“Like
what
is up with you and Derek?” Alison demanded over the phone later that day. “I saw you at the parade. So did Millicent and Nicole. We all talked about it.”
“What do you mean, what's up with me and Derek?” I carried the receiver into my room and shut the door. “Absolutely nothin'!”
“It sure didn't look like it, the way he had his arm around you and all.”
“Alison. We're talkin' about
Derek.
Come on.”
She breathed into the phone. “Yeah, but admit it, he looks tons better than he used to. And besides, he's crazy about you.”
“He is not.”
“He is so. What are you, Jackie, blind?”
“Derek is still Derek,” I insisted. “Tall and skinny and Katherine's brother. I mean, a dozen of him couldn't compare to one of Greg.”
I stared at Greg's picture, feeling the pull of him, the ache for him, and throbbed with indignation over Alison's idiocy.
“Okay, Jackie, I believe you. Really. I know how much you love Greg. So just . . . I mean, hear a friend, okay? Watch how you act with Derek. It may not mean anything to you, but that's not what it looks like to everybody else. And you can bet that's not what it feels like to Derek.”
Dear Alison. She couldn't have put it any plainer. I hung up the phone, realizing she was right. Thinking I'd really need to be more circumspect. Even if no one would ever have real reason to believe I'd turn my back on Greg for the likes of Derek King.
I switched on the radio, and by providence “Hung Up on You” was playing. I closed my eyes and listened to Greg's voice, knowing he now sang the song to me, and pretended he was near.
All thoughts of Derek slipped away.
T
he Monday after Fourth of July weekend, Robert had his cast taken off. He navigated cautiously around the house for the first day, satisfying himself that his leg had mended. Then began the routine that would last the rest of the summerâwalking to exercise it, then running, and finally practicing with his friends on the softball field at school.
Clarissa spent her days bouncing from Della to Alma Sue. I can't remember the three of them playing together once that summer, as those two girls continued to fight over Clarissa like cats over spilt milk. Far too much of the time my sister seemed pouty and emotional. She had not taken kindly to Katherine's working, somehow having convinced herself that Katherine should provide ever-present entertainment whenever her friends couldn't play.
Good grief,
I asked myself more than once,
when is my sister ever going to grow up?
“Clarissa,” I sighed one afternoon after she'd thrown herself upon the couch, arms jammed together and lips pulled down, “what is wrong with you now?”
“I am tired of people walkin' all over me,” she declared.
“Oh, really. Who's walkin' all over you this time? Alma Sue again?”
“No, Della. I wanted to read comics at her house, and all she wanted to do was watch TV.”
“Well, why couldn't you read comics while she watched a show?”
“She wouldn't get 'em for me.”
“Did you ask?”
“Yeah, like about ten times!” She frowned at me as if it were my fault.
“So is that why you came home?” I asked.
“Uh-huh.” She kicked a heel against the carpet.
“Then it sounds to me like you stood up for yourself just fine. When you didn't get what you wanted, you left.”
Truly, that indicated real progress for Clarissa. I felt right proud of my sister.
Her expression lost some of its blackness as she considered my words. “Then maybe if I get mad at Katherine, she'll quit her job.”
Quite a turn of logic. “Oh, I don't know about that. I think Katherine needs that job to feel happy.”
“No, she doesn't!” Clarissa cried. “All Katherine needs is us!”
I look back now on that outbreak from my sister and realize just how right she was. But at the time, I could only see her narrow focus, and it set off distant warning bells in my head. What if something really did go wrong between Daddy and Katherine? What would happen to Clarissa?
“Sweetie,” I plunked down beside her on the couch, “I thinkâ”
“They need to just go ahead and get married,” she declared. “Then Katherine could quit her job and stay home like Mama used to do.”
Oh, boy. Even if they did get married, Katherine would never be Mama. I could see myself baby-sitting after school and in summers while Katherine worked, just like now. The thought depressed me.
“What makes you think they're gonna get married?”
