Casualties of Love (16 page)

“This is my responsibility, sir. I do not wish to bring
anyone
else into it. Please respect that.
Please
.” She pleaded at the end. He looked at her for several seconds and then nodded.

The Superintendant granted her resignation. Jessica went home and told her father and her grandmother she was having a baby. Her father, Alan, was mostly silent and had remained so until the baby came. She didn’t know what he thought or how he felt. She figured he was disappointed. How could he not be? She’d just flubbed a major, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Her grandmother, on the other hand, was vocal enough for one hundred people. She ranted for weeks about the disappointment, which was really quite ridiculous given her extreme negativity about Jessica going to the Academy and into the Army when she received her recommendation.

As the pregnancy progressed, she railed at Jessica even more.
What would your mother have thought? What are you going to do as a single mother? Didn’t I tell you that boy would eventually abandon you?
Jessica’s grandmother knew about Tyson, and she did not approve. She hadn’t approved of Jessica going into the “White man’s Army” and she certainly hadn’t approved of Jessica coming home with a White man’s baby.  Initially, the strain was nearly unbearable. Without her father’s support, Jessica found it hard to deal with her grandmother’s verbal abuse. The only thing she held on to was the idea that soon she and Tyson would be together again.

As time went on, it got increasingly hard to ask Tyson to stop asking her what had happened, to stop calling. The more the baby grew, the more excited Jessica became and there was nobody she wanted to share it with more than Tyson. She was carrying his son. She found out that the baby was a boy and she was thrilled. Not telling him about it was emotionally draining. Besides that, she needed him.

Around the seventh month, the pregnancy became very difficult. Jessica was sick, a lot, and the doctors couldn’t seem to help her. She suffered dehydration a number of times. They feared preeclampsia; her blood pressure was hard to regulate. Jessica was afraid and she wished so deeply for Tyson when she was frightened for the baby, feeling low, feeling uncertain and alone. But, she believed she was sacrificing for a greater cause, so Jessica sucked it up. She knew she was near the breaking point, near asking him to come to her. But, there was only a little while until graduation. She had to suffer through it. He’d graduate and then she’d tell him everything.

But, that never happened. Jessica got so ill, that she was hospitalized. Her father was sick with worry. Even her grandmother was afraid for her and the baby. She went into distress and they had to take the baby. Her doctor performed the emergency C-section late one Thursday night. Everyone had hoped the baby would survive, but he didn’t. Jessica was devastated. She was distraught and essentially came unglued. She had lost the very thing that had helped her hold on when Tyson couldn’t be there. The thing she had come to want more than anything else in her life. She had lost her son,

The depression was swift and all-consuming. Jessica didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep. She didn’t do anything but lie around and cry until her body crashed from exhaustion. She couldn’t fathom talking to anyone, not even Tyson, about the loss of her baby. The days drifted into weeks, and before long months went by. Her grandmother forced her to see someone, but by the time she surfaced from the despair, she didn’t think Tyson would want to speak to her, to see her. She didn’t think he would want her. He had long ceased calling and writing. He didn’t text or email anymore. Jessica couldn’t fathom that he would want to be with her, the woman who’d left him and then lost his child. She could barely stand herself, so why would he want anything to do with her. So, Jessica threw herself into the only thing she had left - getting her degree and getting back in the Army.

Present Time

              Jessica waited in silence for Tyson to speak. He hadn’t interrupted her at all during her recall and telling of what had happened. He looked stunned. He looked angry. He looked like he’d never forgive her.

              “You shouldn’t have kept it from me,” he said. He voice was hard and gravelly.

              “I know. I know. But, I didn’t want you to throw away your career, your family’s legacy.”

              “It wasn’t your choice to make. You lied. You hid it from me. You told the Superintendant and not me. You kept
your
secret. You denied me the choice to be there for you, for our child.
Our
child, Jessica.” He paused. “How do I even begin to mourn when I didn’t even know? And my family. What do I tell them?” His voice was so low that Jessica didn’t think he was speaking to her.

