Cara's Twelve (10 page)

The arrival of Lord Tomias' wife, Lady Amber, and her brood of children set the summer house into a frenzy. By the month's end, the estate had been overrun with uncles and aunts, grandparents and cousins. Children ran through the corridors like wild dogs. Servants whisked around the halls in a whirlwind of activity, and every room in the house was filled to its maximum capacity.

Cara held back as Lord Tomias welcomed another guest into his overcrowded home. Her head was throbbing as she tried to remember the names and titles of Cush's relatives. She recognized a few faces from the banquets that had followed the dedication ceremony, but she had been too preoccupied at the time with Maeve to familiarize herself with those in attendance.

A small sticky hand tugged on her dress, and Cara looked down to find Cush's youngest brother Loc watching her with a mischievous grin.

Tomias and Amber's children shared many of the same features as Cush, but none as much as Loc, and Cara imagined that Cush had looked quite similar when he was four years old.

Reaching down, she brushed the tawny ringlets out of the boy's eyes.

She had never spent much time around children. Even when she was a child herself she tended to shy away from those her own age. Yet for some reason Loc had taken an immediate liking to her, and since his arrival he had never been far from Cara's side.

“What trouble are you up to today?” she asked, bending down so that they were eye to eye.

“I found a treasure,” Loc whispered loudly. “Wanna see?”

“A treasure?” Cara exclaimed, covering her mouth and trying not to giggle as he shushed her.

“You can't tell anyone,” Loc stated adamantly.

“It will be our secret,” she said, mirroring his serious expression. “Will you show me?”

Loc's face lit up and he nodded fervently.

He grabbed her hand and began pulling her towards the back of the house and through the courtyard until they reached a grove of oak trees.

“You promise not to tell?” Loc asked, his tiny face pursed in somber deliberation.

Cara nodded and tried her best not to smile. “I promise.”

Satisfied with her answer, he scurried over to a large hollowed out stump and pointed inside. “Look.”

Worried what might be in the hole, she hesitated. Snakes and dead rodents were as much a treasure to a four-year old boy as gold and silver were to a king.

Taking a tentative step, she peeked carefully over the hollowed out stump and held her breath.

“Aren't they amazing?” Loc said, reaching in to pick up a small carefully carved figurine.

They were amazing. Cara stared in awe at the intricately designed wooden army. Someone had carefully whittled and glazed the small soldiers with such precision and detail that Cara gasped at the beauty of them.

“How did you find them?”

“The big dog man told me they were here.”

“The big dog man?” Cara asked, confused.

“The big mean dog man you came with,” Loc said, looking at her as if she was simple in the head. “But, I don't think he's as mean as Ardon and Eron say he is.”

Cara frowned at the boy's description of Tahdaon. It was obvious he had heard his brothers use the derogatory term. It wasn't like Loc to speak unkindly about anyone.

“You shouldn't call him that.”

“Why?”

“Because it's not nice to call people names. It would hurt his feelings.”

Loc looked down at the figurines and frowned. “I don't want to hurt his feelings.”

Cara smiled and ruffled his hair. She reached into the hole and picked up one of the soldiers. “You're right Loc. This is quite a treasure.”

He beamed up at her. “Do you think I can keep it?”

“You found it so I think the treasure's yours.”

Loc shrieked in delight.

“Here,” she said, handing him a handkerchief that she pulled from her bodice. “Wrap them carefully in this and then you can carry them back to your room.”

He did as she said and Cara watched as he scampered off towards the house, taking great pride not to drop his new toys.

Cara signed and spoke out loud, “Tahdaon you never cease to surprise me.”

He was as much a mystery to her now as he had been the first day they met. The man was still withdrawn and bad-tempered, but over the past few weeks there had been moments like this when she had seen a glimpse of something softer behind his mask of indifference. She shook her head at the paradox he presented.

Cara froze and listened at the sound of shouting in the distance. She recognized the voices immediately. Her heart hammering in her ears, she moved through the shadows of the trees until she found its source.

At the bottom of the hill near the lake's edge, Finn held Helfrich by the collar of his shirt, his face red with anger.

Helfrich held up both hands in surrender and mumbled something Cara couldn't hear.

“Do you think I don't know that?” Finn bellowed, shoving Helfrich away. “I know the rules and the law just as well as you do.”

