Captivation (3 page)

‘So Juliette,’ she whispered out loud, ‘do you believe in ghosts?’ She hesitated for a moment, and then spoke out loud to the air around her. ‘Danny,’ she asked, ‘are you still here with me?’

As soon as she said it she felt silly. She sat upright, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. She had always liked the idea of the existence of a spiritual plane, of there being something beyond this world. But she had never experienced anything that would lead her to truly believe in it – until now.

What she really wanted to do was go and research it. But that would mean going into the study and sitting at the computer. It would mean being surrounded by Danny’s things. If it happened again – could she handle it right now?

She decided to give herself an hour or two to recover first. She would take a shower, get dressed and sit down on the couch with a peppermint tea and one of her new books. And then she would tackle the study – with a clear mind.

Chapter Four

After Juliette had showered, dressed in a bright blue tank top and white shorts, and boiled the kettle and brewed her tea, she sat down on the couch, ready to pick out one of her new books. Leaning over the coffee table, she cut through the tape on the box and pulled back the flaps of cardboard. Which was when she discovered the problem – these were not the books she had ordered.

She pulled each one out of the carton, double-checking the titles – hoping that maybe it was only the couple of novels on the top that were wrong. Unfortunately, the entire order was incorrect.

She sat back on the couch, irritated. She supposed Chris must have just grabbed the wrong box out of the van – in which case, he might notice his mistake when he discovered the correct box left in the van at the end of his deliveries. Or then again, he might have already delivered her order to someone else – and if they didn’t open it straightaway, it could be days before the mistake was discovered.

If the books had been from a genre she normally read, she might have been able to make the most of it, tried something different. But none of these were the types of books she liked reading – they were sports biographies and historical or scientific non-fiction. Juliette loved romance, crime, fantasy, adventure – even science fiction – anything that transported her to a new world, that allowed her to become consumed by the story. Anything that got her hooked and meant she might need to read into the early hours of the morning just to find out how the book would finish.

It wouldn’t matter so much if she hadn’t had her heart set on opening the pages of one of new novels and escaping within it. If she hadn’t been relying on one of these books to clear her mind and ready herself for her visit to the study. Well, she wasn’t so reclusive these days that she couldn’t handle a simple, bloody phone call. She would just have to ring Suzanne and ask her to send Chris straight back with the correct books. She stood up from the couch and walked purposefully to her phone. She was surprised to find, though, when she actually picked up the receiver, that she was hesitant to dial the number.
Come on Juliette
, she thought crossly,
snap out of it – you can still function in the normal world.

She made the call and waited while it rang, five, six, seven times before it was picked up.

‘Pages and Chapters, Kaylee speaking. How can I help you?’

‘Hi Kaylee, this is Juliette Walsh. I need to speak with Suzanne, please.’

‘I’m sorry, but Suzanne isn’t in the store right now.’

‘I thought you had a book signing on? Chris told me that was why Suzanne hadn’t delivered my books herself.’

‘We did. But now Suzanne’s taken Harper out for a coffee. Can I take a message?’

Kaylee was keeping her tone crisp and professional, which was bugging Juliette. She had thought that even if Kaylee hadn’t recognised her surname as Danny Walsh’s widow, she would have realised Juliette was an important customer once she heard that the store owner usually delivered her books personally. Most of the staff at Pages & Chapters were very familiar with Juliette, were warm and friendly and eager to please her. Kaylee had to be new.

Juliette tried again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said politely, ‘but no, I’d rather not just leave a message. I have an issue that needs to be dealt with immediately. I’ve just had an order of books delivered and they’re wrong. I need them to be picked up and the correct box delivered straightaway.’

‘Chris is doing all the deliveries today, if he’s back he’ll be in the office. I’ll transfer you,’ said Kaylee – not a note of concern in her voice about the problem, and no apology for the mistake that had been made.

Before Juliette could say another word, the line was switched to hold. She waited for several minutes, curling the cord around her finger impatiently as she listened to the tinny sounds of the instrumental hold music. Finally the muzak gave way to the sound of the phone ringing once again.

