“Yes, I wouldn’t have agreed if it wasn’t.” She
waits.
“You were right, from the very beginning, on
everything. It was Falco, she had the empty Xyphrine bottles, the
DC-48, the detonators. She’s in the brig. You don’t have to worry
about her. You and Victoria are safe.”
“No one was hurt?” She can’t help but ask.
“No, everyone is fine. Cassandra,” William lifts
a hand to her face, he needs to touch her. “Don’t!” He exclaims as
she steps back, causing her to freeze.
“I am so sorry Cassandra.” William puts his arms
around her, gently pulling her stiff body close to kiss the top of
her head. “I know I hurt you. That’s the last thing I meant to
do.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Fuck that! It
does
! Please look at me.”
Tipping her chin up, the emotion he’s finally able to see in her
eyes tearing him apart. “Cassandra, you’re my life mate.” Careful
of her bruises he frames her face. “You are the most important
thing in my life! I know I’ve been lousy showing it, in keeping you
safe. You and Victoria. There’s no excuse for it.”
“William.” She tries to stop him.
“No!” William’s fingers tighten, his eyes
intense. “I need you to believe me Cassandra, to believe
in
me again. I had no reason to attack you for going to Lucas. You had
every right to protect yourself, I wasn’t. Then to accuse you of
not trusting me when I wasn’t telling you everything you needed to
know.” Cassandra can’t stand seeing this proud, confident man
doubting her belief in him, in himself. As her tears spill onto his
hands, his eyes fill with pain.
“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Pulling her face
into his chest he closes his eyes. How is he going to make this
right?
Cassandra can’t be this close to him, feeling
his pain and not comfort him. No matter what’s happened, what’s
been said, she loves him. Wrapping her arms around him she pulls
him closer. Feeling her arms around him William sucks in a sharp
breath.
“Cassandra?” He whispers looking at her as she
tips her head up. Her eyes still flooded with tears, she carefully
stretches up looking for his mouth. He lowers his head to find hers
in a gentle meeting of lips.
“I’ve always believed in you William, trusted
you.” Her voice laced with tears as she eases out of his arms.
“I’ve never stopped.” Taking a few steps away she forces herself to
finish. “But that’s not enough is it.” She looks him in the eye.
“Life mate or not, you don’t trust it, or me. Understandable when
you think about it, it’s not everyone who’s responsible for the
death of seven billion people.”
“You’re not responsible for that! Damn it
Cassandra! The Regulians are!”
“But you’ve never really trusted me have you.”
William can say nothing. “I didn’t realize it until this morning.
Too wrapped up in you I guess.” She shakes her head. “I used to be
smarter than that.” Suddenly tired, she heads to the couch picking
up the bag that Javiera brought.
“Is it okay if I use your shower?” William finds
it hard to swallow.
“Cassandra, it’s our shower, you don’t have to
ask. This is your home.”
“No,” She gives him a sad look. “It’s not.”
Walking into the bathroom she softly closes the door.
He’s losing her…His life mate….She’s right he
hasn’t given her his full trust. Not like she’s given him. He’s
allowed his experience with Salish to influence him. He’s never
really forgiven her, Salish, for her lie, or himself for not
questioning her more before they’d wed. He loved his sons but had
felt only responsibility for their mother.
Cassandra wouldn’t tolerate being a
responsibility, if anything that would piss her off. She’s the
strongest, most loving, demanding, opinionated, brave, and loyal
woman he’s ever met. She’s his life mate and despite her size, his
equal. Is he really going to let another woman come between
them?
William is shocked to discover that that’s
exactly what he is doing. First Salish, then Falco, protecting
himself from being lied to again. Only Cassandra has never lied to
him. ’Honesty, whether I like it or not.’ That’s what she wants,
but he’d never really given it to her. It’s time to start.
Cassandra’s tired. Mind, body and soul, hoping
the heat of the shower will give her some relief she steps in.
Closing her eyes she lets her mind go blank. Feeling William’s
gentle kiss on her shoulder, his large hands resting on her narrow
hips she opens her eyes. The shower would provide no relief.