Finn paced the rocky shoreline and Cara's heart clenched at the pain she heard beneath his angry words. Pain that she had caused.

Helfrich spoke again and Finn's eyes darkened. By his posture, Cara thought Finn would attack again, but instead of charging at Helfrich, he tuned and stormed up the hill towards the stables.

“Coward,” Helfrich yelled at him.

Cara blew out a frustrated breath.

Everything had changed the day Finn had found her with Helfrich.

Finn had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. When she had tried to talk to him, to explain what had happened with Helfrich, he had coldly told her that she was free to do what she wanted. She had heard the undercurrent in his words. She was free to do whatever she wanted, as long as she stayed away from him.

Helfrich had been different with her as well. Their usual easy banter had become forced.

They were both being fools, and she had been the biggest one of all. She had allowed her curiosity to destroy her relationship with both men.

Cara had never felt so alone.

Even Maeve, who had made incredible progress since she had been under Lord Tomias' care, had become trapped in a darkness that Cara couldn't penetrate. In the last week, she had even refused to see Reyn, and Cara worried that although her cousin would heal from her physical injuries, she might never recover emotionally from the hell she had experienced.

Disheartened, she leaned against a giant oak and closed her eyes.

“He'll get over himself,” a low growl sounded behind her.

Cara jumped at the sound and cursed as she raised a hand to her heart.

Tahdaon didn't apologize for his intrusion or for scaring the living daylights out of her; he merely stalked towards her with his catlike gait and stood next to her.

“He's a fool, but he cares for you,” Tahdaon said, his voice gruff. “
Most
men don't like sharing their woman, especially when their hearts are involved.”

She stared up at him in shock.

He knew about Helfrich. She could see it in his face.

Did the others know as well?

Her cheeks went hot in embarrassment. She was such an idiot. She couldn't even imagine what the other men would think of her if they knew Finn and Helfrich were fighting, and that she had caused it.

“Relax,” he said, as if reading her mind. “I was here that day and saw what happened. No one else knows.”

“You saw?” she squeaked, feeling even more humiliated. She closed her eyes and covered her face with both hands.

Keeping her hands plastered over her eyes, Cara waited for his ridicule, but he stayed silent.

Minutes passed and Tahdaon still didn't move or speak.

Finally, she moved her hands and forced herself to look at him.

He was leaning against an oak tree, arms crossed, watching her, and the heat in his gaze was scorching.

She tried to speak, but found it difficult to breathe. Her skin tingled, and the very air seemed to sizzle with tension.

His dark hair, which was longer now, had been recently washed and brushed back from his face. Cara noticed a small scar that cut through his right brow, an injury that had come perilously close to damaging his eye. A week's worth of scruff shadowed his handsome face and hid the raised scar that traced his jaw. The sun caught his face when he tilted his head, and Cara noted the dark brown spot in the corner of his left iris that marred his blue eyes. They were characteristics that would have made Finn or Helfrich look unkempt, but on Tahdaon it only added to the aura of power that surrounded him. The image was heightened by his tightly coiled muscles and elevated stature.

She could kick herself for the thoughts that entered her head as she watched him. She had enough trouble already; she didn't need to add another man into the mix. But as she watched his eyes roam over her body the way Finn's had once done, she couldn't stop the slow burn that infused her.

She licked her lips as a wave of desire pulsed through her.

In a heartbeat he was on her, his hands plastered on either side of her body. His face inches from hers.

Cara gasped in surprise, but instead of kissing her like she expected, he pushed away abruptly and let out a string of curses.

Confused by his outburst, and not knowing what she had done wrong, Cara blinked back tears of embarrassment.

With his back still turned, she heard his ragged breath as he tried to control himself.

“I'm sorry if I did something to upset you,” she said weakly.

He turned back towards her and raked his fingers through his hair. “You can't look at a man like that and not expect him to want to rip your clothes off.”

Cara sucked in a breath at his explicit words.

“Oh,” she mouthed.

He took a step towards her and stopped.

“You want my advice?” His voice was harsh.

Cara hesitated. She didn't know if she did or not. Finally, she responded, “yes.”

He frowned and scratched his chin before answering. “Go to Finn. Let him love you the way you want to be loved.”

It wasn't what she had expected him to say. “He doesn't want me. He's made it perfectly clear.”

Tahdaon grunted, “He wants you. No man in his right mind wouldn't. But the man's a stubborn mule. He needs to know you want him too.”