‘Pages and Chapters, Kaylee speaking. How can I help you?’

Juliette rolled her eyes. ‘Kaylee? It’s me again, Juliette?’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘This is Juliette – you were transferring me to Chris, about my book order.’

‘Chris must still be out doing deliveries. Can I take a message?’

Juliette ignored this and instead asked, ‘When is Suzanne due back in the store?’

‘Suzanne doesn’t deal with book orders, Chris does. What’s your number and I’ll have him call you back.’

‘No, I normally deal directly with Suzanne. Give me her mobile number and I’ll call her myself.’

‘I can’t give out Suzanne’s personal mobile. Can I take a message?’

Juliette took a deep breath, trying to quell her frustration with Kaylee and her persistent obsession with taking a damn message. She tried to remind herself that a mixed-up book order actually wasn’t a life and death problem, and that most people would probably be quite happy to leave a message and have it dealt with a little later. She knew she was being silly – it was just that she wanted the whole thing to be done with after just one phone call. She wanted her books here now. She wanted to follow through with her plan. When she’d had a plan – to sit and read, to calm herself and clear her mind – everything had felt okay. Now her plan had been upset and she was feeling anxious and edgy.

Kaylee’s nasal tones came through the phone again, interrupting her thoughts. ‘Are you still there?’ she asked, sounding impatient.

‘Never mind,’ said Juliette and slammed down the phone.

Pages & Chapters wasn’t actually that far from her place. Maybe it was time she got out. A walk to the shops to pick up her books wouldn’t take long, and it would probably be good for her –a way to start easing herself back into the world again. After all, could she really go on like this? Staying in her apartment block, continuing to alienate herself from everyone she knew?

Fine
, she thought eventually,
one trip out, just to get my books – and then straight back here. No big deal. And when I get back, I can go on with my plan. Read for a while, take my mind of everything, and then I’ll open that damn study door.

She took her time getting ready to leave the apartment. This was different from creeping through the corridors late at night. This was going to mean running into people, chatting face-to-face – and not in the comfort of her own space. She changed her clothes quite unnecessarily. Several times. Then she agonised over which shoes to wear, whether to put her hair up or leave it down. Earrings or no earrings? This necklace or that one? Finally, she had run out of ways to procrastinate any further.

She picked up her bag with her wallet, keys and phone, slung it over her shoulder and left the apartment. There was no one out in the hall. She made it all the way down to the foyer in the lift without meeting anyone. Stepping out through the heavy front door onto the street, her heart began to beat a little faster, and she took deep breaths to steady herself.

Outside, walking along the familiar pathway, which took her down past the beach and then turned to bend around to the shops, she felt strange, as she had in those first weeks after Danny had died. Once again, the rest of the world felt foreign to her and she was out of place within it. Despite the heat of the day, she wrapped her arms around herself as goose bumps prickled her skin.

She was almost considering turning back, returning to the safety and comfort of her own private space. But giving up now seemed silly. She was already out – she was halfway there, she may as well at least complete her task.
Get in, grab the right books, avoid too much contact with others, get out – go back home.

She began to pass people out walking their dogs, or strolling along the footpath hand-in-hand with their partner. Mothers pushing strollers, teenagers on school holidays. Juliette managed to keep her face averted so she
didn’t catch anyone’s eye. She didn’t want to have to smile or say hello. She ticked off the shops as she passed them on the way to the bookstore – the newsagent, the milk bar, the deli. The café that served all day breakfast, the surf-wear clothing store, the café that only served breakfast til 10am.

Finally, she reached Pages & Chapters. She turned in, mumbled a thankyou to the guy who was exiting the store and had kindly held the door open for her, and headed straight for the counter. When she finally lifted her head to face the person standing behind the computer, she groaned inwardly. The girl’s name tag said, Kaylee. Wonderful, why couldn’t Chris be back from his deliveries? Or any one of the other staff members that she knew well, who would certainly clear up the mistake immediately?

