Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) (25 page)

Carae swallowed hard and decided Rissa's behavior wasn't really as unforgivable as it should have been because she did love him.

Please don't think too badly of me and tell him I said goodbye and be happy.

Carae was surprised at the regret she felt. "I don't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm actually going to miss our talks."

You'll have Brandon to keep you happy. May the spirits grant you both a long and happy life together. Goodbye, sheenea.

"Goodbye, sheenea," she whispered, swallowing to dislodge a lump of emotion.

When she returned to the living room, she found Brandon standing by the window. He turned and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why?"

He crossed the room to wipe her cheeks. "You're crying."

She considered divulging Rissa's part in their baby's conception but quickly decided against it. She had no wish to do or say anything that might mar his memories or opinion of her. She sighed. "Saying goodbye was harder than I expected it to be."

"Saying goodbye to who?"

"Your sheenea."

"You're my sheenea, Carae."

Oh, God. How wonderful to hear his words and to know he meant them. "I was saying goodbye to Rissa."

He inhaled slowly. "Is she at peace?"

"She is now. She wanted me to tell you goodbye and that she hopes you'll be happy with me, of course."

He smiled, but then closed his eyes and swallowed before meeting her gaze. "Is she gone?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her or to ask for her forgiveness."

"She knew you loved her and as far as she was concerned, there was nothing to forgive."

"If only that were true."

"She made it very clear that for her, it was true. She wishes you nothing but happiness."

"I wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye and tell her how much she meant to me."

"She knew, sweetie."

He sighed. "Oh, God. I never deserved either one of you."

"I disagree and I'm sure she would too." She slipped her arm through his. "Are you going to be all right?"

"How can I not with you as my woman? You are my woman. Aren't you?"

She nodded. "I've been yours for the taking the moment we met and I don't ever see that changing."

"I hope not, Carae, because losing you to another man would destroy me."

"That's not going to happen."

"I don't know how you can sound so certain. Do you realize that when you're my age, I'll be—?"

"You'll still be the man I love and adore."

"Don't you have any reservations about the age difference?"

"For the last time, no! Just so you know, my dad is twenty years older than my mom and she told me she loves him more than she did when they married. I expect that to happen with us."

"Thank God." He kissed her quickly before taking her hand in his. "Let's go."

"Where are we picnicking?"

"I thought we could go for a ride on Blazer on Randall's property."

She felt a tingle of excitement that he wanted to picnic at the site where they'd first made love. "Should I read anything into your wanting to picnic there?"

"Absolutely," he said, sliding a hand down to cup her ass. "Are you ready?"

She nodded. "I'm ready to follow wherever you lead, sweetie."

"Then let's go."

T
o Carae's surprise, they made the drive to the picnic in relative silence. Were regrets that he never got a chance to say goodbye to Rissa weighing on his mind? If so, would he admit it? If he didn't, how could she deal with something he wouldn't acknowledge?

A man who had just admitted to loving her more than he'd loved the great love of his life, shouldn't be so morose. Yet he was.

With the magnificent food that Max Stoner had prepared spread out before them and with Blazer grazing nearby, she found her appetite gone because she was suddenly afraid that no matter what he said, he would always love Rissa more than he did her.   

And she loved him too much to want to settle for Rissa's leftovers. She put down the fork she'd been using to push food around on her plate. "You're having second thoughts. Aren't you?"

He put down the sandwich he'd only taken one bite from and stared at her. "About what?"

"Loving me."

"Of course not." He reached out to hold her hand. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. And before you ask, that includes Rissa. God, I loved her, but I love you even more."

"Really? What would have happened had I not been so willing to chase your slippery ass down time after time and risk having my heart ruthlessly crushed under your big feet?"

"Exaggerate much, brown eyes?"

"Who's exaggerating?"

"Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do."

She sighed. "I know, sweetie."

"I know I made things more difficult for you than I should have, but that was only because I was so afraid of hurting you. If it's any consolation, I would have seen the light sooner or later and pursued you."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"I am."

"If you're not having second thoughts, why were you so quiet?"

He caressed her stomach. "I'm wondering why you didn't tell me."

"I did tell you."

"Why didn't you tell me before today?"

She eased her hand from his. "I had my reasons."

"I'm sure you did. What were they?"

"You know now. Isn't that all that matters?"

"I'd really like to know your reasons for not telling me sooner."

"Why?"

"Because I'd hate to think that you don't feel you can discuss important issues with me."

"I did feel like that, but not anymore."

"I'm glad to hear that. Now please share your reasons for not telling me sooner."

"Okay. First, I didn't want you to feel bad or even obligated to do anything about a pregnancy you hadn't consciously caused."

"And then?" he encouraged when she paused.

"Then I figured you knew and didn't care."

He stiffened. "What did I ever say that would make you think I wouldn't care?"

She shrugged. "When I asked you if you wanted kids, you never answered."

"So?"

"So I assumed either you didn't want kids or you just didn't want them with me because you did know before today that I was pregnant. Didn't you?"

"Yes. I knew, but only for a day."

She nodded. "So why didn't you say anything to let me know you wanted the baby so I wouldn't think I'd be a single mother?"

"I was afraid that you didn't tell me because you had no intentions of keeping the baby or you didn't want me involved because of how the baby was conceived. And I was trying to decide how to deal with either of those outcomes."

So he had had second thoughts. "How it was conceived? You mean because it wasn't conceived with love?"

"No. That's not what I mean. It was conceived in love. Granted, I don't remember that night, but I was already in love with you. I regret that you weren't onboard for it, but our baby was conceived in love—at least on my part."

"On mine too."

"Then you were undecided as to whether you wanted to keep the baby?"