Cara frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

He shook his head and shrugged.

“And Helfrich?” she asked.

“That depends on you. Do you want him?”

“Does it even matter anymore?”

He arched a brow at her and his voice seemed strained. “You really don't get it do you?”

He didn't explain what he meant and Cara couldn't force herself to ask.

Silence hung heavy between them. She looked up at thick tangle of branches overhead and let out an elongated breathe. Nothing was simple anymore.

A sudden burst of wind stirred the tree tops and she shuddered.

“Come on, let's get you back in the house,” Tahdaon commanded.

She stiffened at the dominance in his voice. “I think I'll stay here for a moment.”

His gaze darkened and he looked down his nose at her. “I don't want you out here unattended. You saw how easily I came upon you. You put yourself in danger walking alone.”

Apprehension tightened her chest as he vocalized her fears. Since Edmund's threats, she had constantly been looking over her shoulder worried that he would attack again. He was right. She was foolish to be out here by herself.

He made a low guttural sound deep in his throat that conveyed his annoyance. “Go on. I'll follow behind.”

When she reached the clearing, she turned to thank him, but he had disappeared.

“Cassie stop cavorting about and help me with Cara's dress,” Lady Amber chided, shaking her head as her daughter pranced and twirled around them.

Unfazed by her mother's reprimand, Cassie flung herself on Cara's bed and laughed. “Isn't it exciting? Your first moon ceremony. It seems like all of Lydd has come to join in the celebration.”

Cara managed a smile, but her heart wasn't in it.

At sundown the festival of the first wheat harvest would commence, and Cara would observe the required rituals that would further bind her to Cush and the province of Lydd. She had made similar vows on the altar of Annul, but this festival would secure her ties to the province in the presence of both the Lyddian nobility and peasantry. Tonight they would join together in a display of unity and worship and appeal to Annul to bestow her favor on them.

“What do you think it will feel like?” Cassie asked, her eyes bright with excitement. “To have Annul dwell inside you?”

Cara shrugged and looked down at the floor.

“It's all right to be nervous,” Cush's mother said softly, securing a gem-encrusted brooch to the front of Cara's ceremonial garment.

“Are you afraid?” Cassie asked, jumping from the bed and taking Cara's hands in her own.  “I think I would be terrified to have so many people watching me.”

“Cassie!” Lady Amber exclaimed.

“What? It's true. I've never seen so many people before,” Cassie stated.

The girl was wrong, but Cara didn't correct her. It wasn't the ceremony she was most concerned about or the large crowds that had gathered to take part in the festival.  What she was most terrified of was what would happen after the ritual binding was over, when she would be left alone with Cush and expected to make a choice to accept or refuse him as a lover.

The choice was daunting, and she still didn't know what she was going to do.

If I deny him, will I make an enemy of Cush and his family?
It was that one thought that she struggled the most with.

Almost a full month had passed since Cara and the men had arrived at Tomias' summer house, and the resources he had promised them had been secured. The preparation was complete, and they were scheduled to leave for Crowthorne in two days. It was only because of the Viceroy's generosity that they would do so in comfort.

Lord Tomias had the power to take everything away. Worse, if she angered him, he could betray Maeve's life, and have her taken into custody. She didn't believe it was in the Viceroy's nature to use finances or secrets against his enemies, but she had been deceived before, and it wasn't a chance she wanted to take.

She would do anything to secure Maeve's protection. But giving her virginity to Cush seemed a high price to pay.

She tried to still her resentment, as Cassie continued babbling incoherently. In many ways Cara was just as innocent and inexperienced as Cush's sister, but Cara didn't have the luxury of being as self-absorbed as the girl clearly was.

I should have listened to Tahdaon.

Perhaps she should have done what he had said and gone to Finn. If she had allowed him to take her and teach her, maybe then she wouldn't have so much trepidation about performing the act with Cush. She doubted her reasoning, but still she wondered.

Lady Amber looked at her expectantly, and Cara's cheeks turned red in embarrassment as she realized the older woman had been speaking to her.

“Sorry, I'm afraid my mind is elsewhere,” Cara confessed.

Lady Amber smiled kindly at her and handed her a glass. “Drink this. It will help you relax.”

Cara sniffed at the sweet smelling liquor, tilted her back and drained the contents. She cringed at the strong taste, but the burning sensation soon turned to a warmth that spread throughout her body.

