“I’ll come get Victoria then.”
“No. She’s had a full day, we’re got through
another chunk of the program then Amina came over for a couple
hours. She’s worn out too. We’re just going to call it a night.”
He’s silent on the other end.
“William?”
“If that’s what you want.” His voice is stiff at
her rejection.
“It’s not what I want, but I think it’s what I
need to do.” He runs a frustrated hand through his hair.
“Okay, you’ll call if you need anything.”
“William…”
“Damn it Cassandra
!” William’s temper is
getting the better of him. She’s shutting him out! He can feel
it.
“Don’t you swear at me William Zafar!”
Cassandra’s own temper rises. “I’m
tired
! I’m
irritable
, and I don’t need you making me feel
stupid
for not knowing how to get a hold of you!” Suddenly she’s close to
tears she takes a deep breath. Hearing it makes William’s temper
disappear.
“Cassandra...”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She
disconnects.
William slowly takes off his headset as he sits
back in his chair. His life mate just hung up on him. She is sick
and he’d let his temper get the better of him. She stood toe to toe
with him then hung up on him. What the hell is the matter with him!
How could he not have realized no one has shown her how to work
everything on the comm consul in her quarters? That
he
hadn’t shown her. She can learn Regulian but not know how to get in
touch with him if she needs too or just wants too. She’s upset with
him. He can’t say he blames her. This not knowing if she’s
conceived or not is making him stupid, it ends tonight.
“Come on Tori, finish up, and we’ll get some
sleep.” Cassandra says standing in the doorway of the bathroom.
“K.” Is the watery response.
Cassandra sits down on the couch to wait. She
hates feeling this exhausted. It’s always been this way for her.
Gram’s always told her that some day it would get better. God she
wished it was today.
Coming out in her jammies carrying a towel and
brush Tori sits between her legs. After drying her hair Cassandra
starts to brush.
“So what was your favorite part of the day?” She
asks as if she didn’t know.
“Amina coming over! Aunt Cassie did you know
that in a few days we’re going to be stopping at Rodham. It’s a
space station. A real in space, space station! Amina says we can
leave the ship and go on it!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, so can we?”
“Can we what?”
“Go on the Rodham Space Station?”
“Well I…” Cassandra trails off as someone knocks
on their hatch door. Opening it she isn’t surprised by whose
outside, stepping back she lets him in.
“Hi Admiral!” Tori says from the couch.
“Hi.” William takes everything in at once, Tori
in her jammies with damp hair, Cassandra’s tired eyes sparking at
him, a plate of uneaten food on the table, Cassandra’s plate.
Putting a hand behind her head he leans down, kissing her until she
responses.
“I missed you.” Cassandra leans against him for
a second then straightens.
“I need to finish Tori’s hair” Stepping around
him she moves back to the couch. He understands she’s still mad at
him. Good, he is too. Following he sits down next to her.
“So Tori I hear you had company today.”
“Yeah, Amina. She’s says we’re going to be
stopping at Rodham. It’s a space station!”
“Yes it is.”
“We can go on it.”
“Yes.” Cassandra finishes brushing Tori’s hair
as she talks William’s ear off. She has to give him credit, he took
the bombardment well.
“That’s it kiddo, all done, time for bed.”
“But the Admiral’s here.”
“Well okay, but then I guess you won’t be able
to go for a half day of class tomorrow.”
“What? Really?” Tori quizzed excitedly.
“Half
a day.”
“Yes!” Jumping up she gives first the Admiral a
quick hug. “Night Admiral!” Running across the room she dives into
bed. Shaking her head Cassandra walks over to tuck her in.
“Love you kiddo. Sleep well.”
“Love you Aunt Cassie.” Rolling onto her tummy
she’s sleep. Dimming the lights she turns to face William.
William watches her walk back to him, seeing her
fatigue. Saying nothing he pulls her down into his lap.
“William…”
“Shhh. Just relax, I need to hold you for a
bit.” Pulling her closer he leans back. She wants to be mad at him,
but just doesn’t have the energy. It feels so good just to curl up
into his arms. Letting herself relax sleep takes her.
