errands or working the farm. I used to love those notes. I think I still have them in a box somewhere in my dad’s garage.
Anyway, this note is for you. I just want to tell you I’m looking forward to seeing you next weekend. I got so much work done in the library while I was here. I almost feel I’ll finish up my independent project early. This place, and being with you, well, it’s beginning to feel a lot like home.
Have fun this week, and try to stay busy. I’ll do the same, and will be thinking of you.
Love,
Abby.
PS. Get ready. There’s chili on the menu when I get back!
There was silence on both ends of the line for quite some time, until Mr. Carrington said, “This Abby sure sounds like a sweet young lady. Maybe you were right all along, staying put here at the cottage. Seems like the right woman came to
you
. I know Emma would be happy to see you move on, and finally have some new joy in your life.”
Andrew did not reply. He remained silent.
“Son? Are you still there?” His father finally asked.
Andrew couldn’t speak. He knew if he said a word, the floodgates would open. He managed a quick, shaky, “Thanks, Dad. I have to go now,” and hung up.
Andrew got dressed and left.