Lady Amber took the cup and patted her hand affectionately. “Cassie, let's leave Cara so she can rest.”

“But maybe she doesn't want to rest,” Cassie whined.

“Cassie,” Lady Amber said in an exasperated tone, and then looked back at Cara. “I will come and get you when it's time.”

Cara could almost cry in gratitude for the woman's thoughtfulness.

When the women had taken their leave, Cara, careful not to wrinkle her dress or mess her hair, laid down on her bed. Folding her hands over her stomach, she closed her eyes and tried to settle her mind.

Her thoughts drifted to her mother. She had been gone so many years, and Cara could barely remember her face, but she desperately wished that she could talk to her now. What would she say? What advice would she give? Would she be proud of Cara for the choices she had made?

It was no use speculating. She was alone, and her choices and the consequences they brought were on head and hers alone.

* * *

The Lyddian priestess chanted over her, and Cara shivered as their voices merged and vibrated through her.

Sinewy hands, dry and cracked with age, massaged her arms and legs with an oily substance that left her body glowing in the dim candle light.

The air in the makeshift tent swirled in a foggy whirlpool from the vapors of the priestess' long wooden pipe. The fumes were strong and her eyes burned as the woman blew another puff of smoke into Cara's mouth.

She coughed as the vapor filled her lungs.

The woman continued chanting a ritual blessing as a translucent veil was placed over her head and was secured with a golden crown.

Cara's hands shook, not only from nerves, but also from the drugs she inhaled. Her head was swimming, and she tried her best to focus on what the priestesses were saying, but she couldn't seem to concentrate. A feeling of euphoria settled over her, and fear tightened her throat as her mind slipped into a deep fog.

The chanting changed tempo, growing more urgent, as the priestesses rose and encircled her. Their hands bound together, eyes closed in deep concentration, they moved and spoke as one as they called on Annul to possess her.

Cara gasped as the shadows thickened, and the women's faces blurred before her. Energy vibrated around her, and Cara blinked hard, as she watched the air contort in swirls and spirals. Every nerve and fiber of her body pulsated, and she had a sudden desire to run her fingers along her bare flesh. Strange feelings of ecstasy burned through her body and bizarre thoughts flashed through her mind.

Was it possible the goddess existed?

Cara had always doubted her existence, but now as the women fervently called upon their goddess, Cara wondered if she had been wrong all along.

Would Annul take possession of her body? Control her? Make her do things she would otherwise not do?

If the goddess possessed her, then she wouldn't have to make the decision to accept or deny Cush. The goddess would use her body, and she would be free from the personal responsibility of the decision.

Cara's body swayed to the fervency of the women's words. The drugs had taken full effect, and Cara gave up the struggle to fight against the euphoric darkness. For the first time in weeks, the tension drained from her, and she allowed her mind to fall into the seductive haze where there were no worries or fears.

The chanting stopped abruptly, but Cara's body continued to rock and sway.

The last thing she heard before her mind went completely dark was the reverent voice of an older priestess.

“She is ready. The goddess breathes within her.”

* * *

Finn sucked in a deep breath as he saw Cara emerge from the priestesses' tent. For a full minute, he couldn't breathe at the sight of her. She was magnificent, and in that moment he could believe that she was the goddess herself.

In the fading orange light of the sun, her body shimmered as if it were on fire. The pale, almost translucent material of her dress highlighted every curve of her body, and Finn's mouth went dry as he studied the perfect shape of her breasts, her slender stomach, and the soft curve of her hips.

Two veiled priestesses stood beside her, and Finn frowned as he noticed that Cara relied on them to steady herself.

The crowd erupted in whispers of admiration and sighs of reverence as Cara took her place on the raised platform that had been constructed for the ceremony.

Finn was close enough to the platform that, even through the thin gauze that covered her face, he could tell her eyes were glazed over. Something wasn't right, and as the ceremony progressed, it became more evident that she had been drugged by a powerful hallucinogenic. He was amazed that she was still standing.

Finn shook his head, his anger mounting. He knew from their conversations about the opiates that Maeve had taken for her pain that Cara had never consumed narcotics before. She would be lucky if she wasn't violently sick from the amount they had given her. What bothered him the most, however, was that they had left her defenceless. If she chose to deny Cush, she wouldn't have the strength or the mindset to do so.