He’d meant to have it out with her but her
obvious exhaustion has him letting her sleep. Content he closes his
eyes.
Groaning in her sleep Cassandra tries to move to
relieve some of the discomfort. Finding she can’t she opens her
eyes to discover she’s being held by a sleeping William. With the
cramping getting worse she moves, William’s arms tighten around
her.
“William.” She whispers, not wanting to wake
Tori. “William I need to get up.” She shakes his arm. Waking he
finds Cassandra struggling to get out of his arms.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need the bathroom. Let me up.” Her tone
almost frantic, he immediately releases her. Rushing to the
bathroom she closes the door. Waiting impatiently William finally
stands ready to pound on the door when it suddenly opens. She comes
out looking pale and sweaty, walking by him she lays back down on
the couch.
“Cassandra,” Sitting on the edge of the couch he
tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “Tell me what’s wrong so I
can help.” He finds her skin is clammy.
“You can’t help with this.” Whispering she pulls
her legs up to her chest. William is truly starting to fear for
her.
“Cassandra?” When she says nothing he stands,
“I’m calling Bliant.”
“No!” She grabs his arm. “He can’t do anything
either.”
“Cassandra, you’re scaring me.” Stretching her
legs back out she swing them over the side of the couch.
“William,” She starts, than quickly heads back
to the bathroom. This time he isn’t letting her shut the door.
“Damn it William get out!” She hisses trying to
shut the door.
“No.”
“I need some privacy!”
“Not until you tell me what’s going on!”
“I’m having my cycle! Alright! Now get out!”
“Cycle?”
“God William, you were married! Figure it out!
Now get out!” Shoving him out she closes the door.
Standing on the other side of the door he’s
trying to make sense of what she’s said. What the hell is a cycle?
He’d told her he’d been ‘married’ as she calls it. What does that
have to do with her obviously cramping…. Does she mean flow? She’s
having her flow? That would mean she
hasn’t
conceived.
Salish never had this problem…. Had she? William realizes he
doesn’t know.
Walking away from the door he sits down trying
to sort his thoughts. There is no child. He isn’t sure if he’s
relieved or upset. When the door opens he watches her cross the
room.
“Cassandra….”
“Are you happy!” She demands in a fierce
whisper. “Now that you know, you can leave!”
“I’m not leaving!”
“There is nothing you can do here, except leave
me some pride.”
“You should have told me.”
“Really! How many Carinian women have talked
about their cycle to
you
?” She has him there.
“Sit down. Please.” He adds. Cassandra sits
easing herself back closing her eyes. “I need to explain Cassandra.
I’m not very good at it.”
“At what?” She asks tiredly.
“Explaining myself. I don’t do it very
often.”
“I noticed.” William gives a little smile she
doesn’t see.
“Cassandra,” He picks up her hand. He needs to
touch her. “I forgot to kiss you goodbye last night.” She opens her
eyes to look at him. “How could I forget that?” He looks up seeing
she’s watching him.
“Today I don’t hear from you. You’re not in our
quarters for dinner. Hutu tells me you’re ill. Tori tells me you’re
sick. You tell me you’re okay.” She can hear the impatience growing
again in his voice. “I missed you. I needed to see you, make sure
you were okay. You tend to get stubborn when it’s about you.”
“I
get stubborn?”
“Yes, you do.” He caresses her cheek. “Cassandra
I’m as new to this life mate thing as you are. I’m trying to find
my way too. When you’re obviously ill I’m going to be
concerned.”
“I’m
not
ill. Fine you want to know. This
is what my cycle is like. For thirty-six hours every six weeks like
clockwork. Are you satisfied, anything else you want to know?”
“Thirty-six hours?” He looks at her.
“Yes.” Realizing she’s being brutally honest. He
has to do the same.
“I thought you’d conceived.” Never breaking eye
contact he sees the confusion enter her eyes.
“Why would you think that?”
“I didn’t start taking the Ollali juice until
last night.”
“What?”
“I have no excuse. I just didn’t think of it. It
was irresponsible of me.”
“You thought I was pregnant…. That’s why you
told me about your wife.”
“Past wife”
“Whatever. You thought I’d lie to you.”