“I need you Cassandra.” William admits next to
her ear. “In every way possible, I need you.” Turning her to face
him he continues. “I need to ask something of you. Something I have
no right to ask after everything I’ve done. But I’m asking just the
same. Can you give me time? Time to show you that I believe in you
trust you, trust us. Everything’s happened so fast. You wanted to
talk, slow things down. Can you give us the time for that?” His
eyes implore her. “Can you still believe in me, trust in me, and
give me time to show you how much I love you? No doubts, no
comparisons just you and me, honesty whether we like it or not?”
William waits knowing the rest of his life depends on her
answer.
Cassandra’s turmoil is easy to read in her eyes.
What is she supposed to do? Could she open herself back up to him?
Risk being hurt by him again? Would she survive it? Would she
survive without him? He says he loves her. Can she trust that? He’s
only ever lied by omission. He isn’t the kind of man who says I
love you to a woman and not mean it.
She can’t seem to resolve anything in her mind.
She’s battered and bruised, her senses too assaulted to decide
anything. Closing her eyes she rests her forehead on his chest.
“I’m tired, so tired.” With her voice quivering,
William pulls her close finding it isn’t just her voice. Her entire
body is starting to shake. She’s pushed too far. Grabbing a towel
he quickly dries her before sweeping her up, carrying her to their
bed.
“Rest Cassandra,” William covers her with a
sheet. Pulling on a pair of bottoms he grabs the blanket from the
couch wrapping it around her. Sitting next to her he can see her
visible shaking. Sliding in next to her he pulls her close trying
to calm her.
“I’m here Cassandra. I’ve got you, rest baby.
Nothing has to be decided right now. I love you. Rest.” William
closes his eyes willing her to calm, running a hand along her back
the shakes slowly cease.
Sitting on a cliff, Cassandra hears the crashing
of the surf and watches in wonder the setting of three suns, the
brilliance of the colors. Turning her head she sees Sabah sitting
next to her.
“It’s beautiful.”
“Yes, its’ one of the things I missed most about
Carina.”
“Do you regret it?” Sabah turns away from the
setting suns to look at her descendant.
“Regret? Every important decision comes with
some regret, otherwise it wouldn’t be important. The question you
should be asking is, did what I find make up for what I left
behind.”
“Did it?”
“I left behind my entire family. Everything I’d
ever known. Everything I thought I was.” Sabah looks into her own
eyes, in Cassandra’s face. “What I found was myself... who I
really
was, who I was
meant
to be. Children I would
have never had on Carina, with a man I wouldn’t have been allowed
to love. He’s my life mate. He sacrificed much because of me…for
me. Many would say I gave more but he gave all he was. No one can
give more than that.”
“You didn’t answer the question.” Sabah smiles
at her.
“We left behind what others
demanded
we
be, what they tried to
make
us believe
must
be. We
found love, trust, and honesty even when we didn’t like it. We
listened to each other.”
“So everything was perfect?”
“Hardly, we fought, we made up. My life mate is
strong, opinionated, bull headed, and would die for me…I for him.
But that doesn’t mean it was perfect. Perfect is….boring. We were
imperfect, but we made a life together. A life I would sacrifice
the setting suns for.”
Cassandra looked back at the suns. “How did you
know you were choosing the right path?”
“I didn’t.” Cassandra blue eyes pierce Sabah’s.
“All I knew was I wouldn’t give him up.
He
is worth any
sacrifice, but I would never allow him to
be
one. They tried
to convince me otherwise, including my life mate. Then one night I
had a dream. I dreamed of the life I would have if I acquiesced.
There was no joy, no laughter, not even pain. It was empty, dead
like I would be without him even though I lived. So I rejected that
life, choosing an uncertain one with him. I have no regrets. Will
you be able to say the same?”
As the light from the setting suns began to fade
so did Sabah.
Waking from the dream Cassandra is still. What
did she want? A perfect life…or one with William…a life full of
joy, sacrifice, arguments and trust. Where she knew he would never
let go, would always be there for her? Would willingly die for her,
as she would for him?