She realised that Kaylee was staring at her, waiting for her to speak, not bothering to offer any form of greeting to start the conversation.

‘Hi,’ said Juliette. ‘I called earlier. My books were delivered this morning but it was the wrong order. I came to collect the correct ones.’

Kaylee frowned. ‘Where are they?’ she asked.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Where are the books that you got. The ones that are wrong?’

‘Well, they’re back at my apartment.’

‘You’ll need to bring them in if you want to exchange them.’

Juliette felt her shoulders tense. The only good thing about this altercation was that Kaylee’s irritating manner was bringing out Juliette’s more assertive side, stopping her from being too shy.

‘No,’ she said firmly, ‘it’s not an exchange. They’re not the books I ordered. You can have someone come and pick them up later. In the meantime, I want my books so that I can start reading.’

Kaylee looked ready to argue with her further, but thankfully a voice exclaimed from behind.

‘Juliette, it’s so brilliant to see you here in the shop. You haven’t been in for such a long time!’

Juliette swung around and sighed with relief. It was Suzanne. She would get everything straightened out immediately. Juliette would have her books and be out of the shop in minutes. She couldn’t help glancing back at Kaylee, and was pleased to see that she was looking suitably impressed by her boss’s enthusiasm for Juliette. She knew full well that Suzanne only reserved her (albeit fake) voice of delight for certain customers. Juliette threw a look of superiority at Kaylee and then turned her attention back to Suzanne.

‘Yes, I’m here because of a problem though. My book delivery—’

Suzanne cut her off, ‘I know darling, I’m absolutely furious. Chris actually managed to mix up three different orders today, can you believe it? Yours is right back here. I’ll have Chris walk back with you and carry them inside for you. Give me just one moment.’

Juliette smiled, this was exactly what she wanted – her problem fixed and to be on her way to the apartment as quickly as possible.

Within two minutes, Suzanne had returned, Chris by her side holding Juliette’s new box of books, an apologetic look on his face.

‘Umm, they’re not really that heavy,’ said Juliette, ‘I could just take them back myself.’

‘Nonsense,’ said Suzanne. ‘I’m absolutely mortified that you had to come down here at all, chasing up your order. We must get together for a coffee some time, Juliette,’ she added, the suggestion holding as much sincerity as a casino owner wishing you the best of luck on your bet. Then she leaned in to kiss the air to the right of Juliette’s cheek, before turning and flouncing away.

Juliette smiled politely at Chris. ‘Okay,’ she said with a shrug, ‘I guess you’re coming with me.’

He followed her out of the store and she headed down the street, setting a brisk pace, glad that Chris seemed to be keeping up despite the box of books he was carrying.

‘Hey, I’m sorry about this,’ Chris said as they walked. ‘Just been getting over a bad summer cold. I think that’s why my brain’s been scattered.’

‘No worries. It’s all taken care of now.’

She tried to keep a note of finality in her voice to avoid any further conversation as they continued to stride back towards her apartment block. It seemed to work – or perhaps he was just out of breath from trying to keep up with her. She supposed she shouldn’t really have kept walking so quickly, since he had said he was getting over a cold. But she’d been outside long enough. Her desire to return to her home was becoming stronger and stronger.

Back inside the building, she jabbed at the button for the lift and tapped her foot rhythmically as she waited, ignoring the curious looks she knew she was receiving from Chris. Inside the lift, as it ascended smoothly, Chris almost dropped the box as he began to cough rather violently and Juliette had to reach out to steady it for him.

‘Ahh,’ she said quietly, ‘yes, that does sound like a bad cold.’ And she felt a little guilty for rushing him back here.

‘I’m really sounding much better than I was,’ said Chris, once he managed to stop coughing.

When they finally made it into Juliette’s apartment, she felt an immediate sense of relief wash over her. She was back. She was safe. She wasn’t going to be leaving this place again anytime soon. She knew she should probably offer Chris a drink of water before kicking him straight back out with the other box, but she really wanted to be alone, and she convinced herself that it wasn’t that rude if she just sent him on his way again.