She eyed me as if I'd just arrived from another planet. “Everybody says so. And I know so.”
Slowly, I nodded, remembering Katherine's negative words about Bradleyville. But that had been weeks ago. As far as I knew, she and Daddy were getting along pretty well. Clarissa had to be right; Daddy was going to marry her. I knew Clarissa wanted it; so did Robert. And I certainly wouldn't stand in the way.
So what was Daddy waiting for?
Derek,
I wrote in an e-mail later that day,
I know I shouldn't be asking you this. But does Katherine talk about getting married when she's home? Does she seem happy? I know she's used to more of a city life, and I just wondered.
I'd placed Derek in an awkward position, no doubt about that. He'd been very careful not to play the spy between Katherine and me, which he easily could have done. But the e-mail he wrote back merely said that Katherine never spoke of her relationship with my daddy in front of him, nor did she say anything that would give Derek reason to think she was tiring of Bradleyville. That e-mail set my mind to rest. Derek didn't see a problem; therefore it didn't exist. I told myself that Katherine had found her balance.
LuvRush continued moving from city to cityâSpokane, Boise, Salt Lake City, Denver, Kansas City, Des Moines. Greg's e-mails contained news about every concert, how some arenas were better for sound than others, how Demetri fell during the choreography to one song and jumped back up as if he'd meant to do it. How the concerts pulsed with energy, but the days were long and the travel tiring. Greg also told me the news on other bands, supplemented by the articles in my teen magazine. And we talked about the competition from other bands' songs. In July, 98 Degrees had a hit song called “True to Your Heart,” sung with Stevie Wonder for the Disney movie
Mulan.
The Backstreet Boys had started their first U.S. tour after making it big in Europe. 'NSync's songs “I Want You Back” and “Tearing Up My Heart” continued to climb the charts in America after that band, too, had become major heartthrobs in Germany.
Funny how the American bands go big in Europe first, Greg wrote, and we come from Greece and hurry to the U.S.
As a result of the success of LuvRush's tour, “Hung Up on You” surged back onto the national music charts, pushing to number three. Radio stations began playing another song from their CD titled “All Is Enough,” and before long it landed at number nine.
Two songs in the top ten!
Greg crowed. Then at the end of July came the biggest news yet.
“Hung Up on You” is number one!!!
Greg wrote.
We hear the news today!
I whirled about the family room and out to the backyard, whooping like I'd lost my mind. “Daddy, Daddy, âHung Up on You' is number one in the whole nation! The most popular song in the country!”
“Well, that's terrific,” he replied, rocking back on his heels from pulling weeds. He wiped sweat from his face, looking nonplussed. The whole music business thing continued to elude him. “Good for Greg.”
I seized the moment. It was high time I got the official word that I could go to the concert. “Daddy.” I knelt in the grass to look him in the eye. “The concert in Lexington is only a little over three weeks away. Greg saved Katherine and me tickets, right in the front row.
Please
let me go.”
He sighed. “I've already decided to let you go. But you and Katherine and I are goin' to have to talk about how I expect you to be chaperoned. Lexington's a big city, and I don't want you runnin' around it with Greg late at night.”
“Oh, thank you, Daddy, thank you!” I gave him a bear hug, not caring that dirt flecked his shirt, and knocked him over. By the time we untangled ourselves, I needed to change clothes.
In early August the cover of
Teen Dream
magazine sported a picture of LuvRush, Greg front and center. “LuvRush rushes the country” read the blurb. In the article, Greg stood strong for his Christianity. When asked what gave him energy to get through the grueling days of touring, he said, “I pray each day. My faith in Christ helps me do what I need to do.”
I must have read that article twenty times, relishing every word until I knew them by heart, especially those words of testimony. I squealed about it to all my friends, who also were now receiving the magazine, and showed it to Daddy as proof of the importance Greg placed on his faith. Not to mention what a hit the group had become! Some moments I still could not believe that Greg's worldâone of music and excitement and adoring fansâhad collided with mine and the town's. Suddenly, quiet little Bradleyville had a nationwide claim to fame through Greg. Well, he may have been from Athens, but he
did
have family in Bradleyville.