If the boy hurt her, he swore he would have Cush's blood for it.

He let out a frustrated breath. He had been an idiot. Jealousy had made him pull away and deny himself the pleasures they both desired. Now she would go to her first moon festival as inexperienced as she was the day he met her.

Cush was young and Finn didn't think the boy was any more experienced then Cara was. He would be quick and clumsy, not the gentle skilled lover she needed for her first time.

Finn cursed himself. He had denied her that. It should have been him that carefully and lovingly took her maidenhood, not a clumsy boy barely out of adolescence.

What a fool he had been. She belonged as much to the Twelve as they belonged to her. He had no right to lay claim on her. Helfrich had tried to warn him, but he hadn't listened. Now she would suffer because of his selfishness.

A fierce tick started in his jaw.

He had seen the confusion in her eyes and the new insecurities that played havoc on her face, but had done nothing.

As the priestesses guided Cara off the platform and towards the sanctuary where she would be united with Cush, Finn let out an elongated breath and cursed himself again for being such a fool.

The celebration had only begun and would continue until the sunset the next day. The day after they would leave for Crowthorne. He would speak to her then, and make sure he never made the same mistake again.

As the crowd dispersed to indulge in the more depraved activities the festival had to offer, Helfrich approached him tentatively and handed him a jug of ale.

Finn took it, nodded in gratitude and drained the contents. Helfrich did the same with his own jug.

“Let's get away from here,” Helfrich offered.

Finn grunted in agreement and followed him through the mob and across the fields. As they left, Finn hoisted one of the numerous kegs the Viceroy had supplied onto his shoulders and took it with them.

Cracking the barrel open, they sat in a small clearing and drank. Even after the keg was nearly half empty, no words passed between them, and Finn was grateful for Helfrich's silence.

Tonight he would drink and try to forget the cost of his mistakes. His focus needed to be on making amends and making sure she knew how much he wanted her. How much he needed her.

Heat rushed to his groin and his cock throbbed as he imagined all the ways he would make it up to her. Never again would he deny her or deny himself. There was an untapped passion that burned within her, and he would do everything in his power to see all her desires fulfilled. If she wanted to be with the others, he would have to live with that. He would never make the mistake of showing his jealousy.

Finn groaned and chugged another jug of ale.

He looked over to see Helfrich slumped against a log. It would take more than half of a keg to knock him out, to make him forget that the woman he loved was with another man.

Finn told himself it didn't matter. She had feelings for him, and while they weren't as strong as the love for her, it would have to be enough. At least for now.

He
would
have her. It was only a matter of time.

* * *

Cara blinked as her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room. Her head was still foggy from the drugs, but she was slowly regaining her functions. The room was smaller than she had expected, and her attention went immediately to the large lavishly adorned bed in the center of the room.

She blew out an uneven breath. The room held only a few other pieces of furniture, and it was clear that it was designed with a specific purpose in mind.  A wave of nausea made her head spin, and she searched the room in vain for a chair or couch to sit down on, anywhere other than the bed.

The nausea passed quickly, but she couldn't shake the feeling that the room was rotating around her. Her mouth was dry, and she smacked her tongue against the gritty feeling. There was a decanter of wine on the bedside table. She didn't want to put any other intoxicating substances in her body, but it was all she had and it would have to do. Removing the crown and veil from her head, she poured herself a glass and swished the tangy liquid around her mouth in attempt to rid herself of the sand-like sensation.

She tried to clear her mind, to fight the heaviness that hung over her. The past few hours had been a blur. She realized that she didn't even know where she was. She had no memory of walking there. In fact, the more she tried to remember, the less she recalled. It was an unnerving feeling.

She took another swig of the wine and startled as Cush entered the room. She wondered if he had been drugged as well, but as she looked at him she noticed his eyes were focused and sober. She was definitely at a disadvantage in her drugged state.

Cush hesitated near the doorway. Gone was his usual youthful confidence, and Cara was glad to see her own trepidation mirrored in his eyes.

“You look beautiful,” he said awkwardly, taking a tentative step towards her.

Without thinking, she took a step back. Immediately she regretted the decision as she watched Cush's eyes cloud over in humiliation. His face turned bright red as he scratched the back of his neck and looked down at his feet. Thick dark curls fell across his forehead and he hid his eyes from her.