              “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Tyson. I didn’t know how to tell you. At first, it hurt so much, I couldn’t talk to anyone. Later... I didn’t now how to tell you.” Jessica knew she was repeating herself but she couldn’t help it. It was the truth. The words were honest; she didn’t know
how
-  how to say the words; how to watch him do what he was doing now – turn his disappointed, unforgiving gaze upon her; how to beg for his understanding and forgiveness;  how to ask that he please, please not blame her for the loss of their baby.

              He didn’t look at her, but he stood. She knew he was about to walk out and it broke her heart.

              “Tyson, don’t go,” she pleaded. “Please, don’t go. I’m sorry. I know I was wrong, but I thought it was the right thing. There was no need for both of us to resign. You finished. You got your commission! It was what you were meant to do. I couldn’t ruin that!”

              “Yes, Jessica. I got my commission.” He stopped at the doorway and turned toward her. His features were hard and she knew his attitude was unyielding. The tears from her eyes continued to flow as she watched how effectively he shut her out. “I got my commission, but maybe I could have had my son.”

              Jessica sobbed as Tyson walked out. She sobbed for her loss, for his loss, and for the irreparable damage done to the second chance she had hoped they might have had.

Chapter 14

              “Hey, baby girl,” Marcus called out to Jessica as he opened her door.

              He looked her over. She was sitting on the edge of her bed. She looked the same as she had the few days before the accident and the fall-out with Tyson, but he sensed her sorrow and weariness. It floated around her, almost like a visible haze.

              “Hey. What are you doing here?” Jessica gave him a weak smile.

              “Brought you some food,” he said as he produced the bag from behind him. She brightened a little.

              “You trying to fatten me up or something? You’ve been bringing me food for three days.”

              “Did you eat today?” he asked with a pointed look.

              “No,” she admitted and grabbed at the bag.

              He kept it from her for a couple times. She poked him hard in his side, and he gave up the bag with a laugh. She rifled through it and found what she wanted.

              “My lunch is in there too, you know,” he teased as he sat down at her desk. She sat back on her bed and handed him the bag.

              “Thanks, Marcus,” she said in a soft tone. Her expression was grateful.

Marcus just nodded.

              They ate in silence for a while, each in their own thoughts. Marcus knew Jessica was thinking about his friend. He knew she was taking total blame on their falling out. And while he agreed that the secrets Jessica kept were major and damaging, Marcus understood her line of thinking. He understood that she’d done what a barely twenty-something young woman thought was right for the person she loved.

Marcus swallowed and spoke.

              “He’ll come around,” Marcus said to her.

              “Maybe he won’t,” she stated. Jessica set her food down and sighed.

              “It was a tough decision, Jessica. Really tough. You were young and trying to do the best thing for all of you. He’ll understand that.” He paused. “If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot.”

              “He’s your best friend. Shouldn’t you be on his side?” she asked.

              “He is. But, I know that everything you did was to protect him. It might take him a minute to admit it, but I know he knows it, too.”

              “Marcus, he may never speak to me again, and I have to be ok with it. It’s what I deserve. I kept his choices and the knowledge of his child from him. I love you for it, but you don’t have to try to make me feel better about it.”

              “It’s not what you deserve,” he said to her adamantly. “You deserve forgiveness for your mistake in keeping things from him. You deserve loyalty and thanks for making the unselfish choice to put him first. And like I said, best friend or not, if Tyson can’t see that then he’s an idiot.”

******

“Hey, buddy. Have I told you today that you’re stupid.”

              Tyson glared at Marcus. It was no good having an XO who was your best friend. Superior rank be damned, Jones was going to give him hell if he felt Tyson deserved it.

Marcus sat down across from him at a picnic table that was set up outside. Tyson wasn’t eating, had just been sitting there in the desert heat. It was better than sitting in his room fuming over the wrongdoings of Sgt. J.C. Watts. He hadn’t seen her in three days and some hours. And no matter how telling it was that he was marking the time, he didn’t plan to speak to her.