The mind that earlier couldn’t think now saw
everything clearly. There were still obstacles to overcome,
discussions they needed to have. But her mind is clear, William is
her light, without him there is only darkness. He held on, she
would do no less. She loved him would sacrifice everything for
him.
The beating heart tells her she is on William’s
chest, the warmth surrounding her, his arms. With her mind clear
she replays what William’s asked of her. That she give him time to
prove he loves her. That she trusts in him, believes in him until
he proves he deserves it. Lifting her head she finds him watching
her intently.
“You need more rest, sleep.”
“How long?”
“How long what?”
“Have I been asleep?”
“Eight hours.” His eyes show his concern. “You
need more rest.”
“I’m fine.”
“You were shaking with exhaustion. It’s hasn’t
even been forty-eight hours since the bombing. You need more
rest.”
“You were trying to tell me something in the
shower.” She carefully pushes herself up on her elbows unconcerned
about her nakedness.
“Asking, asking you.”
“Since when does the Admiral ask?” William’s
arms tense around her but cause no pain.
“The Admiral wasn’t in the shower with you.”
“What were you asking me?” William can sense
something’s different. He’s not sure what it means, but he’d
promised honesty even if he didn’t like the answer.
“I was asking you to give me time to earn your
trust, to show you your belief in me is justified. To show you just
how much I love you.”
“But those things aren’t possible William.” He’s
told in a quiet voice and feels his heart start to break. “You
either trust someone or you don’t. You either believe in them or
you don’t. You can’t show someone you love them, you either do or
you don’t.”
“I love you Cassandra, I believe in you, I trust
you with my life. But after everything I’ve done wrong I don’t
expect you to believe or trust in
me
.” He starts to gently
move her to his side.
“What have I done?” The pain in her voice stops
him. “To make you doubt me?”
“Nothing.”
“To make you believe I’d lie to you.”
“You never have.”
“So why don’t you trust my words?”
“Cassandra…” With Sabah’s words still echoing in
her head Cassandra goes for what she wants.
“My mother died when I was nine. There was an
accident. She survived for two weeks….I watched my dad suffer,
knowing he was losing his soul mate, trying to believe she would
recover. Watched my Gram’s, knowing she was losing her only
daughter.”
“Cassandra….”
“Please listen.” She waits until he nods.
“As I watched them, I grieved.” William can see
the pain in her eyes. “But not for the reasons you think. I grieved
that no man would ever love me like that, would grieve for me like
that, that I would never know the pain of losing a child, because
I’d never know the joy of having one. You see I knew then….at
nine….that there was no soul mate for me on Earth. No one I’d want
to have a child with. So I would have none.”
“I’m
your soul mate Cassandra. I will
give you all the children you want.” William’s voice is thick but
strong.
“Why? You can’t trust me. I could be like
Salish…or Falco.”
“No! Damn it, I know the difference…I know who
and what you are.”
“Are my words good enough for you William? Or do
you need me to prove myself to you?”
“You have nothing to prove to me.”
“Then understand this William. You have nothing
to prove to me.” She leans forward to kiss him.
“I love you.” Kisses him a little longer.
“I have always trusted and believed in you.” A
longer kiss.
“I’m not letting go.” This time she sinks into
him, pressing her breasts against his chest, wrapping her arms
around his neck.
Rolling her carefully onto her back William
breaks off the kiss. Staring down into her amazing blue eyes, he
knows the gift he’s been given. He can see his future in her
eyes….she’s it.
“I love you, Cassandra. I will never break your
trust. I believe in
you
no matter what the odds. I’m never
letting go.” Leaning down he gives her a passionate but short
kiss.
“I’m also going to make sure you take care of
yourself, even if
you
don’t like it.” Rolling out of the bed
he heads to the comm center ordering up another meal.
“William its….what time is it?”
“Early. You’ll eat. Then you’ll sleep some more.
I’m not having you all but collapse again.” Sitting on the edge of
the bed he runs his fingers deep into her hair. “I love you. I will
protect you, even from yourself.” As she opens her mouth to protest
William cuts her off with a fierce kiss.