Even Robert seemed impressed when I showed him the magazine. “Cool,” he said. “Even if it's not softball.”
Two weeks before the concert, Daddy sat me down in his bedroom one evening as Clarissa took her bath. “I want to know how you'd feel,” he ventured, “if I asked Katherine to marry me.”
I'd expected the words for weeks now. So why did they root me to the bed? I wished we sat in my own room instead of right hereâwhere my mama had once lain.
“You love her a lot, Daddy?”
“Very much. I don't know at this point what I'd do without her.”
“What if she wants to keep workin' after you got married?”
“That would be all right.”
A sudden thought struck me. Why had I not considered it before? “Would you have more kids?” My tone wavered in disbelief at the very idea. But surely Katherine would want children of her own.
Daddy regarded me intently. “We've talked about it.”
“So you've talked about gettin' married already.”
“I haven't really asked her, Jackie. We've just . . . discussed some things in terms of what-ifs.”
Well, âwhat if' I don't agree to this at all?
I argued silently. Why was he asking my opinion now, when the ball had been set in motion? “Seems to me you've already decided. So I don't really see what we have to talk about.”
“Jackieâ” He leaned forward in his chair. “Please don't do this to me now. I want to hear what you're thinkin'. No decisions have been made yet.”
“I wouldn't stand in your way, Daddy.” My voice tightened. Great. I did
not
want to cry. “If you love Katherine, I know you wouldn't be happy without her. Just like I wouldn't be happy without Greg. I understand those feelings now, and I wouldn't want you to be hurt.”
Daddy rested his elbows on the arms of the chair. I wondered if he felt caught, as I did. He had his love; I had mine. We should just let each other be. “We've had some rough starts, but it seems that you and Katherine are now good friends. She certainly stands up for you, I can tell you that.” He smiled ruefully. “But I would never expect her to replace your mama, you know that.”
Of course I did. No sense in even discussing such a notion. I could not imagine Katherine's trying to be any kind of parent to me at all. It would feel mighty strange, her telling me what to do.
“I know.”
He laced his fingers, then unlaced them, sliding them in and out, in and out. Almost as if he were the nervous child petitioning the parent. “Is there anything else you want to say, Jackie?”
Dozens of questions swirled in my head. Did he fully trust Katherine now? Did he really believe she was ready to settle down? But how did a daughter ask her daddy about such private things? “No.”
“Yes, you do. And we're not leavin' here until it's all said. This is the time to say it.”
I focused on my bare toes digging into the carpet. I really needed to vacuum in here.
“Jackie?”
My eyes raised to his. “How do you know she won't leave us?” I blurted. “Just like she did everyone else.”
He inhaled slowly. “Well, I would expect that if she's not sure she wants to be with us, she won't say yes.”
“She's changed her mind before, lots of times. She was even engaged to that man Trent.”
“That's before she came back here and gave her life to the Lord.”
“Did that change her, Daddy, really? I mean, I know God changes people, but like Pastor Beekins said, sometimes we still have to deal with all the bad results of the mistakes we've made before. And I'm wonderin' if Katherine's habit of jumping from this to that is completely gone.”
He stared at me, as if amazed at my perception. “I . . . know what you mean. I've wondered it myself. We've had more than a few discussions about it, I can tell you that.”
“And what does she say? I mean, how can you really know?”
“Jackie.” He focused on the floor, searching for words. “She says she's ready to settle down. Yes, she's used to a more . . . exciting life than we have here in Bradleyville. We have a lot of differences to work out. But she says she wants to make it work. And I believe her.” He paused. “Or I wouldn't be thinkin' of askin' her to marry me.”
It occurred to me, then, that maybe marriage was exactly what Katherine needed. Once she'd taken that step, surely she would settle in. A simplistic view of things, to be sure. But allowing myself to think the alternative was just too frightening.