              “Fuck you,” he replied, looking away from Marcus.

              “I’ll pass,” Marcus replied in a cordial tone. “Besides, you’re doing a pretty good job of fucking yourself.”

              Tyson looked back at Marcus after that comment.

              “You know what happened. I’ve told you. No doubt, in all the time you seem to spend with Jessica lately, she’s told you, too. You gonna sit there and honestly tell me I have no reason to be angry, no reason to stay the hell away from her?”

              Marcus sighed. “No, you have a right to be angry. And...I guess you’re right, Ty,” Jones conceded.

It’s about damn time
, Tyson thought. He’d been the one betrayed, lied to, mislead. Marcus continued.

“I have talked to Jessica and I like her, so I was just trying to see her point of view. But, you’re right. Who does she think she is keeping something as important as a pregnancy from you? She should have told you from the start.”

“Damn right, she should have.”

“She said she was sacrificing, and maybe she was,” Marcus said with a shrug. “But who’s to say you’d have left the Academy if you’d known? She was the one that got pregnant, not you. Maybe you would have stayed on.”

Tyson frowned.

“But if you
had
left, or if she’d told the folks at West Point who had gotten her pregnant, there wouldn’t have been any commission for either of you.” Marcus continued. He cocked his head as if thinking the outcome through. “No Captain status. That’d be...different, I guess. Maybe you would have enlisted, like Jessica.” Marcus paused and then smacked the table as if he’d just had an epiphany. “You know, you’ve got to be one hell of a guy.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tyson asked suspiciously. He had the feeling Marcus was about to sharpen the point that Tyson knew he was trying to make. 

“Well, it’s just...No one has ever given up anything like that for me. Except my mom. She sacrificed a lot. But, my own father wouldn’t even do something like that for me. He got my mother pregnant. Kept right on with his career plans, never once considered how she would have to struggle to raise
his
son alone. Never looked back. Never thought me worth sacrificing the life he’d planned out. He wouldn’t have dreamed of giving up what he wanted to give me a chance at something better.” Marcus paused again and stood. “But I guess you’re right. Jessica was just wrong, maybe even selfish in the decisions she made to ensure you got your commission. You’re probably better off without someone like that.”

Marcus clapped Tyson on the shoulder and walked away. Tyson cursed him...mightily. He cursed Marcus Jones for being on his ass, for being right, and for not making him come to his goddamn senses sooner.
Shit.
Jessica should have told him sooner, but he understood what she’d done.

Tyson knew Marcus was being sarcastic and just stirring up trouble, but he would never have let Jessica leave without him if he’d known about the baby. It was one of the reasons he’d been so...angry? Was it that he was really that mad about the secret? No, he admitted. He’d mostly been sad and disappointed. He’d felt like he let her down by not trying hard enough to figure out what was going on, by giving up too soon and moving on. She’d had his baby all by herself. They had had to cut his son from her body, and she’d suffered the loss alone while he’d gone on with his life at the Academy and as an officer in the Army. She’d done it so he wouldn’t give up something that had always been important to him and his family. All because she had known that she was more important.
Fuck
. And she’d loved him enough that she’d found away to not let him throw it away.

******

              “Just a second,” Jessica yelled. She slipped into her robe when the knock sounded again. She’d just finished a shower. “Marcus, if you’re bringing me more food, I’m going to kick your butt. I told you I’ve been eating!” She shouted the last as she unlocked and swung open her door.

              “Not Marcus and no food.”

              Jessica stilled. Tyson was standing outside her room. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, both of which fit him much too well. They jeans were sitting low on his hips. The shirt was stretched across his muscular chest. He hands were shoved into his pockets. He had what looked to be about a day’s growth of shadow on his face. Handsome, sexy, seductive. They didn’t do him justice as descriptor terms. He was so much more than good-looking. He was beautiful to her.
Damn him
.