“No!” Urgently he frames her face. “I wanted you
to know I’d accept the child.”
“You would accept a child from me.” She pulls
her face away, “Because you’d forgotten to take the Ollali juice.”
Her tone is as icy as her eyes have become.
William commands a battle star, five
battleships, and seven thousand men. He’s known for his sharp mind
and level headedness. But a six foot woman has him tripping over
his words.
“No!” He looks to make sure Tori’s still
sleeping. “Damn it Cassandra, I haven’t been able to think of
anything else since I realized my mistake.”
“Mistake.” She repeats quietly.
“Shut up and let me finish. When I first
realized you might have conceived I was angry, at myself, not you.
It’s my responsibility to protect you. Mine. And I didn’t, you’re
my life mate and I didn’t protect you. Then I realized I wanted the
child. I wanted you to have conceived, for you to have my child,
our child.” He frames her face. “I know this is fast, especially
for you where everything is new. I’m sorry I forced you to tell me
what was wrong. I thought it might have been because I didn’t
protect you. I couldn’t handle that Cassandra. I just found you.”
He gently kisses the tears running down her cheeks. “Don’t cry,
please don’t cry.”
Cassandra finds his mouth, sinking into a kiss.
This man, she thinks, continually amazes her.
“William.” She breaks off the kiss. “I’d accept
your child, proudly, willingly.” She meets his dark violet eyes.
“But I’m glad I haven’t conceived. Can you understand that?”
“Yes.” He rests his forehead on hers. “It’s too
soon, there’s too much going on. Our time will come Cassandra.
We’ll take our time.”
“Really?
You
can be patient?” She smiles
at him.
“If I work really hard at it.” Cassandra rushes
to the bathroom for a third time, causing William’s heart to hurt.
Getting up he goes to her comm center to program in some lines.
He’s still there when she comes back to out.
“Come here.” He holds out his hand. Taking it he
pulls her into his lap. “I’ve programmed in my private lines.
This,” he points, “will get my private line in both the ready room
and our quarters.” At her look he repeats. “It’s
our
quarters Cassandra, that’s how I think of them. And this is,” he
indicts another button. “Is my private line on the bridge.”
“William you don’t…..” The angry look he gives
her effectively stops her.
“Yes I do. It should have been done long ago.”
Cassandra’s tired body relaxes against his. “Now that you can get
in touch, I need to leave so you can rest.” Walking to the hatch he
asks one more time. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to
help?” She raises tired eyes to him.
“I just need time.”
“I will see you tomorrow.” Giving her one last
kiss opens the hatch. “Secure the door.” He orders.
“So what do you think? Do we need to go over
anything again?” Cassandra asks Tori as she sits back from the
console.
“No I think I’ve got it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah, can I get ready for school now?”
“Sure, Javiera is going to walk you. Is that
okay?”
“Your still not feeling good are you Aunt
Cassie.” Tori looks at her.
“By tonight I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’ve been
going through this for years now sweetie.” Cassandra reassures her
niece. “You’d better hurry, Hutu will be here soon with lunch then
Javiera will pick you up.”
As Tori hustles off Cassandra shuts down the
Regulian language program. All in all it had been a good morning.
While she isn’t feeling great she isn’t quite as fatigued as last
night. Once Tori leaves she is going to have to sit down and give
some serious thought to what William said last night. Rising to
answer the door Cassandra calls Tori.
“Hutu’s here.”
Opening the hatch Cassandra finds he’s not
alone. Backing up she lets William and Hutu enter. Hutu places the
plates on the low table in front of the couch, removing the covers,
he checks the dishes then leaves. Tori skips out of the
bathroom.
“Hi Admiral.”
“Hi Tori, you look ready for class.”
“Yeah,” she smiles at him. “Javiera is going to
walk me.” Sitting on floor across from the couch she starts to eat.
“Is she going to walk me back too, Aunt Cassie?”
“I’ll come get you.” Cassandra tells her as she
and William sit on the couch.
“Eat.” William tells her as he starts on
his.
“We finished the program Admiral.” Tori informs
him.
“Really?”
“Yeah! Now when I have the dream I’ll know what
they’re saying and can tell you.”