"I had a few hours when I considered taking a morning after pill. Once I let that window close, there was no question of my doing anything but keeping the baby. Just so you know, I was never, ever not going to have your baby."

He sighed. "I wish I could undo the manner of conception, but I'm so thankful you're having our baby."

Sensing a lessening in tension in him, she smiled. "So am I."
Now, you big, galoot, what are you planning to do about it?
Or was he going to treat her like he'd treated Rissa and refuse to marry her even though he knew she was pregnant?

"I'm sorry about last night."

She shook her head. "Forget it."

"No. I had big plans last night that were ruined by my behavior."

She met his gaze. "What plans?"

"I was going to start with this." He reached in his pants pocket and withdrew a black jewelers' box.

It clearly contained a ring. She knew it had to be an engagement ring because he wouldn't dare offer her a friendship or commitment ring. She moistened her lips, her heart pounding.

He opened the box, revealing a beautiful diamond, platinum solitaire.

"It's an engagement ring," she whispered.

"Yeah. I know. I'm the guy who bought it. Lelia helped me pick it out yesterday."

So that's where he'd been.

"If you don't like it or if you'd rather we picked out something together or...if you're going to say no..."

How could any man who had as much to offer as he did, sound and look so unsure of himself?

"Do you like it?"

She nodded.

"Are you sure? If you don't absolutely love it—"

She shook her head. "It's perfect. I'll have to thank Lelia. Had I been with you, there's no way I would have dared spent so much of your money in one go. It will probably take me a while to get used to spending your money."

"You can spend every penny I have."

She thought of Caren and Adam in Africa with so little money between them. "Be careful what you promise. I might decide to take you at your word."

"I mean it because without you in my life the money won't mean anything anyway."

"Oh, Brandon. Sweetie, you're wonderful and the ring is so beautiful."

"So are you. Now will you put me out of my misery and tell me you'll marry me, beautiful brown eyes."

Oh, God. Finally. Her throat muscles tightened and she had to swallow several times before she could speak again. "Are you sure?"

He frowned. "Am I sure about what? That I want to marry you?"

She nodded. "Are you?"

"I'm beyond sure. I'm positive." He took her hands in his, kissed her fingers and placed them against his chest. "I don't just love you. I'm in love with you and I adore you. You are everything I want and need and I just can't envision having a meaningful life without you by my side."

"Oh... Brandon." Her throat muscles tightened and she could barely speak.

"Will you marry me? I know that there's nothing beyond my wealth to recommend me, but I promise if you marry me, I'll spend the rest of my life cherishing you."

"Oh, sweetie, having money is going to be nice, but I'd marry you if you were in debt up to your gorgeous eyes."

"Yeah? You're finally saying yes? You'll marry me?"

"Are you on drugs?" She slipped her arms up his chest and around his neck. "It would take an act of God to keep me from marrying you."

"Thank God!" He sighed. "How are your parents going to feel when they learn how much older I am than you?"

"I told you my dad is twenty years older than my mom."

"That doesn't mean they're going to want the same thing for you."

"Trust me, sweetie, you'll be their favorite son-in-law."

"Don't they like Caren's husband?"

"Of course they do. Adam makes her happy and he's a good man. However, you'll have a number of advantages over him. First, you won't be whisking me out of the country. Will you?"

"Only on vacation."

"And you're not dirt poor. Although money isn't super important, Dad always hoped we'd marry men who were more financially ambitious than he was and had a little more disposable income than he and Adam made on a teacher's salary.

"My parents are going to love you almost as much as I do. Now tell me why you seem so surprised that I'm eager to marry you? You've known from the night we met that I was nuts about you."

"Yes, but I've fucked up a lot since that night and you have no idea how much I want and need you."

"I will if you tell me," she said, smiling at him. "So feel free to tell me, sweetie, at length and in great detail."

He sighed. "I have the most loving, devoted, supporting family anyone could possibly want. I'd do almost anything for my siblings and I know they'd do the same for me. Yet, after Rissa's death, I felt so lost and alone. Despite their best efforts, I sank into a dark, miserable place that even Croft couldn't pull me from.

"After a while, Layton, Croft, and Declan pulled me partially out of the pit, but I couldn't reach the top. Even then the effort was costly because Croft ended up with a spiritual imbalance and I was still in a dark, cold, lonely place.

"I couldn't even conceive of ever being happy or romantically content again. My future stretched bleakly ahead of me. Then, the spirits were kind and I reluctantly allowed myself to be talked into attending one of Layton's parties and met you.

"The night I saw you was the first time I felt even a glimmer of hope for a future that didn't offer only dark misery. Still, I had no idea what you would or could mean to me. Then, when we were on the swing and you touched me...Oh, God, your touch, Carae. Do you have any idea how powerful and healing your wonderful, magical touch is?"

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "Oh, yes."

''Who knew?"

"My heart. You have no idea how your touch infused me with hope. When you touched me, it began the healing process for me. In my heart I knew you were the one woman I wanted and needed and...and I'm sorry I made this whole process so difficult and hurtful for you."

"Oh...sweetie, I love you so much more for the efforts you made to protect me from yourself. But it was a losing battle from the word go because the moment I turned and saw you, I was yours for the taking."

She smiled at him. "Reaching this point hurt more than I thought possible, but you know what? I'd go through that and more all over again just for the unmitigated joy of hearing you say how I helped you."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah, sweetie. Like my mom used to tell my dad, 'wasn't nothing going to stand between me and you for too long.'"

"So we're going to do this? The whole marriage and kids thing?"

"Oh, hell to the yes, sweetie."

"I don't just mean the one you're carrying. I hope you share my desire not to have an only child."

She thought of his large family and suppressed a shudder. "Okay, let's discuss how many you'd like to have."

"I'd like to have two at a minimum."